StillHurtin Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 This is one thing I don't understand either. My H just brought this up over the weekend (we had to drive passed one of her friends house on the way to a funeral out of town). He said he blamed the OW for their A. I asked him how he could blame it all on her. He told me b/c she played w/ his feelings. She flirted w/ H a lot, but then again she flirted w/ a lot of guys, married or not. She also always had something to say about our M and made H believe she was the one for him, blah, blah, blah. I told H that he can't blame her all on the A, he was part of it too, he could of said no to her advances on him (that went on for years). Her own ex-mil said she can make anyone believe her lies (she is a great liar) and she was a bully into making ppl believe her. I don't blame the OW on the whole A, but both. But I do blame her for backstabbing me ( I thought we could be friends but then I found out she was flirting w/ H and not just verbal flirting, but touching). And as soon as she thought our M was ending she jumped right in bed w/ him. She doesn't have any concern for the W's feelings and has laughed about W's glaring at her at the stores b/c they thought she was trying to take their H's away from them. This OW admitted to me she doesn't care if a man is a mm, if she wants him, she will go after him. Not all OW are like this, but she is. I don't agree that your mm should be blaming you, he is at fault too. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by StillHurtin This is one thing I don't understand either. My H just brought this up over the weekend (we had to drive passed one of her friends house on the way to a funeral out of town). He said he blamed the OW for their A. I asked him how he could blame it all on her. He told me b/c she played w/ his feelings. She flirted w/ H a lot, but then again she flirted w/ a lot of guys, married or not. She also always had something to say about our M and made H believe she was the one for him, blah, blah, blah. I told H that he can't blame her all on the A, he was part of it too, he could of said no to her advances on him (that went on for years). Her own ex-mil said she can make anyone believe her lies (she is a great liar) and she was a bully into making ppl believe her. I don't blame the OW on the whole A, but both. But I do blame her for backstabbing me ( I thought we could be friends but then I found out she was flirting w/ H and not just verbal flirting, but touching). And as soon as she thought our M was ending she jumped right in bed w/ him. She doesn't have any concern for the W's feelings and has laughed about W's glaring at her at the stores b/c they thought she was trying to take their H's away from them. This OW admitted to me she doesn't care if a man is a mm, if she wants him, she will go after him. Not all OW are like this, but she is. I don't agree that your mm should be blaming you, he is at fault too. in that case, she has a whole lot of issues, like generally being a vindictive bytch, aside from actively trying to be an OW. Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 I think that StillH makes an excellent point that all situations are different. I think that's quite fair. StillH - it sounds like the person your H was involved with almost got off on the conquest or competition associated with someone who belonged to someone else. I appreciate that you realize that most of us who are posting here are not of that same nature. Tonight my ex-MM called me. I struggle everyday to get free emotionally. I took his call. I had been to a wonderful dinner out with my best friend - a rare treat - and then I spoke to him and my night went from OK to a nightmare. Before I knew what hit me he was yelling and called me a C--- and hung up on me. Believe me, I don't stay connected to this man for any reason about hurting his wife - it's all my own pathetic behavior. I feel really depressed and very close to giving up - one minute I feel like I am confident I am moving forward and the next minute I feel like jumping... You seem like such a nice person StillH - I am glad you and your husband have worked through things and I thank you for always being so generous of spirit. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by kkat I feel really depressed and very close to giving up - one minute I feel like I am confident I am moving forward and the next minute I feel like jumping... it's good to be responsible for your actions...but don't jump. a year, 6 months, 2 weeks from now, you will be over it. stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten in that case, she has a whole lot of issues, like generally being a vindictive bytch, aside from actively trying to be an OW. Sexkitten, that isn't the only thing she did. When I called her and confronted her about the rumors of the A and wanted to know what was going on she laughed and asked me "Why can't this rumor be about J (another co-worker) instead of me?" She told me they were just friends and H was very confused about what he wanted. She said he had been walking around work depressed and told her he thought he made a mistake about filing for a D. She asked me if I still loved H, still had the same feelings for him when we first met, blah, blah, blah. She told me she would talk to him about changing his mind about ending the D. H did tell me she called him and I asked him what she said and everything I said to her, he repeated it back to me so I knew she had talked to him. So, here I was, thinking maybe nothing was going on (denial) and that she was going to help me get H back and as soon as she had a chance she screwed him! I should of NEVER told her ANYTHING about my M, but honestly, I thought deep down, maybe she was trying to be my friend, or maybe I was just in total denial (more than likely denial). I thought she was trying to be my friend by helping me, but all she wanted to do was find out what was going on between us. I don't know why. I guess maybe she got a kick of hearing the W say how much she loved their H and how she wanted to make the M work and if she got him, she thought she had won another mm from his W. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by kkat I think that StillH makes an excellent point that all situations are different. I think that's quite fair. StillH - it sounds like the person your H was involved with almost got off on the conquest or competition associated with someone who belonged to someone else. I appreciate that you realize that most of us who are posting here are not of that same nature. Tonight my ex-MM called me. I struggle everyday to get free emotionally. I took his call. I had been to a wonderful dinner out with my best friend - a rare treat - and then I spoke to him and my night went from OK to a nightmare. Before I knew what hit me he was yelling and called me a C--- and hung up on me. Believe me, I don't stay connected to this man for any reason about hurting his wife - it's all my own pathetic behavior. I feel really depressed and very close to giving up - one minute I feel like I am confident I am moving forward and the next minute I feel like jumping... You seem like such a nice person StillH - I am glad you and your husband have worked through things and I thank you for always being so generous of spirit. kkat, thank you for the kind words. I have to agree, this OW thought/thinks it's a game, or a conquest to take another man from his W/GF. I honestly think why is b/c her last H (whom she had a child w/) was cheating on her while she was pg (and b4 they got married). Maybe this is a way of her to deal w/ her issue's of her being cheated on. Why she married the guy after he cheated on her I have no clue, they weren't even married a year when she filed for a D (a week after my H did). I know not all OW are like this. I was an OW (but not to a mm) and I honestly felt bad for doing what I was doing. I never met the GF but when I heard she was working at my favorite clothing store and happen to be working when I went in I felt like a total b!tch for doing that to her. I felt sick to my stomach seeing her and knowing what I was doing w/ her BF behind her back. I had to end it, and I did, but it was hard! I know how hard it is to get over someone you love but you can do it! GL! I hope you find happiness w/ a great SG. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 wow, that's some seriously messed up shyt. this is one case where the OW definitely gets a lot of the blame. no, your husband was not innocent, but she's just as guilty for being an overwilling participant. this is the kind of person that really needs therapy. there's something going on in her head that is absolutely not right. Link to post Share on other sites
Puppet Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 well, in a confrontation, the wife stated firmly how he hates me, and that I black mailed him into the affair... she trully appeared to believe this and said it with such conviction. He stood by and said nothing to the contrary. Then later, we spoke. He said he didn't hate me. It seems my ex MM will say anything that re focuses haterd to me rather than on himself. It is an avoidance tactic. Just be glad that you are out of this relationship. I doubt he hates you. Bottom line is, your out of this turmoil now, take time to heal. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Originally posted by Breathe My H NEVER speaks of OW. He says he hates her, and he does carry a lot of anger, resentment and guilt. Really he is more angry at himself for what he's done. Seeing her, hearing about her would just be a reminder of his faults. Here's your answer, sad flower. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Originally posted by aussiechick 1. She was a willing 'partner in crime' of his betrayal and deceipt of his BS! The woman he truely loves. 2. He really does hate you for that fact 4. And probably most importantly, the OW never shows any remorse, guilt or sympathy/empathy toward the BS. His true love! You scumbag OW show your true colours to the MM when he behaves in this manner. Why? Because you are hiding from your own guilt. Never your responsibility, never did you play any part in the destruction and damage to an innocent persons life! You are all nothing but egotistical, self centered, selfish, immoral, 'I did nothing wrong' homewreaking whores!!! Aussiechick, I feel for you and I would say the same things for the OW if I were cheated on, but get real please. Your husband cheated on you. Not the OW. He chose to sleep with her, she didn't rape him. Your H is responsible to you. You're persuading yourself that you're his true love and you probably are, but he hurt his true love badly. He lied to you, not her. It's usually the MM who seduce the OW and you're all talking as if the OW got the MM drunk and stoned, took her clothes off, and did it... only once. The truth is the MM pursue other women and sleep with them regularly while lying to their wives. Innocent people? The BS yes. But not the MM. They are scumbags and whores, if you ask me. I've never been the OW or a BS so I can be objective. I would never forgive infidelity regardless of whether I would stay married (for whatever reasons) or not. I would certainly not put all the blame on the OW while viewing my husband as a victim. Neither would I fool myself that he is madly in love with me after he cheated on me. The point is, when you're lying to yourself your whole body and mind defend from the anger so it accumulates inside. Instead of being truthful to yourself, you close the valve and burn inside until you explode. You lie to yourself that everything is great now while all kinds of neuroses and diseases develop in your body due to immense stress. I would rather admit to myself that my H is a jerk or leave him then lie to myself and get a heat attack or stroke or cancer some day. All diseases are at a higher development risk under stress and pushing the rage down is a permanent stress that destroys your mind and body. Link to post Share on other sites
ww Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Remorse: beholding heaven and feeling hell. Link to post Share on other sites
MiChick43 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 So the minute he went back, he acted like I was the enemy, when he left it seemed like it was a sudden decision for him, although it probably really wasn't but, he decided to leave on bad terms not me. It made himself feel better for being a total a$$ to both his wife and yourself. Some people can not and will not accept blame in their own bad behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
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