Date cancelled out of nowhere

[jjtr]

It's possible he's married. He didn't seem to get together but once a week.

 

That could be an indicator he was trying to see you while his wife was busy. Maybe she was suddenly not busy that day.

 

Just pointing out that it often looks this way when men are married/taken.

 

Did he usually call you or text?

 

How does only going on one date a week immediately raise thoughts of the guy possibly being married?

[Jules Dash]

I disagree with just about all of this. When I was single and using OKCupid, I got between 10 and 20 messages per day. Many of these gentlemen were interesting and I went out on quite a few dates throughout the week. When I met a guy I liked well enough, I lost interest in seeing any of the others and began dating exclusively. You cannot seriously suggest that I should have devoted all my time, energy and attention to a total stranger because it would have made me more "loyal"? Loyalty comes after you make a commitment, not before.

 

It's true, there will always be some better match for you out there, but that's what dating (not marriage) is about. You don't know all the reasons why your friend's girlfriend broke up with her ex. Like you said, things were rocky, so they were probably headed for a split anyways. And even if they weren't, what's the problem? Should she have cheated on her boyfriend instead? Should she have kept dating him even after she didn't want to be with him anymore? Dating is about finding the person you want to be with. If your current relationship isn't working and you meet someone you want to be with even more, and the feeling is mutual, why wouldn't you?

 

 

I agree with just about all of this.

[beach]

How does only going on one date a week immediately raise thoughts of the guy possibly being married?

 

Read around the infidelity or OM/OW sections and you'll see why it can be a red flag.

 

 

OP - I'm glad you found out now instead of down the road. Better not to waste your time.

[azureorb]

Okay, so he text earlier. Seems he got lucky Friday night hence the change of heart overnight. He'd like to meet up for a drink in a couple of weeks though. Guess he thinks he can keep a foot in the door in case he has a change of heart again. Absolutely not! It's one thing keeping your options open, that's what dating is all about, but blowing me out last minute because he got lucky, no going back from that one!

 

Well, let's be fair. How do you know he got LUCKY? Did he say "Yeah, I banged some chick on Friday, so I had a change of heart. Hey, keep your womanhood warm -- I'll be willing to have a drink in a couple weeks..."?

 

NO.

 

He probably liked a girl he's had a couple dates with and is making her his priority. Hey, at least he's honest.

 

But his downfall is avoiding conflict and not being prompt about it. That should be the reason you shouldn't respond to him.

 

But don't get So Upset about it. It's the dating game. No, it's not guys. It's girls Just As Much. Nobody likes confrontation. A majority of people tend to duck & dive away from things -- and say things vaguely way too late. Nature of the beast.

 

That's why I always say to never get too geeked about someone else Until a couple weeks go by and you're communicating basically every day and there was sustained enthusiasm, following 3 dates already had + resolutions that they're not dating anyone else, etc. Usually though, it'll extend to just past the 3 week mark if two people hit it off, although 2 week minimum if you hit it off blazing saddles.

 

But what you DON'T want to do is have a Negative Nancy attitude about "boys", either. That will shoot you just as much in the foot as a guy with a bad attitude.

Edited September 15, 2014 by azureorb

[cluelessme]

I had such a similar experience but the girl did it to me and I am clueless as to why! I hope this works out for you and if you figure it out why it happened your help would be greatly appreciated. I just made a post

[smackie9]

Okay, so he text earlier. Seems he got lucky Friday night hence the change of heart overnight. He'd like to meet up for a drink in a couple of weeks though. Guess he thinks he can keep a foot in the door in case he has a change of heart again. Absolutely not! It's one thing keeping your options open, that's what dating is all about, but blowing me out last minute because he got lucky, no going back from that one!

 

So when was he supposed to tell you? just before he was ready to hop into bed with this other chick? At least he fessed up and was truthful....most never get anything, not even a text.

 

I have been blown off minutes before a date, all done up lookin good, it's disappointing....ya just let it roll of your back and shake it off. dating is a battle field, ya have to fight through a lot of bs to win.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Okay, so he text earlier. Seems he got lucky Friday night hence the change of heart overnight.

 

What do you mean by "he got lucky Friday night"? Do you mean that all of a sudden he met someone else? All while planning a date with you for the weekend.

How shallow.

If I would have planned a date on Saturday I would do something nice by myself on Friday evening and go to bed early to be fresh for the Saturday date.

 

In any case he lied about being sick.

 

Dump this guy. You are just a back-up plan.

[PinkInTheLimo]

To me, dating and job hunting NEED to be two very different things.

 

If I really like a guy I won't see other guys, even if I have no certainty that it will ever become something with the guy I am seeing. But how can it ever become something profound if you are all the time checking out other options?

 

Dating more than one person at the same time just would make me very confused.

[Fondue]

If I really like a guy I won't see other guys, even if I have no certainty that it will ever become something with the guy I am seeing. But how can it ever become something profound if you are all the time checking out other options?

 

Dating more than one person at the same time just would make me very confused.

 

I don't think there is a right or wrong when it comes to multi-dating. You'll always hear both sides screaming loudly.

 

I think it comes down to whether or not the individual can handle it. That's all. Some people simply can't, and I'm sure those are the same people that avoid multi-dating and multi-daters.

[smackie9]

I have multi dated, like having 3 different dates in a week, but I never give them any indication that they are exclusive and when ask I do let them know I am actively dating or bring it up.

[isisisweeping]

I've cancelled dates before when I wasn't feeling up for it and it was not a sign of some deeper issue or losing interest. If I lose interest, I'll say that.

 

 

I'm glad none of my dates any of those times did anything other than "Feel better! Can't wait until I see you again!"

In fact one of them, when I was feeling better later and let him know, came and met me and wasn't even a little bit a jerk about it and I adored that!

[isisisweeping]

Okay, so he text earlier. Seems he got lucky Friday night hence the change of heart overnight. He'd like to meet up for a drink in a couple of weeks though. Guess he thinks he can keep a foot in the door in case he has a change of heart again. Absolutely not! It's one thing keeping your options open, that's what dating is all about, but blowing me out last minute because he got lucky, no going back from that one!

 

On one hand, kudos to him for being honest.

On the otherhand, too much honesty. He should have let you know he met someone (no sex comment) so it wasn't going to work out, apologize, and no invitation. He can always call and check in on you if it doesn't work out. That's a little gross.

[BossyFlossy]

It's not that I don't agree with multi-dating. If that's what someone wants to do until they find someone they like and want to give it a go with or they just like random multiple dates then that is their lookout. I totally get that dates get cancelled too. What I did have a problem with was that he'd arranged this date with me, at his request, a week previously for during the day on a Saturday. The night before he contacted me to check I was still ok to meet up and arranged a time with me. All of this was driven by him. Then overnight a change of heart because he'd gone out drinking and got lucky. That's not on. And to then add insult to injury suggesting meeting up in a couple of weeks for a drink. Yeah right! Multi dating is one thing - this guy is just not worth dating! I wouldn't treat anyone like that, even if I didn't particularly want a relationship with them!

[azureorb]

Then overnight a change of heart because he'd gone out drinking and got lucky. That's not on. And to then add insult to injury suggesting meeting up in a couple of weeks for a drink.

 

Again, BossyFlossy -- did he say he got Lucky? You realize all it takes is getting a # from someone he's ga-ga about to make him re-neg on it. Sure, doesn't happen often, and it will suck for the other person -- but why are you saying he got Lucky??

 

He suggested meeting up for a couple drinks down the line. That would be an indicator he isn't involved with someone else. But it could be bad in the sense that the chances of that Actually happening would be slim.

 

He lost interest. Unless he said (or you found out) he porked some hot babe while out -- no, he didn't get lucky.

 

He just lost interest in the dating game.

 

And for the record, I don't think you DO agree with multi-dating. That only increases the chances of That happening -- a guy setting up a date, but cancelling last-minute. That always happens when one's multi-dating talent.