How can I get my husband back from the other woman

[englishrose]

I am currently posting in second chances under "shall we have chicken for tea and by the way I am leaving you" so please forgive me for posting on this forum as well but I hope perhaps a OW can give me some advice

 

I would be grateful if you could read the other post to get the background on what has happened.

Today we have been to see a counsellor together and I am sad to say it didn't really help.

 

He is quite adamant that he is not coming home and is happy with this woman.

The affair started on 9th jan and he left me on 7th feb.

He has known this woman for 12 years and at the time she was married. They have been friends probably seeing each other 3 or 4 times a year at family parties

He has told me 3 times in the month that he has been gone that he hasnt had sex with her and has never had sex with her. Today at the session he announced that he slept with her last tuesday for the first time.

He said that he loved her and that although he cares a lot about me he doesnt love me anymore.

When the counsellor asked him if he was prepared to move back in for 3 months to try and make things work between us his answer was

"No because OW has told me that if I go back to my wife then she will move away from the area as she cant bear to see me "

 

He said that if it didnt work out with us then he wouldnt have her and he couldnt bear to lose her again!

 

I found this very puzzling thinking that he only married me because he couldnt have her as she was married at the time. He denied this and told me that he married me as he loved me then. He only stopped loving me in january.

 

I am so confused and upset by all this and really feel like going round to see her and telling her what she is doing to us but I know that isnt going to help matters.

He told me that when he bumped into her a week before he left he told her how unhappy he was at home and she said "well if you need it there's always a spare room here"

 

I know what went wrong with our marriage and am willing to do everything I can to put things right but all I am getting from him is that he is happy with her. It is almost as if he has run away from all his responsibilites and has burried his head in the sand. Can anyone please please tell me what to do to make him realise that he needs to come home and be with me so we can sort it out.

 

Please please help me

[LucreziaBorgia]

It sounds like you gave it a good shot, but sometimes there is a point in a person's heart where it goes beyond repair and starts moving on to 'rebuilding' - only not with you in mind. I'm not sure if any words would really help, since he made it clear in counseling that he had no intention of even trying to fix your marriage. Did your counselor bring up any separation/divorce options? What was the counselor's view and advice after your husband made it clear that he wanted to be with this OW?

[englishrose]

Thank you lucrezia for replying. I feel very honoured as I know you are one of the best advisers here so thanks

 

The counsellor didnt really talk about divorce or anything like that. She asked why he was here and he said I'm not coming back and I hope that this meeting would help us sort this out as friends. She asked me and I said I wanted to try and make this marriage work and to tell him what I was prepared to do.

 

At the very end of 50 mins I asked her if I could have a private word with her and she said "well only a minute because you have had your time."

I asked her if she felt there was any hope and she said "no he appears quite adamant" I felt that it was all about money but looking back now we were just going over the same ground again and again.

While we were driving home he was holding my hand and I asked him if he wanted a divorce (which is the 1st time the word has cropped up) and he said yes.

He has agreed to see me once a week for a drink and what I was hoping to do was perhaps very selfish of me but the only thing I could think of at the time was to try and keep him with me as long as possible so the OW would be feeling insecure. I know this is a stupid thing to do but I dont know any other way.

[curly]

Wow - taking a chance on this forum. We are the "enemy" you know....

 

It does sound as though his mind may be made up. I think it depends on your history together. How long have you been married? Perhaps 12 years? Any children? Does he have the means to divorce? Will you be OK financially? That all comes into play.

 

But, if he is unsure about ending the marriage, your only chance is to limit all contact with him. Make him realize what his life will be like without you in it. Don't curse and fight and beat your brains out trying to keep him with you. That will only make you seem weak. No one wants to be with a weak person. I'm not saying that you are weak, just that his perception will be that.

 

You have to be incredibly strong and refuse to deal with him. Tell him to go away if he does not wish to be with you or work on the marriage. In all honesty, if he does want out, nothing you do or say will make any difference. And do you really want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you?

 

Yes, the pain of walking away is something every OW knows all too well. We are sympathetic to that. But the only chance is to walk away. Help him move out. Show him that you are a strong person worthy of being loved. And if he doesn't want to love you, then so be it. Someone else will see your strength and appreciate it.

 

Not to give you false hope, but the MM usually does go back to the wife. It's a comfort issue. But you may not want him back after everything is said and done. Or maybe at that point, if it happens, he'll be willing to work on the marriage. He sounds rather cruel and selfish right now. Try to step back from your emotions and see him for what he is. Maybe you'll realize that you don't want him after all and good riddance to him.

 

Good luck!

[englishrose]

Thank you Curly You have talked a lot of sense and I am listening.

In answer to your questions.

We have been together 10 years. Married for 7 He has a daughter who lives in USA who he rarely talks to.

 

The house is in his name as is the mortgage although we do have a solicitors agreement to say it is 50/50 From the session today it appears that he wants to sell the house and split the profits. He knows that I cannot afford the house on my own and even though i have contributed to it throughout the marriage he seems to think I have no rights.

 

I have taken legal advice and have had a charge made with the land registry so that he cannot sell it without my permission.

 

We have had such a good life together and I honestly never saw this coming but I know what went wrong and am willing to work to put it right. I cant believe that he is willing to throw it all away.

 

He has literally gone from one home to another. This woman lives on a really rough council estate, has had all 3 children taken away by social services, is on benefits and is the biggest s**t out. When we used to see her at parties he used to say "oh my god look at the state of her. Thank god I found you"

 

I believed up to today that he was just using her for a bolthole but after our session today it appears that he is madly in love with her after 2 cups of coffee and one bout of sex.

 

When I asked him outright why he would not give me another chance and come home he replied "because I dont think you would ever forgive me for what I have done to you"

I told him that with his help I would forgive him as I have forgivven myself for how I had treated him by admiting my faults and wanting to put things right.

 

I feel as if I am banging my head against a brick wall. I KNOW he is doing the wrong thing by being with her but I cant seem to make him realise it.

 

We have worked our way for the last 10 years to a really good life together and now he has gone back to what he was before that.

[izzybelle]

the history thing that curly mentioned can be a big one. this is all new and exciting to him but when that wears off, which it may, he may really realize what he had. and also, like curly said, will you really want him back at that point?

 

they say the best "revenge" is to be happy. i know i've seen posts from women before who realized that they had become sad and not the fun loving person they once were. once they started behaving that way again, H realized what he had those many years ago. brought back those fond memories of the woman they had once fallen in love with.

 

there are no guarantees. you may try everything and nothing may work. i know i've seen many in the other forums refer spouses to marriagebuilders .... well, i've never looked at the site myself, so i have no clue if it's good or just another one of those pop psych self help things that i don't much care for, but you may find some tips there.

 

good luck.... but please remember, if you have to walk away, it's not the end, it's a new beginning for you! i know, easier said than done. and yes, he is doing the wrong thing!!! but if he was that easily led astray..... if he comes back, will he just wander again? will you be able to REALLY trust him?

[englishrose]

Thank you Izzy

 

I agree the best form of revenge is to be happy . I know that I have to spend this time now on making myself better and happy.

It will be very interesting to look back on this forum in a few months time to remind myself how low I really got.

 

Do you think it is a good idea to meet him for a drink once a week or do you think it would be better to just go NC ????

 

He often told me that he would never have an affair because he was "too old, too tired and too set in his ways to start again"

 

I know that in time it may come to a point when i ask myself do I really want him back if this is how he can treat someone he's loved for 10 years but at the moment all I can think of is what is happening now. But I know there will come that time.

[izzybelle]

i am probably, by far, the worst one here to give advice about NC, but i'm sure there will be others that may have more insight. many say that NC will make him realize what he's missing, and that could very well be the case. but i'm always torn between "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "out of sight, out of mind" - it's a risk, but then again everything is.

 

meeting him for drinks and letting him see the "new" or perhaps "old" you can be helpful, but if you think you'll run the risk of turning into a sobbing, begging, pathetic puddle each time you see him, it could backfire. have you suggested the drink option to him?

 

she is forcing his hand by telliing him that if he goes back to you, she's gone, and from what you've said, he's afraid that you won't forgive him. is he afraid that if he comes back, you'll leave, she'll leave and he'll be alone.

 

they always say that the "devil you know is better than the devil you don't." from the way you've described her, and his reactions to her, i can't understand why he's there... it almost feels as though there's something else going on. and if she really is everything you've said, i have a hard time believing that he won't eventually wake up and wonder WTF he's doing.....

[nextel]

Now its time for you to maintain your pride and dignity.

 

He wants to be with the OW, let him go. If he decides that he wants to come back to you, let it be his decision and if you want him back: make him date you all over again.!!!!

[kkat]

EnglishRose,

I feel so sad for you and appreciate your courage and honesty by posting in this forum. I believe there is absolutely hope for you - as long as you focus on hoping for the best for yourself - and be willing to take the best in whatever form it comes.

Many long years ago, my ex-MM left his home, his wife and children, to be with me because I said that I would not see him if he was married. I too had put my foot down very early on (a few weeks) into the relationship, and he left because he was feeling head-over-heels in love with me. He went to counseling with his wife at the time - I insisted - and he told her he loved her but was not in love with her and was in love with me and wanted to marry me and have children with me. (This was some kind of new-agey seminar and they videotaped it and I saw the video of this crap.) Anyway, he left her and we lived together for several years and then poof - guess what - eventually he went home to his wife, where he still remains today. (Years later, he started another affair with me while I was quite down-and-out over many issues in my life and promised me he was getting a divorce, etc. and then didn't after 1.5 years in an affair.) The thing for you to take away from this is:

1. Men get all crazy for the OW sometimes and say they want to be with them, but don't really, in the end, want to lose their marriage and therefore go back home.

2. Sure, he went back home, and his wife "has" him to this day, and always will - I know he will never leave her really.

3. What great prize does she have, really? A coward, a liar, a cheat.

 

He went home for many reasons:

 

He felt guilty about his children and his Catholic, Italian family.

 

His wife alternately would threaten suicide and then at one point, created a drama that she had a lover - and that may have gotten his attention a bit, not sure if he believed it or cared either way but I think in most men it would create a stir. By the way, I wouldn't use the poor-me-I'm-a-pathetic-suicidal-victim angle.

 

He couldn't afford to divorce without very serious financial consequences.

 

Our relationship became CRAP because of his baggage and crap.

 

Bottom line - he may very, very likely wake up one day soon and want you back more than he can stomach. You better decide - fast - if you want him back or not and if he deserves you.

 

Please find friends and support to lean on - find a counselor who isn't looking at her watch after 50 minutes in the first session if you can - and make sure you find a good attorney right now because if this man is leaving you make sure you are not left financially unstable, to boot.

 

I am sorry he has done this to you and would urge you (obviously I am biased here) to keep in mind - he's the one who is treating you this way, not the OW directly - and try to focus on him and not her side of the triangle - although it's very hard.

 

All good thoughts.

 

Kkat

[StrawberryGirl]

I am an OW...My MM was very adamant and positive that he didn't want his wife when he left her to be with me!

 

Where is he now???......with his wife once again.

 

Our relationship was great too, fun, passionate, we had all the fun vacations, I can't say anything about it was bad.

 

But eventually he missed his family and realized he must come down from the cloud he was on and needed to return to the commitment he had originally made, to his wife and son.

 

I think your husband will return, I think you should do the NC thing but still let him know you care, I'm sure her grass isn't greener, he is just blind right now by the glitter that really isn't gold.

 

Good Luck

[2Confuzed]

I find this quite ironic. All us OW are telling the W that her H will come back. If we know this to be true, what the hell are we doing still being the OW? Just a thought.

[d'Arthez]

2Confused, the statistics are in favor of the wife. Even if they would divorce, the chances that OW and MM would end up together are still not high.

 

We can look at the statistics all we want to, and from a logical point of view affairs don't make much sense. But once emotions become involved, it becomes hard for OW to let their MM go.

 

It's not because OW are generally "man-eaters." Sometimes they have issues, and the MM plays his cards exactly right. And sometimes it is lack of knowledge on his marital status.

 

But once deep enough into an affair, it becomes extremely hard for OW to let go. Depending on the exact circumstances in the affair, there comes a time that OW is not satisfied with coming second to MM's W. But of course MM has usually an agenda different from OW. And divorce means often a loss of a familiar life-style, loss of half of the assets gained during the marriage.

 

To the original poster: You have made mistakes in your marriage, but that is also true of your husband. Don't blame the OW too much. Your husband started most of all this mess. Only you know / can find out, how much he did this with his eyes fully open, and how little, if anything at all, he has done to communicate clearly with you about his unhappiness.

Improve yourself, for yourself. And don't make rash decisions.

[newby]

IMO-THIS....

He often told me that he would never have an affair because he was "too old, too tired and too set

in his ways to start again"QUOTE

.........IS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO GIVE YOU FOR NOT WANTING AN AFFAIR!

[quankanne]

think long and hard what you want from this man, and this marriage. I'm a strong proponent of marriage, but I also don't believe you're meant to put up with someone's BS if they feel they're entitled to dish it out simply because you're married to him or her.

 

do you have access to a Worldwide Marriage Encounter retreat where you are, or better yet, to Retrouvaille? Both are offered by the Catholic church but are not limited to Catholics. Mostly, it's a retreat that helps couples build better communication by giving them the tools they need to do so. Retrouvaille works with those marriages that are hurting, much like yours. You can do a websearch to find out what's offered in your area.

 

that said, maybe it's better to tell yourself and him that you're going to cut your losses early, and let him know that you love him enough to walk away ... then tell him you want no contact unless it's absolutely, positively necessary.

 

either he will get his affair out of his system and come running back to you, or you've just said goodbye to someone incapable of loyalty to marriage.

 

if he comes back, insist in no uncertain terms that you two will have to go through X-period of counselling before you're willing to reconsider marriage, because it's something you take seriously and that he's not entitled to make the same mistake twice with you. Sounds mean, yes, but it also gets the message through his pointy little head that you don't take marriage lightly, and you're not going to be a pushover for him.

 

just some thoughts,

quank

[MsMree]

perhaps not the way i'm going to state it... ACT LIKE YOU COULD CARE LESS!!! The "whatever" attitude. A couple things may happen - at least one eventually will.

 

1) He will not be able (as a man) to handle you not caring - his ego is used to you wanting/need'g him on whatever terms hw wants to dish out - put yourself in his shoes: wouldn't you be devastated if he just all of a sudden was just "indifferent" to you? Multiply that by 10 when it comes to men.

 

2) By you acting like you don't care, perhaps that will become your reality - the "Fake 'til you Make it" theory - pretend long enough and it becomes the truth.

 

Look, he may have known her for 12 yrs. but he's only been in a relationship w/her for a couple of mos. Let the heat die down but don't push him towards her by being needy - let him get it out of his system!!! If you want him back (should he decide to leave her) then it is under your terms.

 

I'm tell'g you - get on w/your life like there's nothing left w/him and #'s 1 and/or 2 will happen.

 

Best of luck to you - big hugs are being sent your way!!!

[englishrose]

I cant believe how kind you have all been and thank you so much for all the advice.

 

I truly dont blame the other woman. When my husband first moved to the area before he met me he was befriended by this large family and she was one of the daughters. She was married to her first husband at that time and he treated her really badly and my husband used to have her and the children down for lunch and generally treated her like a little sister.

 

He then met me and we were together for about 4 years when she divorced her husband. By that time obviously my husband was married to me.

 

She then went onto marry an alcoholic and was married to him for about 5 years and she kicked him out about 2 months ago.

 

 

I have never passed any comment about her to my husband as I always knew that they were friends and he felt sorry for her.

In all this mess I still havent said a bad word about her because she was not the problem ... he was

 

I know that in all the years we have been married , it has been made clear to me by her family that they think my husband should have been with her which is one of the reasons we stopped going to the parties. Although my husband did still go and see the father once a month to have a drink. I trusted my husband 150% and didnt have a problem with that even though I knew she would also 'pop' over to see her dad as well.

 

I feel and have told him this that if she hadnt offered him a easy way out by offering him her spare room then he would have gone away by himself and sorted this out in his own mind.

 

I have read and re read all of your advice and have decided that the only way to handle this is be the best and nicest person that I can be. If I cant have him as a husband then I definately want him as my friend.

 

I am not going to be in any hurry to move out of my home as I need to make a lot of decisions about what I am going to do for my future. This is really going to upset her as I know that she thinks she is on to a good thing with him having money (not a lot but more than she is used to and she probably thinks she is going to move into our beautiful home)

 

There is no point in tackling her about this as she only knows what he has told her and I have my pride.

 

One of the problems with our marriage was that my husband said I NEVER LISTENED When I see him on wednesday for our drink I shall tell him that

Now I AM listening and I hear that he doesnt want to be with me. It has finally sunk in to my brain that nothing I do or say will make him change his mind and I am just wasting my time, emotions and energy. Only he can change his own mind and realise over time what a huge mistake he has made

 

I am going to tell him that I want to sort this out as friends and I need him to help me and I will help him. I am going to keep the meeting as short as possible and not go on about anything else or start acting needy and begging him to come home. He has made his decision and it is up to me to respect that. I think that its the wrong one but he made it not me.

 

All of his belongings are still at the home and he has only took with him what he usually packs for a holiday (some holiday eh!!!!) So I shall ask him what he wants to do about his stuff .

I will be calm, friendly and treat him with the respect and kindness which he deserves and let him know that I will always be there for him. He is a good man on the whole and has been a good husband up to now.

 

I will not cause any 'trouble' for him or for her for that matter and when this is all over I will still have my pride and dignity which is more than either of them will have.

 

To me the thought of going out with another man while this is going on is not something I can imagine doing but then again if a nice one comes along and wants to be my friend then so be it. I certainly will not use this as a way to get him to come home.

 

I really hope and dream that he does wake up and smell the coffee and realise what he is giving up but only he can do that.

I know that a lot of married men go back to their wives because there are usually children involved but we dont have any and he isnt close to any of his family either.

I havent got any family. He always used to say as long as we have each other we will be ok.

[2Confuzed]

I think I was misunderstood by my comment. I myself am also the OW. I was merely saying that we know most of the statistics before hand, yet we still get involved in these situations because we think with our hearts instead of our heads. What a crazy world we live in!

 

Anyway, englishrose, I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out for you. Take it one day at a time and try to stay strong.Your thought processes lead me to believe that you are doing the right thing. Good Luck

[englishrose]

Bad day today.

 

Woke up feeling really really miserable. Thought I would something positive and decided to pack up some of his stuff that I have to stare at day after day.

This has ripped me apart and I cant continue doing it. At the back of my mind I keep asking myself what if comes round and see I have packed it all away and thinks that I dont want him anymore.

 

A lot of you kind people who have answered me have told me that usually the h goes back to the w because of the comfort zone.

When you look at it from my point of view he has EVERYTHING that he wants with the OW. She has her house (I expect he is paying her way with her), He tells me what she is cooking him for his tea and how they sat and watched a video( that I wanted to watch with him) the other night. He also told me at the counselling that she lets him do what he wants.

 

He has never been into 'possessions' and I feel that as he has a roof over his head with her then why should he come home.

I gave him the letter from the land registry stating that I have put a charge on the property and he went as white as a sheet while he was reading it and said does this mean what i think it means ? I asked him what he thought it meant and he said that I cant sell the house without your permission. I said yes.

 

He has enough money in the bank at the moment to live on but surely all the while he is paying the mortgage then the OW wont be happy as they wont have the funds to do what they want to do. I really really think she envied the life we led (having 3 holidays abroad each year and a lovely home with nice things in it)

 

One poster said about the financial side was another reason the h comes back

Does my husband realise that if this turns nasty re the house that he will probably walk away with nothing (but then again so will I) Does he realise that I am entitled to half his pensions?

 

Do you think that it would help matters if I made him aware of the financial problems he would have?

 

I am just so upset at the moment thinking that he has all the home comforts with this woman and all he has given up with me.

 

Please help me

[nextel]

Be smart.

 

If he has not realized what he is putting himself in financially, then thats his fault. Its up to him to use the correct head to think with, not for you to remind him which head to use!!!!

 

LET HIM MAKE UP HIS OWN MIND! He is not taking you into consideration. He is doing exactly what he wants to do, so let him do it. You on the other hand must realize that you might be sad right now: but it does not mean that he who laughs first, laughs the longest.

 

Make sure you get what you deserve from your marriage. Dont be a fool and try to be fair and nice. Go for the house, half of his pension and whatever else and make sure you get alimony. Perhaps he will get a wake up call, and maybe he wont. Neithertheless, the point is you have invested you time into this marriage and dont be a fool and walk away without showing what you got out of it.

 

Its sad to have to tell this to you....but wake up. He is doing exactly what he wants now you make him realize the consequences of his choice. He made the bed, now let him lay in it.

[englishrose]

Thank you nextel

 

What I have decided to do today is.

 

1. Get all the utilities bills put into my name so at least I can pay the bills as his mail is being redirected.

2. Contact the mortgage company to ask if they will inform me if he doesnt pay the mortgage (the mortgage is in his name)

 

I am now having reservations about seeing him on wednesday night as I dont really want to talk to him. I am a bit peeved as it seems to be the impression from people I have told that this affair has been going on longer than I think!!!!!

 

I have racked my brains to try and work out when he would have had the time to see this woman and there was an occassion once last year when he went round to see the father and always came home at 9.30pm but this time he came home at 1.00am He walked in drunk covered in grass stains and twigs and said he had fell down a bank and passed out.

 

Another outright lie he has told me was his bank statement came last week and I always opened all the mail(he didnt have a problem with this) and saw an entry where he used his card at a local italian restaurant on valentines night.(He was going to take me there)

When I saw him on friday I said to him "what did you have to eat at the restaurant on valentines night then?" He said I didnt go there valentines night i went there wednesday.

I began to doubt what date I saw on the statement so when i got home i double checked and yes he did take her there on valentines night.

 

I now ask myself how many other lies has he told me?

 

You have told me that he has made his bed and I totally agree. Now its my turn to do what I think is best for myself.

 

At the moment I feel that he is throwing me little scraps of his time in order to keep me sweet. So perhaps it would be in my best interest not to turn up on wednesday and let him worry for a change.

If I can hang on to my home as long as possible then at least it gives me a chance to work out what I want. It will also give him time to refect on what he has done and perhaps make him have some regrets.

 

I was always told that there may come a time when if he does change his mind that I may not want him back anyway and do you know what? I think I am having second thoughts. Everyday that goes by I learn something new.

 

You have all been so fantastic and supportive and when the time comes I hope I can give something back to you all

 

Please could someone tell me that what I am doing is the right course of action

 

thank you

[newby]

yes you sound like you have your head screwed on but i think you should get some legal advice. i know of too many women who have somehow lost their homes AND been landed with all the debts. i dont know how this has happened but just that they were still reeling with the shock when the husband made the moves. if its still in his name i think you need to get your name on aswell, now, whilst he is still trying to keep you sweet. also lets him know you are taking him seriously and this is the reality.

get legal advice first, before anything else, before standing him up on wednesday in case he starts getting worried, if her family have been trying to get their daughter hooked up with him they probably see him as a good catch in all ways, inc money and house. of course i think it is fair that he gets half from the house but women tend to be fairer than men. he may not be as fair.

i'm not trying to scare you but i know of women with kids who have ended up homeless with kids, dont know how but it happened.

[nextel]

I totally agree with Newby, get legal advice quick. Its only in your best interest to do so, otherwise you might get screwed big time.

 

How long have you been married? You stated that you are entitled to half his pension, so I take it you have been married for at least 8 years???? If you dont have the money right now, call Lawyers Referral (they have a toll free number but I cannot remember it), they will refer you to the nearest lawyer in your area and all you have to pay is $20 and they will answer your questions.

 

 

Just please dont fall prey to the male trick.....they will be sweet for as long as they want what they want and to keep things going in their best interest. Look out for number 1, and that is yourself.

[englishrose]

Thanks Newby

Yes today has been quite a productive day. I have got all the bills put in my name and spoke to the mortgage company. They told me that they could not let me know if he pays the mortgage or not as its in his name. The first i would know about it is when the baliffs turn up!!!

 

He CANNOT sell the house without my permission as I have put a charge on the land registry which means he cant sell it. I know there will come a time if we cant sort this out when I will have to sell the house but at the moment all the while he is paying the mortgage I am going to sit tight.

 

The building society said that he would be very very foolish to have the house repossessed as it would go against him for the future.

 

My solicitor charges £160 per hour and I am not entitled to legal aid so although i know i will have to use him again I am biding my time.

 

You never know perhaps my husband will feel so much guilt he will just let me take over the mortgage which i will be able to afford. He's walked away once perhaps he will walk away from this as well.

 

I cant get my name put on the deeds as I need his permission to do this which i know he wont give however this charge on the LR is about the same thing in legalities.

 

I have been to see my counsellor tonight and nothing much to report there.

 

I also had a quick drink with one of his workmates tonight and he told me that he doesnt believe this affair has been going on for a long time but perhaps my husband just kept his cards close to his chest. He and all his work mates think he needs his head examining as they know this woman as well.

 

I really really dont want to see him wednesday night but I know if i dont turn up there could be a chance that he will come to the house and I certainly dont want him round here.

 

Do you think it would be a good idea to see him or just let him do all the running?

[englishrose]

thanks Nextel

 

Yes I am going to look after no 1

I live in the uk and yes I know what you mean when you say he will only be sweet while its in his interests.

 

What's your views on seeing him on wednesday night?