Am I clingy if I don't want my bf staying out all night?

[smackie9]

I'm sorry but I'm not buying the "boys will be boys" thing. When you are in a relationship and are living together, the rules change. A. you can't be doing all the things you did when you were single, yet some will definitely act it. B. You are a part of each others lives, a partnership. He is being disrespectful not giving her the opportunity to discuss it...the "I just found out" excuse is rather convenient for him to avoid any kind of discussion. C. respecting your partners feelings. He has no regard for how she feels. It's as tho his friends come first, and he is favoring them. D. there is a lack of quality time together. This is the demise of any kind of relationship. You stop going out as a couple, you may as well be considered as roommates that share the rent.

 

With every relationship there are expectations, and boundaries and of course it will vary from person to person. So what any of us finds acceptable, may not be with the OP. Obviously this needs to be reviewed with her BF before he gets pulled out for another all nighter.

[2sunny]

I've already old him and he said he will consider me next time. Like I said before, yeah it sucks if I don't have plans and he's gone but that's not what bothers me most. It's the very late don't know when he will be back type of thing. Again, he's had guys nights which never bothered me but if it's really really late and no idea what time frame is an issue.

 

I notice most men seem to do that. Sorry to stereotype but it's just what I've noticed. Even when we play sports Sundays he will call the guys and the girls and not know who's showing up or who's bringing the ball. That's how they do that.

 

On the other hand when us girls tried planning nights out the always never then out because everyone's to wishy washy on wants and their availability.

 

Anyways, yeah we will see how it turns out. I'll also try to make more nights out with girls without him wether he does have plans or not.

 

 

But you've told him you're not okay with what he's been doing yet he has no intention of adjusting to accommodate your happiness level.

 

You are NOT his top priority lately.

 

Maybe you should move and allow him to do what he intends to do.

 

It's obviously something that's more important than you are.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if he's involved with another gal, drinking and or drugs. When people stay out that late it's usually drugs.

 

Start checking. Seems he's fooling you.

 

And move out and become independent. Date new men. He's not ready for a serious commitment - he's acting like a selfish child.

[preraph]

No I'm not worried about cheating at all. I was able to tag along on the car shoot or car meet but I'm not interested at all but he had the choice to continue to stay with me or go. I didn't care hat he went but he had no idea when he would be back and it ended up being near 5am one time and 2am another. Just like tonight he has no idea when he'd be back but confirmed he won't be staying the night there.

 

Sounds like more a situation a mom has with a teenager. You don't want to sit around worrying about them. You don't want a 'mom' relationship with him, though. I assume you're able to contact him to be sure he's okay via text? He should give you a rough idea when he's coming home. I would ask him to do that. I would say, Look, when you're gone a long time and I don't hear from you, I worry. I don't want to be your mom, but I think it's reasonable you give me a rough idea when you'll be home and contact me if plans change. I'd do the same for you.

[batgirl]

You need to make friends and do things independent of your boyfriend. You're lonely and you think he should really be at home with you, regardless of whether you'll admit it or not.

 

He's a grown man. He doesn't need a curfew just because it makes you uncomfortable.

 

Do something to alleviate your own loneliness.

[chelle21689]

But you've told him you're not okay with what he's been doing yet he has no intention of adjusting to accommodate your happiness level.

 

You are NOT his top priority lately.

 

Maybe you should move and allow him to do what he intends to do.

 

It's obviously something that's more important than you are.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if he's involved with another gal, drinking and or drugs. When people stay out that late it's usually drugs.

 

Start checking. Seems he's fooling you.

 

And move out and become independent. Date new men. He's not ready for a serious commitment - he's acting like a selfish child.

 

I talked to him right before he left. I'm not going to make him cancel at that moment with his friend with him at that time.

 

 

Yeah, I think the main thing is not knowing when e would be home and just give me a heads up or time frame when he think he'd be back and call me to let me know. I don't think there's much I can do about the planning though which is something I'm just going to have to accept as long as it doesn't happen all the time.

Edited September 15, 2014 by chelle21689

[Omei]

I don't think its a big deal at all even if its been more often lately hes having fun getting out there and making experiences and memories.

 

I would say its time for you to get some friends of your own instead of watching what hes doing all the time, or at least learn to love his absence when you live together use all that time for your hobbies or secret mannerisms. A guy can really appreciate his girl more when he comes home after being with his friends without complaint.

 

I wouldnt be bothered with it until it gos on monthly its just been a few busy times with friends.

 

(PS dont wait up all night for him do your own thing go to bed as usual if your always waiting up and just wondering when hes coming back because you're too lonely without him yes id say that's clingy, make some friends)

Edited September 15, 2014 by Omei

[Diezel]

Seriously, if the situation was reversed, I'd see a lot of women saying "Rah rah, how dare he try to give you an ultimatum on when to come home"... specially if she is in her 20's.

 

Let's try to be objective here.

 

She's also not demanding him go to sleep with her when she does, she just wants a courtesy text/call. I don't think that's too much to ask. I've done that even with women who don't live with me when we've been together long enough.

 

When you care enough about someone, you care enough to worry a little bit about their well-being.

[chelle21689]

Seriously, if the situation was reversed, I'd see a lot of women saying "Rah rah, how dare he try to give you an ultimatum on when to come home"... specially if she is in her 20's.

 

Let's try to be objective here.

 

She's also not demanding him go to sleep with her when she does, she just wants a courtesy text/call. I don't think that's too much to ask. I've done that even with women who don't live with me when we've been together long enough.

 

When you care enough about someone, you care enough to worry a little bit about their well-being.

Thank you! Lol like I said I get lonely but I try to find something to do. I don't put a set time on it because I wouldn't like that if it were me. I just want to know a time frame and if he can't and will be late, just let me know ASAP. We talked and agreed to this now.

 

There has been times he went snowboarding with me and the group and we were out til 5 am a few times crazy! When I'm too tired or it's too cold for me he will head out without me and not be home til like 4 which I didn't really mind because I knew.

 

So I mean we talked about bein considerate for me too of it was happening often like twice in a row. So I mean he usually does whTever to try to mKe me happy so I have faith in this.

Edited September 16, 2014 by chelle21689

[smackie9]

Just keep up with the communication if you want things to go smoothly.