After first love is it ever as good again?

[Christophe]

Thank you again singsparkles for that reply I really appreciate it.

 

I dreamed of her again last night and it was going over all the good times and then it went strange and she changed and it was not so nice. I woke up feeling less dark than yesterday so i hope this continues through the whole day.

 

I think part of the agony and despair that has come back is because I have started to question so many things about the relationship again. Eg did she cheat on me with her ex and did she ever really love me etc? I know I should not dwell on these things because I will never know and I need to stop beating myself up for not knowing. I believe she is not a bad person and did love me but had no thought for the way she led me on believing we had a great future together and then one day just dropped me to go back to her ex.

 

I also started blaming myself a little for not saying more to try and change her mind when she told me she was breaking up with me. I was upset and tried to talk to her but nothing would change her mind. I have this stupid voice that keeps thinking of things I should have said. I know this is crazy because I always loved her and adored her and she should know this. I had nothing to prove to her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I just wish these nagging thoughts that I am not good enough for anyone would just disappear. I was good enough for her and I will be good enough again for someone else. She was special because she was the first person to see something in me and our love was incredible. I would give anything for that feeling back again.

 

It is hard knowing she is fine and having fun in her life with her ex and her friends like I never existed. It is also hard trying to be optimistic and positive all the time and I kind of want people to know that I am not okay.

 

I never knew life we would be so difficult. I am trying not to worry too much about the future and where I will be, what I will be doing etc it just feels like all the hope of romance and adventure is now gone from my life.

 

I am doing my best to keep my head above water and I am trying to keep busy. It seems incredible that when I was with her I felt so good knowing that she loved me for who I am and thought I was perfect. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and now it almost feels like she is also the worst. Every time except for the last time was perfect with her. It was all like a beautiful dream. We could not wait to live together. I am trying not to get hung up on the nostalgic beautiful memories and focus on the coldness of our last week. It's easier said than done though because up until then it honestly was perfect between us.

[CT98]

Speaking from personal experience, it only gets better.

 

I've had two loves in my 25 years on this planet. 3 if you count a secondary school crush at the age of 14, which I do believe is the first time I've ever felt love. But I won't count that now.

 

I remember being truly devestated when my first girlfriend and love of 4 years broke up with me. I remember thinking that nothing would ever be as 'pure' as your first love.

 

Then a month later I met my second love (the one who ditched me 8 days ago - not that I'm counting.) It was so much better, she treated me far better and I had things with her that I never had with my first girlfriend. The sex was better. We shared more of the same interests. She came with me to things that my first girlfriend didn't etc etc.

 

So please believe me, it does only get better.

 

So by that token my next girlfriend and love number three will be out of this world!

[BroknHrt]

It does get easier and you think less and less and care about her less and less as time goes on.

 

However, she will probably be in your thoughts for awhile. It's been 9 months/6 months no contact since I was dumped by my first love ex and I still think about her everyday. It's not the obsessing trying to win her back thinking, but it is still thinking about what could have been.

 

I think I will continue to think about that until I find someone that will give me the same sparks I had when I first started dating her.

 

It's a process, a long one at that, but one that you will learn so much from.

[Christophe]

Thanks again for the replies. I hate what this break up is doing to me though, especially as I thought I was improving. I feel like she has taken everything from me. Even when I have periods of feeling better these turn into feeling sad and lonely and hopeless.

 

I honestly don't know if love is worth this kind of pain and despair. The highs were incredible and perfect but these lows I am going through are the worst I have ever felt in my life. I just don't know how to pull myself out of it. I keep getting this constant fear of not being good enough in all sorts of situations. It's like demons in my head that are taking over my mind. Like all the stuff I am doing is just trying to hide the pain and that I am stupid for doing these things.

 

I miss the innocence before I ever fell in love I suppose. There was always hope that I would meet someone then. Now it has come and gone I don't think I will ever be the same and I am not sure where to find the hope that love will come into my life again.

 

I hope things improve soon because I really am trying to pull myself out of this. It seems I am wading through quicksand right now though.

[BroknHrt]

Thanks again for the replies. I hate what this break up is doing to me though, especially as I thought I was improving. I feel like she has taken everything from me. Even when I have periods of feeling better these turn into feeling sad and lonely and hopeless.

 

I honestly don't know if love is worth this kind of pain and despair. The highs were incredible and perfect but these lows I am going through are the worst I have ever felt in my life. I just don't know how to pull myself out of it. I keep getting this constant fear of not being good enough in all sorts of situations. It's like demons in my head that are taking over my mind. Like all the stuff I am doing is just trying to hide the pain and that I am stupid for doing these things.

 

I miss the innocence before I ever fell in love I suppose. There was always hope that I would meet someone then. Now it has come and gone I don't think I will ever be the same and I am not sure where to find the hope that love will come into my life again.

 

I hope things improve soon because I really am trying to pull myself out of this. It seems I am wading through quicksand right now though.

 

 

 

Man, I know exactly how you feel. I remember feeling how you felt 6 months ago and that was absolutely the low point of my life. I felt ego-bruised, low self-esteem, worthless, and unsure how I would pull it together and get on with my life.

 

I hoped for a call, I hoped for a different outcome, I hoped for a future, I hoped to back with the person I once thought I'd spend my entire life with.

 

It's hard, but it does get easier. It's a slow process that you don't even realize is taking place. One day, you'll realize that you feel so much better than you did a month ago, 2 months ago...

 

Send me a message and I can talk to you about whatever. I am a 21 yr old male that had a first love relationship end 9 months ago/6 months since contact(sex, haha) from her. I'm sorry you're going through this, I wish this physical, emotional and mental pain on no one.

[Christophe]

Thanks BroknHrt it would be good to talk to a fellow guy who is similar in age to me and had a similar situation. I am not sure if it is possible to send direct messages here. Maybe if you you gave me your name I could add you on Facebook or something? It would be good to talk about this more with you.

[Christophe]

It's like you said it's hoping to get back with someone you were convinced you were going to spend the rest of your life with. I never doubted that one day I would marry her. We talked about children on our last night and I just thought how amazing it would be to one day have children with her.

 

I am not massively religious (I believe in God) but recently the last few days I have been praying for help. I have prayed for Andrea to reach out and contact me. It's like I want to hear from her so badly. I want her to feel the pain I have felt. It is that miracle call I keep praying for and I just keeping hoping God will answer me. The feelings of desire for her have come back strongly the last couple of days too. I have unfriended her from facebook but I still see her on my whatsapp contacts and when I see she is online I am so tempted to message her. I miss the romance that is lacking in my life now.

 

I just want to have the feelings back that we had. They were so strong I don't get how she could just drop them like she did. I wish I knew if I ever cross her mind at all anymore. It's only been three months but I feel like I have been forgotten by her. I have found myself wondering what she is doing and at weekends it is very tough for me not to think about her.

 

'I loved her like fire, until it drove me insane' This is quote from my favourite band and it really does some up what falling in love and the break up has done to me.

 

I appreciate everyone who posts advice on here I really do try and take it on board and it is amazing that strangers can come together and help each other out. Thank you. I hope tomorrow is a brighter day than this evening because it has been a little dark for me tonight.

[Christophe]

I feel awful tonight. After having a better day I have sunk big time. Saturday nights are always horrible for me. Tonight I met with 2 of my Spanish friends who are mutual friends with my ex. I had not seen them for almost 3 months just after my break up. I did not feel comfortable really, we never really talked about her but I kind of wanted them to know how badly it is affecting me. I tried to act normal and show them that I was doing well but inside I am dying right now.

 

I get this heavy weight and depression every time I am out in town and basically I see no hope. No hope that I will ever find that diamond like I did with my ex. All I see are sluts and dickheads every time I go out and it is so depressing. I don't know how it is possible for me to meet a sweet nice girl again I really don't.

 

I am struggling so bad and I just want to contact my ex. Part of me does not care anymore if she hates me or pities me or whatever. All I know is that I felt great with her and confident and comfortable. Now I just feel stupid and uncomfortable even with my friends and my ex was the only person I ever felt such a great connection with. We had everything love, respect, admiration, desire etc etc.

 

Every time I come home after a night like this I want the ground to swallow me up. It is the emptiest feeling in the world. I have not even been drinking tonight so that has not affected my mood. I guess what I am trying to say is I really don't see any hope. I am trying so hard but I can't find any. I would give anything to have her again. I need her. I can't escape this hell without her.

[Els]

Sure, it usually gets better in fact, as we learn from our experiences. Most people don't end up with their first R anyway.

 

If I'd stuck with my 'first love', I would currently be living a very, very miserable life...

[serges]

Bro, I hope by now you feel alright. It is okay to grieve over a loss but its unhealthy to keep relating yourself to her. I have been in your shoes and tbh i am still struggling a little. If you read my thread, you will know. Both of us are on the same boat. I do not know how she treated you before the breakup. My ex certainly treated me like a tick... a pest. She made me feel so helpless and worthless of myself. Like you, I am afraid i would never meet a sweet girl like my ex again. BUT! bear this in mind bro, the ex im referring here is not the current girl we know. The sweet and lovely girl was long gone from our life. She has changed into a person we can no longer "recognize".

 

My ex new bf is a total opposite of me. He smokes, loves to party and other activities i would rather not engage. Maybe I was restricting her from who she wants to be with or who she wants to become. That was why on the day when she dumped me, I accepted it without any intention to hold her back. Now, she even picks up smoking, drinking and partying. It pains me to know but it relieves me a bit, knowing that I will never have to handle her ***** ever again.

 

Why focus on someone who wont give a ***** about you? After all the grueling and torturous chain of thoughts, what do you get? Instead of investing in something that wont bring you profit but SOLELY LOSS, you venture to other biz.

 

While she having fun aprtying fking her new guy, I sit in one corner and cry for her? No way man. This is complete bs and I will never put myself in that pathetic position. think about it this way bro

[Christophe]

Yeah it does seem we have similar situations serges. My ex's boyfriend is also a party guy and basically a complete ****** whereas I am not so into all that all the time. I like to go out with friends (I liked to) and with my ex dancing etc but her boyfriend is just such a show off a complete idiot basically. The complete opposite of me. I think that is why she got with me in the first place because I was so different from him.

 

It still makes me angry how she is with someone like him even now. I have unfriended her on Facebook but not blocked her and I saw a few new photos on her page with him and her friends and it just confirmed to me what kind of person he is. I would be embarrassed if I was with someone like him. I just don't get it she was such a sweet girl with me and adored me. Now she adores him again and he does not deserve her at all. It's all bull****.

 

I don't want her to ruin my life while she thrives without me and I am seeking counselling as soon as possible to try and help my state of mind. I just don't see how I can move on from her. It feels like a catch-22 situation to open up to the possibility of new love without trying to look for it. I just really can't see it happening again. Despite all she has put me through I still believe that girl I knew is still there somewhere. I don't know how to break free.

[Christophe]

Had a really rough couple of days feeling suicidal and really dark. Today has been better though and I saw a nice looking girl on the bus on the way home from town which gave me some hope. Hope that one day I will love and adore a girl like this again.