How do you get motivated to wake up everyday?

[Bella2]

Also, thinking of the future ("I will be alone forrreeeeeevvvvvver") is just thoughts. It is not reality.

[Pompom]

My paycheck.

[Itspointless]

The best way to control your thoughts is to understand that they are just thoughts. Your spirit is much bigger and badder. (= Or, it should be anyways. If it's not, then get to working on it right now! You gota do fun, happy things. If you're a believer in Christ, then you should also pray.

 

If I told you my sad stories, I promise you'd be perplexed on how I could possibly be this positive after what all I've been through. But you know, the past doesn't exist. It's over. It's gone. We are left with only memories and memories are THOUGHTS. Choose what you want to remember wisely. I choose to remember the good and I choose to only think of the good. I choose to be happy despite all of my unhappy experiences.

Hi me85, you write a lot of wise things, wise lessons unfortunately triggered by trauma.

 

Something to think about as memories usually consist of thoughts but are not just that. Ever been on a time-voyage to your childhood just by a smell? Or brought back to a situation just by taking some posture? Yes, it is very important to not being lead by past experiences or by negative believes about yourself, spirit is essential (!), your story testifies of your mental strength. And indeed we are much more than we think we are, we our not bounded to the lines we and other people have sketched to our selves.

 

Sometimes in life we need to filter out negative influences or the things we do not have the energy for to survive. But as I have learned we have to be very careful with the way we treat out memories and our pasts. Keep it in place for the moments life has more space for it. You do not want - if you have the choice - to dissociate, see SELF FRAGMENTATION AND TRAUMA. An easy fix is not always the best fix in the long run.

[maradona]

You're very welcome. And thank you for reading what I posted.

 

You're running in circles by asking, "Why did she, how could she??" That's a damn waste of time.

 

I often think of The Matrix…"Stop trying to hit me and hit me!" … "You're stronger than this…don't think you are, know you are."

 

So virtual friend, don't think things will get better for you…know they will.

 

I know about being betrayed by someone you love very well. It does hurt and you are entitled to the way you feel and it's not wrong. We all do that to ourselves. We chew on a problem until all the flavor is gone and then we stick it in our hair. lol

 

But one day you'll get just plain tired of thinking about it, talking about it and having feelings about it. You'll shrug your shoulders and tell yourself, "Oh well."

 

I love that Matrix quote! thank you very much dear virtual friend haha

Think makes sense to try to control our thoughts. What about the utter feeling of being ALONE. Do you ever feel completely alone? Everyone I know seems to have a gf, be getting engaged/married.... I miss having someone... sometimes its not about her, what she did, what happen and why. Sometimes I just miss having someone... for the first time in my life I feel like im *I am cringing to say it* but I feel desperate.. just to have someone.. anyone ASAP to fill this horrible void. Its wrong.. I would not be able be with someone but at the sametime I cant stand this..either

[me85]

I love that Matrix quote! thank you very much dear virtual friend haha

Think makes sense to try to control our thoughts. What about the utter feeling of being ALONE. Do you ever feel completely alone? Everyone I know seems to have a gf, be getting engaged/married.... I miss having someone... sometimes its not about her, what she did, what happen and why. Sometimes I just miss having someone... for the first time in my life I feel like im *I am cringing to say it* but I feel desperate.. just to have someone.. anyone ASAP to fill this horrible void. Its wrong.. I would not be able be with someone but at the sametime I cant stand this..either

 

Well, sure I get lonely from time to time...but I'm ok with being alone for however long it takes. You won't always feel desperate but I know what you mean. You're just lonely.

 

Do I ever feel completely alone? Oh ya, all the time! haha I mean, because I am. Does it bother me? Not at all. But everyone moves at their own pace. You'll eventually get past the loneliness. It won't last forever. Nothing does.

 

I've been single now for 14 months. How about you?

[maradona]

Well, sure I get lonely from time to time...but I'm ok with being alone for however long it takes. You won't always feel desperate but I know what you mean. You're just lonely.

 

Do I ever feel completely alone? Oh ya, all the time! haha I mean, because I am. Does it bother me? Not at all. But everyone moves at their own pace. You'll eventually get past the loneliness. It won't last forever. Nothing does.

 

I've been single now for 14 months. How about you?

 

Well technically since May but after break up I was tortured until July with "I don't know what I want" then I couldn't handle it anymore I stopped it went nc so 2 months.

 

Today is a terrible day!! I don't know why. I have a crazy urge to contact her I won't do it.. I got weak and looked at a pic of us made it worse lol I have been going out a bit with some girls I have a date on Thursday but havin it gave me anxiety lol because if I see someone else and maybe she comes back or I feel guilty to be happy I'm not sure it doesn't make sense to me.

 

It's like you said I think I am scared of the unknown. She was my first love, we talked about Marriage and engagement and I have no comparison basis of how it is to be in love with anyone else. All other gf was never serious I didn't want to let myself be attached for this exact reason..

 

One thing for sure logically I know there is so much better that I deserve so much better but emotionally it doesn't sink in.

 

Did you date other ppl since the breakup? How is it meeting new ppl? Cuz meeting new ppl feels like giving up or throwing away the past which well the ex already did I guess since they left.

 

Honestly I read your posts over n over I find them so helpful when I'm down I read them today I don't know what happen I had 1 week straight of good so I guess that's progress to before so I'm grateful.

 

It's a circle: trigger happens:

1. Guilt should have would have wish I could

2. I did, I said, I tried everything

3. She did this she did that I deserve better

4. I don't care I want to call her

5. No I won't be her puppet I am stronger than this

6. Post here

7. X time with peace until the circle restarts

 

How the hell do I break this nastiness loll

[Itspointless]

I love that Matrix quote! thank you very much dear virtual friend haha

Think makes sense to try to control our thoughts. What about the utter feeling of being ALONE. Do you ever feel completely alone? Everyone I know seems to have a gf, be getting engaged/married.... I miss having someone... sometimes its not about her, what she did, what happen and why. Sometimes I just miss having someone... for the first time in my life I feel like im *I am cringing to say it* but I feel desperate.. just to have someone.. anyone ASAP to fill this horrible void. Its wrong.. I would not be able be with someone but at the sametime I cant stand this..either

In all honesty if you can't stand it, it would be wise for you to be alone for a while. First to not take advantage of another and second somewhat longer - or some years longer - to learn to be content with yourself.

 

And no not everyone is getting married, had that stage of witnessing this with friends a few years ago. Don't let other people fool you to feel alien. Many people marry because they want to feel normal. Unfortunately also many of them will regret it a few years later. Dare to find your own path and hopefully with time true love.

[me85]

Well technically since May but after break up I was tortured until July with "I don't know what I want" then I couldn't handle it anymore I stopped it went nc so 2 months.

 

Today is a terrible day!! I don't know why. I have a crazy urge to contact her I won't do it.. I got weak and looked at a pic of us made it worse lol I have been going out a bit with some girls I have a date on Thursday but havin it gave me anxiety lol because if I see someone else and maybe she comes back or I feel guilty to be happy I'm not sure it doesn't make sense to me.

 

It's like you said I think I am scared of the unknown. She was my first love, we talked about Marriage and engagement and I have no comparison basis of how it is to be in love with anyone else. All other gf was never serious I didn't want to let myself be attached for this exact reason..

 

One thing for sure logically I know there is so much better that I deserve so much better but emotionally it doesn't sink in.

 

Did you date other ppl since the breakup? How is it meeting new ppl? Cuz meeting new ppl feels like giving up or throwing away the past which well the ex already did I guess since they left.

 

Honestly I read your posts over n over I find them so helpful when I'm down I read them today I don't know what happen I had 1 week straight of good so I guess that's progress to before so I'm grateful.

 

It's a circle: trigger happens:

1. Guilt should have would have wish I could

2. I did, I said, I tried everything

3. She did this she did that I deserve better

4. I don't care I want to call her

5. No I won't be her puppet I am stronger than this

6. Post here

7. X time with peace until the circle restarts

 

How the hell do I break this nastiness loll

 

I'm glad you find my posts helpful for you!

 

I know that circle, I stayed in that circle for quite a while. lol

 

Yes, I've dated since my BU. 3 different casual dating experiences. One was really nice but wanted a wife and guess what his name was?? LOL Same as my ex's! Yikes! The next guy I really did like. I met him through work. He was 4 years younger and turned out to be a flippin weirdo so that only lasted like less than a month. haha The next guy was very cool, SIX years younger and from another state far away. It was nice because neither one of us was interested in a RS and just hung out for about a month, then he was gone. That was 3 months ago. Haven't heard from him since.

 

It's wonderful meeting new people. I haven't "dated" in 3 months (I really don't like to use the word date.) A few guys have tried to pursue me in that time, kind of, but I'm not interested. I want to be single. I don't want to fall in love again for quite a while.

 

Are you having a better day today? Did you stick with NC or did you cave?

[maradona]

I'm glad you find my posts helpful for you!

 

I know that circle, I stayed in that circle for quite a while. lol

 

Yes, I've dated since my BU. 3 different casual dating experiences. One was really nice but wanted a wife and guess what his name was?? LOL Same as my ex's! Yikes! The next guy I really did like. I met him through work. He was 4 years younger and turned out to be a flippin weirdo so that only lasted like less than a month. haha The next guy was very cool, SIX years younger and from another state far away. It was nice because neither one of us was interested in a RS and just hung out for about a month, then he was gone. That was 3 months ago. Haven't heard from him since.

 

It's wonderful meeting new people. I haven't "dated" in 3 months (I really don't like to use the word date.) A few guys have tried to pursue me in that time, kind of, but I'm not interested. I want to be single. I don't want to fall in love again for quite a while.

 

Are you having a better day today? Did you stick with NC or did you cave?

 

Haha Nice! No i didn't. After 1 post, 1hr convo last night with a girl friend, 1 hr convo today with another friend I survived, I live to fight another day!!!

But why not? Why don't you want to fall in love again?

 

That's my problem, before my ex I never wanted to I always casual date and I was very happy. Then I started to change mindset I trusted her for the first time then I got royally burned. Now I'm confused, I was mentally ready to get married start a life that's gone. I don't know how to go backwards where I love being single but I can't just force a rs just to be "back on track" with the lost plan lol all te while cant stand being alone So I'm kinda lost. Today is better for now, the fog lifted again thank god. But I still have the dumb hope she will come back...I don't know when I became someone's doormat.... One thig for danm sure I dont care how weak I get I will NEVER break NC no matter what happens I will NOT. Maybe letting go of my hope is hard but I will not do that. She left, she made that choice I refuse to break nc.

 

Honestly I can't wait to be totally indifferent it will be the best feeling. I am working hard to get there.

 

Why don't u want to be in a rs? You don't miss the "closeness"?

Is second love ever comparable to first?

[maradona]

annndddd the roller coaster left the station again... free fall.

I keep wondering if she has moved on...WHY I COULD NEVER TRUST HER AGAIN

I keep wondering if she thinks about me....Will she ever come back...Does she really not know what she wants or is it BS.. again does that matter?

I am dying to call...I wish things could have turned out different. I cant believe that she feels life is better without me... They say "exes always come back but whats the point of hoping for that and loving someone... who doesnt seem to care, chose to leave and the trust is gone.

 

I say I do not ever want to be with her again to anyone who asks.. but I dont believe it.. Deep down.. I dont think my emotions agree with my "rational thinking" its stoping me from moving on... I dont know how to let go. how to really let go deep down... IS there something I am doing wrong? Or is it just time...

 

Why did I fall back so hard I thought I had moved past this stupid hope....

[me85]

I'll tell you something, you're saying everything I feel but keep buried really far down. First loves are hard but you'll love again and you'll love more too.

 

I still have feelings for my ex. I still can't bring myself to delete our pictures. It was always so easy for me to move on before him. I can't understand it no matter how hard I try. What makes him so special?? He was the best and the worst boyfriend I ever had. That has to be why it's so much harder to move on this time.

 

I don't want to fall in love again because I've had my heart broken 3 times too many. I just can never go through that kind of pain again. I won't risk it. It isn't worth it to me. I'd rather be a little sad sometimes because I don't have anyone than to fall into love and trust with someone again and have them eventually abandon me.

 

Like you say, NC is hard. It hurts. But it's for the best. We're both having a hard time with it. And it seems, like you, I'm having a lot of questions today. Like, how could he have done me so wrong when I was always so good to him and just loved him. How could he toss me like trash and just get into another RS no problem? So easily. How he treated me like nothing but his whore.

 

The only answer to those questions is: because he doesn't love me. He was never who I thought he was.

Edited September 25, 2014 by me85

[DiTat]

I thought this was interesting...read this somewhere recently...

 

If you've been emotionally devastated by a relationship, it is proportional to the extent you feel you sold yourself out.

 

That is... the extent to which you accepted what you don't consider acceptable or attempt to be a person that you're not.

 

When we sell out and take a ton of crap from someone only to have them leave us, we can often feel that they TOOK a part

of us.

 

And we can't move on from them because we want to get that part of ourselves back. It's no longer even about a relationship - it's the idea that they took a piece of your heart and you're no longer the whole person you were..

[JDPT]

I too have abandonment issues that I refused to acknowledge until very recently. If I look deep inside, and regardless of me swearing I loved my ex more than life itself and would have done anything for her, I never really opened up to her. The reality of it is that I never opened up to any of my past relationships fully, they never got the opportunity to get to know me and I never go the opportunity to be myself in these relationships.

 

 

It was always a façade of what my role was as the male in the relationship. I was always the provider and the caregiver always neglecting my own wants and needs. And it has always been a pattern, I could only play out that role for so long until I broke down and couldn't anymore due to the self inflicting stress that I would independently claim in wanting to always "take care" of someone else, and make sure they were always "ok".

 

 

When my ex abandoned me I felt used, like a rag you grab to clean your counter and then tossed aside. What happened to the most difficult moments in your life I literally held your held through and gave you a shoulder to cry on? (btw you ruined a ton of shirts with your makeup) so what happened to all the craziness we went through didn't that count for anything? Well, that used to be my mind set then when she "abandoned" me. I felt betrayed and used, however, now I understand that I (capital I) allowed all this to happened. I independently allow myself to be used and abused and tossed to the side like a rag. There are times when questions inadvertently pop in my head, however, the difference between now and then is that I now tell myself: it doesn't matter anymore.

 

 

I now know that I can change the outcome, I can change the future and work towards always holding myself at high regards and understanding the fact, because this is a fact that I hold a tremendous amount of value and that I should never neglect my wants and needs in a relationship or in any setting for that matter. I can change how I chose to be treated in a relationship. Yes, when we are in love things are a bit difficult. We tend to be a bit more "compliant" and perhaps cave in to what the other's desires. But I understand now that these are perfect opportunities to take charge and also stand up for what I want with a very pleasant approach.

 

 

Now I say, I'll like to fall in love of again, I'm not as afraid as I used to be in the past. I want to be myself in a relationship and not feel judged. I want to breathe again and hopefully with someone by my side who is worth it.

Edited September 26, 2014 by JDPT

[maradona]

I'll tell you something, you're saying everything I feel but keep buried really far down. First loves are hard but you'll love again and you'll love more too.

 

I still have feelings for my ex. I still can't bring myself to delete our pictures. It was always so easy for me to move on before him. I can't understand it no matter how hard I try. What makes him so special?? He was the best and the worst boyfriend I ever had. That has to be why it's so much harder to move on this time.

 

I don't want to fall in love again because I've had my heart broken 3 times too many. I just can never go through that kind of pain again. I won't risk it. It isn't worth it to me. I'd rather be a little sad sometimes because I don't have anyone than to fall into love and trust with someone again and have them eventually abandon me.

 

Like you say, NC is hard. It hurts. But it's for the best. We're both having a hard time with it. And it seems, like you, I'm having a lot of questions today. Like, how could he have done me so wrong when I was always so good to him and just loved him. How could he toss me like trash and just get into another RS no problem? So easily. How he treated me like nothing but his whore.

 

The only answer to those questions is: because he doesn't love me. He was never who I thought he was.

 

You are absolutely right that is the only answer to those questions...I don't know how you can get through this 3 times it's awful...

 

I am going to break NC I don't think I can take it anymore.... Honestly my friends and family are beyond fed up of the topic... I'm not any better I don't know what to do anymore. I'm stuck on her saying "I don't know what I want" "I hope we can restart with time apart" it's been since July when I told her to figure out what she wants n went nc. In that Time I haven't heard one word from her nothing.. I don't know If I can stick to nc any longer

 

Maybe I need her to tell me "I'm over it.. There's no chance of getting back together" but I'm scared she will say I don't know wha I want again or give me more false hope like she did in beginning.

 

If I call il just boost her ego... If she wanted to fix things she has my number... What the hell do I do?!? I can't go on like this. I have been a zombie for the last 4 months... If I break nc what's the worst that could happen? Will I really end up back at square one?

[maradona]

I thought this was interesting...read this somewhere recently...

 

If you've been emotionally devastated by a relationship, it is proportional to the extent you feel you sold yourself out.

 

That is... the extent to which you accepted what you don't consider acceptable or attempt to be a person that you're not.

 

When we sell out and take a ton of crap from someone only to have them leave us, we can often feel that they TOOK a part

of us.

 

And we can't move on from them because we want to get that part of ourselves back. It's no longer even about a relationship - it's the idea that they took a piece of your heart and you're no longer the whole person you were..

 

Then what do you do? How do you get back the whole person you were?

What if you feel like the person you were died... I don't know where that person is anymore hell I don't even know what I liked to do anymore... I completely lost who I am and was.

 

Confidence, self esteem, fun, positive outlook are all gone. How do you get it back? Before I would go traveling when things got hard but now I don't know what to do