When do you stop fighting for a girl?

[angel.eyes]

You said you didn't want to be her texting buddy, then proceeded to be her texting buddy and accepted delay after delay.

 

It's on you to walk away when someone isn't giving you what you want. It's on you when you let someone waste your time. It's your life on hold, not hers. Blaming her isn't going to solve your problem. You've been doing this in your various threads over the last year or two. Stop playing the victim, and get angry with yourself for sticking around, insisting, and fighting pointlessly for nothing.

 

Learn to bail, not fight and struggle stubbornly when someone clearly won't date you. That's the lesson!

 

I'm not ready for a relationship...I don't know what I want...Let's just go with the flow and see where things go... Yeah, my skid marks as I exit the door are immediate when I hear stuff like that. Ditto when actions are at odds with someone's words. I DO know what I want. If the other person isn't sure, we definitely aren't on the same page. Let's not waste each other's time trying to change the other person's mind and getting frustrated. We're in different places. Nothing wrong with either of us. We just aren't compatible. I'm off to focus on finding Mr. Compatible.

[preraph]

Listen, there are women who will cry on a man's shoulder all day long without having any attraction for him. Women like to talk and talk to their girlfriends all the time and they'll talk to a man as well without any further intentions. If you've seen her twice, she knows she doesn't have the attraction for you already. I've been friends with guys and guys online who I absolutely loved to talk to but didn't want to date/sleep with. It's that nasty old X factor. It's either there or it's not.

[fred123]

Listen, there are women who will cry on a man's shoulder all day long without having any attraction for him. Women like to talk and talk to their girlfriends all the time and they'll talk to a man as well without any further intentions. If you've seen her twice, she knows she doesn't have the attraction for you already. I've been friends with guys and guys online who I absolutely loved to talk to but didn't want to date/sleep with. It's that nasty old X factor. It's either there or it's not.

 

so you talk to a guy online a lot and u have no attraction to? my friend who is a girl says that if a girl talks to you a lot online she must like you. i guess you must be a attention seeking girl?

u lead guys on by tqlking to them a lot! how else do we guys know whether a girl likes us?!!

[mightycpa]

so you talk to a guy online a lot and u have no attraction to? my friend who is a girl says that if a girl talks to you a lot online she must like you. i guess you must be a attention seeking girl?

u lead guys on by tqlking to them a lot! how else do we guys know whether a girl likes us?!!

 

Call me human, but how can you really know if you like somebody if all the interaction is online? You may like a persona, but you don't know the person.

[Supernatural]

So when I came back I realized this girls full of ****- and she won't make an effort at all.

Yet, you still desire her.

 

You're like a girl who wants the assh*le guy. Just because she is a chase. I bet if you ever catch her... She will be the biggest let down of your life.

 

 

so you talk to a guy online a lot and u have no attraction to? my friend who is a girl says that if a girl talks to you a lot online she must like you. i guess you must be a attention seeking girl?

u lead guys on by tqlking to them a lot! how else do we guys know whether a girl likes us?!!

This is exactly what the girl is doing to OP.

[BlueIris]

I wouldn't invest so much effort and time talking to her if I wasn't expecting something in return.

 

Stop expecting from her (or anyone) and "allow" her (and anyone) to say, do, think or feel whatever they like.

 

No one ever has to be, or do, what you want.

 

This is all in your own head.

[angel.eyes]

so you talk to a guy online a lot and u have no attraction to? my friend who is a girl says that if a girl talks to you a lot online she must like you. i guess you must be a attention seeking girl?

u lead guys on by tqlking to them a lot! how else do we guys know whether a girl likes us?!!

 

Based on the information available she's potentially interested. But will you be dating material or a potential friend? How do you distinguish between the two?

 

Simple. She agrees to date you. Chemistry is judged in person. She shows up for the date. She agrees to another date. She shows up for the next date...Lather. Rinse. Repeat. You have romantic potential as long as this continues. If this isn't happening, you're wasting your time if you aren't interested in being just friends. When she stops dating you, she's no longer interested in you romantically. You're missing something she wants in a boyfriend, but you might still be a good friend. That's a one-way, dead-end street. Once you start down that road of friendship, don't expect to return to potential boyfriend. It's on you when you ignore excuses and persist anyway hoping to convince her she should continue to date you...or Skype you or whatever you're demanding and never getting.

[UltimaWeapon]

Ok I understand all of that. but why put in all that effort talking to me on her end, on the phone. 2 months talking. Why tell her mom and girlfriends about me? Why tell me she can't wait to see me? Why make plans to flop on me to make more plans if she wasn't interested?

 

If she wasn't interested in the beginning why continue to talk to me and do all of that?

 

Why not just tell me as soon as I came back from vacation. Ye listen Im not ready for anything now- we can't go further from here..

 

 

She didn't...at allll..

 

She kept making plans to flop to make new plans- and always wanted me to accept her reasons and not to " rush " her and " pressure" her . I gave her the benefit of the doubt with work because she worked late at a restaurant. but enough is enough

 

She clearly played me and has been playing me entire time since I have been back. for no reason at all..

 

Tells me a few weeks later " I'm confused" " I don't expect you to stay and wait for me"

" I have so much going on with family and work- I really don't have time for a relationship or to get into anything now"

 

Like give me a fkin break. I told her I wasn't asking her to be my girlfriend. I said I wanted to just continue to hang out and she can't even do that- tells me one thing when I am on vacation and does something completely different when I am back and DOESNT EVEN WANA ADMIT TO IT.

 

she puts the blame on me and makes me seem like I am the one at fault- I pressured her, I rushed her, I wanted something right away etc. like common...

Edited September 8, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[UltimaWeapon]

Yet, you still desire her.

 

You're like a girl who wants the assh*le guy. Just because she is a chase. I bet if you ever catch her... She will be the biggest let down of your life.

 

 

 

This is exactly what the girl is doing to OP.

 

I really like this girl and felt a strong connection for her. I really do care for her- what I don't get is the hot and cold behaviour and her leading me on and playing games for whatever reason. I just don't get her reasons as to why she would do this and push me away like this at all

 

It was so simple: meet up for coffee and take things from there

 

Not: go a month arguing over when we will see each other

 

such b.s

[mightycpa]

OK, you don't have to beat me over the head with your question. WHY does she treat you like this?

 

It is a little complicated, so bear with me.

 

Because she can, and you keep coming back like a yo-yo.

 

Because she can, and you are as predictable as the tides.

 

Because she can, and you are her Rubber Band Man.

 

ok, I'll get a little serious now... I was just warming up.

 

She doesn't see you for a couple of days, so she contacts you electronically because she misses you. Once she's actually in your presence for a little while, she's reminded of why she left all those other times. Her emotional memory is not so good.

 

She has two impressions of you - There's the fantasy one, which is the vague, perfect-being image in her head when you're not actually there. Then there is the one she doesn't like that much, the one she gets when you're around. Her memory is not so good.

 

Finally, and this may be the most important one of all, you make her feel good...until she has to be around you for an extended period of time. Then it like salt; a little tastes good, too much is poison.

 

I know I started out as kidding, but those three at the end? 95 times out of 100, that's what it is. She idealizes you just as much as you idealize her. The difference is she sees you and BOOM, she has that "Oh, that's right" moment, over and over again.

 

Sucks, doesn't it?

[Woop1337]

Do you even understand the words being typed on here?

 

Do you even try to talk to other girls?

 

I want to know, where are your guy friends?

 

Because clearly you're in distress, emotionally. Tell them to help the bro out.

[2sunny]

Ok I understand all of that. but why put in all that effort talking to me on her end, on the phone. 2 months talking. Why tell her mom and girlfriends about me? Why tell me she can't wait to see me? Why make plans to flop on me to make more plans if she wasn't interested?

 

If she wasn't interested in the beginning why continue to talk to me and do all of that?

 

Why not just tell me as soon as I came back from vacation. Ye listen Im not ready for anything now- we can't go further from here..

 

 

She didn't...at allll..

 

She kept making plans to flop to make new plans- and always wanted me to accept her reasons and not to " rush " her and " pressure" her . I gave her the benefit of the doubt with work because she worked late at a restaurant. but enough is enough

 

She clearly played me and has been playing me entire time since I have been back. for no reason at all..

 

Tells me a few weeks later " I'm confused" " I don't expect you to stay and wait for me"

" I have so much going on with family and work- I really don't have time for a relationship or to get into anything now"

 

Like give me a fkin break. I told her I wasn't asking her to be my girlfriend. I said I wanted to just continue to hang out and she can't even do that- tells me one thing when I am on vacation and does something completely different when I am back and DOESNT EVEN WANA ADMIT TO IT.

 

she puts the blame on me and makes me seem like I am the one at fault- I pressured her, I rushed her, I wanted something right away etc. like common...

 

Listen man - for all we know she could have abuse in her background/history.

 

It happens a lot! And it sure makes a person reluctant to any new dating.

 

So believe her = she's NOT READY!

 

That means buzz off.

[Diezel]

She could tell you the "WHY" and it still wouldn't be a good enough answer for you.

 

How about you just find someone else who could back up their claims? Seems a lot easier.

[fred123]

She could tell you the "WHY" and it still wouldn't be a good enough answer for you.

 

How about you just find someone else who could back up their claims? Seems a lot easier.

 

what you mean she could tell me the "WHY" and it still wouldnt be good enough for you?

[Xiang]

I only read the op's post, not the whole thread.

My view.

 

I have been through this numerous times.

WHen a girl says she doesn't feel like dating and want's freedom, and is just refusing you.

 

90% of the tiem it's not because she doesn't feel like dating and want's freedom.

It's just that she doesn't wanna date YOU.

 

Happened to me countless times and left me baffled, only to get a boyfriend 1-2 days/weeks after telling me this.

As long as the right guy comes into their life, they are "screw not wanting a relationship".

[Diezel]

what you mean she could tell me the "WHY" and it still wouldnt be good enough for you?

 

I am talking to the OP.

This thread isn't about you.

[fred123]

I am talking to the OP.

This thread isn't about you.

 

ah sorry to hijack it.

[UltimaWeapon]

I just don't understand she put in all this effort, said all those things for in the end to not even want to take time to see me.

 

Made all these promises and when it came down to it- couldn't keep a single one.

 

Doesn't make any sense to me. How can you flip flop like that- if you are interested you are interested- she gave me all signs she was.

 

What a waste of my time

 

I went out of my way on vacation to stay in contact with her- talked on the phone 6 hours. Looked for WIFI signals to go on fb messenger to talk cuz I really liked her- went and got her a small gift to give to her for her bday and flowers- and after all those promises she couldn't even make time to see me?

 

Like give me a fkin break. Whats with girls these days?

 

She knew my intentions right away. I told her straight up! Why wait 2 months in- to tell me she isn't ready for anything? I am so pissed off omg

Edited September 9, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[UltimaWeapon]

She could tell you the "WHY" and it still wouldn't be a good enough answer for you.

 

How about you just find someone else who could back up their claims? Seems a lot easier.

 

 

It does. but when you actually like the girl it becomes that much harder especially all the time and effort put in.

[Woop1337]

It does. but when you actually like the girl it becomes that much harder especially all the time and effort put in.

 

You'll learn from this. You'll be more aware of women's behavior towards you. And you'll be able to ascertain if the time and effort is worth putting in.

 

Just let go. It's all good.

[fred123]

I just don't understand she put in all this effort, said all those things for in the end to not even want to take time to see me.

 

Made all these promises and when it came down to it- couldn't keep a single one.

 

Doesn't make any sense to me. How can you flip flop like that- if you are interested you are interested- she gave me all signs she was.

 

What a waste of my time

 

I went out of my way on vacation to stay in contact with her- talked on the phone 6 hours. Looked for WIFI signals to go on fb messenger to talk cuz I really liked her- went and got her a small gift to give to her for her bday and flowers- and after all those promises she couldn't even make time to see me?

 

Like give me a fkin break. Whats with girls these days?

 

She knew my intentions right away. I told her straight up! Why wait 2 months in- to tell me she isn't ready for anything? I am so pissed off omg

 

it looks like even being direct can mean u get played. ur story seems similar to mine.

[UltimaWeapon]

You should not be pressuring some girl into a relationship. Just let things happen naturally. The way you bug her about a relationship just makes you look sad.

 

If she is really interested in you, you won't have to fight at all.

 

I wasn't pressuring her into a relationship. I told her I didn't want one now also. I just wanted her to keep her word and actually make concrete plans to see me so we can hangout and take things from there. I was fed up with her constant broken promises and the fact she couldn't keep her word. IF YOU ARE GONA MAKE PLANS TO HANGOUT KEEP THOSE PLANS

 

If she wasn't interested in anything she could have told me LONG time ago but she didn't she clearly led me on or was stringing me along for whatever reason that I will never know

 

She kept making excuses and kept making new plans to flop to make new plans and I got fed up with it. Called her out on it and she kept saying shes busy and not to expect too much from her and that im rushing her and pressuring her when at the time ( we didn't even see each other in person)

 

The time we did see each other (RANDOMLY DOWNTOWN) after that day it was the same old story. She did not want to put in any effort after seeing me- kept making plans to flop and was just flaky even though we had an amazing time- she held my hand, was shy around me, we made out for a long time, she told me we were on the same page, etc.

 

I stopped bothering to ask her to hangout and left it like that. I just dont understand how a person can put that much time talking to someone, making all those promises of wanting to see the person and when they actually came back they couldn't even take one hour out of their time to see me.

 

It would have avoided all the unnecessary drama and arguing- it is legit so fkin stupid and childish- her emotional maturity is at a zero. she is 24 but acts like she is 13

Edited September 10, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[UltimaWeapon]

* We last talked on the phone on Wed Night September 3rd, 2014 about all this and basically this is where I am now.

 

* We talked on the phone for over an hour about the situation and basically whats gona happen next. It comes down to her not wanting - being hesistant on trying to actually let me in and get her to be comfortable with me. she said it takes a lot for her to feel something. She doesn't know whats holding her back but that she is very reluctant to put her feelings on the line based on her past and she is scared of that. She said if we were to see each other a few more times that I would continue to pressure her and put too many expectations on her and she isn't ready for that. I told her I wasn't gona do any of that and I just want to go at her pace and see wat happens. I told her I know if we hung out more and you got to be more comfortable around me that you would develop feelings for me and you would see what it is ur missing out on. She is like how would you know that? I know how to control myself and my feelings blah blah. And even if that did happen what happens after we see each other a few times? What than?

 

She is really scared of a commitment it seems. She claims she hasn't developed any strong feelings for me- I mean how could she over just text and one random encounter of 2-3 hours? She doesn't want to try and put in any effort on her end. Something is def holding her back. I told her I dont expect you to be head over heels in love wit me - you can't feel much over text and seeing me once 1 on 1 and another time for like 30 mins at a festival.

 

She is just being really difficult and I don't see this changing at all.

 

* I have pulled away since and haven't contacted her in 7 days (longest we have gone not talking now- since we started talking end of June)

 

I am pretty much at a standstill now and can't do much else- that is why I am giving up on this - emotionally. I don't see her changing her standpoint at all.

 

Contacting her or saying anything wouldn't change the situation either so there is really nothing else I can do. It's all on her at this point if she decides to change something up

Edited September 10, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[UltimaWeapon]

If she does somehow contact me after all of this- she sees im pulling away and realizes I gave up and she becomes scared she will lose me or something along those lines. I never walked away from the situation before I stayed in it with the hopes things would change at some point if she saw how much I cared- so this would be new to her if I completely disappeared

 

We have been talking since end of June almost everyday basically

 

What do I do if she does contact me ? Ignore? Reply? Act Cold?

 

OR

 

Tell her that I don't want to deal with people who don't know what they want and who play games and string me along? and unless she changes her behavior nothing will get accomplished?

 

 

I really like this girl and it sucks I am in this situation because I did not expect things to turn out like this when I came back and for her to turn out to be such a flaky person- and someone who has no idea what they are doing with the hot/cold and mixed signals, excuses, etc.

Edited September 10, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[UltimaWeapon]

I am having an extremely difficult time accepting I have been played with and basically coming to terms that all the effort and time I put in talking to this girl for over 2 months- especially while on vacation for a month. It has really affected my confidence and has thrown me off completely.

 

The fact she is from my country, speaks my language, same culture (Eastern Europe) everything only makes it worse. I live in a city where there is not too many of us here- especially woman to choose from.Either they are in a relationship already, dating someone from another country, too young..too old. etc. It makes it incredibly difficult to find a girl. All of my friends are having the same problem 4-5 of them. all from the same country- same issue as me.

 

There is approx 4000 people maybe in the city- rough estimate. out of a million. It's not like I am back home and the entire population are people from my country. It makes it that much more difficult

 

Having recently turned 24, I have realized I can only be with and date people from my country and I don't want to get myself into anything else because it isn't what I want. I feel like that completely holds me back and puts me in a situation where I do not have many options- especially in the city I live in.

 

 

* I have moved on from a 4.5 year rel. where the girl left me for someone else and another 3 month relationship last year. so I know how to deal with breakups and moving on and everything- but I am having an incredibly difficult time dealing with this and its been about a month and a half since i've been back. I just feel like a fool and a moron for trying so hard and going out of my way for someone who said all the right things but couldn't back it up. It makes me wonder how I wasn't even worth her effort? and I feel like its a knock on me..

 

I took all the necessary steps to improve after my 4.5 year relationship ending. I put on 40 pounds- started hitting the gym regularly- transformed my body. Met new people- new social circles. I graduated from University. Got a car. I improved my confidence. I went travelling. I went out every weekend. These are some of the examples, etc . and yet I am still not seeing the results I want- especially in this scenario.

 

I just don't get how someone can talk to someone like that just for attention purposes- and say those things. It comes down to me not being able to wrap my mind around her telling me all these things - about how good looking I am and how she can't wait to see me- how she thinks im a really amazing guy. and than for her to not want to put in any effort in the end. It's like I am all those things to you- yet you still don't want to put in the effort

 

In 4 years. this is the third girl that I have felt something for. It takes me a lot to feel something- but when I do- I really like the girl. I have been hesitant since my break up to get into anything- I took a long 2 year break before gettin into another short relationship and I got hurt in that situation as well.

 

This is the first girl where I felt this sort of connection right away!!!! I have never felt this way before for anyone and I can't explain it. As soon as I saw her, I knew I wanted her and the night we were together- everything just felt right. It fit perfectly and I could see myself with her. This is what gets to me the most- the fact I felt this with her and now I can't do anything about it!!! I didn't even feel this with my ex of 4.5 years when I first met her.

 

She gave me all indications something would develop when I came back and I just am having an incredible time accepting that she could do something like this.. Anger, Sadness, Bitterness, Feeling Betrayed, Lied too, etc all these feelings constantly hitting me like a roller coaster.

 

I turned down 3 relationships in the past year with girls I just did not see myself with. The problem for me is not to be in a relationship but when you feel something like this for someone- you put in effort to show them you are different and for you get played around with. It just really has made me have even bigger trust issues.

 

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I feel like an idiot and a moron for trying and putting in all this effort when it came to nothing in the end. It just is seen as failure in my eyes. I am someone who puts in 100 % to everything I do no matter what aspect of life it is. I did my best and I just can't accept its come to this after everything. I feel soooo stupid

 

I just don't know what to do now and I feel stuck- wanting something I can't have. Knowing she couldn't even give me a chance to show her what she would miss out on. It's like she is scared to let me in because she doesn't want too get hurt- I told her several times if you don't take the chance you will never know what can happen. Im so fed up

Edited September 21, 2014 by UltimaWeapon