GH3 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 My boyfriend is a good guy in many aspects: he cares about helping people, he always looks for a reason to be happy and he's really humble. It's just that recently he relaxed a lot with communicating with me. I noticed he has a pattern with people, he gets really involved and then he relaxes. Some examples are his ex and his former best friend (I assume). Him and his best friend used to hang out a lot, before he met me and they were friends for five years.. And then when I asked about his friend one day, he told me that he hasn't seen him in almost a month and still hasn't seen him since (which has been several months now). Him and his ex broke up because he got caught up with school and so they drifted apart (as far as I know from him at least). This I wasn't worried about it because he said that although he was head-over-heels for her, he didn't love her because he didn't feel like she actually loved him and that he knows that I love him. I guess ever since the communication issues started, it's in the back of my mind. Now I'm not sure if something similar will happen. I know that there more to the story and I shouldn't worry, but I don't have enough closure to confirm anything. I'm not sure how to bring it up to him. Any advice please?
d0nnivain Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Don't bring it up. Talking about it will cause him more stress. Assume he's sticking around, especially if his actions are otherwise good. My husband was devastated by his EX. The night he took her out to dinner to propose, ring in his pocket & everything, she beat him to the punch & broke up with him because she didn't think he was serious enough about their relationship. Talk about mis-communication. After he told me that story, I made a point to be more direct with him & not play games. My actions, rather than my words, per se, helped assure him we were on the same page. If you feel him drifting away because of school, ask about his day. Ask when would be convenient for him to see you but don't accuse or demand. If he's not making time for you at all, then talk about that. 2
mightycpa Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 How do I bring up a communication issue? Am I the only one to see the irony in this question? D0nnivain is right (again). You don't bring it up. You simply communicate the way you want to be communicated with, which should be DIRECTLY. This builds trust over time, and intimacy. He may or may not respond to you in the way you like. Communicate about that. That said, keep your eyes open, because what I read doesn't make sense: although he was head-over-heels for her, he didn't love her because he didn't feel like she actually loved him
Author GH3 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 (edited) How do I bring up a communication issue? Am I the only one to see the irony in this question? D0nnivain is right (again). You don't bring it up. You simply communicate the way you want to be communicated with, which should be DIRECTLY. This builds trust over time, and intimacy. He may or may not respond to you in the way you like. Communicate about that. That said, keep your eyes open, because what I read doesn't make sense: I do speak to him directly and I see what you mean. What he meant by what you quoted was that he was really into his ex, but didn't quite feel in love with her because he didn't sense any legitimate love on her part (is what he told me). I'm never going to open up that particular can worms, but as I said, it was in back of my mind. Edited September 9, 2014 by GH3
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 My boyfriend is a good guy in many aspects: he cares about helping people, he always looks for a reason to be happy and he's really humble. It's just that recently he relaxed a lot with communicating with me. I noticed he has a pattern with people, he gets really involved and then he relaxes. Some examples are his ex and his former best friend (I assume). Him and his best friend used to hang out a lot, before he met me and they were friends for five years.. And then when I asked about his friend one day, he told me that he hasn't seen him in almost a month and still hasn't seen him since (which has been several months now). Him and his ex broke up because he got caught up with school and so they drifted apart (as far as I know from him at least). This I wasn't worried about it because he said that although he was head-over-heels for her, he didn't love her because he didn't feel like she actually loved him and that he knows that I love him. I guess ever since the communication issues started, it's in the back of my mind. Now I'm not sure if something similar will happen. I know that there more to the story and I shouldn't worry, but I don't have enough closure to confirm anything. I'm not sure how to bring it up to him. Any advice please? What communication issues do you see? Your post is about his ex and former best friend... 1
Assasda Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 I thought I was the only one confused about the issue here... 1
Author GH3 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 Yes I apologize this was a comment I posted on a previous thread. Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/492589-should-i-have-said-those-things-him
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Yes I apologize this was a comment I posted on a previous thread. Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/492589-should-i-have-said-those-things-him Okay? So what's the point of this thread then?
Mister Zen Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 You're being paranoid. People are not predictable. There are never any guarantees with people. Not with anyone. Life is short. Enjoy the good times when they are good and stop stressing over stuff that might never happen.
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