Pictures of ex and i

[me85]

Letting go of someone is scary...but in all honesty, it shouldn't be.

 

Think if one of your friends you've known for 2-5 years did something to you to betray you or hurt you, would you keep them around? Chances are you wouldn't. I know I wouldn't.

 

Breakups are mostly about ego. I can promise you if you allowed yourself to develop feelings for the right man, your ex would not even phase you. I've met girls who were so hung up on their ex before..the minute they met the right guy that guy didn't even cross their mind anymore.

 

Judging by a lot of your posts and comments to other, you seem like a good person. Your situation with your ex is a blessing in disguise..it allows you to gain the proper experience to be the best girlfriend / wife to a guy who actually deserves you in the future.

 

What are you scared for? You've got this far after 1 year which a lot of people would sometimes not be able to do in a lifetime.

 

First of all, I want to thank you for being there for me all day today. You, SoThat and Angel. It really means a lot.

 

I know, it shouldn't be scary at all and you're right…I have never had a problem ridding a bad friend from my life. It's not that I don't allow myself to feel feelings for a guy, I haven't met one I have feelings for. Not even for the only guy I've slept with since my BU. I know that sounds terrible. )=

 

Honestly, I want to get over my ex without having to fall for someone else. Been there, done that. Many times. That's my late teen thru adult-life story! Not to imply I sleep around because I definitely do not.

 

I know my ex is a blessing in disguise. I really do know that. You're so right. I guess today I feel right back at square one. My day turned out better thanks to you and others on LS. And after venting, I figured out exactly what it is that scares me…Even though I wouldn't take my ex back, I never wanted to not know him anymore and I'm frightened he's forgetting me now or will. And I really don't want to be forgotten by someone I'll always remember. I know that's the way it goes but it breaks my heart all over again. I feel so foolish.

[me85]

Glad that helped a little!

 

What has helped me a lot, is to do things that I did with my ex so that I can say that I have now done it independent of her.

 

Literally, from getting on my boat, going to a certain restaurant, going to a certain town, etc. They may sound insignificant, but I think that creating a new memory at a certain place or doing a certain thing helps override the old one.

 

I just can't wait until I can go snowboarding again because that's one of the last things I did while I was with her.

 

Don't beat yourself up. You had a bad day. Not your fault!

 

Also, you touched on something important. That is you were frightened that you'd never talk again. Totally makes sense! You'll eventually lose what you've been holding onto, which is the breakup itself and not him.

 

Your head will catch back up again, and these episodes will become less and less. You're doing fine.

 

Like I already told Lauri, thank you for being there for me throughout today. It means so much! You and others are the best friends I've got right now. I mean, truly. I pour my heart out on this forum. We know each other so well, yet we don't know each other at all. It's a special thing.

 

You make a lot of sense. That is a good strategy to have. It is empowering. It really does over-ride an old memory making a new one in it's place without your ex being there. It doesn't always work that way when I do it though. lol Mostly it makes me wish he were there with me. New places and old. But I totally get what you're saying. I have definitely had moments of, "Oh yeah! Look at me having fun on a trip without him. Having a blast!!! Making it just fine on my own!"

 

I think I'm done beating myself up today. My ADD prevents me from dwelling on any one thing for too long, so…(= Now ADD is a blessing in disguise, for sure! haha

 

What do you mean, I'll eventually lose what I've been holding onto, which is the break up itself and not him? Oh do you mean I'll let go of the BU because that's what I've been holding onto and not him?

 

Also, as I told Lauri, I realize after a long day of venting what I'm really scared of. I'm scared my ex will forget me.

Edited September 10, 2014 by me85

[lauri]

I think that you're fine. Its just one bad day.

 

I completely understand the "forgetting you" aspect. This is why I refer to breakups as more of an ego thing more than anything else. My ex would constantly try to get back into my life or drop messages here and there hoping I won't forget her. Its kind of funny because she broke up with me but couldn't believe I had the strength to block her, delete her and never even go through the closure talk with her after 1 week.

 

Her fear is me never forgetting her. But the truth is, I think we will always remember people who had an impact on our lives. But I'm remembering the person she used to be - not the person she is today.

 

Do not preoccupy yourself with things that are ego driven. Your ex will remember you, do not think that he won't. But, lets say for argument sake he doesn't remember you, what difference will it make for you in the future? Will you care when you found a new guy? No. Will you care when you're married to a great man who always knows how to keep you interested? No.

 

From my understanding, this guy strung you along and wasted your time. Reaching out to him to make him not forget you is a waste of your time and will ruin your healing process (which is I figure you wanted to break NC for in the first place). I think back at all the thoughts / time I wasted on my ex...when I could have been using those thoughts to something signicantly more productive.

 

You aren't at square one, you're just at a step that you skipped and pushed those feelings under a rug. This is normal and you'll feel better soon because you've already done most of the hard work.

[SoThatHappened]

What do you mean, I'll eventually lose what I've been holding onto, which is the break up itself and not him? Oh do you mean I'll let go of the BU because that's what I've been holding onto and not him?

 

Also, as I told Lauri, I realize after a long day of venting what I'm really scared of. I'm scared my ex will forget me.

First off, you're welcome

 

I'm not articulating it well. It was something that Chi TownD and/or mightycpa posted a few weeks ago that really hit home and made sense. I'll try to find it for you.

 

Oh, and he will never forget you. I can promise you that. You'll eventually get to a point where you don't care anymore.

[me85]

I think that you're fine. Its just one bad day.

 

I completely understand the "forgetting you" aspect. This is why I refer to breakups as more of an ego thing more than anything else. My ex would constantly try to get back into my life or drop messages here and there hoping I won't forget her. Its kind of funny because she broke up with me but couldn't believe I had the strength to block her, delete her and never even go through the closure talk with her after 1 week.

 

Her fear is me never forgetting her. But the truth is, I think we will always remember people who had an impact on our lives. But I'm remembering the person she used to be - not the person she is today.

 

Do not preoccupy yourself with things that are ego driven. Your ex will remember you, do not think that he won't. But, lets say for argument sake he doesn't remember you, what difference will it make for you in the future? Will you care when you found a new guy? No. Will you care when you're married to a great man who always knows how to keep you interested? No.

 

From my understanding, this guy strung you along and wasted your time. Reaching out to him to make him not forget you is a waste of your time and will ruin your healing process (which is I figure you wanted to break NC for in the first place). I think back at all the thoughts / time I wasted on my ex...when I could have been using those thoughts to something signicantly more productive.

 

You aren't at square one, you're just at a step that you skipped and pushed those feelings under a rug. This is normal and you'll feel better soon because you've already done most of the hard work.

 

Thank you. I've been saying and saying it…it's my EGO. & that's the insight I provide to others on here as well. Guess I had one of those practice what you preach days today. And I love what you said that I put in bold. Very true.

 

My ex is bothered by being blocked on the phone and removed from my social media too. Which proves dumper's egos are just as fragile, more really. We never had the closure talk either. It has always been left to hang. Him never wanting to say goodbye, me never wanting to say goodbye, but happier not together. I went NC immediately too and within a week I blocked him on FB again.

 

You're absolutely right…it won't matter once I fall in love again but I'm terrified of falling in love again. This stage of my life is where I've stopped thinking so highly of RSs. So I've been diving into myself and my plans for my future, wanting to drastically change my life and grow spiritually. I want to be able to (for once) get over a guy without having to meet another guy to take his place. I just don't want that. I want to fully get over him on my own. I have made myself available to men but there just wasn't any real connection. Besides, I don't want serious anyways. I want me. Does that make me sound awful? )=

 

Just when I thought I moved passed all those thoughts, they resurfaced out of the blue today. All those past feelings of rejection backed me into a corner and bullied me today. Screaming, "Remember us? We're back to kick your ass again!"

 

First off, you're welcome

 

I'm not articulating it well. It was something that Chi TownD and/or mightycpa posted a few weeks ago that really hit home and made sense. I'll try to find it for you.

 

Oh, and he will never forget you. I can promise you that. You'll eventually get to a point where you don't care anymore.

 

Great. I'd love to read it. He may not forget me but eventually he'll stop contacting me. All this time, that's what I wanted and what I've begged of him many times but I guess my ego never thought he actually would. I'm disappointed in myself today after doing so well all this time. I sound like a broken record. Ok ME! Get it together! lol Thanks again for all your support guys!!! BIG HUGS

Edited September 10, 2014 by me85

[me85]

Well...I finally deleted all the pictures I had of my ex. It took me 2 different nights this week to delete them all on my computer and on my phone but finally I did! And you know what? It was super easy and made me feel great. I love the place of indifference. I think I'll stay.

[mtnbiker3000]

Hmmm. I understand your point of view. I still have many pics of me and my ex on the computer. And it's been close to 2 years since our BU. Haven't looked at them once, yet still don't want to delete.

 

Different perspective I guess. Anywho... Good for you

[Ajax]

All of the pictures on my computer of my ex and I are in a special folder, and all the physical photos and memorabilia are in a box in the back of my closet. I'm not ready to burn them yet, but that's what I've done in the past.

 

It's not easy to burn that bridge, as you've done. Deleting pictures and basically erasing the evidence that you ever shared your life with somebody is never easy, but it's finally closing the book on that relationship.

[me85]

YA, it's taken me 16 months post BU. I still have items he's bought me & cards. I won't get rid of or destroy those things.

[blackcat777]

That part in Neon Genesis Evangelion always chilled me when Gendo finally explained why he kept no pictures of his dead wife--he carried her in his heart.

 

And, made teenage clones of her in the basement of an alien defense base. He was a cold and crazy man.

 

I have a bag of just good memories from my ex, only the good things I didn't want to let go of...

 

A part of me doesn't want to let it go...

 

A part of me thinks it hurts me infinitely more to keep it because the way he left was so terrible. I'll never know how much he lied, if all he ever did was use me for a place to stay, for food and sex, if I was some kind of weird novelty. I'll just never know. I'll never know what was a lie he thought he needed to tell to make me "give" him something, because manipulation is the only emotional currency he understands.

 

A part of me wants to give it all back to him.

 

I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever had a problem like this, the question of whether or not to keep momentos. I never had someone hurt me so much I sincerely wished I could take a pill to forget him.

 

I've come leaps and bounds in terms of healing, and I'm always the kind of optimistic person who swears nothing is a mistake, as long as you learn. I learned some bitter lessons, and I'm questioning the price I paid for them. This is the only time I ever question if I paid too dearly for what I learned. (Rhetorical questions.)

Edited November 22, 2014 by blackcat777

[KatZee]

Deleting everything I have is always the first thing I do. I didn't want reminders of being betrayed and a crap relationship.

 

I'm this way too. The night he dumped me I got a huge black trash bag and threw all the clothes I had of his, every card he ever gave me, every scrap book I ever made, photo albums, stupid trinkets he gave me and I dumped it at his doorstep.

 

Who needs crap like that in your face when the person you loved betrayed you so awful? Those pictures became lies. Everything I thought we had? The happiness? Lies.

 

Whatever stragglers that made it through my initial garbage bin rampage got burned, cut up and thrown down my garbage chute.

 

I don't need to look back on some cheesy ass pictures with fondness. I hated him. I will take new pictures.

 

When hurt so awfully it's more cathartic to me to eliminate the source.

Not wallow in "what was."