Abusive relationship still hurts, cheating, hitting and lying

[Justaguy30]

I do miss her sometimes but I don't miss the evil violent woman that she really is. I miss the sweet caring loving woman I loved. She is a really fun person to be around. The one thing I really miss is just laying in bed talking watching TV. Someone else will make her happy but it will never last. She will always be interested in other men.

[M30USA]

I do miss her sometimes but I don't miss the evil violent woman that she really is. I miss the sweet caring loving woman I loved. She is a really fun person to be around. The one thing I really miss is just laying in bed talking watching TV. Someone else will make her happy but it will never last. She will always be interested in other men.

 

Reread your post whenever you doubt.

[Justaguy30]

Its a mental struggle sometimes because I don't think I had ever loved someone so much and I didn't just love her I really loved her children as they were my own. I have to keep telling myself when I think about it that it doesn't matter and that she is awful. That is hard to do sometimes because I do truly feel bad for her. She leads an empty selfish evil life that will never make her happy. How could you live with yourself knowing that what everyone thinks of you is a lie and that you constantly lie to those you love because of your addiction. She is a sex addict and that can't feel good. I mean if I had to have sex morning noon and night with multiple people everyday just to feel okay I think that would be a living hell!!! Where could you find the time to do that and raise a family. Its just sad so when I think about these things I think about how much I loved the really cool chick which would be the friend side of her and then how much I hated the evil lying sex addict but feel bad for her because of both. Its very confusing and complex.

[M30USA]

Its a mental struggle sometimes because I don't think I had ever loved someone so much and I didn't just love her I really loved her children as they were my own. I have to keep telling myself when I think about it that it doesn't matter and that she is awful. That is hard to do sometimes because I do truly feel bad for her. She leads an empty selfish evil life that will never make her happy. How could you live with yourself knowing that what everyone thinks of you is a lie and that you constantly lie to those you love because of your addiction. She is a sex addict and that can't feel good. I mean if I had to have sex morning noon and night with multiple people everyday just to feel okay I think that would be a living hell!!! Where could you find the time to do that and raise a family. Its just sad so when I think about these things I think about how much I loved the really cool chick which would be the friend side of her and then how much I hated the evil lying sex addict but feel bad for her because of both. Its very confusing and complex.

 

As much as I'm an objectivist, in cases like this it helps to be subjective and not think TOO much. Instead of trying to figure out if she is really "awful" or "not awful", try focusing on the fact that you personally could not handle her and the relationship was unsustainable. Don't take the thought any farther. People are who they are, for bad or for good.

[Justaguy30]

I have recently gotten to the point where none of this is that painful and when I think about her I think about the fact that I don't really wanna talk to her or see her. I think that would just bring back a lot of feelings that it has taken me 8 months of my life to get past. She knew how bad I was doing and what she was doing to me and she just kept doing it despite the fact that she was ripping me apart. That is a pretty ****ty person in my eyes. All the while I was caring for her and her children. Today is actually her birthday and I have been thinking about it all day. I thought about calling her to wish her a happy birthday but what good would that do? What else would we talk about, she wouldn't want to tell me anything about her life or the kids and I suppose at this point none of that **** matters anyway. I do still kinda miss her, I wish she would have actually been the person she said she was but if that were true she never would have been single anyway.

[revelations]

justaguy30, I have had women taunt me with some horrible things in an attempt to get me to hit them. I have had women cheat on me, lie to me and yes even hit me. When I reported to the cops that my wife hit me they laughed in my face and said "Your a big guy and can handle it". These same cops showed up at my place at all hours of the night for months trying to find any evidence to pin on me for domestic violence. I was also told by these cops that if I defended myself in anyway or she hurt herself while attacking me that I would go to jail for domestic violence.

 

Women today are not a joke and should not be played with at all. Women often times will cheat, lie, steal and even physically abuse men. Men however have little to no protection in matters like this. Even the general public will not come to a man's defense. Here is a link to a video that some actors did as an experiment.

 

Domestic Abuse In Public!! (Social Experiment) - YouTube

 

Now I understand that you may love this woman and want to be with her. You may want or wish the best for her. However this woman will kill you and your soul if you let her. Remember their is no one that will protect you except yourself. Get away from this woman, I don't mean in a week or a month, I mean NOW. If you don't believe me go through and read some postings in the infidelity section here. Women will cheat on and in some cases physically abuse their men and the reaction from a lot of people is to cheer her on.

 

Get yourself away from this woman and learn a lesson from this. Stay single and go your own way. Use your money on yourself, after all you earned it. Take up with your friends and go fishing, read a book, improve yourself. Justaguy30, your probably a nice guy. Women see this as a weakness and will exploit and use you any chance they get. I suggest just staying away from them. However if you feel you must date then do so with caution. Always meet them at a public place to enjoy the date. Don't let them know where you live at and above all don't let them into your house. When it comes to sex I personally prefer to hire an escort. There is just a lot less risk involved (false rape claims) and their is a lot less hassle. You agree on a price, have fun and pay her. Most guys don't like the idea of paying for sex. Truthfully I can say that I never did pay an escort for sex, I only paid them to leave. However I have paid girlfriends and a wife for sex. Trust me I paid dearly for it.

 

So leave this woman and go enjoy your life. Your probably a good man, so don't allow this woman to treat you like crap. While it may be true that the law or anyone will not protect you, you still have an out. That out is getting away from her. The one thing that big daddy gov. has not been able to do yet is to force men into getting married. Use that freedom and stay away from these women. You may not like my advice and I have probably ticked off a lot of people here. However it is the best advice I can give you. Leave this woman, learn from it and stay away from women. Women will only use and abuse you. My motto is No wife, Better life.

[revelations]

Sorry Justaguy30, I missed reading the part that you left her....

 

AWESOME!!!!!!:bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

Now go out and do something nice for yourself, you deserve it!!!

[Justaguy30]

Thank you for the advice, I am a nice guy and I was really good to her. She actually called me today just to be a total bitch and remind me she never did anything wrong and never lied to me or cheated on me and surly not while I was watching her children. She told me I made all of these decisions and its all my fault. All I can say is wow, what a piece of **** she is. I still don't even have my stuff back, I was arrested for domestic battery and went to jail for it. This is after she beat the **** out of me many times. As for your people cheering her on that is exactly what happened. She told everyone at her work and her mom and all of her friends that I was abusive and that is why she was cheating on me so they all egged her on. Her mom even helped her do it, I am glad to be rid of all of those sick ****ed up people. It was nice of her to call and tell me how amazing she is doing now. I am sure by amazing she means she found some poor sucker that has no idea she is a lying whore. She is really super sneaky ill give her that. If I had never been with a cheater I wouldn't have known for years most likely. As for staying away from women, its probably the best idea. Every women I have ever dated has done me wrong is some way or another. Everyone I know that has been married has been cheated on a lied to by their wives. I just don't understand why women act like that. Is getting ****ed by strangers that exciting? I don't even like cuddling with someone I am not really into. In any event I was reminded today how ****ing delusional and cruel she is. It takes a real piece of **** to remind you how great they are after they destroyed your entire life and she did. She ruined my life. I just lost all hope that I will ever find real love and a family. Its kinda sad but at least I can go to the bar and get drunk and watch the Royals game tonight.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

I know how you feel, my fiancé was abusive physically once but quite a lot emotionally.

 

 

It hurts how the person that is supposed to love you can do this to someone.

[Justaguy30]

Let me lay out a little bit more of a story here. I moved back from out of state to be with her and her children and things were a little rough but I thought that once we were living together again it would get better. The first time she hit me was after we had been living together for a few months and it was because I accused her of cheating on me. That was sort of the way things went. I would accuse her of cheating which she was and then she would hit me because she said I was calling her a whore. I wasn't calling her a whore I was trying to figure out what was going on. So for months she would refuse to kiss me say she loved me and refused to have sex with me which she said was because I accused her. What it came down to was that she didn't really want to be with me but if I left who was going to take care of the kids and pay half the bills. Every time I turned my back she would **** someone. If I went to sleep she would sneak out of the house and have sex with someone, she even had sex with someone in my car while I was inside some where with her kids. I mean really disrespectful hurtful things. It still kind of hurts me.

[bathtub-row]

She actually called me today just to be a total bitch and remind me she never did anything wrong and never lied to me or cheated on me and surly not while I was watching her children.

 

Do you know why this is great that she called? Because it really eats at her that you left her and, by calling you, she proved to you that she's not over it. If she were indifferent to the situation, she would've never bothered to pick up the phone and pour on more abuse. She's ticked off and wants to lash out at you.

 

I had an ex who used to use this blame game and I finally got to the point where I stopped listening to it. My stock response became, "You know what you did."

 

Btw, you can find someone who's right for you, but it's ok to give up for awhile. Let yourself heal from this nightmare and you'll find someone someday. You're a nice man and there's a nice woman out there looking for you.

[Justaguy30]

Thank you, I mean I have sent her some nasty messages after a long night of drinking but nothing that mean just pissed off I guess. So I too am guilty of saying things. I am not over her, I mean I am but I'm not. I could never take her back that's for sure but a part of me wants to. She would just do the same thing again. I am sure who ever she is with is treated the same way that I was. Maybe she does a little better but she will never have someone in her life that actually loves her because no one that truly loves her would be willing to put up with that bull ****. She knows I am an awesome guy and that she is the POS>

[Justaguy30]

It is a really sad state of affairs that domestic violence against men is not taken seriously. What is the difference between a woman hitting a man and a man hitting a woman? The biggest problem is women know that they can get away with it. My ex did and I wound up in jail and on papers because of it. The lesson I learned is never play with a woman that is that crazy. Women have all the power in that situation and can get away with murder likely. She probably could have stabbed and killed me and gotten away with it because I am so much bigger than she is.

[bathtub-row]

It is a really sad state of affairs that domestic violence against men is not taken seriously. What is the difference between a woman hitting a man and a man hitting a woman? The biggest problem is women know that they can get away with it. My ex did and I wound up in jail and on papers because of it. The lesson I learned is never play with a woman that is that crazy. Women have all the power in that situation and can get away with murder likely. She probably could have stabbed and killed me and gotten away with it because I am so much bigger than she is.

 

It actually is a problem and something for men to be very cautious about. If a woman hits you, this is a sign that something is very wrong. Don't pass it off as something cute or insignificant. And don't think that just because you're bigger and stronger it means that you can deflect it. Unless you plan on hitting back harder, the situation doesn't work. And then hitting back harder, as you well know, is an even worse solution.

 

I may have mentioned this before but I have a relative who's married to an absolute horrible person. I really think that if he left her, she would kill her kids and herself just to spite him. She's that awful. But she antagonizes him and he will eventually do something to get her to stop. Then she starts shouting that she's been hit or whatever. I refuse to be around this person ever again. I'm more than happy to see him but I won't have anything to do with her.

 

I told him once that he must never, ever let her antagonize him to the point that he hits her. I hope I got through to him. Since he refuses to leave her, then he simply can't let himself lose control. I take the situation very seriously but when a person insists on staying, there's only so much you can do. Abuse is very sad, no matter who the victim is.

[Justaguy30]

Yesterday I had one of those weak days where I just wanted to make things right with her because I really miss the kids and her as a friend so I stupidly broke NC she told me to **** off which is fine. Later I was out getting some food and saw her driving around with the guy she works with that she was cheating on me with. I guess they are still dating and it really hurt me a lot, I am still messed up today. How did I ever get involved in a relationship with someone like that? I knew the entire time what she was doing yet I chose to believe her lies because I loved her. Today I am just feeling beat down and discouraged. The person I loved more than anything in the entire world not only lied and cheated on me but wound up dating this loser she works with. I just don't know how to feel in this world anymore.

[bathtub-row]

Wow, that's so hurtful. I'm sorry all that happened, Justaguy. I'm sure you know there's no fix for this relationship and that only time will heal this wound. It's just sad fact and very, very hard to get past.

 

What I'd say for any future relationship is to be very careful about who you allow into your life. I say this to women all the time but, the truth is, it applies to men and women. It's a very serious thing to get involved with someone and a lot of the time, we get involved too quickly, have sex too quickly, etc, before we really make a decision about the person's character. Protect yourself from this kind of thing in the future by being far more selective and by waiting before getting physically and emotionally involved.

[Arieswoman]

Justaguy,

Are you getting some counselling for this?

 

If not please do so, it will help you heal.

 

I am sorry this happened to you.

 

Good luck.

[Justaguy30]

Thanks guys, I was going to counselling for a while but I can't currently drive and its hard to get to appointments. I have decided that I am going to start going again starting this week though. I have come so far from where I was 10 months or so ago. Its so hard watching someone you loved date someone else especially when they were screwing them before you were even broken up. I have interest in a new girl which I am excited about but fear that I am not ready to be in a relationship. I wonder if ill ever be able to fully love again after what happened to me. She still insists that i am the crazy one and that she never did anything wrong and that I am abusive. That was the worst part of the whole thing. She flips everything on me as if I am doing things wrong. That was really hurtful.

[Justaguy30]

The funny thing about abuse like that is you get used to it and the abuser always makes it your fault. So after you have been hit or screamed at you are then belittled and manipulated into thinking this happened because of something you did. Thus making it hard to leave even though a part of you knows its not you doing anything you can't leave. When I did try to leave she would threaten suicide which seemed plausible seeing how as she cuts the **** out of herself all of the time. I am just glad its over with and I am finally really starting to heal. I haven't cried about her in a long time and I don't miss her. It used to be physically painful. Like my whole body would hurt. Crazy stuff.

[revelations]

Justaguy30, physical abuse is nothing to play around about. Men really need to have a zero violence tolerance these days. By zero tolerance I mean as in she slaps you, shoves you, pushes you, hits you, throws something at you or any other sort of violence, you walk away and never return (except to get anything you left, with a witness). Domestic violence laws today are no joke, they only protect women and not men. A friend of mine almost went to jail when his adult niece broke into his home and attacked him. The cops told him that if she had hurt herself, he would have gone to jail. So in some places in the country you can go to jail if you are attacked by a woman and she injures herself. Never give a second chance to someone who is physically abusive to you.

 

Bathtub is correct in that if your ex was indifferent to you, she would have never called you. However your ex sounds like a couple of my ex's in that they are just F*ing nuts. Phone calls are one thing and they can be ignored, however be on the lookout for more action. Drive by's where you live at, stalking and other such things. She may even try to talk a few guys in to beating you up or worse. In case your wondering I have had all of these things happen to me and more. Pay with your credit card or make sure to get receipts for anything and everything you buy and save them in a safe place. Those receipts are timestamped so they can be used to prove where you are at. You would be surprised at how many guys go to jail for domestic violence when they are no where near the alleged victim at the time of the crime. Like I said domestic violence is no joke, you can end up in jail over it.

 

Most people do not care if a man is getting attacked by a woman. Here are some links so that you can see how bad it is.

 

I was only able to find two working links. I had about a half dozen links to videos of women attacking men in public with nothing being done. There use to be some staged videos up where actors would play the part of an abusive girlfriend and an abused boyfriend. The link use to be here.

YouTube

However it has been removed. Actually a lot of videos, staged or actual where women are attacking men have been removed from youtube and and google search. I will have to track down these videos again or check with a friend that may have them saved. However the fact is that women do commit physical violence against me just as often as men do it against women. Women are just allowed to do it since they are seen as not being able to cause real harm to a man. From what I am seeing the proof that women get away with violence is being censored. Of course I expect no one here to believe me on that. However if I am able to find these videos I will post them later. So again, never play around with a woman like this. Always think of your own safety, freedom and reputation and get away from women like this. I wish you the best.

[Justaguy30]

Yeah it was just retarded of me to stay in that situation. I should have known the end result would be me losing and her just trying to ruin my life in any way she could. I hope she goes to hell or has a horrible life.

[M30USA]

Yeah it was just retarded of me to stay in that situation. I should have known the end result would be me losing and her just trying to ruin my life in any way she could. I hope she goes to hell or has a horrible life.

 

The BEST thing for your own well-being is to remove yourself from this woman but also don't wish her ill. Remember, everyone in life does what they think is right. Even evil people do what they think is right. Think of her as ignorant and deluded, rather than malicious, and you will naturally feel less hate for her.

[Justaguy30]

In what sick world could she have thought what she was doing was right or okay?

[Justaguy30]

I guess I took everything really personally and I shouldn't have. None of the stuff that happened had anything to do with me. It had to do with her and she just wanted to have me in her life and screw everyone else. It just sucked really bad, she is not in my life and I guess I wish her the best but I am still so messed up from that situation and its dragging me down. I need to get back in therapy

[M30USA]

Justaguy,

 

I think you should be easier on yourself. I usually don't say this since I feel most people are TOO easy on themselves when they shouldn't be. But you might hand just made a mistake out of ignorance. Men sometimes get mixed up with problematic women (and vice verse) and you are just blindsided. Realize you made a mistake, that you didn't do it knowingly, yet what you DO have control over now is to LEARN from it. Not just about how to move on in your dealings with this woman, but also any future women.

Edited October 16, 2014 by M30USA