SawtoothMars Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Thanks all. Im having a pretty rough day. Ive got a lot of thinking to do and deciosions to make, the chips fall where they may. I don't like keeping secrets from him. I just need to find the strength to do this, because I know once I tell H he will leave and file for divorce, and im not sure if thats what I truly want. I married this man for a reason, and I got some soul searching to do to be able to handle what comes next. I do appreciate all the advice, thank you again. I don't want to sound harsh here... but your only real choices are to leave him or tell him your cheating. This indecisive fence sitting is horrible. You are wasting his life and wasting your life! Wasted time NEVER comes back. I think you are honestly in a place where you have both screwed your marriage up to the point where it's like humpty dumpty. If your Husband wants kids.. let him go find someone that can have kids. Just because you are physically barren at the moment doesn't mean your soul has vacated you as well. It doesn't take much to be a good person... just step up and make a choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Doesn't ask for anything in return. He said when he first seen me he feel in love with the kind hearted person I am. Weve been having an affair for almost a year now. But he does ask for SOMETHING in return, yes? Do proper order from here forward. IF you intend to divorce your husband - do that first. Finish that relationship entirely to the end before seeing IF your MM divorces his wife. IF you intend to stay married - then cut off all communication with MM and find other job immediately. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Yuck. Just yuck. All the posts heretofore have said everything that needs to be said except maybe warning OP she's in for a very harsh dose of reality, conscience and self-loathing once she sees the fallout on her husband, the BS. She hasn't anticipated it or seems overly concerned at all about the devastation it will wreak on him. Not that anything she has said makes me feel the least bit compassionate or concerned about giving her this heads up. It's just afforded a little more insight into that world self-aggrandizement and complete dismissal of the spouse as a deeply sentient being. But that's part of the WS fog, I guess? Sigh. Not sure I need or want to understand how selfish people can be. It's absolutely astounding - and nauseating. I still say: Just yuck. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Your H will be in a world of hurt. If you ever loved him, tell him the truth. I do hope you are careful about stds. Your wonderful OM is not a good man, he will cheat on you and you will not end up in a good place. How would you feel if your H had an affair and hid it from you? Think about your H's pain. It is crushing. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Im so stressed all the time, fighting with myself daily over this decision I have to make and dealing with my demons. Im scared to death to make this decision, excited at the same time thinking how much I want this other man. I just need some clearity right now. No one knows, ive not told anyone. Its a complete secret just he and I know about. Thanks in advance, I also know im going to get some harsh comments and harsh truths. Why do you have to make a decision as to which man to be with? To me, it doesn't sound like you are in love with either of them. I would suggest you tell your H what you have done, file for divorce and move out on your own. This way you will have all the time it takes to date and be with other men including your affair partner (maybe). Be prepared for the OM to go back with his wife (if she will have him). Have you thought that the only reason he may want to be with you now is because he knows he can't get his wife back (yet) and doesn't want to be without a woman (sex)? He may be just like you, very co-dependent. I think you should tell your H tonight if possible because I can pretty much guarantee that the OM's wife is trying to find out information on you as I'm writing this. It will only be a matter of time before you and your H get the phone call, a knock on your door, a visit to your job, a visit to your Hs job; oh yes, she's coming and it will be soon. Don't let your H get blindsided just tell him what you've done. I also think like others that it is best to let the H go since you aren't sure you love him. Let him have a chance with a woman who will give him love and a family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Appreciate Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I'm not sure about the veracity of this thread, but here goes... It's important to address the fundamentals. You came here looking for support and for hard truths. The hard truth is you've failed. You're an incredibly foolish woman. This will likely be the biggest failure of your lifetime, and you are causing more pain to your H than you can possibly imagine. A part of him will be destroyed forever and that is no lie. There's likely nothing you can do to make it up to him, so at least give him what he wants during the divorce when it comes time. That's the least you can do. Practical support: How do you know his wife knows? Besides the fact he has told you she knows? Has he moved out? Has he shown you texts or emails between them? Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 No word from OP. I wonder what she did? Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyRock Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 This is a great example for ow who insist the ws would t cheat if there wasn't something wrong with the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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