Mind games from girl - can you decipher?

[Zippy2000]

Your situation sounds very similar to mine.

 

A very brief outline to mine. I ve had this girl I like. I ve know her for 12 months now. Same with you she kep her relationships hidden from me and I told her what I was up to.

 

The only way I can say this is she isnt looking to be your girlfriend she is what you call "ATTENTION WHORING". Shes looking for attention of just wanting to be friends and no more.

 

I feel I have a warrant to give advise here as it reminds of what I m going through too.

 

The girl I like message each other EVERY day since we met and out of those messages she hasnt once told me she was seeing someone. When I found out and yes I met the guy as she one day blunty told me she would bring a "+1" I was shocked.

 

Usually when we were out I d message her to see if she got home ok or if she was alright the next morning but I chose to ignore her since she has a new man In fact the next day I got up and went across the country and had lunch with another girl pal and posted pictures on Facebook.

 

During the whole day I chose not to speak to her as usually shed message me or I to her. So guess what? She messaged me a lot more ans started asking questions if I was ok and what I felt about last night hoping me to refer to her new man.

 

I said it was good night and blanked out the part with her new man. I just didnt want to know.

 

Shes been messaging still but if you look at it from a third party point of view. Its like me. The girl I like, likes me as a person, as a FRIEND and like your situation she is missing the friendship part what you once had and the connection you had.

 

She may feel sorry thats shes lost a connection because remember women are socialable creatures. If they dont have you as a boyfriend they have you as a connection, a resource.

 

With me now I realise that. I ll reply to her everytime she initiates conversation with me but I dont initialise it anymore. I also DON`T make any plans with her anymore. She has to miss me first, and I have to move on and date other people.

 

I ll quietly drop out of her life and maybe one day we will connect but you`ll find that once people disappear. They will always CHECK UP on you but it doesnt mean they will want to be your girlfriend.

[Chief Wiggum]

Your situation sounds very similar to mine.

 

A very brief outline to mine. I ve had this girl I like. I ve know her for 12 months now. Same with you she kep her relationships hidden from me and I told her what I was up to.

 

The only way I can say this is she isnt looking to be your girlfriend she is what you call "ATTENTION WHORING". Shes looking for attention of just wanting to be friends and no more.

 

I feel I have a warrant to give advise here as it reminds of what I m going through too.

 

The girl I like message each other EVERY day since we met and out of those messages she hasnt once told me she was seeing someone. When I found out and yes I met the guy as she one day blunty told me she would bring a "+1" I was shocked.

 

Usually when we were out I d message her to see if she got home ok or if she was alright the next morning but I chose to ignore her since she has a new man In fact the next day I got up and went across the country and had lunch with another girl pal and posted pictures on Facebook.

 

During the whole day I chose not to speak to her as usually shed message me or I to her. So guess what? She messaged me a lot more ans started asking questions if I was ok and what I felt about last night hoping me to refer to her new man.

 

I said it was good night and blanked out the part with her new man. I just didnt want to know.

 

Shes been messaging still but if you look at it from a third party point of view. Its like me. The girl I like, likes me as a person, as a FRIEND and like your situation she is missing the friendship part what you once had and the connection you had.

 

She may feel sorry thats shes lost a connection because remember women are socialable creatures. If they dont have you as a boyfriend they have you as a connection, a resource.

 

With me now I realise that. I ll reply to her everytime she initiates conversation with me but I dont initialise it anymore. I also DON`T make any plans with her anymore. She has to miss me first, and I have to move on and date other people.

 

I ll quietly drop out of her life and maybe one day we will connect but you`ll find that once people disappear. They will always CHECK UP on you but it doesnt mean they will want to be your girlfriend.

 

That's exactly what's been happening with me. Since she displayed the other guy (whatever he is to her) I also stopped initiating contact with her, and it's driven her to message me more frequently than ever before. That's why it seemed like she was playing games or has something on her mind. And that's confirmed by her wanting to stay at mine this Friday/Saturday.

 

But ultimately, I think you're right. It's a combination of attention-seeking and trying to fill that friendship void I haven't been giving her. With maybe a hint of a little bit more (which I'll only find out this weekend). I'm unsure now as to whether I should oblige her or be firm with my stance of not wanting to be her lapdog.

[Gloria25]

Ok, lemmie see if I get this right...

 

She, was the one who initially made advances towards you and you shot her down?

 

She, has been the one putting you off since then?

 

She, has been the one hiding her RLs from you until recently?

 

Not to give you false hope, but probably since you turned her down, she's been the one hoping one day you will want something with her - but in the meantime she is trying to play it cool by keeping you at a distance and hiding potential guys...just in case you may reconsider making a move on her?

[Chief Wiggum]

Ok, lemmie see if I get this right...

 

She, was the one who initially made advances towards you and you shot her down?

 

She, has been the one putting you off since then?

 

She, has been the one hiding her RLs from you until recently?

 

Ok, to sum up, spanning over a number of years...

 

- I like her, she shoots me down

- I move on - new city, new friends, new girls, etc. Got over her.

- She revives friendship, contacts me more than I do her. Gets drunk once and makes move on me, I say no because I'm in relationship.

- her contact with me continues, but she is largely ignored as I have other things going for me

- I'm now single, and over past 12 months I've wanted her to commit to more than friends. She keeps me at distance. Like being back to 18 again.

 

And yes, during this whole time we've been good friends, she'd never tell me of or show any boyfriends (until recently). And when in the past she was asked about relationships (general chat, as friends do) she would either deny or refuse to talk about them. All of this hiding-the-relationships thing occurred after I moved to new city, because before that we would see each other everyday and she never had a boyfriend then (she'd never been with anyone).

 

Not to give you false hope, but probably since you turned her down, she's been the one hoping one day you will want something with her - but in the meantime she is trying to play it cool by keeping you at a distance and hiding potential guys...just in case you may reconsider making a move on her?

 

Well, yes, that's what I kinda' hoped would be the case. But more realistically, I've been under the impression that, at best, I've only ever been her back-up plan. Maybe she's been waiting for that perfect guy and because that hasn't worked out yet, she's briefly considering me? I grew and learned a lot since I moved out and in these past few years I've been blessed with a lot of good things (career and social), and a regular compliment from her is that I've changed a lot.

[Diezel]

Update:

 

She's coming this weekend. I might be able to get some action. Is this a bad idea? She says she's not strictly in a relationship with that guy and the pics aren't what they seem.

 

You lose.

 

Why? Because it's not going to happen.

And if she does give you the option to meet up, it's probably because the three in line before you couldn't or cancelled on her.

 

"Strictly" in a relationship? Really? So she is in a relationship with a guy that is all over her FB but she isn't in a relationship for just that weekend or what gives?

 

Don't even consider it.

 

Tell her you have other plans that don't involve:

 

(A) Getting flaked on

(B) Being the fourth option

© Getting frustrated or blue balls

 

Seriously, it's an uphill battle. Go out with some other girl instead.

[Chief Wiggum]

You lose.

 

Why? Because it's not going to happen.

And if she does give you the option to meet up, it's probably because the three in line before you couldn't or cancelled on her.

 

"Strictly" in a relationship? Really? So she is in a relationship with a guy that is all over her FB but she isn't in a relationship for just that weekend or what gives?

 

Don't even consider it.

 

Tell her you have other plans that don't involve:

 

(A) Getting flaked on

(B) Being the fourth option

© Getting frustrated or blue balls

 

Seriously, it's an uphill battle. Go out with some other girl instead.

 

Pics weren't on her Facebook. There's nothing of that bloke there. They've been on her whatsapp. I'm not sure what gives - but she said she's not in an exclusive relationship with him. I didn't bother asking any more about him as she weren't interested in talking about him. I can't quite put my finger on the situation. Beginning to doubt there was anything there to begin with between the two.

 

And although I can't concretely prove it, I'm pretty sure there aren't "three" other guys in the queue. As I've mentioned before, her behavior over the last 2 or so months has been incredibly odd and it may all accumulate to this weekend. No way she's coming all the way to mine for a night or two only to give me the blue-balls treatment.

 

Depending on the answers I get out of her (face-to-face is so much easier), I'll have to plan my next move from there.

[DazedandConfused8]

Don't even know if I can get help on this, but maybe I can get some thoughts/comments.

 

Short History:

 

A girl I was really in to. Trapped myself into a friend-zone with her for a long time. Got myself out of it when I began seeing other girls and having other relationships - and in this period (going on for a few years) my contact with her reduced significantly. I was free from her spell. This subsequently led her to initiate contact/conversations with me (whereas previously it was the other way round). For the first time in our friendship, she was showing me more interest than I was her.

 

The Current Issue:

 

Now, up until about 12 months ago, this was okay. I was with someone. This girl I was once madly in love with, was barely even an afterthought because I had other things going for me. But since then, I've been single and I've almost found myself back to where I was with this girl. I still have feelings for her (although not as strong). And it's made worse by the mind games she's playing. Here are a few things she's done in the past two months or so:

 

- The moment I hint about a relationship between us, she'll turn cold and reduce to one-word answers and even escape the conversation.

 

- Would sometimes outright ignore messages/calls, and then a couple of days later get back in contact like nothing had happened; expecting to resume normal conversations/catch-ups.

 

- Haven't heard from her for two weeks, and is now back in contact with me since she appears to be seeing someone. Her profile picture regularly updates with this new bloke she's with. She's messaging me like we're best friends (with that friggin' profile pic flashing up with each message) despite knowing I have feelings for her. In all the years I have known her, she has always kept her relationships hidden from me. To this day I don't know the names of a single person she's seen. But now all of sudden she's flaunting it.

 

 

 

 

So, people, what exactly is her issue? If she has no interest in me and is seeing someone else, why don't she just cut ties with me and be done with it? Can any of you relate or shed light on what she might be doing?

 

Thanks.

 

She's not into you, she's just keeping you around as a potential runner-up if she's ever single or if the guy she's dating at the time does something where she needs a shoulder to cry on.

[Diezel]

Pics weren't on her Facebook. There's nothing of that bloke there. They've been on her whatsapp. I'm not sure what gives - but she said she's not in an exclusive relationship with him. I didn't bother asking any more about him as she weren't interested in talking about him. I can't quite put my finger on the situation. Beginning to doubt there was anything there to begin with between the two.

 

And although I can't concretely prove it, I'm pretty sure there aren't "three" other guys in the queue. As I've mentioned before, her behavior over the last 2 or so months has been incredibly odd and it may all accumulate to this weekend. No way she's coming all the way to mine for a night or two only to give me the blue-balls treatment.

 

Depending on the answers I get out of her (face-to-face is so much easier), I'll have to plan my next move from there.

 

 

 

"THIS TIME IT'LL BE DIFFERENT."

 

No, it won't.

[mightycpa]

We live in two different cities so don't see each other often enough for me to make a move on her. But it's worth mentioning a few years back (when I was already seeing someone and she wasn't aware) she was at my uni and stayed a few nights with friends. She was a bit drunk (not sure how much) and she made a move on me. I shunned her and the next day she apologised over text.

 

I guess, over these past 12 months or so, I've been hesitant in putting myself back to where I once was with her. Hence why I haven't been so direct with her again.

 

It was at this point that I lost interest. I have nothing of value to contribute. Basically, I agree with everything frankvega has to say.

[Polak]

You lose.

 

Why? Because it's not going to happen.

And if she does give you the option to meet up, it's probably because the three in line before you couldn't or cancelled on her.

 

"Strictly" in a relationship? Really? So she is in a relationship with a guy that is all over her FB but she isn't in a relationship for just that weekend or what gives?

 

Don't even consider it.

 

Tell her you have other plans that don't involve:

 

(A) Getting flaked on

(B) Being the fourth option

© Getting frustrated or blue balls

 

Seriously, it's an uphill battle. Go out with some other girl instead.

 

Exactly this. Don't waste your time with her... it's not going to pan out like you think. Cancel, cancel, cancel.

[Chief Wiggum]

It was at this point that I lost interest. I have nothing of value to contribute. Basically, I agree with everything frankvega has to say.

 

She's driving up to mine tomorrow night. Most of what frankvega advised has been done, but with her coming to me instead.

[Chief Wiggum]

Exactly this. Don't waste your time with her... it's not going to pan out like you think. Cancel, cancel, cancel.

 

I just need to see what's been on her mind. I've got Friday night and all day Saturday to pick her brain. I'm not expecting a relationship from her anymore, but if I can get some action, I'm not going to say no.

[Assasda]

I just need to see what's been on her mind. I've got Friday night and all day Saturday to pick her brain. I'm not expecting a relationship from her anymore, but if I can get some action, I'm not going to say no.

 

hahahaha. Spoken like a lapdog.

Sorry man. She has you wrapped around her finger

[Diezel]

I just need to see what's been on her mind. I've got Friday night and all day Saturday to pick her brain.

 

Pick her brain about what?

 

What kind of dream scenario did you imagine for this?

Seriously, whatever you are expecting, it's probably NOT going to happen. Steel your mind for THAT scenario instead.

 

Whatever questions you think you want to get an answer to, you might not get answered.

 

I see this going very, very badly... but as we say, we learn through our own mistakes, not through others.

[Tayken]

As soon as you sense mind games...the onus is on you to end it

[Chief Wiggum]

UPDATE:

 

She came to mine on Friday, went out for a meal, talked about stuff, and yes, I got what I anticipated . She was supposed to go back the following evening but decided to stay another night. It was fun. Real fun. By no means the romantic encounter I used to dream about all those years ago, but straight up no-nonsense raw sex. Glad I did it, as it's something I've got off my chest and actually no longer hold her in that same high esteem I once did.

[Chief Wiggum]

Pick her brain about what?

 

Why she's decided to show interest now and wanted to meet.

 

What kind of dream scenario did you imagine for this?

 

Sex.

 

Seriously, whatever you are expecting, it's probably NOT going to happen. Steel your mind for THAT scenario instead.

 

But it did happen.

 

Whatever questions you think you want to get an answer to, you might not get answered.

 

I see this going very, very badly... but as we say, we learn through our own mistakes, not through others.

 

I got all the answers I needed. It was risky and could have ended badly, but I'm glad I accepted her request to visit. Otherwise I would have left a huge question mark above the episode and it would have bothered me for months. At least I now know my inclinations from the beginning were correct to an extent.

[Chief Wiggum]

hahahaha. Spoken like a lapdog.

Sorry man. She has you wrapped around her finger

 

Hmmm, she's the one who traveled over 2 hours to see me. And if that (getting two nights worth of great sex from it) means I'm her lapdog, I ain't complaining. I got what I wanted without having to leave my doorstep for it.

Edited September 7, 2014 by Chief Wiggum

[sid3]

Hmmm, she's the one who traveled over 2 hours to see me. And if that (getting two nights worth of great sex from it) means I'm her lapdog, I ain't complaining. I got what I wanted without having to leave my doorstep for it.

 

I'm doubtful, extremely at that. I'm sensing a tone and delivery in your response that was more directed at the recent replies than the situation at hand. While I speculate, I'm hoping there's another side to the story the rest of us aren't seeing. I'd imagine sharing your latest post with said lady wouldn't go over so well. No, I'm not the moral police. I won't bother with the whole 'karma is a bytch' although I do believe what comes around goes around.

[DazedandConfused8]

Glad I did it, as it's something I've got off my chest and actually no longer hold her in that same high esteem I once did.

 

^ This sentence is hilarious.

 

Congratulations!

[Chief Wiggum]

I'm doubtful, extremely at that. I'm sensing a tone and delivery in your response that was more directed at the recent replies than the situation at hand. While I speculate, I'm hoping there's another side to the story the rest of us aren't seeing. I'd imagine sharing your latest post with said lady wouldn't go over so well. No, I'm not the moral police. I won't bother with the whole 'karma is a bytch' although I do believe what comes around goes around.

 

It probably wouldn't go down too well. But I don't see what I've just done as being bad enough to evoke karma. I probably should have kept the weekend's events to myself, but with regards to her I've not mistreated or mislead her in any way.