I hit my fiance in self-defence - how can I get her back?

[bubbaganoosh]

Yes, she did lie to them saying I punched her...that's correct. This was her tactic of twisting it & making me look bad.

 

 

She even had the cheek to say to me afterwards that she is scared of me!! It should be the other way around with me telling her that I am scared of her.

 

 

Just her ****ty mind games.

 

If she says she's afraid of you then let her know that she has nothing to fear because your done with her.

 

I read this whole post, all 24 pages and I have to ask you how old are you and is this your first relationship because the way your going, you can't see the forest from the trees.

 

She's abusive and if my fiance ever attacked and choked me, I can assure you that after that incident, she wouldn't be my fiance any longer.

 

Wise up friend. leave her alone and move on or your going to have more trouble then you ever bargained for. She has problems that need to be dealt with. If your hoping for a explanation from her, forget it. She's too lost in her own mind for that to happen. Move on.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

If she says she's afraid of you then let her know that she has nothing to fear because your done with her.

 

 

 

Why would she be scared of me & scared of a punch? I just don't get it.

 

I have to ask you how old are you and is this your first relationship because the way your going, you can't see the forest from the trees.

 

 

I'm 26 and she's 23.

 

 

Yes, this is my first serious relationship.

 

 

She's abusive and if my fiance ever attacked and choked me, I can assure you that after that incident, she wouldn't be my fiance any longer.

 

 

Well that seems that's what SHE'S decided when I punched her.

 

 

She has problems that need to be dealt with. If your hoping for a explanation from her, forget it. She's too lost in her own mind for that to happen.

 

She'll never change I don't think.

[CarrieT]

She'll never change I don't think.

You know, you said this about 20 pages ago and then waffled back to wanting her and claiming she was still your fiancé.

 

Are you reaching a point where you realize how toxic she really is and you are ready to FULLY walk away?

[Justaguy30]

I understand where his head is at. I have been there myself. You just have to decide to think about it one way and that is it otherwise its back and forth for months.

 

When you start thinking about it just tell yourself its over and that you don't love her anymore. Don't wonder why, wonder why you didn't stop contacting her after she attacked you. If a friend of yours tried to beat you up and didn't even say sorry would you still be friends with them. No you would not. Its all about strait forward thinking about this. Perhaps seek counselling and meds if you are having a really hard time

Edited September 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[bubbaganoosh]

Why would she be scared of me & scared of a punch? I just don't get it.

 

 

 

 

I'm 26 and she's 23.

 

 

Yes, this is my first serious relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

Well that seems that's what SHE'S decided when I punched her.

 

 

 

 

She'll never change I don't think.

 

Then you make the change. Look friend I'm telling you this and this is coming from a guy with a ton of hash marks down his arm. I'm 67 and have been around the block more times than I want to remember and I'm telling you that your heading for trouble with her.

 

Walk away and stop asking everyone why and making excuse for her and you. It will not end well for you.

 

Hitting is serious stuff in a relationship and if you let them be it man or woman get away with it then that's when your going to realize that you should have gotten out of it when it first happened.

[NoLeafClover]

I post at page 1 ...come back and scroll through to page 24 and I see...sh*t hasn't change much aren't here..

[Justaguy30]

Here I am, I woke up missing her again. Its been 7 months but when this happens you have to tell yourself you are better off without her. Its tough I know.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Some people (including me) just can't ever get over someone they truly love.

 

 

I don't choose to 'not get over her' instead it's nature taking it's course.

[CarrieT]

Some people (including me) just can't ever get over someone they truly love.

You are only six weeks into the grieving process of ending a two-year relationship.

 

You *will* get over her, but it will take time.

 

My last toxic relationship was 2 1/2 years long but took me almost 4 years to heal.

 

The difference, D-F, is getting to the point where you start saying to yourself, I WILL GET OVER HER versus I can't get over her.

 

When you make that important step (especially at your young age), you will start the healing process. Right now, you are wallowing in your pain and reveling in it. Because the pain feels better than the prospect which you have yet to realize. You believe it is emptiness, but it is not.

 

Because the pain is associated with her, you keep plunging that knife of despair back into your gullet. You are making your own breadcrumbs, the not letting go.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

You *will* get over her, but it will take time.

 

 

If it's taken you years to get over your girl, then who knows how long (if it all) it will take me to get over mine.

 

 

Right now I just feel that I'm not going to ever get over her because I don't want anyone else, I just want her.

 

My last toxic relationship was 2 1/2 years long but took me almost 4 years to heal.

 

 

Everyone's different I suppose.

 

Because the pain is associated with her, you keep plunging that knife of despair back into your gullet. You are making your own breadcrumbs, the not letting go.

 

 

I can't stop myself because the pain is constant. Everywhere I go & turn I think of her, there's no escape.

 

 

I get ok days & bad days, but the latter is more common.

[amaysngrace]

You need to take her off the pedestal. You're the only one who is keeping her on one...you and only you.

 

You have to get mad at her. Get angry. Get pissed off.

 

You won't be able to feel the proper emotions that will help you move along until you see her in a different light.

 

She was terrible to you. It's okay to be mad about that.

 

Then be grateful to her for showing you who she is now rather than later, in other words, forgive her. This way you won't remain bitter and closed-off.

 

These are the things you need to do to heal emotionally.

 

But step one is getting outraged at the way that she treated you and you won't be able to do that until you knock her off that pedestal.

 

Think of the cons. And stop there.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

You have to get mad at her. Get angry. Get pissed off.

 

 

Half of me is pissed off with her & the other half because I don't understand her motive for the attack.

 

 

But the more I talk about it on here, the more I do see her in another light, that light is viewed with anger.

 

 

So, it has been very mixed emotions regarding her but I suppose beginning to see her from a different perspective will help me get through this.

 

You won't be able to feel the proper emotions that will help you move along until you see her in a different light.

 

 

I'm starting to see her in a different light & the more I talk about it here getting it off my chest, the more I see her as a nasty bitch.

 

She was terrible to you. It's okay to be mad about that.

 

I've never once said that I was happy with what she did to me, I can tell right from wrong.

 

 

I know she was terrible to me & I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I thought it was due to the stress from her job.

 

 

But step one is getting outraged at the way that she treated you.

 

It's starting.

[amaysngrace]

Good. She almost killed you.

 

If she was a man and you were a woman she very well could have. Luckily you were able to fight back.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Good. She almost killed you.

 

If she was a man and you were a woman she very well could have. Luckily you were able to fight back.

 

She has the strength of a man!

 

 

As I said she's a Tomboy & has some male characteristics.

[amaysngrace]

Who wanted to marry who first?

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Who wanted to marry who first?

 

She wanted to marry me first.

 

 

I would say I felt a sense of pressure because she kept mentioning it until I not 'caved in' but 'came round' to the idea of marriage.

 

 

I didn't straight away agree to want to marry her, I left in a few months whilst I thought long & hard about it.

 

 

She was adamant that I was the love of her life quite early on into the relationship.

[amaysngrace]

She wanted to marry me first.

 

 

I would say I felt a sense of pressure because she kept mentioning it until I not 'caved in' but 'came round' to the idea of marriage.

 

 

I didn't straight away agree to want to marry her, I left in a few months whilst I thought long & hard about it.

 

 

She was adamant that I was the love of her life quite early on into the relationship.

 

Yuck. That sounds so familiar.

 

She never meant one word of it.

 

Now she can tell everyone how some guy wanted to marry her to make herself seem so desirable.

 

And the next guy she's with will be the love of her life too. Until that wears off. It's a pattern that I'm convinced many abusive people have.

 

My exH was just like her.

[whichwayisup]

Some people (including me) just can't ever get over someone they truly love.

 

 

I don't choose to 'not get over her' instead it's nature taking it's course.

 

You make efforts to get over her. You give up hope, you accept that it's over and it's for the best. You two now have a very toxic thing happening and if you go back, you'll end up in the hospital or worse....I said that before.

 

Just because you love her doesn't mean you have to have her.

 

Grieve the loss, do some counseling and hopefully as time goes along you'll focus on her less and less, become more detached and be able to go through a day or two without wanting her back.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Yuck. That sounds so familiar.

 

She never meant one word of it.

 

 

So was the whole relationship a farce?

 

 

I really don't understand why she would waste 2yrs of her & my life if she was never really into it and had other intentions all along, that's bizarre!

 

Now she can tell everyone how some guy wanted to marry her to make herself seem so desirable.

 

 

Boost her ego, she's like that of course.

 

It's a pattern that I'm convinced many abusive people have.

 

 

I suppose you could compare them to a con artist.

 

 

They are false & do whatever it takes to gain for their own benefit.

[amaysngrace]

So was the whole relationship a farce?

 

I really don't understand why she would waste 2yrs of her & my life if she was never really into it and had other intentions all along, that's bizarre!

 

Boost her ego, she's like that of course.

 

I suppose you could compare them to a con artist.

 

They are false & do whatever it takes to gain for their own benefit.

 

My marriage was a big lie. It was all pretend. Probably just like your relationship.

 

When she pushed so hard for marriage like my exH did it's probably because she couldn't keep up with being charming forever.

 

She showed you things but you ignored them because by then you were too focused on your marriage and kids and life. Don't beat yourself about being fooled.

 

You're probably a romantic at heart, are optimist and see the good in people.

[tim_tom]

Some people (including me) just can't ever get over someone they truly love.

 

 

Lets think clear for a second, it's been a month or two.. You're ego is bruised, why not give yourself a chance to heal before saying things like this.

[tim_tom]

She wanted to marry me first.

 

 

I would say I felt a sense of pressure because she kept mentioning it until I not 'caved in' but 'came round' to the idea of marriage.

 

 

I didn't straight away agree to want to marry her, I left in a few months whilst I thought long & hard about it.

 

 

She was adamant that I was the love of her life quite early on into the relationship.

 

 

Same here my friend. I suggest you read below, pushing for early escalation of commitment is a common sign in an abusive relationship. I read it anytime I'm pining for her, turns out my ex fits all but 1-2 of these to some degree, some she fits exactly.

 

 

How to Recognize a Potentially Abusive Relationship: 13 Steps

[Hollywood-Tourist]

My marriage was a big lie. It was all pretend. Probably just like your relationship.

 

 

Having said that, I do believe there was some genuine love from her. I could tell when I looked into her eyes at times that she did love me, it's not a look you can easily if at all pretend to mirror.

 

When she pushed so hard for marriage like my exH did it's probably because she couldn't keep up with being charming forever.

 

 

Who knows.

 

 

I don't get why she would push so hard for something so important/serious such as marriage when there might be very small chance that her heart would not be in it fully & that her feelings were knowingly likely to change further down the line.

 

She showed you things but you ignored them because by then you were too focused on your marriage and kids and life. Don't beat yourself about being fooled.

 

 

Can I ask what you mean when you say she showed me things? I'm a bit confused.

 

 

We weren't married nor did we have kids, marriage was on the cards soon.

 

 

Lets think clear for a second, it's been a month or two.. You're ego is bruised, why not give yourself a chance to heal before saying things like this.

 

It's a premonition of how I know I will feel.

[amaysngrace]

Having said that, I do believe there was some genuine love from her. I could tell when I looked into her eyes at times that she did love me, it's not a look you can easily if at all pretend to mirror.

 

I don't get why she would push so hard for something so important/serious such as marriage when there might be very small chance that her heart would not be in it fully & that her feelings were knowingly likely to change further down the line.

 

Can I ask what you mean when you say she showed me things? I'm a bit confused.

 

When you looked at her she may have just been reflecting the love you had for her back to you. Narcissists do that. They blend until they don't.

 

She showed you things like treating her dog like crap and treating her parents like crap. In some way that may have even made her love for you more special in your eyes because she didn't treat you that way....and it would seem like her love for you was special.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

When you looked at her she may have just been reflecting the love you had for her back to you. Narcissists do that. They blend until they don't.

 

 

It's a possibility, but it's really difficult to say for sure what she was doing.

 

She showed you things like treating her dog like crap and treating her parents like crap.

 

 

I didn't turn a blind eye to it totally. There were times if I felt she had spoken unfairly to her parents then I would say to her that she was a bit out of order speaking to them like that. She would just shrug her shoulders or mutter in response to that.

 

 

She seemed to get defensive with the dog though when I confronted her about her treatment of it.

 

 

In some way that may have even made her love for you more special in your eyes because she didn't treat you that way....and it would seem like her love for you was special.

 

Absolutely, I do honestly believe she did love me.