M30USA Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Just had a heart wrenching convo with my oldest...she is 8. She tells me how her mom sleeps in to 1-4 ?!?!? She says mom never makes us breakfast we have ourselves ( my kids are 8, 6, and 3). She says mom "sometimes makes them lunch but just plays with her phone all day." Then she went on about how mom left them in the car at the store the other day with the windows down and doors unlocked. This is all from me have a talk with her because she has been rude all day to her siblings and my parents. I asked her how things were going with her mom and that was her winded reply. I started to record what she was saying because I need to show her parents wtf is going on. I don't know if that'll matter in court or anything. This is heartbreaking to hear from her. Okay now these things are game changers. These are actually things which directly put the children in danger. Now you just need to get hard proof which can be presented. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeredubz29 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 How do I get proof of this other than what my daughter says? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 How do I get proof of this other than what my daughter says? Don't put your children in the middle of this. Just bring it up to your lawyer once you retain one and run these scenarios by them and let them guide you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 I started to record what she was saying because I need to show her parents wtf is going on. Yes...do your best to record especially such conversations. But DO NOT take it to her parents...that is the same as you showing your hand to your adversaries; it's not a good or smart play. You might need to find out if contacting 'child protection' could work in your favour...but do not actually contact them without first getting trustworthy, reliable counsel on all the potential ramifications. I am so sorry to hear of what you and your children are having to go through, and I so wish I could offer you more than just cyber-hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeredubz29 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Ok I think that is the best thing to do. Do you think I should even bring it up to her parents? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeredubz29 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Yes...do your best to record especially such conversations. But DO NOT take it to her parents...that is the same as you showing your hand to your adversaries; it's not a good or smart play. You might need to find out if contacting 'child protection' could work in your favour...but do not actually contact them without first getting trustworthy, reliable counsel on all the potential ramifications. I am so sorry to hear of what you and your children are having to go through, and I so wish I could offer you more than just cyber-hugs. Much appreciated thanks for the support! Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 How do I get proof of this other than what my daughter says? If you really wanted to go all out, see if you can get your hands on the grocery store security camera tapes. Not sure how easy or legal this would be. You'd also have to know the exact date and time. As for children testifying or being interviewed, it actually can hold weight. My ex called CPS on me claiming child abuse. They interviewed my son (poor kid) and he told them he isn't getting hit and he's happy here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Ok I think that is the best thing to do. Do you think I should even bring it up to her parents? No. What is it that you hope or expect her parents will do FOR YOU??? Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 No. What is it that you hope or expect her parents will do FOR YOU??? Oh, boy. Do I ever have experience with THIS one. OP, if you have any questions about in-laws siding with your STBX when she is clearly wrong, just PM me. I could write a book on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeredubz29 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 No. What is it that you hope or expect her parents will do FOR YOU??? In sorry I'm just in mentally exhausted...you are right 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 In sorry I'm just in mentally exhausted...you are right At one point I realized that, while my ex inlaws were giving the appearance of being on my side by smiling and verbally speaking nice to me, every single one of their actions clearly violated my role as father to my children and tried to advance their own agenda regardless of what I wanted. This was both a terribly painful thing to realize and a liberating revelation at once. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 In sorry I'm just in mentally exhausted...you are right Jered, No need for apologies. In any case, that is the perfectly expected mental state for you to be in at this point...what else is there for you to be right now, right? But that is also why you really do need to arm yourself with all the true, accurate information you can, just as soon as you can. But it has to be from legally reliable sources that you have vetted first-hand and trust, and not just from internet forums. Hugs. Please take whatever "time off" that you need...but do stay strong! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Hi OP, sorry to hear you going through this. Whatever you do, stay the heck out of her house. You are lucky the incident that happened didn't land you in jail for domestic violence. I am by no means saying you can't be pissed, and I can imagine living 3 doors down must be hell, but stay out of there. Sounds like you STBX has some serious drug and alcohol issues......one thing you can count on with those that don't recover and continue to use: She will fail/screw up. Take care of you and your kids as best you can. With her it may only be a matter of time. Her family sounds like the definition of "enablers" as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 OP, maybe I missed something but it sounds as though you don't have an attorney? At this point I think you need one. Not just to give you advice, but also to gather an corral the very important information. And to know whom to present that information to. You're not sure which people to present with the facts, besides her parents. Your attorney will know how best to present the information, and many lawyers have investigators or can pay freelance investigators. He/she can present the facts to a judge, or just to the other side in a settlement. You are not working things out just between you and her right now-- nor could you, if she is spinning out of control. And your lawyer can tell you what things matter. What you tell your attorney will be confidential, so you could describe the details of the house-entering and the lawyer will be able to tell you whether you're at all at risk of criminal prosecution worst-case-scenario. As far as custody is concerned, judges won't likely care that much what the spouses did to each other. But they will care very much what the parents do to the kids. You do need to know what's really going on with the kids, based on what your daughter told you. You need to know, not just for custody reasons, but for your own children's safety. I know you said you're in debt, but can you see an attorney for some free first visit? I'd encourage you to do at least that. If not, then go to the local courthouse family law center and see what resources they have. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeredubz29 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 Yes as of this moment I do not have a lawyer. I am discussing everything with my parents to see if they can help.. I am about at a point where I may need to file bankruptcy. I have a good job with great benefits , but at this point I have been drained. I just can't believe this. Then I get a call from her mom at 1130 last night (I did not answer) followed by a text saying that my Stbx want her to pickup the kids from my house to take them to her house. (Stbx"s house). I am so sick of dealing with these crazy people. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Yes as of this moment I do not have a lawyer. I am discussing everything with my parents to see if they can help.. I am about at a point where I may need to file bankruptcy. I have a good job with great benefits , but at this point I have been drained. I just can't believe this. Then I get a call from her mom at 1130 last night (I did not answer) followed by a text saying that my Stbx want her to pickup the kids from my house to take them to her house. (Stbx"s house). I am so sick of dealing with these crazy people. They probably want you to give them the children so they can file for divorce. It's the whole "possession is 90% of the law" garbage. My ex inlaws agreed in a written email that they would return my children after 3 days. Their plan all along was to file during this time. They lied through their teeth. My ex FIL even told me "God bless you" as he picked up my kids, fully knowing what he was about to do. What low-lifes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeredubz29 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 Well it was the plan all along to bring them back today as the kids start school tomorrow. The plan was going to be a joint type of custody but now I'm doubting that after my convo with my daughter. The om situation bugs me but it doesn't exactly warrant her as a bad mother. My Stbx has a bad history with depression and when I kicked her out she was saying how she was "trying to get kicked out because she was unhappy." My reply to that was forgot me, how bout getting up at a normal time and taking care of the kids. Instead of staying up til 4 and sleeping in till 1. I'm not surprised by the kids going back to her place but do I really need a call at 1130 pm to arrange pickup for a day I have off because of Labor Day. I wish these people would just fade away from life. Puts her in rehab, buys her a house, pays her bills, grocery shops for her, pays her instance car insurance due to countless tickets, accidents, and a DUI to boot. Insane. My parents would have done whooped me and prolly taken the kids from me if I were pulling this crap. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Well it was the plan all along to bring them back today as the kids start school tomorrow. The plan was going to be a joint type of custody but now I'm doubting that after my convo with my daughter. The om situation bugs me but it doesn't exactly warrant her as a bad mother. My Stbx has a bad history with depression and when I kicked her out she was saying how she was "trying to get kicked out because she was unhappy." My reply to that was forgot me, how bout getting up at a normal time and taking care of the kids. Instead of staying up til 4 and sleeping in till 1. I'm not surprised by the kids going back to her place but do I really need a call at 1130 pm to arrange pickup for a day I have off because of Labor Day. I wish these people would just fade away from life. Puts her in rehab, buys her a house, pays her bills, grocery shops for her, pays her instance car insurance due to countless tickets, accidents, and a DUI to boot. Insane. My parents would have done whooped me and prolly taken the kids from me if I were pulling this crap. That's because your parents actually taught you personal accountability, unlike your STBXs. The tricky thing in my case was the ex's parents guised their enabling by saying they are putting "family first". Right. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 You have a ton of stuff on your plate and the best thing I can tell you is to find a good lawyer and give him/her everything you know from her drug problems to not coming home at night, rehab and let him know about the incident at her house with the other guy before he finds out from her lawyer. Ask your lawyer about keeping your kids and I would also let him know what your kid said about her mother sleeping in and being left in the car. at least you can have some of the questions in your head answered. Between you wife's problems and her parents turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to her problems and actually doing nothing to help her, you need a lawyer quick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeredubz29 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 I know..a lawyer means money which I really don't have right now. People say money doesn't buy happiness...bs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I know..a lawyer means money which I really don't have right now. People say money doesn't buy happiness...bs. Find a way my friend, you have real problems w/ the STBXW. You NEED to protect your kids. Like I said in my earlier post, she'll screw up as that is the drunk/addicts nature. Regardless, you need a custody agreement in place ASAP. I read your bankruptcy comment, and to be honest, I would "bust out" my finances for my daughter any time. I didn't have to file pre divorce, but it is coming to that now due to being under employed in a dead end job that I cannot see paying off in the future. Why am I doing it? Because in the years to come with my child I want to be able to provide more and leave her something when I die.....hopefully not too soon though. My XW is not an addict or anything, but my ex-in-laws are complete enablers when it comes to her sh%^y behavior and they support it. You'll never get the parents to take your side, and like M30 said, DO NOT confide in them as they will bend you over when they get the chance. You need a lawyer ASAP to protect your kids AND you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeredubz29 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 What do u mean bust out Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 What do u mean bust out Chapter 7 bankruptcy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeredubz29 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 Thank u for your help. Much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Just wanted to say good luck Jered and keep your head up, and whatever you do don't drink...stay sober. Link to post Share on other sites
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