online dating woes: why would they block me after reading these e-mails?

[Priv]

I don't think he should post that he's looking for something that he's not really interested in. If he wants a younger woman, he should be upfront and put the range that he wants in his profile.

 

However, to me it's a red flag.

 

OP, you have another thread about how to get beautiful women. I think, given that you haven't managed to get any women in some time, it might be helpful to think more about your standards. It doesn't seem as though you just want young arm candy, but your outward preferences are leading you there.

 

I got that you see that as a red flag, that is why I mentioned go +2 years too. Nothing dishonest really, I think he will be fine with a woman 2 years older if he is only looking for a woman 2 years younger at max (because he thinks they are kids at 3 years younger). He will have opened up his range (especially going younger too), and ward off red flags. That is 3 plusses. I am not sure how the site works, but I imagine you can now reply and be replied to by 3x as many women.

 

 

May I ask why you see men dating younger women as a red flag?

[lollipopspot]

May I ask why you see men dating younger women as a red flag?

 

If I see a guy who is specifically looking for women younger than he is, and wouldn't accept the same amount older, I question what he's looking for in a relationship. Is he looking for arm candy, someone to have authority over? What? Specifically searching for a younger partner is generally not compatible for my values and what I'm looking for in a relationship. I look for a life partner. Generally that's going to be about my age. If it happens that they're a bit younger or older, o.k., but I'm not looking specifically for youth and beauty as I think certain people do. I'm not looking to be anyone's arm candy, and I'm not looking for that myself.

 

That said, I think people should be honest about who they are. There are people who share similar values and wants to whatever someone prefers.

[Priv]

If I see a guy who is specifically looking for women younger than he is, and wouldn't accept the same amount older, I question what he's looking for in a relationship. Is he looking for arm candy, someone to have authority over? What? Specifically searching for a younger partner is generally not compatible for my values and what I'm looking for in a relationship. I look for a life partner. Generally that's going to be about my age. If it happens that they're a bit younger or older, o.k., but I'm not looking specifically for youth and beauty as I think certain people do. I'm not looking to be anyone's arm candy, and I'm not looking for that myself.

 

That said, I think people should be honest about who they are. There are people who share similar values and wants to whatever someone prefers.

 

Ok, well that's fine. But 28 and 25 isn't really arm candy. But I would agree with you if he was 40.

[lollipopspot]

Ok, well that's fine. But 28 and 25 isn't really arm candy. But I would agree with you if he was 40.

 

It's a bit strange to me that he finds 31 somewhat unappealing, given that he's 28.

 

I think it's good for people to know what they want though.

Edited August 28, 2014 by lollipopspot

[ascendotum]

If I see a guy who is specifically looking for women younger than he is, and wouldn't accept the same amount older, I question what he's looking for in a relationship. Is he looking for arm candy, someone to have authority over? What? Specifically searching for a younger partner is generally not compatible for my values and what I'm looking for in a relationship. I look for a life partner. Generally that's going to be about my age. If it happens that they're a bit younger or older, o.k., but I'm not looking specifically for youth and beauty as I think certain people do. I'm not looking to be anyone's arm candy, and I'm not looking for that myself.

 

That said, I think people should be honest about who they are. There are people who share similar values and wants to whatever someone prefers.

 

For me I don't consider 5 yrs younger 'arm candy'. To me arm candy is a women that's chosen specifically because she is gorgeous or in the case of a much older man a much younger woman. A 28 yr old looking to date 22-27 yr old women is not in arm candy land imo. 22 is getting a bit of a gap, but not too weird and its not like he has plowing away exclusively on juniors, though his profile would not indicate that. Its not much different for women in OLD saying they have a thing for tall guys. Just preferences there and here. If he sees < 25 as kids then no point, but if broadens his prospects. He can expand the age range up to avoid any judgments as Priv said but just msg who he wants. I have no doubt lots of people are careful not to put things in their profile that may have negative connotations for the opposite sex, but still apply their preference filters when contacting or responding to people.

[Anela]

I got that you see that as a red flag, that is why I mentioned go +2 years too. Nothing dishonest really, I think he will be fine with a woman 2 years older if he is only looking for a woman 2 years younger at max (because he thinks they are kids at 3 years younger). He will have opened up his range (especially going younger too), and ward off red flags. That is 3 plusses. I am not sure how the site works, but I imagine you can now reply and be replied to by 3x as many women.

 

 

May I ask why you see men dating younger women as a red flag?

 

I wouldn't go for a man who couldn't bear to date a woman his own age. Why the cut-off at 28?

[Priv]

I wouldn't go for a man who couldn't bear to date a woman his own age. Why the cut-off at 28?

 

Because he is 28.

[Anela]

Because he is 28.

 

I thought I saw that it was 31.

 

I was ready to empathize and give advice in this thread last night, until I saw his thread about how he would force himself to date a woman in her late thirties, if it came down to it. Psh.

[Anela]

It's a bit strange to me that he finds 31 somewhat unappealing, given that he's 28.

 

I think it's good for people to know what they want though.

 

This is where I saw 31.

 

I don't see what's so bad about 31, either, but I don't go for men who are a lot younger or older than I am. Two or three years isn't so bad, either way.

 

@Priv. I have more respect for him for not going for the younger twenties crowd.

[Priv]

It's a bit strange to me that he finds 31 somewhat unappealing, given that he's 28.

 

I think it's good for people to know what they want though.

 

Age, like height, or facial features or any other physical variable is just something we attracted to or not. If you like your guy to be 5 inch taller, I am not going to say it is unfair of you to not to date a guy 5 inch smaller. The 3 year age range of him is not unreasonable at all but rather tame I would say.

 

 

Guys liking younger women (even if it is marginal) is not really a secret, neither is it when a woman likes her man a bit taller. And ofcourse, there are exceptions (not me, I am defintely not an exception, but there are )

[Priv]

This is where I saw 31.

 

I don't see what's so bad about 31, either, but I don't go for men who are a lot younger or older than I am. Two or three years isn't so bad, either way.

 

@Priv. I have more respect for him for not going for the younger twenties crowd.

 

That is nice, though I don't get why really as is evident in my last few posts . Nothing wrong with a guy aged 28 dating a 22 y old girl I think.

[Maleficent]

How can these messages be made less creepy??? Sometimes I fell like I'm not human and unable to understand certain things due to my lack of social contact...

 

Most men are creepy on OLD sites.

 

Oh and BTW, PLD sucks.

[lollipopspot]

I am not going to say it is unfair of you to not to date a guy 5 inch smaller...

 

I didn't say it was unfair and I took great pains to say that people can have their preferences.

 

But it's still a red flag to me, given my values.

[Anela]

Age, like height, or facial features or any other physical variable is just something we attracted to or not. If you like your guy to be 5 inch taller, I am not going to say it is unfair of you to not to date a guy 5 inch smaller. The 3 year age range of him is not unreasonable at all but rather tame I would say.

 

 

Guys liking younger women (even if it is marginal) is not really a secret, neither is it when a woman likes her man a bit taller. And ofcourse, there are exceptions (not me, I am defintely not an exception, but there are )

 

Yeah, I've had it pointed out to me that I'm an exception, in several cases. Yippee - it can get lonely over here.

 

Do you completely discount the idea of dating someone a bit older than you, though? You seem to have changed your tune from a couple of months ago.

 

But this is off-topic, so I'll stop responding.

[Anela]

That is nice, though I don't get why really as is evident in my last few posts . Nothing wrong with a guy aged 28 dating a 22 y old girl I think.

 

Oh: it's when it's a preference - a deal-breaker ("must be under a certain age, and a lot younger than me") that I take exception.

[insert_name]

Funny how women seem to be really good at not reading genuine messages from guys and yet so good at reading the abusive ones (that they could just delete out of hand like they do with the genuine ones) that they feel it necessary to block the genuine guys 'just in case'.

 

It's a mad world isn't it.

[Anela]

Funny how women seem to be really good at not reading genuine messages from guys and yet so good at reading the abusive ones (that they could just delete out of hand like they do with the genuine ones) that they feel it necessary to block the genuine guys 'just in case'.

 

It's a mad world isn't it.

 

SOME women. SOME.

 

Funny how some men can't help but see all women as one large, scary/evil/manipulative entity.

[Priv]

Yeah, I've had it pointed out to me that I'm an exception, in several cases. Yippee - it can get lonely over here.

 

Do you completely discount the idea of dating someone a bit older than you, though? You seem to have changed your tune from a couple of months ago.

 

But this is off-topic, so I'll stop responding.

 

Nah, but I did come on a bit strong for which my apologies (but I am not sure about changing tune compared to a couple of months ago). I am actually not very bothered about height/age/weight/looks whatever topics in general.

 

 

Reading the thread I was thinking poor guy being first battered by women on OLD by being blocked immediately after sending some thoughtful messages and taking that hard. Than critisized because he is going after max 3 years younger and not 3 years older than too which I find nonsensical. We all have preferences, however tame they may be. So I gave some tips that might help.

 

 

I don't discount the idea of dating older and have dated up to 3 years older actually, but prefer a younger woman too. It is not even looks, just the idea. Hard to put into words why exactly that is something I find attractive.

Edited August 28, 2014 by Priv

[Priv]

Yeah, I've had it pointed out to me that I'm an exception, in several cases. Yippee - it can get lonely over here.

 

In what way? Which bastards pointed that out to you. Let's get them!

[hellon]

31? I don't know, I just have a thing for younger women. Just preference, like some guys prefer blondes or Asians or whatever.

 

So... if you met someone offline who was attractive and interesting, then found out later they were a couple of years older, it would be a turn-off?

 

I find this to be an issue with OLD... People who you might connect with in life are automatically ruled out for you when you set narrow parameters. I'm not saying add 10 years in each direction, but adding 2 or 3 couldn't hurt.

 

Anyway, age isn't like a hair color or an ethnicity- how it reveals itself from person to person can vary greatly.

[guest569]

Sometimes I wonder who these girls think they are? There is no excuse for being arrogant and rude. The wind can change direction at any time!

 

If I had been the receipient of such messages, I would definitely respond immediately and even catered to the same length! A girl like me would certainly appreciate the guy taking the time and effort to write such detailed message, regardless of the attraction.

 

Its much kinder for uninterested people to block or ignore you than to respond and lead you on. I have been on the receiving end of both, and it is disappointing and hurts. I much prefer they just ignore me rather than waste my time and build up my hopes. Kindness and empathy? What is this a charity? No, I want to date guys who want me, not ones who respond to me out of courtesy. Because in a way, I would see that as dishonesty.

 

But you need to be a bit stronger than to be super offended by a rejection from a stranger. If they dont give you the time of day, they clearly are not the one.

[Kid_Charlemange]

We don't know why these women blocked Eddy. Maybe as you point out, their perspective is different from yours and they did find his message creepy or find him unattractive.

 

Maybe I'm stating the obvious, but there might be something in his profile itself that turned them off.

 

I didn't see the messages as creepy, just a tad overly long, as others have pointed out.

 

Edited to add: Oops he did post the profile. I see no red flags. *shrug*

Edited August 29, 2014 by Kid_Charlemange

[Eddy Street]

Maybe I'm stating the obvious, but there might be something in his profile itself that turned them off.

 

I didn't see the messages as creepy, just a tad overly long, as others have pointed out.

 

Edited to add: Oops he did post the profile. I see no red flags. *shrug*

 

The red flag must be my photo. I'm just afraid I look to general or generic or bland, like soapy water. I've seriously considered using make up to highlight some of my features.

 

---

 

Anyway, I apologize if my other thread (the one about attracting older women) offended anyone. I made it out of frustration, my original idea was to put that I wanted to change my sexual orientation, but that seemed too extreme. Anyway, it should probably be deleted.

 

That being said, there is nothing wrong with women in their mid to late 39s, just that the sexual attraction probably wouldn't be there. This is important because at my I still have a nagging libido.

 

AND also older women who are single are probably single for a reason. There may be some instability there and lots of baggage at any rate.

[Eddy Street]

Is it possible that the red flag involves my profile being too well written? Most guys on the site have just a few short sentences with un-capitalized i's and other ridiculous grammatical errors. They more than make up for it with bar and club photos though, with all manner or ridiculous "vip" behavior. UUUGH. Does it look like I'm trying too hard to stand out?

 

Also, I originally wrote in my profile that I was looking for "Caucasian" women with specific eye and hair colors, could stating an ethnic preference such as that be seen as a red flag? Perhaps that I'm a lonely serial stalker with a fetish or something? I just got rid of that, and I also put my age range as 24 through 32, of course the 24 and 32 are there mostly for show. I'm still mainly interested in the 26-28 crowd.

Edited August 29, 2014 by Eddy Street

[bluestealth]

Getting blocked after one message like yours is very extreme and raises a red flag about them (unless you're being serious about the serial stalker thing). The response rate on OLD is usually very low. Mine might be around 10% and my initial message is fairly short with an interesting question or two. If for some reason we exchange several messages (because they don't agree to talk on the phone) I'm never sure when to start being flirty, especially if we've never talked or met. I never mention their looks and the most I'll say is I think you're really interesting or I enjoy chatting with you or I'd love to get to know you better. Maybe this isn't flirty enough but it seems more natural to me to wait until we meet.

 

I'm 29 and search for women 20-29 but I prefer someone in the 21-25 range. I'm naturally more attracted to younger women for some reason. Partly it could be that I don't have a lot of dating experience and I prefer someone else who doesn't have a lot either. Generally women my age have a ton of experience and probably want someone experienced.