Now you see him, now you DON'T.

[music_and_poetry]

Yeah, I do know that he isn't "in love" with me, but was surprised that he bothered to text back. Why would he, when he could just have remained MIA ?

 

It could be a number of things, guilt, trying to be polite, feel better about himself, hell maybe he needed an ego boost. What you need to realize is the tone of this message tells you everything you need to know. It was cold, emotionless, brief, without much empathy toward you. When a man shuts down that way, it's not a good sign.

 

What he gave you was an excuse for being busy. I'm crazy busy. I got through college by working two jobs in addition to being a full-time student. I still made moments for the people I cared about.

 

I'm sorry sweetie, I've been in your shoes before and right now you need distance to clear your head and heart. Stay away from this guy, don't message him anymore. Focus on yourself so that you can be the best person you can be for the person you're meant to be with

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Yeah, I do know that he isn't "in love" with me, but was surprised that he bothered to text back. Why would he, when he could just have remained MIA ?

 

Because you called him on it. He was hoping you'd gotten the picture by ignoring your email, but now that you confronted him he feels like he has to make an excuse. It takes maybe one or two minutes to respond to an email and he wouldn't even do that for you. Luckily, it takes zero effort to text someone back. You might hear from him one or two other times until he feels he's made his point, then he'll disappear again.

 

I know you care deeply for him, but he clearly doesn't value your friendship at all. He never saw you as a romantic prospect or even a close friend, and once you made things uncomfortable he decided it was easier to ditch than actually be friends. Write this one off as a hard lesson learned. Anyone who won't make the effort isn't worth your time.

Edited August 8, 2014 by chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

[shoegal4]

Have you ever read "He's Just Not That Into You?"

 

"Busy is another word for *** ****. *** **** is another word for the guy you're dating."

 

If someone is into you, they are never too busy to get in contact with you in some way. No matter how small.

[irresolute]

Have you ever read "He's Just Not That Into You?"

 

"Busy is another word for *** ****. *** **** is another word for the guy you're dating."

 

If someone is into you, they are never too busy to get in contact with you in some way. No matter how small.

 

 

so true.

 

That book is just great and every woman should read it

[OffRail]

UGH !!!

 

So, Mr. Too-busy-to-Text-you-but-not-too-busy-to-Facebook actually did get back in touch with me around a couple of days after I posted here. I had mentioned how he had texted me claiming to be busy with a promise to call soon and asking what / how I should respond to that text.

 

Then, I promptly ignored all the sound advise I had received here, and, the next thing you know, our cell phones are on fire. We were texting back and forth every hour, and had multiple phone conversations every day. We met up that weekend at our mutual friend's place and everything was hunky dory until..... 2 days later when he disappeared again. (NOTHING physical or even remotely sexual happened that weekend in case anyone is wondering, it was just a lot of talk, "old pals hanging out again" sort of stuff).

 

I didn't realize that he had disappeared again until my texts to him on Tuesday and Wednesday went unanswered. I called Thursday but was unable to leave a message as his answering machine was full. Initially, I just naively assumed that he had merely gone off on a work trip again out of the blue (has happened before) but there has been not a peep since. So, basically, a week of NC from him, and this time, I am ANGRY.

 

Not just sad / unhappy but also really ANGRY. WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS ?

 

This time, I am going NC and sticking to it.

 

What I don't get is - what was the point of getting briefly back in touch with me only to go MIA again ? Was it just for an ego boost ? Just to "test the waters" to gauge my continuing interest level AFTER he had disappeared on me for a month ? What sort of game is / was he playing ? I am done with him, friendship and all, but just curious about the whole Houdini act he keeps pulling on me (and which he no longer will be able to, any more, because this time, *I* am disappearing on HIM). I closed my blog, blocked his phone numbers and email addresses, and the only way he can now get in touch with me is to actually show up at my door step or send me smoke signals.

 

But it still hurts. And there is still this hope that we can reconnect again some day - maybe 5 years from now when the emotions are all gone, we have both grown the heck up, and are acting like adults again ? I don't know why it is so hard to give him up completely, even though he acted like a MAJOR jerk to me.

 

But it hurts. Yeah, it hurts. The idea of never seeing or hearing from him or talking to him (even exchanging mere pleasantries with him) just hurts. Why is letting go so hard and will it always hurt like this ?

[Zahara]

I think in your past thread you received a number of posts that kept telling you that men that ping pong often do so because they're looking for attention, an ego boost, sometimes just hoping that they can use you temporarily for whatever their needs may be at that particular moment. Instead of focusing on why he does what he does, ask yourself if his actions are of someone that is interested. People that are interested in you, don't disappear on you.

 

You have your answer and you need to NC.

 

Letting go is hard. You have an emotional attachment. He's become familiar, a routine, like a habit and now you have to break that.

[mightycpa]

I'm going to tell you what my daddy told me about fishing. Sometimes, you'll get a fighter on your line. The best way to reel her in is to wind the reel really hard, and keep the line tight. If they don't tire, then give her some line and let her run for a while. Then reel her in again. It tires the fish out, and at the end, it is easy to land them. Plus, fighting the fish is fun.

 

Watch your limits, and don't be afraid to throw a fish back once you've caught them. There are plenty more to catch if you're in a good fishing hole.

[OffRail]

I'm going to tell you what my daddy told me about fishing. Sometimes, you'll get a fighter on your line. The best way to reel her in is to wind the reel really hard, and keep the line tight. If they don't tire, then give her some line and let her run for a while. Then reel her in again. It tires the fish out, and at the end, it is easy to land them. Plus, fighting the fish is fun.

 

Watch your limits, and don't be afraid to throw a fish back once you've caught them. There are plenty more to catch if you're in a good fishing hole.

 

Oh, really ? Welllllll... this fish isn't going to get tired or fight with this fisherman anymore, as I would rather save my energy and time and emotion for someone who actually matters.

 

And there are plenty more where I came from ? I hope that one of those fish fights you so hard that YOU land in the hole before you know what hit you.

 

As for me, I am moving on. Cheat me once, shame on you. Cheat me twice and shame on me and all that jazz... ya know ?

[mightycpa]

Oh, really ? Welllllll... this fish isn't going to get tired or fight with this fisherman anymore, as I would rather save my energy and time and emotion for someone who actually matters.

 

And there are plenty more where I came from ? I hope that one of those fish fights you so hard that YOU land in the hole before you know what hit you.

 

As for me, I am moving on. Cheat me once, shame on you. Cheat me twice and shame on me and all that jazz... ya know ?

 

There you go. Complete change in tone. You come back and read that whenever you need to.

[NoLeafClover]

I didn't read the rest but from personal experience..I always go MIA ...When you are option 2 or a backup.

 

Option 2 isn't always another woman, might also be a project I'm working on, working on the car/bike, helping a friend out or out on a trip etc...regardless you become option 2 because the guy isn't giving you the time to even reply back or let you know...so you are not as important to him as his other activities. If he was he will be blowing your phone back. And when he is, option 1 isn't working out too well so he is using his backup option aka Option 2. Usually this is the case..do you want to be option 2? No? Then don't let yourself be it.

[OffRail]

I didn't read the rest but from personal experience..I always go MIA ...When you are option 2 or a backup.

 

Option 2 isn't always another woman, might also be a project I'm working on, working on the car/bike, helping a friend out or out on a trip etc...regardless you become option 2 because the guy isn't giving you the time to even reply back or let you know...so you are not as important to him as his other activities. If he was he will be blowing your phone back. And when he is, option 1 isn't working out too well so he is using his backup option aka Option 2. Usually this is the case..do you want to be option 2? No? Then don't let yourself be it.

 

Not only am I not willing to be Option 2, but also I no longer want to even be his Option 1. I basically am really pissed off over how he played me - and how I fell for his games not once BUT TWICE. I am not a bad looking woman. I am reasonable looking with average intellect and some talents and I deserve better than some dumbass who thinks he can totally mess with my emotions and still have me going back for more abuse / games. I am done and dusted with this moron.

 

Done and dusted.

[johnson_j]

Not only am I not willing to be Option 2, but also I no longer want to even be his Option 1. I basically am really pissed off over how he played me - and how I fell for his games not once BUT TWICE. I am not a bad looking woman. I am reasonable looking with average intellect and some talents and I deserve better than some dumbass who thinks he can totally mess with my emotions and still have me going back for more abuse / games. I am done and dusted with this moron.

 

Done and dusted.

 

Good. now stick to it, and give yourself to a good guy who will respect you and appreciate you for you. Don't be a backup plan for anyone.

[Carpe-diem]

You said it yourself. You are not an option

 

NEVER MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY TO SOMEONE WHO ONLY MAKES YOU AN OPTION.

 

With all the technology around us it is so easy to contact someone. A quick text still says, hey I was thinking of you. You are not at the top of his list, but occasionally dropping in keeps you as a back up plan. You responding boosts his ego and he'll leave it again until he pulls the chain.

 

Sounds like a waster to me. Move on, NEXT!

[OffRail]

Well, after staying mighty strong for a couple of days, I am feeling weak willed again. Can someone - ANYONE - please give me a quick kick in the pants, please ? My fingers are itching to call him, to completely and utterly chew him out, but that is the absolutely stupidest and unclassiest thing that I could do right now. My head knows that, but try telling my idiot heart that !

 

Help ....!!!! Maybe feeling some boots on the seat of my pants will snap me out of this stupidity. Or maybe breaking my cell into a million pieces and flushing those pieces down the toilet would... Help, help, help !!!

[irresolute]

Well, after staying mighty strong for a couple of days, I am feeling weak willed again. Can someone - ANYONE - please give me a quick kick in the pants, please ? My fingers are itching to call him, to completely and utterly chew him out, but that is the absolutely stupidest and unclassiest thing that I could do right now. My head knows that, but try telling my idiot heart that !

 

Help ....!!!! Maybe feeling some boots on the seat of my pants will snap me out of this stupidity. Or maybe breaking my cell into a million pieces and flushing those pieces down the toilet would... Help, help, help !!!

 

 

Do not chase the man. Everything we chase, runs away.

He does not love you. He will never love you. He sees you as a doormat. Do not text him. Maintain your dignity.

If you do, you'll look as desperate and not having other options.

[OffRail]

OH. MY. GOD. I broke NC and feel like a total moron / loser.

 

I was really depressed last night and decided to text ex-friend. He responded to my first text within minutes, I texted him back, but no response. Nothing today either and I feel like a nut job with zero self-respect. 2 weeks of NC undone in under 4 stupid minutes !! All for what ?

 

Why can't I stay strong ? He must think that I am the biggest loser on the Planet, that he can treat me like **** and still have me hanging around.

 

I know that he checked my blog today (I have a counter that tracks visits) but he won't message me. What a jerk he is and what a loser I am

[lop98]

The idea of never seeing or hearing from him or talking to him (even exchanging mere pleasantries with him) just hurts. Why is letting go so hard and will it always hurt like this ?

You have full awareness that he is a jerk. I had full awareness the guy who broke my heart last year was a good for nothing jerk and yet the idea of never hearing from him again petrified me.

 

Why is it hard to let go? because our ego bleeds from being ignored.

Will it always hurt like this? no, it will hurt like this for one full month, maybe a little more or a little less, then you'll hit a certain mark that feels solid and somehow makes you proud, maybe 30 days, maybe two full months, you will not want to break it and despite still feeling pain, you will have gained back a certain degree of self-respect and sanity and this is good medicine for start recovering from how hurt you are right now.

 

I chased this guy like you did even when he was rebounding, I even called him when she was in his apartment and I knew it via instagram. If I could take back something from my past, I swear it would be this, it's now been almost two years since this happened and every time I gave in and contacted him, it seriously left a mark... what he did doesn't hurt me anymore because when I healed I realized he was worth very little and that was natural behavior coming from someone like him, but what I did to myself, which was allowing myself to bargain for attention and love has been very hard to deal with, it still embarrasses me and hurts me.

 

It takes 90 days to break a habit, something to keep in mind. Just cut yourself some slack, you broke NC, big deal (but not really) now resume to NC, block the damn number, remove his contact information, remove chat history, buy another sim card, disable your blog, disappear on the internet, block and delete him everywhere, be aggressive... you want to get over this jerk and you know it, it's hard but completely possible.

[OffRail]

Thank you.

 

What bugs me is how well I had started doing until halfway through yesterday, when I undid 2 weeks of great work in under 5 minutes. I mean, literally, when I saw his response text, my heart did multiple flips, even though I knew it was a bad idea because we weren't going to ever work this out. We were friends for years, so his capacity for mind games is news to me.

 

I just removed his email address from the list of people allowed to view my blog, so he can go jump off the nearest hill. I also just deleted his number from my contact list, although I know it from memory

 

I just will have to restart / reset NC all over again. DAMN ME.

[edgygirl]

It's okay darling.

 

If you feel like contacting him again, just try really hard to remember how you felt when you broke NC, and it will help you NOT do it.

 

Someone above wrote it takes 90 days to break a habit. I completely agree. What seemed impossible (to forget him) a couple of months ago, seems more reasonable now. Stick to NC and you'll feel dignity again. It's the only way to go, unfortunately.

 

Thank you.

 

What bugs me is how well I had started doing until halfway through yesterday, when I undid 2 weeks of great work in under 5 minutes. I mean, literally, when I saw his response text, my heart did multiple flips, even though I knew it was a bad idea because we weren't going to ever work this out. We were friends for years, so his capacity for mind games is news to me.

 

I just removed his email address from the list of people allowed to view my blog, so he can go jump off the nearest hill. I also just deleted his number from my contact list, although I know it from memory

 

I just will have to restart / reset NC all over again. DAMN ME.

[irresolute]

what do you think it means his visiting your blog? I'm asking you because I'm in a similar situation. The guy I love doesn't love me back but he did wanted to have sex and to text. He replied every single text instantly, and if not, he'd apologize.

This guy liked a pic of my dog (yeah, I know) on Facebook, looked for me in an online dating site all that week to just completely disappear, deleted his facebook messenger (like if I were the only one he was talking to there) and literally disappeared from the internet.

 

But I mean, what does this hot and cold behavior mean?

[OffRail]

what do you think it means his visiting your blog? I'm asking you because I'm in a similar situation. The guy I love doesn't love me back but he did wanted to have sex and to text. He replied every single text instantly, and if not, he'd apologize.

This guy liked a pic of my dog (yeah, I know) on Facebook, looked for me in an online dating site all that week to just completely disappear, deleted his facebook messenger (like if I were the only one he was talking to there) and literally disappeared from the internet.

 

But I mean, what does this hot and cold behavior mean?

 

 

I think in my case, my ass clown is simply curious. Maybe he is hoping to see me post tearful notes about how much I missssssss him, and how bad I am feeeeeeeling, blah blah blah. I don't think it means anything more than idle curiosity or maybe just a bloated ego looking to see how badly I am dealing with him vanishing on me again !

 

I honestly don't know what it means in your case because your situation is so different from mine. BTW, back when I still had an FB account, I realized that you could set up FB chat so that only some friends could see you online whereas you would appear "offline" to everyone else on your friend list. So maybe he has simply set FB chat off for you ? As for looking for you on the other sites, he may have been curious to see what you are up to, if you are talking to anyone new etc. Honestly, in your shoes, I would have given him something to feel crappy about - such as how multiple guys are now pinging you / leaving you profile visitor messages etc. I don't know why he would leave a dating site, though, because from what you have said, for this guy, more is more. Maybe he bit off more than he could chew, and is just overwhelmed by how many people he is now having to communicate ?

 

In any case, people who alternatively blow hot and cold are emotionally unavailable people. At best they can be commitment-phobes who consciously or unconsciously seek to prevent any sort of "relationship" from developing with anyone by sending their dating partner these mixed signals that are annoying, confusing and just plain infuriating. OR, at worst, they are control freaks who play mind games with their partners to see how much bad behaviour they can get away with, and how high you will jump for them when they put you through the wringer.

 

Either way, it is a bad idea to engage with these people because they will eventually burn you out - emotionally, romantically, and sometimes, even physically.

 

Hang in there, irresolute. Day 2 of NC (damn reset that I have only myself to blame for) went swimmingly well for me. I just need 88 more of these great days to completely get over him ! You will get there, too !

[OffRail]

Day 3 of NC and I am really struggling. Couldn't sleep last night and was sorely tempted to call him and tell him off. But didn't.

 

I just don't know if / when I will finally be over him ? I know that he is a jerk and an ass clown, but that isn't making this any easier. How on Earth do other people survive this ?

[Zahara]

Day 3 of NC and I am really struggling. Couldn't sleep last night and was sorely tempted to call him and tell him off. But didn't.

 

I just don't know if / when I will finally be over him ? I know that he is a jerk and an ass clown, but that isn't making this any easier. How on Earth do other people survive this ?

 

It's going to take at least a couple/few months for you to feel some relief. Jerk or assclown, you had an emotional attachment. That doesn't sever overnight, regardless of what he was.

[OffRail]

It's going to take at least a couple/few months for you to feel some relief. Jerk or assclown, you had an emotional attachment. That doesn't sever overnight, regardless of what he was.

 

Thank you.

 

But will I ever be able to forget about him completely ? Is that even possible ? Although I think just being able to think about him and be completely indifferent to the thought is also a major win. I just want to know if this happens eventually after prolonged no-contact ? Or do you just never forget the one for whom you once had "feelings" ?

[Zahara]

Thank you.

 

But will I ever be able to forget about him completely ? Is that even possible ? Although I think just being able to think about him and be completely indifferent to the thought is also a major win. I just want to know if this happens eventually after prolonged no-contact ? Or do you just never forget the one for whom you once had "feelings" ?

 

Yes, after much time has passed and you have moved on, you will forget but the memory of him will pop up randomly but without the pain and hurt you now feel.

 

Being indifferent is definitely a win and the ultimate goal.

 

Yes, after prolonged no contact, space, time and what you do with that time will help you detach.

 

Again, you won't forget but it won't bear the pain, hurt and loss you feel now. He'll be a fleeting thought/memory.