Author OffRail Posted August 2, 2014 Author Posted August 2, 2014 Yes there is always a chance he will text you again when you least expect it. I could of wrote the same exact sas you did but with a female friend of mine who disappears for days/weeks/months at a time... but has always come back and seems to want me more and more than before... until she disappears again for weeks/months again as is usual with her. What I have learned, even though its hard, you have to cut off contact and attempting contact until HE comes back and messages/emails/calls you again. This has worked everysingle time. Whether it is something that your friend is dealing with , needs space, or distracted or busy with other activities etc there is no way of knowing until HE chooses to contact you again. The pain will fade after days/week/months. Just go back to doing whatever it is you normally do. Yeah, I didn't text him or email him again. If he wants space, he is going to get all that he can handle, and then some more. If he wants to communicate, as a friend, he knows how / whete to find me. Is your friend still a friend ? Or is she gone ?
beach Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 When others make you a top priority they call, see you in person etc. He's sent a clear message to you - understand that you aren't his prioity.
Ruby65 Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Do men sometimes take off for a while but then resurface ? What should I do ? What really hurts me is that WE WERE FRIENDS first. And by disappearing, he seems to not only not want a "relationship" but has also terminated our friendship of several years ! YES -- when they don't care that much whether they lose you or not. Sweetie, you're in denial. Your romantic relationship isn't worth much more than your *incredible friendship* is to him.... and if you start downplaying the romantic aspects and start settling for how platonic friends treat each other... you begin to play the game of "how little will I settle for?" IF you mattered to him, he wouldn't disappear. Friends, lovers, dating, however you defined yourself. If someone's into you, they don't do that.
Author OffRail Posted August 2, 2014 Author Posted August 2, 2014 (edited) I realize that I am NOTHING to him. That, however, isn't helping me. I just need some SUPPORT. I am in real emotional pain and I just need coping tips. Maybe my self-esteem is at the root of all this. I am not stupid, though. I just need to know how to move on, as this has been a real shock to me. Delusional or not, denial or not, I really did like this guy. And that he toyed with my emotions is a great shock and sucker punch to me. My head knows that I should forget about him and move on. My heart keeps clinging to this ridiculous hope that maybe he will be back and we will go right back to being "friends" again. blah blah blah. I don't know if people are annoyed that I am even posting here, as this wasn't "really a break up", etc etc, but MY PAIN IS REAL. Help ! Edited August 2, 2014 by OffRail
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Op, I understand where you're coming from. I am in early stages of pulling away from a man who is way into me and I return no such feelings. We dated for 2 weeks I knew there was no connection for me other than friendship. He insisted we remain friends and it's been nice for a few months. Now, though, he seems more and more intent on "convincing" me to date him. I'd helped him through a difficult job loss and now he seems to be pursuing me rather than just being a friend. I am not saying you did this, I am saying that I am so uncomfortable with his approach and given that I have already told him several times that it won't happen, I no longer wish to give another speech. My silence will have to bring the message home. Your man may feel similar, that your having feelings that he doesnt return is too much to deal with...despite admiring and appreciating your long friendship. When you threw out the feelings card it changed everything. Sometimes that happens. I am sorry for your loss.
music_and_poetry Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Now you hunt him down. And rip his balls sack off. I'm not really jk but if u don't want to get locked up just hunt him down, find him, curse him out. And that's it. It's not okay for someone to treat u like that . You know what? I agree. I said some fairly harsh, but true words to the guy I'm currently trying to get over. He never replied but I know he read it. Sometimes I wonder if I was out of line and then I re-read my message and feel a strange sense of content that I stood up for myself and gave him a piece of my mind. In the past, I have a bad habit of being overly nice and allowing people to mistreat me. Yes this man definitely mistreated me but this was the first time I stood up to the mistreatment. The result is still the same but I feel like I reclaimed some of my pride in that message I wrote him. Don't be a doormat. Disappearing on a friend or otherwise with no explanation is inconsiderate and should not be something that you will tolerate. 1
stillafool Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Please don't contact him because you will feel worse than you do right now. No you cannot be his friend because you want more than friendship with this guy and he knows it. He was teasing you to lighten up the situation because he knows he doesn't feel the same way about you. If you were his friend you would be okay with him talking about a new girlfriend or him bringing his new gf around you. You are not at that point, are you? Therefore you cannot really just be his friend. You made a mistake in your healing by sleeping with him again, but that's okay. Just go NC and try to get involved in other things to keep your mind off of him. Perhaps get a second job or take a class. Time will take care of your healing. 1
irresolute Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 (edited) I just need some SUPPORT. I am in real emotional pain and I just need coping tips. Maybe my self-esteem is at the root of all this. I am not stupid, though. I just need to know how to move on, as this has been a real shock to me. Delusional or not, denial or not, I really did like this guy. And that he toyed with my emotions is a great shock and sucker punch to me. My head knows that I should forget about him and move on. My heart keeps clinging to this ridiculous hope that maybe he will be back and we will go right back to being "friends" again. blah blah blah. I don't know if people are annoyed that I am even posting here, as this wasn't "really a break up", etc etc, but MY PAIN IS REAL. Help ! you may want to wait and see if he contacts you. He might be feeling that he can't come with the amount of feelings you have right now. I honestly don't think he feels the same. I'm sorry. He would have acted differently. Disappearing is a bad sign. From here to China. you don't really want a friend like that. He is careless, specially since he disappeared after you told him your feelings. my advice here is that you need to move on from this guy. You cannot be friends with him. Let this one go. I'm sorry you're hurting. I know how that feels, sadly. Edited August 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author OffRail Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 Even if you don't message / chat with them or like / comment on their statuses or give out any proof that you have been on their profile page ? Is just snooping around their profile still considered breaking NC ?
No Limit Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 No, but it still isn't healthy if that person wants to move on. 2
Author OffRail Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 No, but it still isn't healthy if that person wants to move on. Healthy for me or for him ?
No Limit Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Healthy for me or for him ? If you're wanting to move on and check his Facebook; no, it's not healthy for you. That's why blocking is quite a good route.
CarrieT Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Many of us consider that breaking NC - by witnessing his/her existence, there is still contact and is therefore NOT "No Contact." 1
me85 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Naaaa just don't do it. If the BU is still fresh, then ok, I get it but don't keep being curious. Curiosity killed the cat...
hoping2heal Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I consider it breaking NC reason being: point of NC is not have your ex and their life thrown in your face. If you're seeing their facebook pics, reading their updates, etc. then it kind of negates the point.
Author OffRail Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 Do you guys mind if I post here and rant / vent ? I need some sort of outlet to stop me from going crazy and sending him 1000 texts in under 1 minute, cursing him out and screaming my lungs out. I am going NUTS and beyond hurt. I can't believe that I let this guy play with my emotions !!!!!!!
SoleMate Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Yes, checking FB is breaking NC. Since you're going nuts, post here....we're here for you. Loveshack. Helping people to get out of/over bad r/s since at latest 2004. :-)
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Checking social media is more likely to upset you then even talking to an EX. On social media you have to see pictures of how happy they are with their new life & possible a new relationship. Who needs that? 1
samg313 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 No but it is not good for you. Your imagination runs wild on you when you check your Ex's FB.
me85 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I composed a simple email asking him where he is and if all is well. Let's see if he answers. I really hope he does. He was my best friend and I miss him like hell. You were his best friend but he was never your best friend because best friends don't just disappear and make their best friend worry. I'm really sorry you're going through such a hard time. I definitely know how you feel. I don't blame you for sending him an email. Hang tough! 1
shoegal4 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I don't know what your point is. Or why you are hell bent on repeating your point that we weren't in a relationship ? I get that we WERE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP already. But we were "friends". Agree with the others that he probably wasn't a good friend towards the end. BUT we have a history and he has helped me a lot (don't want to share details here). "He disappeared on me" does not mean that I think that he was a boyfriend. Geez. It just means that after several years of friendship he just abruptly vanished for a month. Maybe in your world, friends don't talk for a month. But that hasn't been the case for me because we talked pretty much every day and he always told me if he ever had to go off the grid. So, this was surprising, especially since it came on the heels of my "confession" to him that I like him as more than just a "friend". Just a coincidence ? Maybe, maybe not. But I felt entitled to know (regardless of what you or anyone else thinks). And, yes, my pain is real even if WE WEREN'T in a relationship. Thank you for diminishing my pain and emotions and calling me "delusional". Much appreciated, especially since this is a "support" forum. Irresolute has a harsh approach but she means well. She's not coming from a bad place. We're all at different levels of recovering from a break up or a heart break. Don't take offense to the advice. Soak it in and take from it what you need. We understand that you are upset. This is a supportive community and sometimes people say things you don't like. Can't get upset over it. It's life! My advice to you is ditch this person. If one of your best girlfriends did this to you, would you ever want to be friends with her again? You would want to know why, but would the response really matter? Someone who you cared about up and left your life? To me....the best reaction to someone who does that is SILENCE. Make him wonder why the hell it didnt' bother you.
Author OffRail Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 (edited) Hey, I have an update for you all. On Monday, I was really down and texted him. Just a simple, "where are you ?" I thought that since I had already checked FB, may as well send one last text. If there was no response, to scream / rant / cry and to forget he ever exists ! So, I did and I honestly did *not* expect a response, although I did check every 10 minutes. Well, would you believe it ...a couple of hours ago, I did get a response from him !! It reads "terribly busy. Not intentional, will call soon" I don't know what to make of it. HE HASN'T BEEN TOO BUSY TO STAY OFF FACEBOOK. He has been quite active there. But didn't have 10 seconds to text me or 5 minutes to call me ?! So the "terribly busy" is a lie, maybe a little white lie as he thinks that I no longer go on FB ? So, what do I do now ? Ignore this message ? Wait for him to call ? Go underground ? Help me ! Edited August 8, 2014 by OffRail
irresolute Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Offrail He is avoiding you. He doesn't want to speak to you, he doesn't care about you, he's not in love with you, he doesn't even care about you as a friend, because friends no dot do what this guy is doing to you So yeah, just go underground. do not stalk him anymore, do not text him anymore. DO forget about him. game over. I'm sorry
Author OffRail Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 Offrail He is avoiding you. He doesn't want to speak to you, he doesn't care about you, he's not in love with you, he doesn't even care about you as a friend, because friends no dot do what this guy is doing to you So yeah, just go underground. do not stalk him anymore, do not text him anymore. DO forget about him. game over. I'm sorry Yeah, I do know that he isn't "in love" with me, but was surprised that he bothered to text back. Why would he, when he could just have remained MIA ?
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