Depressed. Married and have a crush on someone else.

[adrian77]

There has got to be something wrong with me if my husband has no interest and the guy I wrongly kissed backed off also. I feel like an absolute nothing.

[blue963]

ready what she wrote. Give her a break.

[Owl]

OK...so you need to decide what you're willing to accept in your life.

 

If your H isn't capable of holding up his end of the marriage...then you probably should consider divorce.

 

Tell your H in a point blank, crystal clear way that you aren't happy with how your marriage is right now. It needs to change...or end. If he's not willing to do his side of the changing...there's no point in pursuing that route further.

 

Make it happen.

 

It's your life.

[CaryAlston]

There has got to be something wrong with me if my husband has no interest and the guy I wrongly kissed backed off also. I feel like an absolute nothing.

Your ego got hurt. You'll get over it, we all do. Don't take it out on your husband. If you need something from him, tell him. If he unreasonably refuses to give it to you, you can leave. There's a proper way for dealing with things like this. A hurt ego is not worth destroying TWO FAMILIES.

 

Stay away from MM. He is unfaithful and trustworthy. Why would you want to be with someone as selfish as that? Even if you leave your husband, you can always find a single man who will love you and be faithful to you.

[Appreciate]

Most people here will tell you to go talk to your husband NOW and let him know that you have feelings for another man. And that you kissed the other man. Be honest about what you did and why you did it. This will undoubtedly serve as a wake up call to your husband. But don't give him the "too little, too late" treatment if you honestly do love him. Help him see how undervalued you feel and save you and him from immense pain and chaos. Save the BS and the MM's children from years perhaps decades of suffering as well. Your need for orgasms and attention are not worth breaking up a home for, do you understand that? If you absolutely had to have an extramarital affair, and I would never condone it, find someone single or go on an affair site. There is nothing special or magical about this MM.. he's just any old bloke who likes the flattery.

 

Here's the thing.. you most likely won't tell your husband because you feel 'fed up'. But you MUST! Not just for him but for you. Many people come here looking for advice about the MM's thoughts, and if you look through most of the threads here you will see that most MM's play a great game. He's playing one with you right now to establish control. Most start affairs and then dump the OW. Many OW don't even see they are being 'used' and some don't even care, but they suffer immensely. Is that the level of respect you have for yourself? Is that the future you want?

 

I think the real reason you won't tell your husband is because you want to see where this affair may go. If you do that while letting your husband think things are coasting along as normal, then yes you will be doing something horrible. That is not opinion, that is fact. Don't justify a horrible action by listing your husband's shortcomings.

[Popsicle]

Don't tell your husband. Only BS's, which this place is crawling with, say that, even though it's the OW/OM section.

 

If I were you I would just ask the guy. Tell him what you think and see what he says. What do you have to lose?

 

I gotta be honest though, there are a lot of men who just like to fantasize (it's fun, safe and makes them feel good) and using electronic forms of communication and visual aides help them do this. Reality can be something else, so you should always move them towards that very very quickly (2 weeks MAX), or cut them off.

Edited September 29, 2014 by Popsicle

[Appreciate]

Don't tell your husband. Only BS's, which this place is crawling with, say that, even though it's the OW/OM section.

 

If I were you I would just ask the guy. Tell him what you think and see what he says. What do you have to lose?

 

I gotta be honest though, there are a lot of men who just like to fantasize (it's fun, safe and makes them feel good) and using electronic forms of communication and visual aides help them do this. Reality can be something else, so you should always move them towards that very very quickly (2 weeks MAX), or cut them off.

 

"Crawling" with them?

 

People come here who get themselves in messy situations because they don't know how to do the right thing, and this place is crawling with people offering crappy advice on how to make that situation worse.

[A.Moscote]

If I were you I would just ask the guy. Tell him what you think and see what he says. What do you have to lose?

What is the pros of doing so Popsicle? Isn't that risky, for adrian to develop further communication with her crush? We have read about it many times here of how that little admissions towards the other person were met with mutual affection, or in some case manipulation, and really have accelerated everything perversely.

 

I think in this situation it is better to be honest and open with our own spouse about how critical the marriage is, and optionally, admitting that this little cheating, mistake or deliberate, has happened and could lead to absolute disaster.

 

There are members here who have made it out of unsatisfying marriage without resorting to cheating or affair, and there are those who, unfortunately to a certain degree, started an affair first before getting a new, better life. Choose wisely adrian, it is clear which one is better than the other.

 

Be brave to settle it with your husband, and be strong too to resist your crush, at least for now when it is wrong.

[Popsicle]

What is the pros of doing so Popsicle? Isn't that risky, for adrian to develop further communication with her crush? We have read about it many times here of how that little admissions towards the other person were met with mutual affection, or in some case manipulation, and really have accelerated everything perversely.

 

I think she should get divorced too, but not once has she mentioned or entertained that in this thread. I also think almost all BS's should get a divorce upon finding out of an A too but they don't listen either. She wants to be back in the A or at least she wants to be the one to end it.