Loneliness

[me85]

I don't know where you got the idea that I was telling you that you are behaving like a victim? I was and am sorry for what you have been trough. It does not happen often but sometimes I notice it is in my disadvantage that I have to speak another language here than my own.

 

I also have experienced some things in my past and work on those already for a long long time. But even now in my mid-thirties I still discover old patterns within me that still lay the ground for further hurt. You can be assured I am not a naive person. But often people - and that is the biggest joke (or secret) - repeat their histories because they never had healthy examples. I know I do.

 

I really wish you the best as drifting through darkness does not sound like a good place to dwell. Therefore I hope that your new world will bring you what you hope for. It is also what I (still) search for.

 

 

I do apologize. I'm really emotional right now and seem to be unusually sensitive to what others may think or mean.

 

I completely misunderstood you. Now that you have better explained what you meant…well, again, I do apologize.

 

Thank you for wishing me well. I've never grieved over the loss of a loved one who has died. My emotions are flying all over the place.

 

However, today I am feeling a bit better.

 

It's not that I dwell in darkness…I always fight my way out…but the light never lasts. I wish my family life were different but that hardly ever gets to me. It is what it is and it'll never change and I've accepted that. I'm just grieving right now. But I know one day I will have a family of my own. What I do (what I've always done) is make my friends my family. I'm just doing me and praying one day I will have a good group of friends again.

Edited August 25, 2014 by me85

[TouchedByViolet]

I feel for you. Loneliness has been the hardest thing to deal with in my entire life. I had never realized how awful it was until I experienced it in my own way. The sense of loss and hopelessness is brutal. I hope the future is brighter for you.

[Itspointless]

I do apologize. I'm really emotional right now and seem to be unusually sensitive to what others may think or mean.

It is easy to misunderstand each-other in text, especially when emotional. I was just surprised, no hurt done. Just as some others here I also lost a parent in my late teens (to that illness that ice-bucket challenge is directed at).

 

Life eventually will get better, different, but better than this. I just want to warn you life always presents us with confronting mirrors when we least expect it or when we think we finally know ourselves. That is something I often find frustrating. I hope you will find someone who you can trust again.

[Liverpool Bloke]

know exactly where You are coming from me85.As someone who has had to deal with this situation so often,the thing that has got me through in between relationships is to chat as much online as I can,and,& I reckon it works is to give myself a hug from time to time.Obviously all this is nowhere near as good as hugging someone else,but its helped me get through while life makes me wait for somebody else to become part of my life.Plus helps ease off any desperation which is a big turn off for anyone new I might meet.This site has been great for me too,so many great people and really intellegent and clued up on everything including yourself.

[me85]

Thank you both so much.

 

Accepting a BU is one thing but accepting death is another.

 

I know this is life and we all have to face it eventually. I know I'm not alone or special but my God the struggle...

 

I'd give anything to have someone here with me to let me break down in front of them & them to care & understand.

[me85]

Itspointless, I'm sorry for your loss.

 

I really appreciate your sincere words of comfort.

[Liverpool Bloke]

Break down in front of us if it helps me85,I have.next best thing if You can't wait for the next wonderful someone to enter your life.Or,& I wish I had done this,join a bereavement counselling group.I went to doctor vodka for 18 months,waste of life,liver & money.

[Itspointless]

Itspointless, I'm sorry for your loss.

 

I really appreciate your sincere words of comfort.

Thank you. It is one of those things from my life I talked about It helps to know that I can give some kind of comfort this way. There are often moments I encounter the grief again (breakups are a big trigger for me). But you know it is also a gift as we always carry them with us and can feel their positive force still speaking to us. The past is within us and so are people.

[TrappedWanderer]

me85-Thank you for posting. I'm going through a very similiar situation and feel much like you do. While I'm not happy we have these painful things in common, I did find a sense of-whew, at least it's not only me-when reading your words.

 

After a bad weekend (what should have been my first wedding anniversary to a man that, after 12 years of knowing, turned out to be an abusive liar) my grandmother passed away. I'm now having to travel far to go to her funeral. I was quite close to her so couldn't NOT go but, like you, have some family issues and I am anxious about that. Wishing I had that person by my side to support me through this, but know I'll get through it, despite that lack.

 

Anyway, I won't hijack your thread, just wanted to let you know if gave me some comfort to know I'm not alone....and wanted to let you know the same.

 

Take care in this tough time...I have to believe that the sun shines strongest after the rain.

[Arient]

Hi me85, I'm so sorry to hear about your pain, and I really understand it. The men who used to be such a big part in our life, are now no longer with us. I know the feeling of loneliness and emptiness despite so many things I tried to do to overcome them. Tomorrow is me and my ex's 4 year anniversary, if we are still together. But luckily, I almost forgot it So I guess things will gradually fade away, even this pain and loneliness. By reading what you wrote, I know that you have tried things, and you know how, so I don't think I can offer any suggestions or advice, just want to encourage you a little bit, and give you this warm virtual hug.

 

If you want a friend or someone to confide in, I think all we here in Loveshack can do that

 

At times like this, I somewhat really want that we can create a closed FB group to cheer each other on in a much closer way

 

Another hug, and I wish you a lot of joy to shoo the loneliness away!

[me85]

me85-Thank you for posting. I'm going through a very similiar situation and feel much like you do. While I'm not happy we have these painful things in common, I did find a sense of-whew, at least it's not only me-when reading your words.

 

After a bad weekend (what should have been my first wedding anniversary to a man that, after 12 years of knowing, turned out to be an abusive liar) my grandmother passed away. I'm now having to travel far to go to her funeral. I was quite close to her so couldn't NOT go but, like you, have some family issues and I am anxious about that. Wishing I had that person by my side to support me through this, but know I'll get through it, despite that lack.

 

Anyway, I won't hijack your thread, just wanted to let you know if gave me some comfort to know I'm not alone....and wanted to let you know the same.

 

Take care in this tough time...I have to believe that the sun shines strongest after the rain.

 

Reading this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so very much for commenting. You have no idea how thankful I am (like you are) to know someone out there understands exactly what I am going through. Exactly. I find having these things in common with you, a relief. I'm sorry things are this way for us because it really is heartbreaking and only we would know...We, as in anyone going through what we are going through (dealing with a death of a close loved one with no one around to comfort us) but like you, I know I'll get through it on my own just like I get through everything else on my own.

 

You are by no means hijacking my thread. I'm so glad you posted and would really enjoy discussing more with you. I'm sorry for the passing of your Grandmother as well. How are you doing? I sure hope you're alright. I know that sounds silly because I don't even know you but I do know what you're going through.

 

My Grandmother's service was difficult but I held up surprisingly well. My oldest brother whom I used to be close to (for a short period of time) and whom I tried to make amends with years ago, did not speak to me. In fact, he avoided standing near me at all costs. Even after the service at a relatives house he continued to avoid me. My Grandmother's only son (my father) did not even attend the service. Dead beat dad and a dead beat son...dead beat brother, dead beat uncle...still, I know he's having a hard time because he was very much a mama's boy. He's always lived with her. I must admit, I was shocked to see him drinking sweet tea rather than beer, as he is an alcoholic.

 

It was nice to see my cousins who I never see and my aunt whom is very near and dear to my heart. She's always been there for me too. She is my grandmother (who passed away) she's her daughter. They did everything together. Everyone seemed to flock to me. I think it's because they know how close I was to my Grandmother.

 

My ex asked for my address last week (I guess maybe to send a card) but I haven't received anything from him. It does hurt because in Feb when he told me his stepfather's mother was very ill in the hospital I contacted his mom and stepsister to let them know I was sorry to hear the news and that I was praying for them and sent the grandmother a card but I haven't received anything from them. I know they know about my Grandmother's passing because they are still on my FB. I'm not losing sleep over them not contacting me or anything though. Just sort of hurts my feelings because my ex's family supposedly loved me and always acted as though they really cared for me.

 

Your ex was abusive too? I'm sorry to know how much we have in common. I do not wish any of the things I have gone through on my worst enemy. Especially not for someone as considerate as yourself. (=

 

I really appreciate your words of comfort and I know things will get better for us, we just have to keep keeping on.

 

Still, my heart aches.

 

 

Hi me85, I'm so sorry to hear about your pain, and I really understand it. The men who used to be such a big part in our life, are now no longer with us. I know the feeling of loneliness and emptiness despite so many things I tried to do to overcome them. Tomorrow is me and my ex's 4 year anniversary, if we are still together. But luckily, I almost forgot it So I guess things will gradually fade away, even this pain and loneliness. By reading what you wrote, I know that you have tried things, and you know how, so I don't think I can offer any suggestions or advice, just want to encourage you a little bit, and give you this warm virtual hug.

 

If you want a friend or someone to confide in, I think all we here in Loveshack can do that

 

At times like this, I somewhat really want that we can create a closed FB group to cheer each other on in a much closer way

 

Another hug, and I wish you a lot of joy to shoo the loneliness away!

 

 

Yours and TrappedWanderer's comments have really warmed my heart. I'd absolutely like a friend. I really appreciate that. It would be nice to have our own FB support group.

 

Thank you for the virtual hugs! Very sweet of you.

 

You seem to be doing well now since your break up, which is great! Congratulations! I know spending nearly 4 years with someone then BU with them couldn't have been a breeze to overcome.

 

You're absolutely right though, over time, things do gradually fade away.

 

Thank you again.

 

You all can PM me anytime. I'd really enjoy it if you did. (=

 

 

BTW LiverpoolBloke...thanks. On top of everything, I'm trying to overcome addiction to cigarettes and alcohol. I know where you were, I'm there everyday.

Edited August 28, 2014 by me85

[littleplanet]

Thank you. No I don't. I have been considering joining a group, yes.

 

My Grandmother was the only person that was always there for me no matter what and now she's gone. Her memorial is tomorrow. It's going to be extremely awkward because there's a lot of bad blood between me, my father and my siblings. They have caused me much pain, therefore I have never wanted to have anything to do with them. I have very good reason to feel that way too. There is no making amends with them. And I will be standing mainly by myself and I wish I had someone I was close to, to go with me.

 

Friends I had were not friends at all. I had to rid them from my life because they betrayed me and caused me trouble. Including past lovers.

 

I'm not throwing a pity party. I just was hoping others might know how I feel and have the same situation regarding loneliness.

 

I just miss having a close female friend. I have a guy friend who is great but I need the kind of comfort that involves hugging and affection in a non sexual way. This guy friend of mine has a thing for me so I can't really lean on him as I'm afraid he will get the wrong idea. /= It's always harder to talk about emotional issues with guys anyways.

 

 

Men are quite capable of knowing the passions of solitude.

It is an honorable thing, to miss a loved one.

Condolences on that.

 

I have lost a few - and carry them with me every day, right where they belong...inside my heart.

Their memory still looks out from my eyes, and shares the most intimate of conversations.

And right there with me....when carrying on their memory with all of those still very much a part of this world's existence.

In whose name I am still very much proud to walk my path.

It need not be so solitary.

We are all the sum total of all we have loved.

We sense that in each other.

It need not be our undoing, but our strength.