Is he just upset

[54JA]

I am so sorry that you are in this extremely stressful and confusing situation. His recent behavior is extremely puzzling. All I can offer is my interpretation and my list of possible reasons for his hot-cold behavior.

 

Possible reasons for his "I'm finishing with you/you are better off without me" comments:

 

1) He feels extremely guilty about his aggressive behavior towards you and does not know what to do with it. His thinking is becoming extreme, thus his solution as to how to make up/apologize for his behavior.

 

2) Like laurelin said, he is experiencing the onset of some sort of mental disorder. It is his disorder talking.

 

3) Like your assumption, he is trying to break up with you by provoking you to initiate it.

 

I am so sorry that these are sort of wishy washy and that I can't offer anything more definitive. It's also very possible that a combination of the above reasons are behind his recent behavior.

 

I know you have a tough days ahead of you. It sounds like you really love him. I am assuming that the 2 years you spent with him has generally been good. It might be worth to give it a couple of weeks of space to see if he is able to regain some control.

 

I think that there is a chance to make this relationship work if he regains his control/comes to his senses, either on his own or with the support of a professional (e.g. a counselor) or medication. But like laurelin said, it is ultimately up to you. I don't see anything wrong with providing him the support and understanding he needs right now, but only if he is also willing to be proactive and take responsibility for his part in getting better. Ultimately, regardless of his conditions, it is his responsibility to change his behavior. If a couple of weeks of space does not work, you might have to prepare to give him the ultimatum where you demand to be treated with respect (no lesson-teaching, no grabbing, no threat of breaking up) or you will walk.

 

I hope your love and compassion reaches him. Please be safe. Choose a public place to meet if it makes you feel more comfortable. Good luck.

[Curt]

He then went on to say (aggressively) "you need to watch where you're going"

<snip>

He then held it up in the air and goes (aggressively, again) go and find it yourself, if you were observant and used your eyes you would have seen it.

 

By this point I went rather quiet, I knew I had. Only because him grabbing me in public and the way he spoke to me was embarrassing. I felt belittled.

 

<snip>

But I didn't say it. We were happy too, no more grabbing or speaking to me nastily. He was being nice.

 

<snip>

... as I said no, he got in a mood and said "well what do you want to do you've just been sat there the whole time in silence" which I hadn't - (as previously stated).

<snip>

<snip>

<SNIP>

 

So what you're really saying is that you were being generally non-communicative ... and he was being an arse.

 

I'm sorry ... but this is the tell-tale sign of a toxic relationship.

 

Say goodbye, in my not-so-humble opinion.

 

Curt

[saz123]

I am so sorry that you are in this extremely stressful and confusing situation. His recent behavior is extremely puzzling. All I can offer is my interpretation and my list of possible reasons for his hot-cold behavior.

 

Possible reasons for his "I'm finishing with you/you are better off without me" comments:

 

1) He feels extremely guilty about his aggressive behavior towards you and does not know what to do with it. His thinking is becoming extreme, thus his solution as to how to make up/apologize for his behavior.

 

2) Like laurelin said, he is experiencing the onset of some sort of mental disorder. It is his disorder talking.

 

3) Like your assumption, he is trying to break up with you by provoking you to initiate it.

 

I am so sorry that these are sort of wishy washy and that I can't offer anything more definitive. It's also very possible that a combination of the above reasons are behind his recent behavior.

 

I know you have a tough days ahead of you. It sounds like you really love him. I am assuming that the 2 years you spent with him has generally been good. It might be worth to give it a couple of weeks of space to see if he is able to regain some control.

 

I think that there is a chance to make this relationship work if he regains his control/comes to his senses, either on his own or with the support of a professional (e.g. a counselor) or medication. But like laurelin said, it is ultimately up to you. I don't see anything wrong with providing him the support and understanding he needs right now, but only if he is also willing to be proactive and take responsibility for his part in getting better. Ultimately, regardless of his conditions, it is his responsibility to change his behavior. If a couple of weeks of space does not work, you might have to prepare to give him the ultimatum where you demand to be treated with respect (no lesson-teaching, no grabbing, no threat of breaking up) or you will walk.

 

I hope your love and compassion reaches him. Please be safe. Choose a public place to meet if it makes you feel more comfortable. Good luck.

 

It is so difficult. I've been ill now because of it too, I've lost my appetite and trying to eat food just makes me feel sick.

 

I love him very much and the way this relationship is at the moment is really hurting me.

 

I'm so disappointed too, he's just broken me and had no idea.

 

I don't know where I stand with him.

[54JA]

It is so difficult. I've been ill now because of it too, I've lost my appetite and trying to eat food just makes me feel sick.

 

I love him very much and the way this relationship is at the moment is really hurting me.

 

I'm so disappointed too, he's just broken me and had no idea.

 

I don't know where I stand with him.

 

I know... Not knowing is one of the hardest things to take. It almost feels impossible to think about anything else but that. I've been there. Although this was a long time ago, after we fought, I once waited for my ex in the parking lot of his apartment from 11 pm until almost 4 am in the morning because I could just not sit at home. My action was not only ridiculous, but also dangerous in that his neighborhood wasn't the safest neighborhood. But I just needed to know if we were still together, and he still loved me.

 

Hang in there. You have been incredibly patient.

[saz123]

I know... Not knowing is one of the hardest things to take. It almost feels impossible to think about anything else but that. I've been there. Although this was a long time ago, after we fought, I once waited for my ex in the parking lot of his apartment from 11 pm until almost 4 am in the morning because I could just not sit at home. My action was not only ridiculous, but also dangerous in that his neighborhood wasn't the safest neighborhood. But I just needed to know if we were still together, and he still loved me.

 

Hang in there. You have been incredibly patient.

 

That's something I'd do too. Crazy right!

 

Good news is, I suppose, that he wants to take me for dinner tonight - still hanging in there.

 

Thanks for all your support.