Author Back2WhatUKnow Posted September 8, 2014 Author Share Posted September 8, 2014 (edited) Kind of a proud moment to say it has been a month and a week since my NC of an A of 4.5years. I do feel it was right this time unlike the other past failed attempts because I haven't looked back. It has been my longest and strongest NC. I haven't seen him nor made any attempts to talk. I told him to leave me alone once in the beginning because he kept and still kept blowing my phone up. I blocked what I could and just watch my surroundings when I am out. Meanwhile work, exercise, and chatting with a SM just as friends has been keeping me busy. I do think of MM here and there but realize how miserable I was. Even when he showed me a start of D papers. I never responded because then it be the same story but with him being miserable over seperating surely. I cant deal with it. I prayed he just let me be and go back to what he knows. He finally stopped restricted voicemail calls 4 days ago. I feel better about myself. Just hope to keep it up. Wondering how the rest of you NC's are doing? It is motivating to read. Edited September 8, 2014 by Back2WhatUKnow spelling Link to post Share on other sites
BrookeM Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 That's wonderful you're doing so well with NC! And ignoring his attempts to talk to you deserves it's own recognition, that's SOOO hard to do! Way to go! I'm glad to see his divorce papers didn't sway you; look up the psychological term "hoovering". Sometimes people will do and say whatever it takes to get your attention, whether or not they follow through with any of it. I've been NC with my MM for almost 4 weeks after being in my A for a year and a half. He hasn't attempted to contact me and I haven't tried to contact him. I moved to a different state (to get away from him) and have a lot of exciting new things happening all around me. I still think about MM because there was no closure when we ended - he was acting like an ass because I was leaving (I think that's why). I had enough if the run around and basically told him I wasn't contacting him again. And I stayed true to what I said! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Back2WhatUKnow Posted September 8, 2014 Author Share Posted September 8, 2014 That's wonderful you're doing so well with NC! And ignoring his attempts to talk to you deserves it's own recognition, that's SOOO hard to do! Way to go! I'm glad to see his divorce papers didn't sway you; look up the psychological term "hoovering". Sometimes people will do and say whatever it takes to get your attention, whether or not they follow through with any of it. I've been NC with my MM for almost 4 weeks after being in my A for a year and a half. He hasn't attempted to contact me and I haven't tried to contact him. I moved to a different state (to get away from him) and have a lot of exciting new things happening all around me. I still think about MM because there was no closure when we ended - he was acting like an ass because I was leaving (I think that's why). I had enough if the run around and basically told him I wasn't contacting him again. And I stayed true to what I said! Good for you BrookeM!!! Super happy to see you moved on. You are lucky to be walking from it this early and enjoying a new place. I want to leave the state one day. I started with leaving the career I was in with him to one I actually enjoy. But I hate we are in the same city. I am doing well avoiding any place Id know he be or just stay hidden. At least he let you go. Hoping mine finally did too. Congrats! ! Link to post Share on other sites
BrookeM Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 Thanks! I sometimes worry he'll be back. He wanted to remain in touch after I left, even said things about coming to visit me. but things got rocky towards the end and we left it at that. I'm actually thankful we left it the way we did before I moved - it gave this entire experience a totally fresh start. I can imagine how hard it is to stay in the same city around the same triggers. I think it's awesome you switched careers to follow your passion and to get away from him. That's great! And you're avoiding places that bring back memories. Stay strong and keep doing what you're doing. It sounds like you're ready for a new life without him in it! Link to post Share on other sites
Pinklotus Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I'm glad it is going well for you ladies. It sounds like you are both making very good choices for yourselves. After just one week of NC, I feel so much better. I had a rough day last week when I posted here, but it passed. I held firm and did not contact. With each day I feel better and have had no urge to contact him. And if he contacts me? I will not answer him. He wrote to me the same night I sent the NC email, using the very account I told him I would no longer use!!! A long email. I did not respond to him and I am simply relieved to have finished with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Back2WhatUKnow Posted September 11, 2014 Author Share Posted September 11, 2014 Just a vent MM pisses me off. He is known to be stalkerish. I have successfully avoided him and the blocked calls 35 days NC strong. Well earlier today I wanted to run...so there was a Trail him and I use to run well I no longer go to it. It had rained so the different trail I run on was unrunable. So I said i just wanna do a quick run went to the old paved mark..Ran quickly. Well I pulled out in my car to turn. Low and behold I see the moron...sitting at the nearest stop light. I just gunned it in front of him and avoided it. I am just so angry...the blocked calls stopped for 4 days..before the spotting..i got a block call that was ignored. I know he was trying to be slick...i know his schedule. Seems like whenever hes not working..or doesnt have his kids...hes a sitting duck...more like a stalking duck.... just wish he would stop. I keep realizing what I deserve without him...and putting my bar back up so he is not qualified. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 You want him to stop??? Tell his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
GettingOver Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Yes, that happened to me multiple times...each time I went NC or started dating someone else. The papers were never completed or signed and he's till with the W. Last time I heard from him, he was still "trying" to get out of his "situation", portraying himself as a victim, who is there for "the kids" who are now full grown, legal adults. Until the divorce papers are signed by both parties and a lawyer, he's still married and full of BS OMG, it sounds like my story!!! Unhappy, trying to "sort it out" but staying for the "kids" (19 and 16 at the moment after 3,5 yeard of A). At first he wanted to wait till they are 18 - legal adults. Now he wants to wait till they leave the house:lmao:. The 19 y.o. is going to the army . What if he chose to live in "th ehouse" till 30 when he is back? Poor daddy would have to stay and suffer this whole time Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 So what do you Think his kids will do? embrace you,accept you,like you? remember you are the other woman,you destroyed the marriage of their father and mother.The kids will never like you,dont be naive Instead end it,you deserve better,you do want your own kids,own family right? you will not get it with this man Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 My guy's kids like me just fine. Not the norm, but it happens. I think it happens when the kids realize the marriage was a mess and want happiness for their parents. Not only that but we are a couple so if they want to spend a significant amount of time with their father they also have to spend it with me, as I am his family also. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 (edited) My guy's kids like me just fine. Not the norm, but it happens. I think it happens when the kids realize the marriage was a mess and want happiness for their parents. Not only that but we are a couple so if they want to spend a significant amount of time with their father they also have to spend it with me, as I am his family also. Well thats not the norm,not what i know off.Most of the times the kids want nothing to do with the ow,,,and i doubt many women can make a man choose her over the kids I know of 2 cases,in both cases the kids now rarely spend time with the parent,and when they do its only with him not with the new partner Edited September 17, 2014 by adna89 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 What you are suggesting is that nothing ever changes. That there is no forgiveness. It is quite ridiculous, really. Things change. Life moves on. Children forgive, have their own lives and enjoy time with their parents and the parent's new spouse. It happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Back2WhatUKnow Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 What is the norm really? Is there some grand research to back this? I have known of children to go either way. My own family was different my stepfather was introduced when I was 4. My sister was 14. I attached to him and his children fast and still am close. My sister after all these years wants nothing of him. It wasnt a result of an A but my point it was a new person coming into the family. There is a chance of 50/50 when it comes to kids accepting or not you just gotta be prepared for either road that is subjected to change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 My guy's kids like me just fine. Not the norm, but it happens. I think it happens when the kids realize the marriage was a mess and want happiness for their parents. Not only that but we are a couple so if they want to spend a significant amount of time with their father they also have to spend it with me, as I am his family also. That's actually quite cold and disheartening to believe that a child MUST spend time with the parents new g/f. If anything, a child shouldn't be forced upon a 'new' partner just because they are the new partner. But you aren't his family - you are his g/f. Even children in intact families spend "significant amount of time" with just one parent - whether it be due to an activity (fishing, ballet, etc), a stay at home parent or because one parent is more interested in pursing other things besides time with their children. What you are suggesting is that nothing ever changes. That there is no forgiveness. It is quite ridiculous, really. Things change. Life moves on. Children forgive, have their own lives and enjoy time with their parents and the parent's new spouse. It happens. You aren't a the 'new' spouse. You are the g/f. There is no requirement that a child must spend time with the new person. That's ridiculous to say that. You are thereby informing the child that you (general you) are more important than they are in their parents eyes. I think an insecure person insists on the kids spending time with them in addition to their parent. Back2What...I hope the MM moves on and leaves you alone. Good for you for standing firm on NC. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 (edited) That's actually quite cold and disheartening to believe that a child MUST spend time with the parents new g/f. If anything, a child shouldn't be forced upon a 'new' partner just because they are the new partner. But you aren't his family - you are his g/f. Even children in intact families spend "significant amount of time" with just one parent - whether it be due to an activity (fishing, ballet, etc), a stay at home parent or because one parent is more interested in pursing other things besides time with their children. You aren't a the 'new' spouse. You are the g/f. There is no requirement that a child must spend time with the new person. That's ridiculous to say that. You are thereby informing the child that you (general you) are more important than they are in their parents eyes. I think an insecure person insists on the kids spending time with them in addition to their parent. Back2What...I hope the MM moves on and leaves you alone. Good for you for standing firm on NC. Let me clarify. In MY situation my guy and I spend all of our time together with my young children and share a residence. If his children want to spend a significant amount of time with their father they will have to make concessions. And they do. Because where he wants to be is with me. We are a couple. We will be spending most of our time together. Sorry Jellybean. That's how it is and it works wonderfully for us. His kids are fine with me. And yes, I am his spouse and we ARE a family, with a certificate, wills and everything. Wow! Imagine that! And who are you to tell me we are not a family? I never said children must be forced upon the new spouse. I simply said what works for us. No need to get so defensive. Edited September 19, 2014 by goodyblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Back2WhatUKnow Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 So MM's friend happen to see me at work. His friend told me MM is lost and he is worried. Apparently he has lost some weight and just can't believe I left him. He thought I was gonna come back like normal. He told me that he did draw the papers up for a D but he does not think he filed them. He told me he has told MM that he needs to be content with staying with his kids. All I said was good and yes I am done so I hope he continues to leave me alone. I have blocked everything even restricted calls. So...funny spin to my day...no remorse. Link to post Share on other sites
A.Moscote Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Your MM knows why you left him, it is very clear what he should do if he wants you, decide and act (not lose weight). There shouldn't be easy path for him anymore, not especially after stringing everyone in this unfairness and deception for six years. Lucky his wife doesn't divorce him first. Be firm in your stand and treasure the conviction that you have now B2What. Still be careful anyway not to fall back into the affair. Keep on the NC (congrats on that so far, you are strong), it won't be long before your emotions towards him not affecting you anymore. It might even disappear at all. You are in control of your life now, who knows if you'll get that lucky spin after this funny one. Be optimist. Link to post Share on other sites
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