Call her out on her games and excuses or go cold?

[UltimaWeapon]

Hello Loveshack,

 

I will try to make this as short as possible:

 

Started talking to this girl from my country (24) before I left on vacation. we live in the same city. Before I left I got her number, she gave me hers. Told her I had a great time talking to her and that I would love to take her out when I come back because the day I come back was her Birthday.

 

We exchanged 6000 messages while I was over there

We talked on the phone 6 + hours

She was very flirty with me- we got along great

She asked for pics of me..sent me pics

Told her mom about me and her girlfriends

Kept telling me she can't wait till I am back to see me

Said she really wants to continue to get to know me

Even offered to pick me up at the airport

 

I came back on her bday and for the next few days she would make plans at night (she works at a restaurant so she gets off late around 10-11 pm) for those 4-5 days she would make the same plans that we would see each other at night for a bit.n she would end up flopping

 

I got really fed up and basically asked her after a week - do you have any intention on seeing me? You keep making plans and flopping. Shes like of course I want to see you but it's hard with work and everything.

 

She told me she would see me when she has her days off. Those days came. still the same story. I ended up not even asking anymore I could clearly see something was up- it wasn't the same anymore.

 

She told me where is the rush? I do not want to be pressured I have a lot going on. we will see each other. Do not take this so seriously. Take it easy, go with the flow.

 

I told her I do not want to be ur texting buddy.

 

Those Two weeks went by- she kept talking to me - initiating contact and all of that but still no definite plans.

 

Saturday (August 9th) comes and we don't talk all day- I end up going out with my friends downtown and I ran into her at a popular bar with her friend at the entrance in line..out of all the places. We were both shocked and knew this wasn't just a coincidence anymore.

 

We had an amazing time that night-my friends ended up leaving me to be with her alone..and her friend ended up going into the bar so we were together the entire night. We talked about everything and she said the reason she hasn't made an attempt to see me was because I was rushing into things too fast lol (All i wanted was to hang out with her to get to know her better in person- She makes it seem like I was asking for her hand in marriage)

 

She held my hand that night, she was very touchy, put her head on my chest, she was very shy- couldn't look at me, always was blushing. She kept asking me what I wanted from this - I told her I think she is an amazing girl and I want to continue to get to know her - even if she is busy with work and all that- we could make it work.

 

We stayed together till 4 am and she told me she was interested in taking things slow with me and to see what happens and that we were on the same page. We made out for a good period of time before she was about to leave and all in all- the unexpected date was amazing.

 

* The problem now is- she told me we could see each other Tuesday night before she leaves due to her work arrangements for 2 days. She said she would see me when shes back. (Again all empty promises) She ended up flopping again and its basically back to how it was before - she makes plans to only flop to make other plans.

 

She told me in the car when I was with her that she is scared of getting into a relationship and getting hurt and needs time to get comfortable and wants to take it easy. I said its okay I understand. She also said she needs to get to know me more before we jump into anything. Her friend also told me " Don't break her heart."

 

I told her I get all of that but we have been talking for a month and a half through txts- we saw each other once RANDOMLY. n u still dont feel like you know me because all we have been doing is texting and the time we talked on the phone.

 

I am like you can't expect to get to know me better through text??..The whole point of us hanging out is to get to know each other better. Hanging out doesn't mean we are serious, dating or in a relationship.

 

I don't think she gets that!

 

So I ask you all now- if she wasn't interested in me..

 

- We wouldn't have talked so much and continued to talk since I have been back

- she wouldn't continue to make plans.

- She would have either started to ignore or completely back off.

-She hasn't done any of this.

-If she wasn't interested she could have easily made an excuse to leave with her friend however, she stayed with me till 4 am

- told me If i wasn't interested in you I wouldn't be here with you right now.

-She would not get physical if she wasn't and make out if she wasn't.

-She said she wants to be with me but take things slow and see where it goes and not rush into something so quickly.

 

So why continue to make plans for Tuesday night (August 12th) (she initiated them too) only to flop again? And this is all after that amazing night we had.

 

I am really getting annoyed with all of this because of the whole you are rushing into something excuse - we have been texting a month and a half and I ran into her once- how much slower can it get?? I have been extremely patient with her over this period since I have been back from vacation but I have never experienced such hot and cold behavior from someone and I really don't know what the problem is.

 

* It shouldn't be this difficult to get someone to see you *

 

** I have since backed off and won't be asking to hang out- I won't contact her first and I want to see if she will truly make plans to hang out now**

 

So is she playing games with me - playing hard to get? What is the problem???

 

* I also know if a person wants to see you they will make an effort to do so- However, based on her behaviour on Satturday with me I do not see why she would continue to act like this after?? All the signs were positive, she was physical with me- told me she want's to take it slow.

 

She can't expect me to wait around for her and be her texting buddy either..It's gona be three weeks since I have been back soon and I would have seen her once (and that's because we ran into each other randomly)

Edited August 15, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[UltimaWeapon]

I hope you all understand how frustrating it is- when someone in PERSON shows you they want you- but over text they are still flaky and giving you signs they aren't sure or don't care!!

[Nbd1964]

Dude, I was dating the exact same girl it seems. Used the same words, take it slow, go with the flow, she wants to be comfortable, scary how similar. I hardly saw her once a week, she said she wanted to get to know me, but how do you do that just texting, not being together. She would blow me off too, cancel plans. I finally gave up, don't know what her deal was, I'm guessing she was juggling several guys. She is very hot and I know she gets hit on all the time, it wasn't worth the headache and heartache. Move on.

[UltimaWeapon]

Hint. SHE isn't the one with the problem.

 

How am I the one with the problem? I have been back 3 weeks and she hasn't made an effort to see me once only when we randomly saw each other. What am I suppose to do wait around another 2 months?

 

I am not the one making plans to flop constantly and continue to make other plans.

[Nbd1964]

You're not. She's playing you. Mine was the same, super into me when we were together, affectionate, etc., cold as ice when we were apart.

[UltimaWeapon]

You're not. She's playing you. Mine was the same, super into me when we were together, affectionate, etc., cold as ice when we were apart.

 

I don't understand why go through all this effort with me to play these games in the end. Like it boggles my mind a 24 year old woman is doing this..

[Nbd1964]

I don't understand why go through all this effort with me to play these games in the end. Like it boggles my mind a 24 year old woman is doing this..

 

Mine was 27. I'm 49. Must be a twenties thing.

[UltimaWeapon]

Mine was 27. I'm 49. Must be a twenties thing.

 

She did tell me before that we have different lifestyles and that I need to understand she is busy. She basically is saying she has certain goals she wants to achieve and is focused on them. I think what she is trying to say is she works and I don't. I am a recent university graduate looking for work and haven't been able to find anything. She finished her degree also and works at a restaurant so I don't get what she means by we live different lives. We are the same age lol ://

 

She is going to be working two jobs starting next week...can that have anything to do with it also? She did mention it a few times and asked me how I don't work and how she is jealous of that.

 

I am with my family downtown in a condo so I am financially well off and I have money it's just I haven't been able to find anything since I have finished my business management BCOMM and am continually searching.

 

Could that play any role in her not wanting to see me yet?

[Eivuwan]

Some people are just overly cautious and hesitant. It's a real pain to be with them. If she is so unreliable now, how do you imagine the rest of the relationship to be? The question isn't whether or not she's interested, but how much longer do you want to put up with this? Would you even like a person who keeps flaking?

[Nbd1964]

Some people are just overly cautious and hesitant. It's a real pain to be with them. If she is so unreliable now, how do you imagine the rest of the relationship to be? The question isn't whether or not she's interested, but how much longer do you want to put up with this? Would you even like a person who keeps flaking?

 

It gets real old, and you're right, it'll never get better, you'll just get more frustrated and pissed off.

[UltimaWeapon]

It boggles my mind why a well adjusted male would put up with it.

 

Again, YOU have an issue. 6000 messages!!!

 

This was when I was on vacation for the period of a month! I didn't know she would act like this when I came back. I kept in contact with her because I enjoyed talking to her and wanted to continue to get to know her lol

[morbot_k]

She's stringing you along. Perhaps not in her mind - she's telling herself she isn't ready or wants to take it slow. But the reality is that she isn't crazy into you. She has some interest though.

 

Imagine you met a girl you thought was great and all, but not quite sure. So you wouldn't want to make things move along because you want to keep your options open somewhat. Mull it over. Take your time. So you extend things out. You make plans because it would be nice to see the person. She could be attractive, and fun. But you don't know that you want something serious with this person.

 

Problem is, they want something serious with you. So that pressure, imagined or real...is what the problem is.

 

Basically you like her way more than she likes you. And she knows it. And she's not sure what to do with it.

 

My advice is for you to not do anything dramatic. But do move on. Move on as is find someone who is really interested in you and wants to spend time with you. In the meantime, keep this girl as one of those 1% chance it could work out sort of things.

[truth_seeker]

Let me tell you from my experiences, these women are so used to getting their way that they think they can control any guy they come into contact with... drop her and only consider her if she comes to you. If she does, don't take her seriously. Just have some fun.

[truth_seeker]

Dude, I was dating the exact same girl it seems. Used the same words, take it slow, go with the flow, she wants to be comfortable, scary how similar.

 

I'd like to add this phrase: "I try not to take things too seriously."

 

Any woman who mentions this in person or online, it's a warning sign for flake.

[PerfectStorm]

Personally, I would say that she is seeing someone else that she is more interested in than you. Maybe she is still interested in you but not enough to follow through with anything. I see no problem with seeing other people in the intial dating period but this one appears to be probably messing with your head.

 

Tell her to kick rocks.

[fred123]

She's stringing you along. Perhaps not in her mind - she's telling herself she isn't ready or wants to take it slow. But the reality is that she isn't crazy into you. She has some interest though.

 

Imagine you met a girl you thought was great and all, but not quite sure. So you wouldn't want to make things move along because you want to keep your options open somewhat. Mull it over. Take your time. So you extend things out. You make plans because it would be nice to see the person. She could be attractive, and fun. But you don't know that you want something serious with this person.

 

Problem is, they want something serious with you. So that pressure, imagined or real...is what the problem is.

 

Basically you like her way more than she likes you. And she knows it. And she's not sure what to do with it.

 

My advice is for you to not do anything dramatic. But do move on. Move on as is find someone who is really interested in you and wants to spend time with you. In the meantime, keep this girl as one of those 1% chance it could work out sort of things.

 

iv been in the same situation. but when you try and talk to her and say look i dont think ur interested find a guy you really like near you. and you try be mature but they always convince you they like you but that they are busy

[deathandtaxes]

OP, again with this lady? Did you not take to heart anything mentioned in your prior thread about her? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/488371-hot-cold-mixed-messages

 

 

Wtf are you doing, OP? You're becoming crazy stupid about this lady. She has no interest in you. She's playing with you. And you're eating it up like nothing else. Have some respect for yourself.

Edited August 15, 2014 by deathandtaxes

[UltimaWeapon]

OP, again with this lady? Did you not take to heart anything mentioned in your prior thread about her?

 

I thought things would be different after seeing her last Saturday. All signs were positive on her end and in person she genuinely shows interest that she wants to be with me. Shy around me..blushes when she talks to me..Holding my hand, kissing..making out for a long time. hugging,putting her head on my shoulder... told me she wants to take it easy and not rush but that we are on the same page. She even dropped her girlfriend off first in order to have more alone time with me and was with me till 4 am!

 

After all that how could I doubt she isn't interested??

 

If she had someone else I highly doubt she could manage working 2 jobs..talking to me all the time and seeing this guy as well. Plus if she had someone else why would she be with me till 4 am? Realistically speaking if she was with someone else she wouldn't be with me at all let alone till that time. So I do not think she has anyone else tbh. She told me in the car if I wasn't interested in you.. I wouldn't be here..you don't have to hear it from me to know that I want you..and to basically read between the lines instead of her having to directly tell me.

 

She has been in one serious relationship her entire life from what she told me. She is all about family, working and school..she doesn't even go out that much and stays home. I highly doubt this girl has the time to play around with different guys and to play games like this. She doesn't seem like the type at all.

 

*** The fact we ran into each other like that randomly is def not a coincidence and it happened for a reason. It showed me how much I truly want to try and be with this girl. we clicked and connected on every possible way. Something about her just draws me too her and after her behavior I had no doubts about how she felt towards me either- Everything she did in person showed she wanted me also. ***

 

So for her to make plans and continue to flop makes NO SENSE TO ME.

 

Maybe she really is that scared to get into something so soon? Scared of commitment? She told me it takes time for her to be comfortable and she was really hurt in her past relationship of 4 years which ended (2 years ago)

 

I have been in a 4.5 year relationship and a three month one and im 23. I have a good amount of experience and know when someone is interested or they aren't and what signs to look for. I have never encountered this type of behavior.

Edited August 15, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[PerfectStorm]

My husband had a wife, 4 kids, a job, and stayed out til 4am often. I never suspected that he was with another female, just his beer drinking buddies.

 

But he could've been. We're now divorced.

[Supernatural]

Oh God.. I've been dealing with this for the past 4 years. I actually just sent her a great text. Same chick that has just always 'been there' lurking in the background who I justify is really worth it all. It NEVER changes, and I know it. But keep allowing it. It's really messed up, but possibly the most romantic thing I have ever had in my life. It's your typical story where the guy NEVER gives up on the girl and always treats her how she, deep in her heart, wants to be treated.

 

It's like these women are professionals because they have been doing it for so long. So many wrong men, that they think every guy is the same. And make you believe in part of your mind that one day it will happen from one text or live sentence she said that hit you in a majestic way.

 

Meanwhile, they are dating guys, having sex, living it up, getting their life together. And poor dude who is falling head over heels is slowly getting psychologically damaged in a way. Slowly starting to have trust issues with women and people in general because of this one woman who is breaking all of your rules about self respect.

 

They give you just enough to keep you interested and never directly turn you down. This girl has never once said "i'm not interested" but the reality is that she has turned me down countless times. Who knows why... But like someone said... Even if you do lock her down, what makes you think she would ever change?

 

This girl texts me really sweet things... And at the same time I've run in to her on the same day holding some other guys hand, who is her boyfriend.

 

She may very well think I'm the perfect guy, and above all the rest in many categories, and truly want to end up with me after her more 'experimental, wild years'. But the fact that years have been missed due to elusive behavior because she thinks I'm just like the rest and will let her down... KILLS. I don't know if a person can ever let that go... What a waste.

 

Need to find someone who is truly excited to be with you in all ways. Just like you are with that girl. That's where the magic happens.

 

 

This probably didn't make any sense at all... But I don't know if it should. I guess we just have to hope everything is worth it. I don't know. I'm gonna stop typing.

[Supernatural]

After re-reading your posts again, OP. It's almost like we're talking about the same girl. And same identical situations. Every time we bump in to each other, it is not a coincidence. It is at such times that make my head spin; like it's fate.

She does the EXACT same things as your girl. EXACTLY. Like the exact same game. She has only ever been in 1 serious relationship which brought her out to where I live now. AND she's 24 too. Exact same strategy, and boy does it make my head f**king spin.

 

WHOA!

[UltimaWeapon]

After re-reading your posts again, OP. It's almost like we're talking about the same girl. And same identical situations. Every time we bump in to each other, it is not a coincidence. It is at such times that make my head spin; like it's fate.

She does the EXACT same things as your girl. EXACTLY. Like the exact same game. She has only ever been in 1 serious relationship which brought her out to where I live now. AND she's 24 too. Exact same strategy, and boy does it make my head f**king spin.

 

WHOA!

 

What has happened with your situation?

[preraph]

She is working and people are tired after they work. Are you not working? why not?

 

Also, yes, she is texting you. How many other people do you think she probably texts regularly?

[UltimaWeapon]

Wow you let this go on for 4 years? I am almost 3 weeks in and losing my mind. I can't take much more. I am either gona tell her straight up if she doesn't put in any effort I will take it as she doesn't care and walk away. I dono what else to do.

[Supernatural]

Wow you let this go on for 4 years? I am almost 3 weeks in and losing my mind. I can't take much more. I am either gona tell her straight up if she doesn't put in any effort I will take it as she doesn't care and walk away. I dono what else to do.

 

My situation... Is like yours... But 10 more over the course of 4 years and starting again now.

 

I have ended it... But somehow, we bump into each other again and it starts right back up. Like, we're MEANT to be with each other. The timing of her and I bumping in to each other is crazy.. Like could be in the movies.

 

 

 

Last weekend...

 

I hadn't seen Danielle for 1 year in person. She texted me in March out of the blue; I didn't respond.

 

Me and my good friend are walking home from another buddies at 3am. We get in a heated discussion about doing the things in life that we really want and just going for it; talking about pure confidence -- that there's no reason to be afraid in life. Great conversation and get's really passionate.

 

We stop on the side of the road next to the park for some reason? (Why here?) And really begin to talk... 10 minutes goes by and all of a sudden I sense something; I just feel different.

I turn around and Danielle is standing behind me, about 15 feet away, walking her dogs. AT 3:30 AM!?! I turn and say ... "Danielle." She looks up and knows it's me instantly. She comes over and we talk for a bit, then I have to just get the hell out of there because I feel like I'm about to pass out from the whole serendipity of everything... I walk away...

 

For the life of me I can't figure out why we walked that way home, or why we stopped at that exact spot, or why we were talking about the things we were... Or why my night had gone the way it had earlier that evening... And out of every single person who showed up... Is the one person that has the most meaning for that direct conversation...

 

This is the girl I'm talking about... And every time we bump in to each other, something like that story above is happening. There's too many 'coincidences' for it not to be fate. I could actually write a book and turn it in to a movie it's so captivating.

 

I lost my mind 4 years ago, the second I saw her. I want to give up always on her. But something won't let me. Something bigger than both her and I. It's like we can't escape no matter what happens. Like we're meant to be together.

 

Every time I talk to her over text or e-mail, I can't not tell her how beautiful the world is or how we have something so special. And I don't care that she thinks it's moving too fast... I care about not letting her slide, because it would feel like I'm slapping God across the face if I didn't do my best to try and be with her.

 

99% of guys will throw in the towel on women like these. Because there is no instant gratification. But for the life of me, I can't. Because I believe in love too much.

 

Many will say she is playing with my mind and playing me... I don't buy that. Maybe on paper I look like a bum... But I KNOW deep in my heart, that we have something unbelievably special and incredibly romantic.

She's a human with no mental issues... She holds good jobs.. Has good friends and a loving family...

She thinks about me before she goes to sleep, texts me at 3am, she smiles when shes around me...

Yes, she may date other guys... But, so what... They have sex... But, so what...

 

Situations with what may seem like difficult women; comes down to intuition. It's a feeling... If you have that deep feeling like shes the one... Trust it and never give up on her. But if she's just some girl who makes you excited in the pants... Stop.

 

I haven't even thought of Danielle in a sexual way. Seriously. But I have imagined a life, and felt; pure freedom, happiness, and joy with her. If anything in life makes you feel the above 3 things... Never give up on them No matter what. Because even if you never achieve it... It's still lighting something up within you... And that's experiencing life.

 

And here is the kicker of everything...... I have tears in my eyes literally.... She just texted me RIGHT when I finished this.

 

Explain that.

Edited August 15, 2014 by Supernatural