Author sm2281 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 Thank you. I called and talked with him about this. We will see. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sm2281 Posted August 14, 2014 Author Share Posted August 14, 2014 So just so you all know he said we havent gone out yet because he was worried that i could not do it because of my child and his cond. And because he was essentially assuming that i did not want to or could not. And he is making plans already amd ive let him know about baby sitting arrangements and also let him know that of he is a part of my life he is going to have to deal with my kid too and we will have to go out with him sometime too. He was ok with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sm2281 Posted September 16, 2014 Author Share Posted September 16, 2014 So, I am still hung up on this acceptable behavior thing. I understand being treated like crap is a no no. I refuse to let that happen, but I just want to go at my own pace and learn as I go. Again, I really like dude said earlier in thread. He is awesome. I even took the time to tell my family about him. My dad might even hate me because it's an interracial relationship and I wasnt even sure how to begin to tell him this (because yes, it is my first interracial relationship at 30). I wasnt sure how he would take it, and my dad is very important to me. So, I finally break down and tell my father. Dude says he loves me. Really. Like he looked into my eyes and said I Love You, and it was very sincere. But, here is the thing. It's the acceptable behavior thing. I get social media, but I read in a thread about why people don't want to change their relationshuip status. BUT, that being said, he is still getting calls from a bunch of so-called Women friends (and come on and be real people, we ALL KNOW what the friend zone is for, when it is so many randoms) Real and true friends are acceptable, but I highly doubt these women just want to be his friend. Anyway, so he still refuses to give this up. He doesn't go around fixing their cars "and stuff" anymore, but he still takes the call, and has not changed his relationship status on social media. So, obviously when he is talking about his "relationship status" to these other women, he is obviously not making a point to be clear about what the boundaries are. I understand we are not married and the option will always be open, but he says he is committed, he says he loves me, he seems sincere, but his actions do not match his words. I just got my answer there, as I was typing. HIS ACTIONS DO NOT MATCH HIS WORDS. . . . . . I really really liked this one. Dammit. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 It's funny because part of the reason you really, really like this one is because he "seems" to be so highly desired, but it's also part of the reason why you don't want to like him either. You are putting too much weight on social media. Listen, regardless of "dating rules" or "modern trends"... dating will always be the same. If you don't like the way you are being treated and you don't feel 100% happy with that person, then you need to move on and find someone who will. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 How about this.....you tell him exactly about the boundaries you expect. Tell him if this relationship is to continue, he needs to let everyone know these bounaries/relationship status and if he isn't willing to accept that this is the way things are going to be, then you just say you are not comfortable with the way things are, and don't feel you are able to continue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Acceptable to whom? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sm2281 Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 It's funny because part of the reason you really, really like this one is because he "seems" to be so highly desired, but it's also part of the reason why you don't want to like him either. You are putting too much weight on social media. Listen, regardless of "dating rules" or "modern trends"... dating will always be the same. If you don't like the way you are being treated and you don't feel 100% happy with that person, then you need to move on and find someone who will. i dont like him because he is highly desired. That is one of the things i dont like. is that he is highly desired. Social media is iffy but u would assume there was a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Has he taken you out in public yet? Has he taken you out on a date? I don't care if he told you he loves you -- has he taken you out in public yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sm2281 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 4-5 public dates since posting, some with the kid. Some not with the kid. Took me to meet his family. Took down ex's pTries to come over more, but still complains about some things. But still check -- Question for the men -- why isn't he -- is what's new. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 He called another woman (who has been hanging in his friendzone) right in front of me. We have been dating for 4 months and have not had any public dates He refused to give up women in his friend zone Doesnt seem like he wants to do anything with or for me and acts like he has other things to do (that are more important during times wr are together [once or twice per week]) Idk if this is normal as im new to dating aftet a divorce. Please let me know, taking a poll so i can see how its going. There is some good stuff too but i want an objective well rpunded opinion before i go jumping to conclusions. So please tell me if these behaviors would be acceptable yo you or examples of unaccwptable or acceptable behaviors. Did you two have an actual discussion that says you two were/are mutually exclusive? Or, did you have sex with him without any discussion as to what you both are looking for in your dating experience? If you had sex without that discussion, he is free to date or see other people and so are you. If you've had sex, you should now have the specific discussion anyway, and you should have at least imposed sexual exclusivity. In other words, if you haven't talked with him and are having sex, you could date others without sex and until you find you you want to do that with then drop him because you've probably found someone your're actually more interested in maybe. But if that happens and before you do have sex with the new guy, you'll need to have the same discussion with the new one. I will say, however, it is very rude and disrespectful for him to call another woman while he is with you, whether or not she is just a "friend". This is a sign that he may not be all that anyway Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Be very careful, you are perfect player material. Because:- YOU have sex with him. You have no car/need a babysitter so you are unlikely to surprise him with a visit. You cannot go out every night of the week because of your child, so the nights you are unavailable, he can be "busy" somewhere else. You are a serious person so unlikely to cheat on him. Players like their women to be monogamous You are fresh from a divorce so you are vulnerable and you are more likely to think he is wonderful, because you are lonely and need a man. He can see you, yet still maintain his woman friend zone, as you are besotted. He keeps you just sweet enough to get what he wants. Doesn't seem like he wants to do anything with or for me and acts like he has other things to do (that are more important during times we are together [once or twice per week] - Even if he is not a player, his priorities are elsewhere, face it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sm2281 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 Did you two have an actual discussion that says you two were/are mutually exclusive? Or, did you have sex with him without any discussion as to what you both are looking for in your dating experience? If you had sex without that discussion, he is free to date or see other people and so are you. If you've had sex, you should now have the specific discussion anyway, and you should have at least imposed sexual exclusivity. In other words, if you haven't talked with him and are having sex, you could date others without sex and until you find you you want to do that with then drop him because you've probably found someone your're actually more interested in maybe. But if that happens and before you do have sex with the new guy, you'll need to have the same discussion with the new one. I will say, however, it is very rude and disrespectful for him to call another woman while he is with you, whether or not she is just a "friend". This is a sign that he may not be all that anyway Yea, we had that talk. And yes, it was agreed that it was mutual. I can see that I am player material. I know what to look for as far as cheating. I understand how it might look bad, but also understand the situation. Trying to give the benefit of the doubt. Waiting to see what is going to happen - I can think of a hundered reasons off the top of my head outside cheating. I want this to work. I have been in a long relationship before, and seen harder times than this. One thing I do tend to realize is that we are all human and just because things look like they do now, do not mean they are what they seem. Maybe things are just off for one reason or another and if you care about someone you try to make it work. I can see that he does more wrong than right, but that is what growing together looks like. I keep asking maybe it will get better. Maybe I need to give people a break. I try to grow and learn too. But if things do not progress and get better, I will break up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 I have been in a long relationship before, and seen harder times than this. This is a 4 month relationship, this is not a long relationship, and already there are so many problems... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sm2281 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 8 months now. Every relationship has it's problems. It's a matter of wether or not your views and lifestyles fit, and if you and your partner are willing to comform to one another sometimes. We go out in public now, we have other issues, but I am willing to work through them and he took me to meet his family. I understand that a single child-less man has to make a big adjustment to be with a single mother. So I am trying to compromise and meet in the middle, and give it time to change. On that note: If things do not, I wont put up with it as said; but he is pretty willing to comply - even if it's not perfect. I don't expect perfection. Just respect and honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 4-5 public dates since posting, We go out in public now, we have other issues, but I am willing to work through them and he took me to meet his family. Today you wrote 4-5 public dates since September and we go out in public now - so only 4 or 5 times since September!!!!??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sm2281 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 well yes. Its not like we both don't work, and I have a kid. We spend time together at home too. I don't need alot of bells and whistles. . . .dont have to be seen at the club every weekend. I am a responsible person. We eat out. We go places. hmm. lets me see if I can get a tally Art adventure aquarium out to eat X4/5 family dinner lookout point skating movie so I guess it is more now. I found it weird that I had to tell him this though. But this part of it is better now. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 1. i feel four months and no public dates is unusual 2.calling anyone while on a date is not really acceptable unless it is an for emergency.......in the process of getting to know a person better you shouldnt have to call someone in the middle of getting to know them......when i go on a date...i tell my family and friends i am going on a date to only call me if they really need to...they respect my stand on this.....i would hope a guy i was with was the same way...... i have male friends....i also have boundaries......not one of my male friends has called me when i have been on a date....and if i saw a male friend had called me i would return the phone call.....after my date had finished...none fo them have called me yet while on a date.....i have my boundaries....and when you date someone it seems unusual to me ...to take the focus off the person in front of you....for me its disregard for the date and the person.... exclusivity ....to me....involves focus and making that person a priority..thats what i do......i expect it back......luckily i havent had to deal with this yet on a date at all..........it would be a flag for me ....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 How old is your kid? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sm2281 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 How old is your kid? why does that matter? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Even if his priorities are elsewhere, who cares as long as you are happy with the this arrangement and enjoy what time you have together. Maybe keeping it simple is best for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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