martaldn Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 why did you 2 break up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigmess2 Posted August 8, 2014 Author Share Posted August 8, 2014 We broke up because he said he was in love with me and found me beautiful and sexy but just didn't have the desire to be with me physically and didn't know why. Which doesn't make sense at all to me. Because if you're in love with someone and find them attractive you should want to be physical. So we ended it Friday and I moved out Monday. I'm devistated and wish he'd reach out... But I'll prob get my hopes up. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I'm very sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is loving someone so much, living with them, making a life with them and then suddenly one day they become a stranger to you. The only thing we can do is focus on ourselves and the things we have to do to get by. Go to work, pay our bills, go to church, (if you do) pray, (if you do) soak up the social life, (if you don't have one then get one asap) get back out in the dating world as soon as you feel comfortable enough (we have to force ourselves most of the time but it's absolutely vital to our recovery) do any and everything you can to stay busy. Start working out (if you don't already) the list goes on and on. Only allow yourself so much mopey time per day. Movies, tv shows, video games, being with friends... are all good remedies. I promise the pain will go away in time. Mine still lingers after a year but that's because everytime my ex would contact me I'd respond. Keeping in touch only prolongs the healing process. If you know you tried your hardest and did your best in the RS then do not feel like a failure. You're not. We can't make people try, or change, or love us the same way back. It's one of the hardest things in life ... getting over a true love of ours and moving on without them in our lives, like they once were. Now is the time to dive into yourself completely because right now, you can be as selfish as you want to be. And I hope you will be. You are the only one responsible for you. Happiness comes from within. Best wishes and big hugs to you! J 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 After reading your story my gut tells me he's been cheating on you. He has another girl in mind and for that reason he doesn't feel to have sex with you. He's a great actor. I'm sorry you're hurting. Kick him out of the house and go no contact. Give him what is his and try to move on. Him getting mad at you looking on the internet for the closing hours and him not being intimate with you are big red flags. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigmess2 Posted August 10, 2014 Author Share Posted August 10, 2014 I've been trying so incredibly hard to stay away from Facebook and Instagram since the breakup. But this morning I tortured myself and looked at my exs page. He went out with an old friend he used to have from high school to a beautiful restaurant we used to go to on the water. I just know in my heart that they got together and I bet you that'll be his next girlfriend. I'm so stupid for looking. I hate how he's moving on after only a week when every single day is like hell for me. I don't think my hopes of regretting his decision of leaving me is going to come true... Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 Block him, it will make it much easier when you have an urge to look. Eventually you will no longer have the desire to check his page. Link to post Share on other sites
kirkd1984 Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 He probably knew you'd see it and did it to spite you. My ex has posted similar stuff on her instagram knowing that her wall is open and that i'd either see it or somebody would tell me. Its all for a reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
WhiskeyJack Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 You need to delete/unfriend and block him. Seeing stuff like that will not help you and will destroy any progress you make. But don't beat yourself up. Chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on. Your going to be ok Link to post Share on other sites
frankvega Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 I've been trying so incredibly hard to stay away from Facebook and Instagram since the breakup. But this morning I tortured myself and looked at my exs page. He went out with an old friend he used to have from high school to a beautiful restaurant we used to go to on the water. I just know in my heart that they got together and I bet you that'll be his next girlfriend. I'm so stupid for looking. I hate how he's moving on after only a week when every single day is like hell for me. I don't think my hopes of regretting his decision of leaving me is going to come true... I feel your pain. Ex once posted on FB with her new boyfriend the exact same spot where we had our first kiss 10 years ago. she posted a pic of her giving him a kiss, This was also the exact same spot where I gave her our engagement ring. After I saw that I have never checked her FB again just to avoid the pain it caused me. I suggest you do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelbettersoon Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 In the same boat right now. Was easy to stay off fb and insta for first few days but now I can't stop! Tomorrow I will try not look and see how long I can keep that going :/ I feel deleting is harsh and can't bring myself to do that Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigmess2 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Share Posted August 11, 2014 Social networking is seriously the worst!! I wish I lived in a time where there wasn't any. This way we couldn't torture ourselves. It's so unfair how someone can tell you they're in love with you and a week later post pictures with someone else. And my mind has just been thinking the worst. It always seems so easy for the other person to move on. Meanwhile I couldn't even imagine being with anyone else at this point in time. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 Social networking is seriously the worst!! I wish I lived in a time where there wasn't any. This way we couldn't torture ourselves. It's so unfair how someone can tell you they're in love with you and a week later post pictures with someone else. And my mind has just been thinking the worst. It always seems so easy for the other person to move on. Meanwhile I couldn't even imagine being with anyone else at this point in time. That's because you're a normal functioning human being, on both accounts: hating social media and healing. Facebook is one of the worst things to happen to the human race... in my opinion. Actually, just about every form of social media is evil. Don't worry, people who move on that quickly, without really fixing or finding themselves, usually fall flat on their @$$. I did! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
martaldn Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 Social networking is seriously the worst!! I wish I lived in a time where there wasn't any. This way we couldn't torture ourselves. It's so unfair how someone can tell you they're in love with you and a week later post pictures with someone else. And my mind has just been thinking the worst. It always seems so easy for the other person to move on. Meanwhile I couldn't even imagine being with anyone else at this point in time. they are indeed. block him or you will always end up there looking at his page and torturing yourself over pictures or posts.. It is very hard I know and i can understand how much pain you must feel now I still count the day i ended things with the guy i was in love for over 5 years and today.. after 61 days of NC still hurts as hell but i am getting stronger every day and i know one day I will not feel anything when i will think about him - its a long and hard road to walk but its worth all the effort 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 I've been trying so incredibly hard to stay away from Facebook and Instagram since the breakup. But this morning I tortured myself and looked at my exs page. He went out with an old friend he used to have from high school to a beautiful restaurant we used to go to on the water. I just know in my heart that they got together and I bet you that'll be his next girlfriend. I'm so stupid for looking. I hate how he's moving on after only a week when every single day is like hell for me. I don't think my hopes of regretting his decision of leaving me is going to come true... From your first post, I got the feeling he was cheating on you. It's possible he had sex with someone else and felt guilty about having sex with you afterwards. That would explain the abruptness of him not wanting to have sex with you anymore. Block and defriend on FB. Get the money as soon as you can if possible. You might not get the money though, which has happened to many people after a breakup. This guy sounds like a jerk. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigmess2 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 Just an update.... 12 days since the break up... 9 days since I moved out and since we've talked. There's only been 1 day that I haven't cried so far. I'm just so incredibly hurt that you can give your all to someone and feel so happy and think the other person is happy too and then it just all stops. Everyone including his family thinks with time he'll be contacting me but I can't see that happening. He's got too much pride and I think he's already moving on. It hurts that he told me he loved me and wanted me in his life and yet goes and throws me away like I was nothing. I've been trying to keep busy but at the same time I have no motivation to do anything because I'm just so sad. Anytime I'm usually a very quirky fun easy going person that laughs all the time but since the breakup I just feel like a negative angry upset person that can't get out of my own way. I've been hanging out with friends and family, going to the gym, reading a lot about relationships and getting past a break up. But I just feel like nothing is good enough because nothing is him. I just can't accept that he didn't fight to keep me when nothing was all that bad. We laughed everyday and always talked about the future and how excited we were for it... How can you just throw that away.... Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Stop handing him all your power! Stay busy and do nice things for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigmess2 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 I can't believe it's already been 2 weeks.... Our break up happened on the 1st and it's already close to the end of August... so weird. The mornings are the worst for me. I wake up and all the sadness of not waking up next to him and being with him rushes over me. I feel like i'll never get passed this pain. I miss him like crazy. And i'm mad that he hasn't reached out to me or realized what a mistake he's made. I don't understand how your life could change so much in a matter of a month. If you were to talk to me 2 months ago I would've thought that everything was perfect. I would've thought we'd still be together, i'd still be in my apartment, that we'd be engaged in a matter of months. Everything was amazing. And just like that. Everything stopped. I'm 26. He's gone, my apartment is gone, i'm living back home with my parents and want to rip my hair out. Everything is just miserable. And no matter how much I try to keep busy, nothing helps. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Ya know, for being only 26 you certainly seem to have your head on straight. You're processing everything perfectly. You're going to be fine. It may not seem like it, but you will. Pain means progress and you're doing great. You're gonna be one of those strong women that when he does come back (and he probably will) you're gonna be so strong that it's not even a thought you're gonna entertain. You won't be mean about it, you'll be level headed... and that's the day he will get crushed. Stay Strong! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Feelbettersoon Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I can't believe it's already been 2 weeks.... Our break up happened on the 1st and it's already close to the end of August... so weird. The mornings are the worst for me. I wake up and all the sadness of not waking up next to him and being with him rushes over me. I feel like i'll never get passed this pain. I miss him like crazy. And i'm mad that he hasn't reached out to me or realized what a mistake he's made. I don't understand how your life could change so much in a matter of a month. If you were to talk to me 2 months ago I would've thought that everything was perfect. I would've thought we'd still be together, i'd still be in my apartment, that we'd be engaged in a matter of months. Everything was amazing. And just like that. Everything stopped. I'm 26. He's gone, my apartment is gone, i'm living back home with my parents and want to rip my hair out. Everything is just miserable. And no matter how much I try to keep busy, nothing helps. Our situations are so similar. A month now post BU. I don't think I can Pm on this yet but if you have an email and want to talk, because I feel the same right now two months ago it was perfect and now all gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigmess2 Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 I slept most of the day... my head is just pounding. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since the move out and no contact. I still can't believe it. As much as I feel in my heart he won't ever reach out to me again every time I look at my phone I still have the slightest bit of hope they'll be a text from him... it's sick. Idk if it's because so many people believe that as the weeks go by he'll realize what a terrible choice it was to leave me or if it's just a normal part after the break up thinking they'll reach out when they won't. The only experience I've had with a break up and ex's reaching out is from my last relationship which was 4 years long. In that relationship I was upset when he broke up with me but we had fought all the time and he had moved into a new relationship 3 weeks after we broke up with a girl he worked with(who he's still with over 2 years later). That made it easier for me to push him away and move on. He sent his first breadcrumb to me probably 2 weeks after that break up. And then continued sending me random text messages every couple of months. From time to time I still receive a random text from him but I never respond. With this relationship it's different though. He is very different from my first ex and the relationship we had was very different. We never fought and we talked about the future all the time. It ended more abruptly and for no good reason. My recent ex is also more able to turn a switch in his head and go cold. His family calls him a "runner" because he runs when things are good and he can't handle dealing with things. That's why I feel he won't contact me. I think his pride and ego are too big to reach out but I still wish with all my heart that he would. I poured every bit of my heart and soul into this relationship, I want more than anything for him to realize how stupid his decision was not to fight for the relationship when there was nothing specifically wrong. I know we all have these wishes... I wish there was a way to know if they would contact you. Or if they think of you. Or if they are sorry and think twice about their decisions even if they never say so. I hate not knowing. And I hate change... and now my life is full of changes and my life is going to be nothing like what I thought it would be. Bad things should not happen to good people. If you give your all to someone, they should have to do the same. If you love someone with all your heart and they tell you they do too they should have to mean it. You don't hurt someone or throw someone away if you truly love them. It's just not fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Davidlarsson Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I am in a similar position where everything is ****. Thought i'd let you know you're not alone.. best of luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Bad things should not happen to good people. If you give your all to someone, they should have to do the same. If you love someone with all your heart and they tell you they do too they should have to mean it. You don't hurt someone or throw someone away if you truly love them. It's just not fair. Unfortunately, life is pretty random, and it's a hard lesson to learn. Bad things happen to good and bad people and vice versa. But I get that you want justice. I get that. Life just doesn't work that way, and it's a lesson we all learn at some point. Trust me, you will be more thankful for the good things you have when you realize how random everything truly is. Link to post Share on other sites
54JA Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I am so sorry that you are going through this... Like someone here said, it's very human to feel this way. 12 years ago, I broke up with the ex I was with for almost 5 years. We didn't live together, but we saw each other pretty much every day. We broke up several times before our final break. Each time we broke up, it was really hard. I can't imagine what it would have been like had we lived together. It might have taken a lot longer to get over. It took me about 4 months for my pain (which was still there) to be manageable. It took me a few more months to start enjoying other people's company. After a little over a year, I became OK. Not happy, still lonely, but OK. After about a year and a half, I met my current boyfriend, with whom I have been for almost ten years. I know it takes time to get over someone. Be patient with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 You know, I'm going to go out real far on a limb, and just throw something out there. When I was a lot younger, I cheated on a GF, and caught an STD. When I was treated for it, Dr.'s orders said no sex with anybody for 4 weeks. Period. That included condoms because there was a chance of contact. No sex period. Cheated girlfriend also wanted to know why I would not have sex with her. I couldn't tell her, but I couldn't have sex with her either. So instead, well, lame lies is about the best way to describe it. Now, I'm not saying this is the case, but if sex was not a problem but then became a problem all of a sudden, and it is not well explained, well, it fits the fact pattern of my experience. I will add one thing that you haven't mentioned. I tried to change the subject as quickly as I could whenever it came up. Again, can't say that's going on here, but it could be something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigmess2 Posted August 19, 2014 Author Share Posted August 19, 2014 Had the craziest dream last night... I was walking through a building with a bunch of people. It seemed almost like part school part mall and I bumped into my ex boyfriend. When I saw him I smiled and was happy to see him and tried to talk to him like everything was fine (In real life we haven't talked in 2 weeks). He screamed in my face to give up and to stop talking to him. That he was over me and didn't care so that I should stop caring. I cried hysterically and loud where everyone was looking at me. He walked away towards his 2 brothers who stared at me like they wanted to help me but then the 3 of them walked away altogether. I walked in the opposite direction and that was it. I guess I should listen to my dream. I've had this false hope that maybe just maybe he'll reach out to see how I am or that he'll realize what a stupid decision he's made... but it's not going to happen. It's so hard to move on and let go when you love someone so much. And I hate how much I miss him when he probably doesn't miss me at all. I wish I was as capable to turn a switch off in my head to stop caring...he was always so good at that. Link to post Share on other sites
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