Pearlbay Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 So for the past month I've been in a break with my Anorexic girlfriend; It was her decision based on how I behaved in a period of 2 months. I was having difficulty with my own problems and sometimes pulled her down in the process; Obviously not what I wanted but happened involuntarily. She says stuff like: - I want a future with you and just you - Without you I have no reason to live (She actually planned to commit suicide a few days after she met me and would've proceeded if she didn't meet me) - She stopped cutting herself for the 8 months that we have been together. We did have contact some times of the day; I did my own stuff like training, going to the beach, going out and stuff and at some occasions she got jealous and told me have fun with your other chicks. After 25 days we finally saw each other again for the first time and it was same-old same-old in a positive way. We had a lot of fun, lots of laughs and even some teasing came along. A week later (last friday) we saw each other again and after having a lot of fun and laughing again she fell asleep in my arms on my bed. She suddenly mentioned her butt hurted so I said I could give her a massage. Obviously that led me to 'tease' her and got us extremely turned on. It heated up and we kissed and would've had sex if it weren't for her mother calling right at that moment and asking if she's coming back home... (( That same evening she asked me about 'sexual fantasies' and what I want to try with her. After a bit a threesome was mentioned (by me) and she said she always has wanted to something with a woman and would like to do it with me. She also mentioned she wanted to tell me in the relationship but was afraid I would think she's weird or reject the idea entirely. We talked a bit about it and we want to pursue this when we're back in a relationship; She does however started talking to girls already to 'convince' them in the long run. What I find interesting is that when I asked her how she'd feel when that girl does things to me or I do things to that girl. She said it would turn her on a lot but would make her jealous at the same time. She has the following problems: - Anorexia - Bulimia - Depression - Her parents found out about her 2nd Twitter-account and are keeping an eye on her most of the time and threatened to force her into a clinic if she doesn't improve in short-notice. I have the following problems: - Depression - Anxiety which leads to paranoid thinking or distrust The bad patch that made me angry at everything including her is gone however. I'm going for therapy on the 12th of august. She wants both of us to have a 'stable' situation before we continue this again. She doesn't want to keep me on a leash but would appreciate it if I wait for her because she wants a future with me. To me it seems she has valid reasons for the break; I mean her family is being extreme at keeping an eye on her by checking the toilets after she goes in, they threatened to force her into a clinic if she doesn't improve her situation and generally she's depressed.. Barely sleeps and feels bad most of the time. But I'm not really sure how to take all this... Is it going the right way or am I just making myself believe it is ? I'm not very interested in hearing about fleeing her because of her issues; I started this relationship knowing she has these problems and I love her unconditionally. I would stand by her even when she is forced into a clinic or in worst case scenario at her deathbed. Despite everything that happened, the hurt and the time apart when I see her she rocks my world. The chemistry is that great and never experienced that with anybody before.
Philosoraptor Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/427667-fell-love-somebody-i-know-long-while Tell me it's not the same girl from the above thread...
Author Pearlbay Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/427667-fell-love-somebody-i-know-long-while Tell me it's not the same girl from the above thread... Nah, different girl.
mammasita Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Sounds like an entirely co-dependent situation and you need to focus on yourself before you can even consider another person.
PegNosePete Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Dude trust me you do NOT want to be in a relationship with this woman. It may sound harsh but having been there, I would never again date someone with mental health issues. I would totally be supportive of a friend with these issues but enter into a romantic relationship? No way Jose. If you find at some point in the future, you are fixed and so is she, then good, carry on the relationship. But until that time comes... steer clear... and (assuming your state is up to it), date others.
Philosoraptor Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Ok, now that we have that straight... Are you sure you're feeling chemistry and not addiction? You both seem to have a variety of issues you need to work through and things like "without you I have no reason to live", and the level you two claim to be at after a short dramatic period, speak of codependency rather than of love. I think both of you seeking counseling is a good idea. Once the two of you have found ways to cope with your individual issues then you can reenter dating in a healthy and stable way, to truly see if the compatibility was caused naturally or out of need.
Author Pearlbay Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 Sounds like an entirely co-dependent situation and you need to focus on yourself before you can even consider another person. Well I am working on myself. Dude trust me you do NOT want to be in a relationship with this woman. It may sound harsh but having been there, I would never again date someone with mental health issues. I would totally be supportive of a friend with these issues but enter into a romantic relationship? No way Jose. If you find at some point in the future, you are fixed and so is she, then good, carry on the relationship. But until that time comes... steer clear... and (assuming your state is up to it), date others. Dude trust me you do NOT want to be in a relationship with this woman. It may sound harsh but having been there, I would never again date someone with mental health issues. I would totally be supportive of a friend with these issues but enter into a romantic relationship? No way Jose. If you find at some point in the future, you are fixed and so is she, then good, carry on the relationship. But until that time comes... steer clear... and (assuming your state is up to it), date others. Well if I would leave her now and/or only take her when she's fixed that would make 'unconditionally' a false term in my case. I steered clear in a break before because romance/chemistry was completely gone but in this case I don't feel that's what's up. Leaving her now would feel like betraying her because she has issues she can't fix over night. Also I have too many feelings for her to do that; Because IF I would ever decide to leave her I would remove her everywhere and go into NC for an indefinite period of time. Ok, now that we have that straight... Are you sure you're feeling chemistry and not addiction? You both seem to have a variety of issues you need to work through and things like "without you I have no reason to live", and the level you two claim to be at after a short dramatic period, speak of codependency rather than of love. I think both of you seeking counseling is a good idea. Once the two of you have found ways to cope with your individual issues then you can reenter dating in a healthy and stable way, to truly see if the compatibility was caused naturally or out of need. Well for me this relationship is not in case of 'needing' it. Nor do I feel like I sacrifice myself for her needs, I definitely look after my own needs but that doesn't mean I won't be there for her even in the ****tiest times of her life. Of course it all depends on what 'her' attachment to me is. She's having counseling for a while now and I'll enter counseling the 12th of august. My problems however might be a tad easier to control. She's currently on holiday in England and I'll try to keep the chats at a minimum. Hopefully she regains herself a bit while being there although I suspect her family might check on her the whole time.
hestheone66 Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 You should know unconditional love is for your children and parents. Having an imbalance in love given and received in romantic relationships is the essence of a toxic relationship. I'm glad you're having therapy. You didn't mention if she is too. She obviously should be
todreaminblue Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 i have a problem with the terminology co dependent...i think its thrown around a lot in a relationship you are dependent on the person you are with for emotional support......not so quickly i might add ..and definitely a matter of you live your own life not another's.....or depending on another to have breath to live it..... god and jesus are the biggest massive co dependents..they saved the whole worlld and people in it....they love them all unconditionally..they need our love.....we need theirs......we a co dependent on god and jesus to guide us in life.....so yeah i have a problem with co dependent.....people need people ...thats why god put us here to physically support each other to physically love one another.....makes it simple for me ...... what you gf needs is to believe in something other than you.......she needs to believe in her own self worth,she needs to know god put her for a reason and it isnt to have a threesome with you and another chick....... she needs to meet others like her with the same illness....anorexia is an illness a pretty serious one.....so is depression you need therapy too if you want to be true to this girl GIVE HER HOPE .........best wishes....deb
hestheone66 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 (edited) The argument that unhealthy co dependancy exists has nothing to do with the religious argument you have mounted which is not based in facts. However I agree that co dependancy is totally different from mutual dependence and healthy relationships cannot flourish with bounday issues get into codependency to prevent them from realising their full human potential. You can't speak about religious ideas as if they are facts however. Even god is argued to say if you break my rules I may still love you but your actions will condemn you to eternal damnation. Edited August 6, 2014 by hestheone66 Typo
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