writergal Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 Hey OP, not sure what you should pack. I would assume your husband will need some personal clothing, toiletries, personal items, and the referral paperwork and health insurance?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marriedgirl_07 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 Yeah just trying to plan ahead, Have to be there Wayyyyyyy early next Friday. Taking off next Friday got babysitter lined up his parents and older sister are going to be there too. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 I just thought of something you could do to relax and cheer your husband up while he's in the hospital for his heart surgery. Have your kids draw pictures for your husband, that you could tape to the walls of his hospital room for him to look at. And if you have any framed family photos, obviously bring those too. How's your husband feeling? Still nervous? Did he share his fears about the anesthesia with his surgeon/anesthesiologist? Since he has a week and a half, he has time to get his questions answered, if you think that will help calm him down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marriedgirl_07 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 I just thought of something you could do to relax and cheer your husband up while he's in the hospital for his heart surgery. Have your kids draw pictures for your husband, that you could tape to the walls of his hospital room for him to look at. And if you have any framed family photos, obviously bring those too. How's your husband feeling? Still nervous? Did he share his fears about the anesthesia with his surgeon/anesthesiologist? Since he has a week and a half, he has time to get his questions answered, if you think that will help calm him down. He is still really nervous and scared he shared his fears with his medical team and he got most things answered. But with it being a week and a half away I am worried he might back out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 He is still really nervous and scared he shared his fears with his medical team and he got most things answered. But with it being a week and a half away I am worried he might back out of it. I have an idea. It depends on your husband's work schedule and any activities your kids are involved with for the summer - but why not plan some family fun time doing things together between now and next Thursday night? It will help your husband stop thinking about his surgery. I'm glad his medical team answered his questions. Now you're both well informed at least. Try planning some fun activities and see if that helps distract him. Maybe you two could do a few date nights as well, just the two of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marriedgirl_07 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 We both have off on Friday of this week and he has Wensday through whenever off starting next week. His sister offered to watch the kids a couple nights so we could do some date nights. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 We both have off on Friday of this week and he has Wensday through whenever off starting next week. His sister offered to watch the kids a couple nights so we could do some date nights. Excellent. On the date nights, use that time to remind him how much you love him etc., and just have fun together. Maybe go see some live comedy together? Laughter really IS the best medicine sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marriedgirl_07 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Share Posted August 7, 2014 Well since we haven't done it since this all started but surgeon axed that right away. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Well since we haven't done it since this all started but surgeon axed that right away. Axed what? Physical activity? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marriedgirl_07 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Share Posted August 7, 2014 Sex and strenuous activity. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I think he would benefit from talking to a cognitive behavioral therapist to explain how absurd being fearful of anesthesia, but not of a heart condition that keeps him from doing simple things like having sex. This seems like more of a phobia than anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 My husband had open heart surgery 3 years ago, he was kind of young (41). He found out he had a heart problem and was advised to get a bunch of tests, then right after that the doctors told him that they needed to schedule the surgery ASAP. It took him (and me) a little time to stop freaking out, looking for alternatives, etc before we accepted and scheduled the surgery. Just be there for him. He probably just needs a minute to wrap his brain around the idea of heart surgery. I joined some forums for people that had the same surgery as him, and that was extremely helpful to us. Just seeing so people on the forum that have been posting for years and living normally and happily calmed us down more then anything the doctors said really. Additionally, the posters had researched the bejesus out of the operation, the aftermath, and everything in between. That knowledge and experience was invaluable. If not for them, Dr. Google would have had the two of us in a panic daily. Good luck!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Sex and strenuous activity. Ah, ok so then no live comedy show. Well, you can still do something fun like a movie right? Or go out to dinner? eleanorrigby's experience with forums related to heart disease to help her and her husband get through his heart surgery experience sounds like a great idea. I know your husband's surgery is only one week away, but maybe a quick internet search could connect you to forums where patients discuss the heart surgery and anesthesia fears etc. which are totally normal fears too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marriedgirl_07 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Share Posted August 7, 2014 Good ideas. I have noticed last few nights he hasn't been sleeping well at all. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Good ideas. I have noticed last few nights he hasn't been sleeping well at all. He'd probably feel better/calm down if he could talk to heart surgery patients who went through what he's about to go through. When you know you're not going through something alone, it makes it easier to get through. The reassurance from people who've been through what you're about to go through can make a huge difference the way it eases fear of the unknown. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marriedgirl_07 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Share Posted August 7, 2014 I found a good group he just won't sign up and talk to the people. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I found a good group he just won't sign up and talk to the people. He has a responsibility to you and the kids now. It's one thing if he was single and refused the surgery, but he isn't single!! He either needs a swift kick in the butt to wake him up and/or a visit or two to see a cognitive behavioural therapist. Google CBT, read up on it and get him to read up on this too, maybe he'll go and face this fear by talking to a therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 The OP's husband doesn't need a swift kick in the butt or need therapy WWIUP. Forcing someone to go to therapy is about as wise as pushing a car up a steep hill. Heart surgery and going under anesthesia are both legitimately scary, and the OP's husband's fears about these are completely normal. It's really up to him to overcome his fears FOR HIMSELF. The OP's husband has already spoken with his doctors, knows what's involved in the surgery and anesthesia, and is going to go through with the surgery. If he backs out, he backs out. He'll get the surgery next Friday, or he'll postpone it until he's ready. OP, try the date nights and family fun activities that don't require your husband to physical exert himself. The best you can do for him is to act normal, not pussyfoot around him and not demand he see a therapist (that's a ridiculous idea, sorry WWIUP). The more normal you are about this, the better your husband will feel. But if you make this into a huge ordeal, well you'll make it easier for your husband to cancel his surgery. Don't hound him about his feelings about it. Keep your fear that he'll backout to yourself. If you push him to go through with it after he's already said he will, he'll resent you and think you don't believe him, and then he WILL backout of his heart surgery. Positive support. That's what he needs right now. Not criticism. Not therapy. Just normal family time and reassurance when he shows he needs it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marriedgirl_07 Posted August 8, 2014 Author Share Posted August 8, 2014 Thanks trying to keep it as low key as I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marriedgirl_07 Posted August 8, 2014 Author Share Posted August 8, 2014 Hubby in the hospital,Collapsed at work. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Oh no, OP. So that means he'll get the surgery today or tomorrow then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marriedgirl_07 Posted August 8, 2014 Author Share Posted August 8, 2014 Tomorrow morning Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Ah, that's good. I hope it goes well for your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I found a good group he just won't sign up and talk to the people. First, I hope things are OK and good luck with the operation. Second, don't worry if he doesn't want to sign up. My husband didn't register or post on any of the forums either. I spoke on his behalf there and shared the information with him. He's just not into forums, yours might not be either. One more time, Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marriedgirl_07 Posted August 8, 2014 Author Share Posted August 8, 2014 Thanks my sisters going to watch the boys and I am going to stay here with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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