GettingOver Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I agree with some people here who said that MM do actually believe in what they are saying that moment they are saying it. When reality hits they get scared and run. It happened to my exMM 3 (!!!) times in 3,5 years. But maybe he was just lying cause one day he cc'ed me into a correspondence with his colleague (not intentionally cc'ed) and I nearly had a heart attack cause it was 100% flirty!!! I thought to myself: what an ass! He claimed there was nothing there, he did not mean a recognize it was flirty, but c'mon!!! A 44 y.o. man doesn't understand what is flirting! This correspondence looked exactly like it was with me in the very beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
GettingOver Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I agree with some people here who said that MM do actually believe in what they are saying that moment they are saying it. When reality hits they get scared and run. It happened to my exMM 3 (!!!) times in 3,5 years. At the end I was so tired of it, lost self respect and was mad at him. Enough is enough. He will never leave no matter what he says!!! Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 H and I do 'future faking' to a certain extent. We discuss things we plan to do when the kids have left home, the changes we plan to make to our house, when/if either of us hope to change careers. All or none of these may come true - what is enjoyable is the talking about it. It's fun and it bonds us. The obvious difference is that we are already married so that is one thing that doesn't have to be 'faked' but building sky castles can be a fairly normal part of any relationship IME. Perhaps the damage is done when only one or the other party sees these castles as bricks and mortar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 I really think your comment is irrelevant to this content of the post. The husband can do it both way, it can bond with wife with marriage facade, while OW could be sleeping next door/next hotel...etc. Just because of marriage, it does not make lies not being lies. But wife can always blindly accept it with or without knowledge. Again, it is the husband, make two women against each other, but he is the indeed the bad guy here, fooling everyone else. H and I do 'future faking' to a certain extent. We discuss things we plan to do when the kids have left home, the changes we plan to make to our house, when/if either of us hope to change careers. All or none of these may come true - what is enjoyable is the talking about it. It's fun and it bonds us. The obvious difference is that we are already married so that is one thing that doesn't have to be 'faked' but building sky castles can be a fairly normal part of any relationship IME. Perhaps the damage is done when only one or the other party sees these castles as bricks and mortar. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 He's not fooling anyone. Unless his lies are taken as believable. Without the action to match perfectly with his words = it's still just him being the liar. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelySweet Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 (edited) I believe a man that future fakes with a woman to be irresponsible toward her feelings and emotions. It seems he is not taking into consideration how this will affect her in the long run if it is all smoke screens and bs. I am happy MM has not attempted to do this with me, I would have halted it mid thought or sentence. Edited August 6, 2014 by LovelySweet Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted August 9, 2014 Author Share Posted August 9, 2014 I have opposite opnion, your MM might think you are satisfied to be side-dish as secret based on what you taught him. As for me, I have been known to him what I want. I believe a man that future fakes with a woman to be irresponsible toward her feelings and emotions. It seems he is not taking into consideration how this will affect her in the long run if it is all smoke screens and bs. I am happy MM has not attempted to do this with me, I would have halted it mid thought or sentence. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 He does it so you stay. He wants you to believe his illusion that he will offer you things in the future. The key word is "illusion". Unless he's changing things and providing solid evidence that he's moving toward his words - then it's still just his lies/illusion he's creating so the OW stays in that role FOR him. Link to post Share on other sites
Back2WhatUKnow Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 Why...He does it to keep us OW happy thinking it'll work but as the years drag on and the excuses keep coming. I realized that day isn't coming 6 years later. Lamest excuse I heard. Well we just argue alot when divorced was talked about and so it was never brought up again. Or its the kids. Or its they grew up in a divorce and is scared to ruin their lives. Yet he is free to drop in my life and hold me back. I heard people finally get fed up. I know I did. I left my job away from him. Moved away but couldn't go to far due to my new career. I let him in the past drop in. Then realized he wasn't gonna leave. As time gets old. You have to wonder. When am I going to start my life? At first he talked about kids...vacations..where we would be engaged..how we would live. Then slowly back out over the years. Even better he had me dismiss wanting my own kids. You have to do alot of deep thinking and realize you are not giving up...you are moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
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