Insecure in an LDR

[K0203]

I thought I would update this.

 

I have reached a stage where I'm not going to get an answer. She has said that one of the reasons she was afraid of telling me her doubts was because she did not want me thinking she was keeping me in suspense, or just for fun.

 

I texted her the other night - "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

 

She replied "I thought I already was..."

 

But my gut is still eating away at me. Do I need to be upfront and firm with her and just say 'Do you want to continue this or break up?'

 

I just don't understand why she would keep responding with wanting to be in a relationship if she was unsure or faking it?

 

Well yes be firm because from what I've read so far she doesn't act like your girlfriend..

I'm curious what everyone else's advice would be of what to say although.

 

You say you're questioning if she wants to continue the relationship but if she says yes and then reverts back to not being truly invested in the relationship; one where she doesn't share her true feelings which causes trust issues, clearly not a good sign in a relationship, than what's the good in a relationship like that? Do you honestly want to continue being with someone who doesn't know what they want?

 

So in regards to you question,

I think there's a better question to be asked.

 

 

Okay I just read most of this thread over again and now I'm quite confused. Didn't you say she broke it off with you? Just because you went to visit her made you a couple now? No way..

 

So I understand you feel she may come around. I too agree there's a possibility, albeit with some reservations. With time and subtle pursuance maybe but I think you are causing a lot of these problems for yourself unfortunately. You are so wrapped up in the possibilities, that you are making a path that may only harm you in the end. Back to what I said in the beginning do you honestly want to continue being with someone who doesn't know what they want?? Please stop trying to make someone feel what you want them to feel!

 

I would say you need to move on but I do believe you've got options. Including possible good and bad outcomes..

 

Maybe you could slowly begin courting her. Stop with all the relationship nonsense at the moment and gain some respect for yourself. You deserve someone who is going to love you! Not someone who isn't sure about you. Settling for what you have with her right now is pathetic. It's like you're that lonely, you will continue pursuing someone who is just not that into you! She'll see you for who you really are eventually if you continue how you are now. So you asked should you be firm? You should! Tell her what you deserve and that although you do love her, she is causing you negatives not positives. Ask to be friends. Doing this gives her space to think about what she wants and this is your opportunity to not only give that to her but also entice her with the benefits of being with you as more than friends. That means you must be her friend! This will all be useless if you ask to be friends but then treat her like your girlfriend. Being her friend means talking every now and then. Start slow. Sorry if it hurts but you'll have to stop the continual misery of texting in anticipation for a "possible response".

 

Your conversations must be friendly. I would hope you understand what that entails.. No "how was your day" type talks. Maybe once every 2 weeks or so, sure but not daily. Your talks should be purely what you'd say to a friend you don't have any attraction or feelings for. The weather, news, entertainment, or interest you both have. That's the way to establish a connection with someone. Through friendship and having things in common. Make her fall for your personality. How you make her laugh, interesting conversations-no strings attached! I think that's the only way. You are too needy at the moment and that pushes her away.

 

I feel like that option gives you a (false) hope and I feel that's only going to make the option I suggested unbearable for you to the point you may not succeed. That's why I suggest you're going to have to move on because with your strong feelings, for someone who doesn't feel the same, will be your downfall.

 

Sorry I do give tough-love lol

[twinpines]

This will be my last post on the subject before I deactivate my account.

 

I appreciate your time and effort K0203 - but I will not be courting her or trying anything new here anymore.

 

I've given love, encouragement, friendship, support, kindness and generosity for nearly 5 months. I've stepped back when asked for space, been patient when understanding the age gap and doubts she has.

 

But enough is enough.

 

I totally and wholeheartedly disagree that I am being needy in this situation - one of the reasons I hesitated to join and share on this forum initially was because I've found that the advice on here can be a little too "sledgehammer" for my taste - where obviously you don't know me, her or how we are together.

 

We all read a snapshot of our lives in text form on an internet site, some days that snapshot will be affected by our moods, worries, sadness or fears. This then creates a false impression - reading back on my posts confirms this. I've presented a girl who basically doesn't like me very much - and that is far far from the truth of the situation.

 

But again, finally - thank you very much for offering your thoughts and I truly appreciate it.

[K0203]

This will be my last post on the subject before I deactivate my account.

 

I appreciate your time and effort K0203 - but I will not be courting her or trying anything new here anymore.

 

I've given love, encouragement, friendship, support, kindness and generosity for nearly 5 months. I've stepped back when asked for space, been patient when understanding the age gap and doubts she has.

 

But enough is enough.

 

 

 

I agree 100 %. You deserve better.

 

I totally and wholeheartedly disagree that I am being needy in this situation - one of the reasons I hesitated to join and share on this forum initially was because I've found that the advice on here can be a little too "sledgehammer" for my taste - where obviously you don't know me, her or how we are together.

 

We all read a snapshot of our lives in text form on an internet site, some days that snapshot will be affected by our moods, worries, sadness or fears. This then creates a false impression - reading back on my posts confirms this. I've presented a girl who basically doesn't like me very much - and that is far far from the truth of the situation.

 

But again, finally - thank you very much for offering your thoughts and I truly appreciate it.

 

Perhaps you're right but I don't think people come here or post to hammer someone down. Of course no one knows 100% the entire aspects of someone else's life but I think there is a reason you made this girl out to seem the way you did. When it comes down to it, it certainly is mood that creates the disposition of another. That's the reason people share their lives on this website. It's because when you're in the thick of the situation and experiencing it, you can have a more skewed perspective. Allowing others to hear it how you are experiencing it gives a fresh pair of eyes and perspective. It doesn't always have to be I'm right and your wrong. I'm sure you understand that since you posted here even with your reservations.