Author youaremysunshine Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 Also it's lame having to hear that 3rd hand from the drummer of his band who i have never even met Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs Carter Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I know it hurts but you have to let go. It doesn't matter the why, the if, the but. This is doomed. He isn't asking you out one-on-one. That's the evidence that it's not turning into something you hoped. It sucks. Big time. But it happens. You need to put your big girl knickers on and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 Well he has asked me out one on one, we went to the park and held hands, we got coffee once too. Just didn't back to his place after or anything. I get conflicting messages, if he only invites you out privately at night to bang, it's doomed. If he wants to see you during the day in public, its doomed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 Alright, heres my read.... he isn't looking to get serious but wants to date me casualy. Not just hook up, not a booty call. Date casualy. He'll continue to invite me to social events and be chatty/ flirty with me but it wont go anywhere He told me he is glad i intiated things sexually with him because he doesn't know how and said he had't slept with anyone in ten months since his ex. So maybe he's just hoping i will initiate again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 There's nothing wrong with wanting to date casually; pretty much every successful relationship begins with casual dating. The problem here is that he's told you outright that it's never going to progress beyond that stage. It sounds like you're eventually hoping for something more, so why waste your time with a relationship you know isn't going to go anywhere? Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 He never told me that, someone i know heard from someone else that he isn't looking for anything serious, not even in reference to me. ovbiously a bad omen though. i am so sick of guys who only call me for sex that if this guy just wants to socialize and do fun activities at least he's wasting me time in a more interesting way Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs Carter Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 It sounds like you don't know what dating is? It is supposed to be about getting to know the other person through spending time with them. Of course some might just want sex and others are looking for someone to have a relationship with but initially it's just about spending time together getting to know each other... I suppose I'm not getting what your issue is. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 (edited) He never told me that, someone i know heard from someone else that he isn't looking for anything serious, not even in reference to me. ovbiously a bad omen though. i am so sick of guys who only call me for sex that if this guy just wants to socialize and do fun activities at least he's wasting me time in a more interesting way Wow, I don't mean to say this in a demeaning way but, you don't have your head screwed on correctly do you? YOU NEED TO LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE!!!! Geez, this guy got out of a long term relationship and he got hurt. Yet, he's taking you out, one- on one, for walks in the park, to sit and have coffee; getting to know each other better without any expectation of sex. Yeah, this guys a douche bag:rolleyes:. The fact is, even if this guy was hurt in a long term relationship and swore off all relationships, he's slowly taking a chance with you because he thinks you're worth it. And maybe he hasn't done a lot more because 1. he doesn't want to get hurt again and he's guarded or 2. He doesn't know how you feel about him or if you feel anything at all towards him, with the cold shoulder you've given him in the past and hanging around with other dudes and giving him the brush off. Okay, so you had a one off in the sex department. It happens sometimes. Too much too soon. But, since that night. He hasn't pressured you for it again. Even you wrote that you know you weren't a booty call for him because he's remained in contact and hasn't written you off as a "hit it and quit it". So, if you feel that walking hand in hand in the park or grabbing a cup of coffee and having engaging conversations without any expectations from you is "wasting your time". Then, perhaps you should leave this guy alone. There are tons of girls out there that would gladly waste their time in this manner. Edited August 6, 2014 by Chi townD 4 Link to post Share on other sites
marcjb Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 (edited) He probably thinks you aren't really into him because you don't know how to communicate your feelings with him. He probably has no clue you like him as much as you do. He is also very aware of the company you keep in the form of male "friends". He was probably burnt from someone who did the same thing before and has good reason not to trust you. You said you lived with this particular male "friend" before? Have you also slept with him? You say you wonder why you can never progress with a guy and that you want something more with a relationship than just sex? Stop keeping male friends around. It's a huge red flag, and once they realize this, you are nexted. Edited August 6, 2014 by marcjb Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted August 7, 2014 Author Share Posted August 7, 2014 I agree that i'm not communicating my interest properly. Almost every time i indicate i'm interested in anything other than hooking up, the guy runs away. I don't how to show that i don't want a purely physical relationship esp with someone i already slept with! Very, very few men have ever wanted to date me yet guys try to pick me up everyday. It's made me terribly suspicious of men. I have never and would never sleep with my friend. We lived together in a rooming house with many other friends. I would never sleep with him cause i know how he manipulates women. This guy has female friends, including his former roomie, an amazonian singer in a punk band. Of course i'm intimidated but she was friendly to me and i have no reason to believe they are sleeping together. My social circle is pretty much 50 50 women and men and overlaps with his quite a bit Link to post Share on other sites
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