youaremysunshine Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I'm 24, female, been single for a while. Some of my friends live at this converted industrial space, bands play there and there is a half pipe and some times art shows. I was helping out selling drinks at an art show and this guy tries to engage me a bit but i'm working so i don't think much of it. I see the guy a few days later skating on the half pipe and he says hi but i sort of forget who he is. About a week after that my friends and i are having a bbq on the roof and this guy is there again. My friend was given a bottle of whiskey for editing a story so we are getting drunk and quickly. Basicly i end up chatting this guy up, talking too loud, laughing too much. When i go to leave he says he lives in the same direction on the same street and will walk me. Along the way i just decide to put my arm around him and he seems to like it, then stupidly i gee i really iwish i had cleaned my room, its been a long time since i had company! so that pretty much makes it clear to him what i want. We have sex right away, then talk for a while and then have sex again He holds me, something i really missed I had to be at work for 7, brutal but he walks me to work. We exhange numbers before he kissees me good bye, promising to meet up later that night for a show. that night at the punk show i'm feeling awkward and its really to loud to talk I end up spending most of the time outside with my best friend who is a man, i can't tell if he's annoyed by this or not. Anyway he walks me home, says he works early and kisses me goodnight. the next time i see him is a few days later when friends insist on going to the vegan restraunt where he works. He came out to talk to us a few times but seemed less than thrilled by my male friend. I was deeply embarassed because in my books showimg up at a guys place of wprk is not exactly playing it cool. about 5 days later he invites me to go to the park with him. We smoke and of course that makese feel really awkward. He brought snacks but i'm too worried about looking unfeminine to eat. He ends up inviting some of his band mates/ work friends but i feel so umcomfortable. is it a good thing he introduced to his friends? He even put his arm around me im front of them and my pals as well. is it a good thing he hasn't tried to sleep with me again? Does playing it cool really work? He textse asking what i'm up to most days and i ussualy respond trying to sound super busy and never text him first but i'd rather just see him. Do you think he cares that i am almost always with a male friend? Men are a mystery to me Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 My mother always told me the way to get a guy to like you is to act like you don't care and not put out. I'm really bad at hiding my interest and i never got the hang of using sex as a bargining chip since i just love it so much Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Good thing i'm terrible at it. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 If you continue to "play ti cool", he will most likely move on... I mean... he's inviting you places and trying to hang out with you and what he's getting back (from what you've said) is awkwardness... At some point he might just assume you are not interested and move on. I know I would... Why were you feeling awkward about going to the park with him? And why does smoking make you feel awkward, especially since he smokes as well?? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 If you continue to "play ti cool", he will most likely move on... I mean... he's inviting you places and trying to hang out with you and what he's getting back (from what you've said) is awkwardness... At some point he might just assume you are not interested and move on. I know I would... Why were you feeling awkward about going to the park with him? And why does smoking make you feel awkward, especially since he smokes as well?? I think she meant pot . This + maybe try to have an actual date without getting drunk or stoned. Though I gather that is kinda the norm in your circle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stumble Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I'm 24, female, been single for a while. Some of my friends live at this converted industrial space, bands play there and there is a half pipe and some times art shows. I was helping out selling drinks at an art show and this guy tries to engage me a bit but i'm working so i don't think much of it. I see the guy a few days later skating on the half pipe and he says hi but i sort of forget who he is. About a week after that my friends and i are having a bbq on the roof and this guy is there again. My friend was given a bottle of whiskey for editing a story so we are getting drunk and quickly. Basicly i end up chatting this guy up, talking too loud, laughing too much. When i go to leave he says he lives in the same direction on the same street and will walk me. Along the way i just decide to put my arm around him and he seems to like it, then stupidly i gee i really iwish i had cleaned my room, its been a long time since i had company! so that pretty much makes it clear to him what i want. We have sex right away, then talk for a while and then have sex again He holds me, something i really missed I had to be at work for 7, brutal but he walks me to work. We exhange numbers before he kissees me good bye, promising to meet up later that night for a show. that night at the punk show i'm feeling awkward and its really to loud to talk I end up spending most of the time outside with my best friend who is a man, i can't tell if he's annoyed by this or not. Anyway he walks me home, says he works early and kisses me goodnight. the next time i see him is a few days later when friends insist on going to the vegan restraunt where he works. He came out to talk to us a few times but seemed less than thrilled by my male friend. I was deeply embarassed because in my books showimg up at a guys place of wprk is not exactly playing it cool. about 5 days later he invites me to go to the park with him. We smoke and of course that makese feel really awkward. He brought snacks but i'm too worried about looking unfeminine to eat. He ends up inviting some of his band mates/ work friends but i feel so umcomfortable. is it a good thing he introduced to his friends? He even put his arm around me im front of them and my pals as well. is it a good thing he hasn't tried to sleep with me again? Does playing it cool really work? He textse asking what i'm up to most days and i ussualy respond trying to sound super busy and never text him first but i'd rather just see him. Do you think he cares that i am almost always with a male friend? Men are a mystery to me He brought snacks but i'm too worried about looking unfeminine to eat. Oh please! how old are you??I wouldnt care what he thinks if I were you. You seem like you worry too much. Just enjoy meeting him..try to get a date out of it, where there's just two of you. If you like him that is. Then see how things go. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 The fact that you slept with him isn't the problem. The Problem is that you keep throwing your male buddy in his face & ____ blocking him from getting to you. You are playing games. He's trying to flirt with & spend time with a woman he fancies but you keep throwing obstacles at him. If you continue to play hard to get, he will move on but not because you slept with him. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
lukekarts Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I'm 24, female, been single for a while. Some of my friends live at this converted industrial space, bands play there and there is a half pipe and some times art shows. I was helping out selling drinks at an art show and this guy tries to engage me a bit but i'm working so i don't think much of it. I see the guy a few days later skating on the half pipe and he says hi but i sort of forget who he is. About a week after that my friends and i are having a bbq on the roof and this guy is there again. My friend was given a bottle of whiskey for editing a story so we are getting drunk and quickly. Basicly i end up chatting this guy up, talking too loud, laughing too much. When i go to leave he says he lives in the same direction on the same street and will walk me. Along the way i just decide to put my arm around him and he seems to like it, then stupidly i gee i really iwish i had cleaned my room, its been a long time since i had company! so that pretty much makes it clear to him what i want. We have sex right away, then talk for a while and then have sex again He holds me, something i really missed I had to be at work for 7, brutal but he walks me to work. We exhange numbers before he kissees me good bye, promising to meet up later that night for a show. that night at the punk show i'm feeling awkward and its really to loud to talk I end up spending most of the time outside with my best friend who is a man, i can't tell if he's annoyed by this or not. Anyway he walks me home, says he works early and kisses me goodnight. the next time i see him is a few days later when friends insist on going to the vegan restraunt where he works. He came out to talk to us a few times but seemed less than thrilled by my male friend. I was deeply embarassed because in my books showimg up at a guys place of wprk is not exactly playing it cool. about 5 days later he invites me to go to the park with him. We smoke and of course that makese feel really awkward. He brought snacks but i'm too worried about looking unfeminine to eat. He ends up inviting some of his band mates/ work friends but i feel so umcomfortable. is it a good thing he introduced to his friends? He even put his arm around me im front of them and my pals as well. is it a good thing he hasn't tried to sleep with me again? Does playing it cool really work? He textse asking what i'm up to most days and i ussualy respond trying to sound super busy and never text him first but i'd rather just see him. Do you think he cares that i am almost always with a male friend? Men are a mystery to me I'm not sure what the mystery is here? You seem more mysterious than him. You've given the guy a complete bag of mixed signals, sleeping with him early on, trying to read into whether he thinks you hanging out with a male friend is a problem or not (have you told him your best friend is male or made it clear you weren't on a date with this other guy?); turning up at a place where he works and then later saying you don't text / initiate conversation. From a guys perspective he thinks you're mysterious and has no idea what you want. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 He brought snacks but i'm too worried about looking unfeminine to eat. I laughed at this. You got drunk, and acted a little rowdy at the party and then invited him to have sex and you're worried about how you'd look if you ate snacks?! On a serious note, stop having your male friend tag along everytime you have an opportunity to meet him. I don't know if you're trying to use that to get a reaction from the guy but you need to start creating a way where he can get closer to you. Otherwise he's going to think YOU are not really interested. And try to initiate communication. It works both ways. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CharlieFox Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I laughed at this. You got drunk, and acted a little rowdy at the party and then invited him to have sex and you're worried about how you'd look if you ate snacks?! I too thought that's what she meant, but now when I read it, I think she meant she was just too worried [about whatever] to eat. Not because eating makes you unfeminine. At least I hope that's what she meant, otherwise I wouldn't know what to say. "Eating makes you unfeminine" - that would be a whole new level of being insecure about how you look... Anyway, I completely agree with the other posters - stop interacting with your male friend so much and really try to show more clear interest, because you are indeed throwing a whole bunch of mixed signals at this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 I didn't want to eat any chips or candy because i was worried about getting stuff in my teeth or just generaly seeming like a dude. Guys always tell me the reason boys don't like me is i'm not femme enough. I wore make up, a dress and strappy sandals to the park though and then couldn't ride bikes. I felt lame infront of his friends and didn't play with their dog even though i love dogs and i'm still grieving my dog, i just gave myself a tattoo for her i am overly concerned about seeming lady like cause i'm not really, i love being a woman though Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 My friend and i used to live together and hang out most days, so its not really that i'm bringing him along he's just always there. He's feeding me all this advice about being aloof amd ladylike but i think the ship has sailed on that, i already slept with the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Look down at your feet... Slowly put one foot in front of the other... Now you're getting somewhere! I'm just always myself and often will go the same pace of the guy. It's like a dance. At first you may want to lead and see if they follow, or you might want them to lead and you follow...?? Have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I didn't want to eat any chips or candy because i was worried about getting stuff in my teeth or just generaly seeming like a dude. Guys always tell me the reason boys don't like me is i'm not femme enough. I wore make up, a dress and strappy sandals to the park though and then couldn't ride bikes. I felt lame infront of his friends and didn't play with their dog even though i love dogs and i'm still grieving my dog, i just gave myself a tattoo for her i am overly concerned about seeming lady like cause i'm not really, i love being a woman though I don't think you understood where I was going with it. I think your concerns are somewhat skewed. Getting drunk, acting somewhat rowdy and inviting a man you don't know to have sex should concern you more in how you present yourself -- the rest (shoes, dresses, what you eat?) while will help you portray femininity, there's a lot more to just that, if you want to exhibit a positive and attractive outlook about yourself. And no, not all guys are going to judge you if you sleep with them too soon. Reality is, some/most will. Try to initiate communication and keep your male friend away. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I totally agree with Donnivain. You two were intimate and he stayed with you and held you. You even admitted that it was nice and you enjoyed it. The next time he see's you was at a show and he see's you spending pretty much the entire time outside with another man. You go to his restaurant and you're there with another man (If I was this guy, that would have looked like you brought a date with you). So, I feel for this guy. He's thinking that you're just not into him. So, I don't blame him if he's starting to distance himself from you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 (edited) My friend and i used to live together and hang out most days, so its not really that i'm bringing him along he's just always there. He's feeding me all this advice about being aloof amd ladylike but i think the ship has sailed on that, i already slept with the guy. And stop listening to this guy friend. It doesn't matter if you were tied to the hip in the past, if you want to be open to meeting and dating guys, you need to stop having your friends along. If he is always there, tell him that you are meeting Mr. Man and you would like some privacy. I have to wonder if he likes you and wants to sabotage this for you. I could be wrong. Forget the aloof and ladylike advice. Just be yourself. This guy liked you for who you were and kept showing interest. Edited July 28, 2014 by Zahara 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Getting drunk, rowdy and having sex with him DOES concern me, for one it's just not who i am and two i feel like it ruined my chances with this guy. I'm asking if it's possible to salvage things. The fact that we haven't been sexual since ia good right? He isn't treating me like a booty call. He texts me just to chat even. I met his best pals, good right? It's hard for me to go to punk show and not see like five or six dudes i know, its what i do. My mum always said looking busy and in demand is a good thing? Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Ask him out on a real date...then have sex again that night! Rinse and repeat... You're now a couple. Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 The early sex isn't hurting your chances (he's still into you), you trying to act aloof and not reciprocating his efforts IS hurting your chances (he has no idea if you're into him). Stop listening to your mom and best dude friend. Stop playing stupid games. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Getting drunk, rowdy and having sex with him DOES concern me, for one it's just not who i am and two i feel like it ruined my chances with this guy. I'm asking if it's possible to salvage things. Well, if it was an issue, he wouldn't have tried to pursue you. This is the thing, you're trying to be someone you're not and in every which way that you try to keep doing the exact opposite of you, you seem to feel you're sabotaging things. Stay true to who you are. We are telling you to open communication with him and stop bringing your friend to the party. Ask him out on a date or just ask him if he'd like to grab a bite somewhere after work. Stop with the aloof/ladylike advice and just be yourself. The fact that we haven't been sexual since ia good right? He isn't treating me like a booty call. He texts me just to chat even. I met his best pals, good right? He wants to get to know you. You need to reciprocate interest and that means reach out to him and stop bringing your male friend. It's hard for me to go to punk show and not see like five or six dudes i know, its what i do. My mum always said looking busy and in demand is a good thing? Then find another place to go with this guy. Go to the park. Go get ice-cream. Go get lunch together. There's a ton of other things you can do versus always being around your friends. Why do you always have friends hanging around? It almost seems like you use them as a buffer because you don't know how to handle yourself one on one with a guy you're interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Meet him up somewhere quiet, don't smoke pot(not good for early dates), and just hang out. Slow down a bit and get to know each other. See if it gos somewhere. Some men get bothered by a male friend, some don't. Just make it clear to your potential BF that the other man is just a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 Ok, i will text him. I have just really internalized the stuff about always seeming busy and unavailable. Ovbiously the whiskey threw off that game. Not that it has EVER worked, 24 and no guy has ever been even remotely emotionaly attached to me. I used to be a lot more open but that didn't work. i'm at a point when i feel nothing but dread when it comes to dating Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 So the guy i'm interested im has asked me to hang out 3 times but i've always been busy and it's always to hang out with his friends or go to a show where we can't really talk Anyway my stupid friend asked this guy's friend about what he thinks of me and he says he is not looking for a relationship. I'm mad at my friend because that is so childish and of course disappinted. I knew this guy just got out of a long realationship. Do i see him again? I mean i guess there is still a chance... i've slept with plenty of guys and so far 100% have "not been looking" even if we date for months before hand, i'm so sick out this Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 When you hear that a guy is 'not looking for a relationship', BELIEVE it. Nothing you can say or do will change it. You either accept it and fool around, or look for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 I know yall about to tell me i should have withholded sex but it was a drunken mistake, although it was fun for both of us and he was affectionate he asks me to hang in non sexual contexts with his friends though, and we haven't hooked up since (its been a month) so i was hoping he was looking for something other than just sex Link to post Share on other sites
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