USMCHokie Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 did you at any point tell the mother this? Especially before she quit her job and moved to live with you. Yes. We talked about how much I'd actually have to support her daughter before she moved out...and she knows that although I do it willingly for her, obviously it still bothers me a little that I have to. And for that, she's appreciative.
bentleychic Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 (edited) NM. Not worth it! Edited July 29, 2014 by bentleychic
soccerrprp Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Yes, they already have a dad, but the new guy coming in is expected to take on a role of dad - that's the truth! Hence the term: step-dad. You're not responsible for taking on a role as a father or dad of any kind if you're only dating and the relationship hasn't gone to the next step where talk of engagement, moving in, marriage is involved. And for me, this is what grinds my gears the most...my SO's daughter has a close relationship with her father and so I see her as nothing more than a friend...yet I still have to pay for her sh*t because her mom left her job to move and be with me... USMCHokie, why in the world did you not see this coming when you asked your SO to move in with you w/o a job??? Guys (and gals), don't get involved with women (men) who can't or won't take care of their own child(ren)! Unless you're a complete basket-case or insane, why would you be involved with someone who is not responsible enough to take care of their own children leaving you and adding unnecessary stress to your life? 1
Emilia Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 USMCHokie, why in the world did you not see this coming when you asked your SO to move in with you w/o a job??? Guys (and gals), don't get involved with women (men) who can't or won't take care of their own child(ren)! Unless you're a complete basket-case or insane, why would you be involved with someone who is not responsible enough to take care of their own children leaving you and adding unnecessary stress to your life? He is in a military and lives in a very remote location currently where there aren't many jobs for non-military. Limited options, basically.
Candy_Pants Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 He is in a military and lives in a very remote location currently where there aren't many jobs for non-military. Limited options, basically. She seems to be doing "well" despite that drawback. And if she wants to do better there's always commuting .
soccerrprp Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 He is in a military and lives in a very remote location currently where there aren't many jobs for non-military. Limited options, basically. And now there is clear resentment. USMCHokie, you obviously talked about your financial responsibilities with your SO before her moving out there, right? It sounds like she's looking for a job, so she's doing her part, but now there's a daughter to whom you have little connection (it seems) that you are financially responsible for. Any chance she is looking for employment on the military base? Can you help with this? Not just the local town?
Emilia Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 She seems to be doing "well" despite that drawback. And if she wants to do better there's always commuting . That's detail that I'm not privy to.
truth_seeker Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 People who make blanket statements are damaged and just looking for validation for their misguided views. Did I need to put an 'all' in that sentence? Again, trying to make me out to be a bad guy when other posters have backed up my points.
truth_seeker Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I have seen plenty examples of the bitterness. If I had a nickel for every single mom who calls their baby daddy a "douchebag" "sperm donor" or "loser" I'd have a lot of nickels. A lot of people learn, but a lot of people don't. A person with multiple children from multiple partners who tells the same story about each ex obviously didn't learn. You're right, many of them prioritize their children. The problem with this is that when you're a guy like me with no kids of his own, you don't stand to gain much from a relationship with a woman who prioritizes her children. So you're telling me that a woman who has a blast playing head games and using guys isn't damaged? Deb and Elswyth please take note.
USMCHokie Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 She seems to be doing "well" despite that drawback. And if she wants to do better there's always commuting . Commuting to work from here is not worth it. It'd effectively negate any pay she receives. And yes, she is doing relatively well considering the area. She received her yoga teaching certification and teaches a few classes on base and at a fancy spa resort as well as a couple classes out of our house. We had considered renting a space in town, but we won't be here much longer. And during the school year, she substitute teaches at the local high schools, which is where she makes most of her money. And then there's a small side business she started making and selling natural fru-fru homemade bath and body products...the spa resort she works is going to be carrying her stuff as soon as she figures out the packaging debacle. 2
todreaminblue Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I'm not dehumanizing anyone... I'm calling a spade for a spade. 5 kids with two different guys, and both guys were scum who cheated on you. You made some bad choices being with these guys. That's a fair statement. Am I saying you're a bad person? No. I am saying you got serious baggage (kids, emotional trauma from exes, child support, expenses...) and no single guy in his right mind wants any of that. If I had 5 kids from two different women, I would have serious baggage and wouldn't expect any single women without kids to come near me. I could be the greatest guy in the world, and you know what, kids, baby mama's would turn them off -- that's the truth! to deprive of human qualities or attributes; divest of individuality: this is exactly what you are doing you are taking individuals and their individual stories and depriving them of having individuality and or attributes...... it is pretty obvious you are depriving me as having the attributes of able to be loved and to love......completely because i have kids, and yes two different fathers to my kids....i respect your decision not to date single mothers because of your experiences yet you almost ridicule my experiences.....your posts are bordering on bitter...... you think that my exes are scum yet they step up to the plate and have shown responsibility, both exes had drug and alcohol related issues ,one ex the father fo my three girls now no longer drinks or smokes pot ......which honestly all the cheating that happened between both was at alcohol fueled and drug fueled parties and places with others...i didnt attend these gatherings.....i got cheated on and they made their mistakes.....my exes arent bad people.....they made mistakes.....and those mistakes broke down relationships......its interesting to see that you see me as having made bad choices....while i was at home raising children being loyal and trusting......and above all hoping that they came home ok.......i stuck by them because i did have children with them.....one fro three years and the other fifteen years.......i fought long and hard for that relationship and my exes actually have a high respect for me......now...took them awhile to realize hwo much i actually did...as it does with some men.....dont realize what they have until its gone.....i am not bitter nor do i color all men with the same brush.......i think alcohol and drugs helped to the down fall of both my relationships and honestly i dont need a man to be with because even in my relationships i was stronger than them......i managed when they didnt, they needed alcohol to unwind......i dont i like popcorn and a movie with my kids throw ina few laughs and i am in heaven......i have continued to manage......i wouldnt let my children behave badly to any guy i was with and i would be fair in all my relationships,i have never been unfair..... i dont expect financial support,and i have never taken my baggage out on other men......or been nasty or manipulative...i have dated.....and i get asked out by men.....whether or not that si for a piece of ass as put later in the thread remains to be seen....a couple of times yes ....and i didnt continue dating them...... yoru posts are rather disheartening to me......they are judgmental and dehaumnizing...all i really deserve is to be given a chance....and respect shown thats all i ask for...and my friends who are males and the ones i take in from the streets and give a bed some nights do seem to respect me, they tell em they do, also the males who have children who i have often minded because they cant find childcare they can afford, respect me,i basically help others out in difficult situations try to help those affected by drug an dalcohol related issues..... i do deserve respect...in fact after all i have done for my family and for others...i demand respect....you obviously dont respect me....thats fine but you have to know i wouldnt choose to date a person as bitter as you are and bias towards certain women...as i hav eyoung women in th ehouse who need to see a man who has respect for all women.....no matter the circumstances in their past./.. ..............a guy has to show respect for me and who i am and the guy who is with me......because i would respect him...and my girls need to see a man who treats me with respect.....as my exes tell them often what a wonderful mum they have....and to respect me and all i do....peace to you my friend...i think you lack in peace........deb
todreaminblue Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Deb and Elswyth please take note. why should i take note exactly and for what reason????.deb
USMCHokie Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 And now there is clear resentment. USMCHokie, you obviously talked about your financial responsibilities with your SO before her moving out there, right? It sounds like she's looking for a job, so she's doing her part, but now there's a daughter to whom you have little connection (it seems) that you are financially responsible for. Any chance she is looking for employment on the military base? Can you help with this? Not just the local town? She has a bunch of odd jobs and ways of bringing in money, but it's not nearly as much as she made before. So I often have to help out with paying for odds and ends for her daughter, paying for my SO's plane tickets home to visit, or her daughter's plane tickets to visit us (these are a killer for me with flight prices getting jacked up recently). Her daughter is accustomed to two vacations a year, one in the summer and one in the winter, so that has to continue... It's not so much resentment but annoyance. After my last deployment, I had almost cleared out all my credit card debt, which was A LOT...and almost a year later, I've racked it back up with no end in sight...and she still has to fly home for Christmas and fly her daughter out to California, etc. My take on it is that she can do whatever she'd like, but we'll be in debt that much longer. So to combat that, I've set my own policy that I won't get on a plane until our credit card debt is $0...which means she travels home for holidays by herself and I just hang out at home with the dogs...and any vacations she wants to take with her daughter will just be them. I stay home. So yea, it just is what it is. I just have a couple more years before her daughter is done with college and I might have some reprieve...
Els Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Deb and Elswyth please take note. Eh, I'll happily amend my post to 'a few posters are being jerks', not just one. My bad for not seeing enigma's post, as I have him on ignore. I suppose if I put you on it too, that should resolve things quite amicably?
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