The Way I Am Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 (edited) I have made my mind up though. I am going to ask him to meet me after work and go to a coffee shop and I'm going to tell him that I know that he is married and his wife obviously has no idea what he has been getting up to. Then I'm going to ask him to there and then delete all my contact details and that I don't want to hear from him again or else I will be contacting his wife!! What do you hope to get out of that? I'd like to support your decision, but that was universally the thing that everyone recommended not to do. And I can't see it accomplishing anything or any positive result for you or his wife coming from it. The only one who gets anything from it is him, because he'll realize he needs to cover his tracks better to keep the wife and family secret from other women and he knows he needs to prepare his wife for the "crazy woman" who found him on Facebook and must think he's somebody else or something. For the sake of all the other women he's going to try to trick in the future, please don't give him the heads up that he needs to change his Facebook info so that those women can't find out about the wife the same way you did. Edited July 23, 2014 by The Way I Am 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 What happened!? I am of two minds because I would want to know if my husband was cheating on me, but you never know if you'd be doing more harm than good to the wife. She may not want to know. Whatever you've done, or decide yet to do, there are two things: his betrayal of you, and his betrayal of her. One is entirely your business, the other really isn't. You won't be able to assuage your guilt by telling her; you'll just get more involved in the hurt and drama. You might get revenge on him by blowing up his life, but you'll be instigating the breakdown of the life of wife and kids. There's no easy answer. The bes tyou can do for you, is cut him off and walk away. But tell us-- what happened!? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author garterj Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Hi all, nothing has happened yet as he has only returned from assignment today (he has been away for work). I know that meeting with him is giving him a heads up but I really feel that he needs to see how much pain he is causing to people who are already vulnerable by his lies and maybe he will stop - I know that is stupid as he obviously doesn't care at all. He could warn his wife about the crazy woman from Facebook but I have his texts and emails on my phone including pics he sent me so I have proof if she wanted it. He will be in contact today so I do have to decide whether to ignore him and move on or contact his wife and blow her life up. Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Hi all, nothing has happened yet as he has only returned from assignment today (he has been away for work). I know that meeting with him is giving him a heads up but I really feel that he needs to see how much pain he is causing to people who are already vulnerable by his lies and maybe he will stop - I know that is stupid as he obviously doesn't care at all. He could warn his wife about the crazy woman from Facebook but I have his texts and emails on my phone including pics he sent me so I have proof if she wanted it. He will be in contact today so I do have to decide whether to ignore him and move on or contact his wife and blow her life up. Unfortunately you will not be the first and the last one he has tried this with. He's seen enough pain and sadness, I'm sure, and it did not stop him luring you into his web. Men like him PREY on vulnerable people; in their mind if you are too stupid to fall for this kind of crap you deserve it. You can't save him from himself, OP, he was on his way to hell already a long time before you met him. Good luck trying, we won't say that we told you so. And again, beware that these men are everywhere, also right here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 (edited) Hi all, nothing has happened yet as he has only returned from assignment today (he has been away for work). I know that meeting with him is giving him a heads up but I really feel that he needs to see how much pain he is causing to people who are already vulnerable by his lies and maybe he will stop - I know that is stupid as he obviously doesn't care at all. It's not stupid. Naive though. Have you ever told a guy who didn't give a cr*p how much he hurt you? If you have, did that change anything? In my experience, instead of deciding to become a better person, these types of guys will just spin it around and find reasons to criticize you. You'll end up feeling worse, not better. You'd be better off just writing down how much of a sh*t he is then throwing that away or saying it out loud to your mirror. Edited July 29, 2014 by The Way I Am 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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