CarrieT Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 IHe says that he hasn't slept with anymore but me since his wife...because he is terrified of ending up with an STD. And I actually believe him... Two questions: 1. Are you having unprotected sex? 2. Did you ask about seeing a clean STD report before sleeping with him? I met and dated a surgeon (and actually married him late last year!). Up front, I indicated we would not be having sex without testing first. Not only was he not offended, he commended my thoughtfulness and intelligence on the matter - and he sent me a clean report before we did the deed. Based on everything he has said, I'm not sure I would believe a lot of what he is saying. Narcissists lie a lot - usually to twist their reality to align with what THEY want to believe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I totally see that I am being ridiculous. In fact, I think I'm even more sensitive to things because he has established these patterns with all these other women. However, he says that he never sleeps with them...because as a surgeon he's terrified of disease. He says that he hasn't slept with anymore but me since his wife...because he is terrified of ending up with an STD. And I actually believe him... He knows I am a morale woman...and that I don't sleep around. And he felt safe because he actually asked me for my tests. Which I gladly showed him... So he's established these horrible, self-destructive patterns with all sorts of women, and you're obviously part of that, but you also believe him completely when he says you're the exception? Did you ask for his tests? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I totally see that I am being ridiculous. In fact, I think I'm even more sensitive to things because he has established these patterns with all these other women. However, he says that he never sleeps with them...because as a surgeon he's terrified of disease. He says that he hasn't slept with anymore but me since his wife...because he is terrified of ending up with an STD. And I actually believe him... He knows I am a morale woman...and that I don't sleep around. And he felt safe because he actually asked me for my tests. Which I gladly showed him... And did he show you his, too? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 Yes he showed me his tests too... I feel okay about that part. I think he just likes attention...of other women, of course. The other thing he does everyday is he posts on FB about women's fitness (like bikini models). He is liking the exercises and posting from "women's hard body"...showing pictures of women in very, very skimpy outfits. I think that was his way of showing the FB world that he is single. However, now he is talking about posting on his page that he's in a relationship with me. Hmmm.... Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I totally see that I am being ridiculous. In fact, I think I'm even more sensitive to things because he has established these patterns with all these other women. However, he says that he never sleeps with them...because as a surgeon he's terrified of disease. He says that he hasn't slept with anymore but me since his wife...because he is terrified of ending up with an STD. And I actually believe him... He knows I am a morale woman...and that I don't sleep around. And he felt safe because he actually asked me for my tests. Which I gladly showed him... Can you really believe that he's slept with no one but you since his wife? What does your gut tell you? How long did you wait before having sex? If it was quickly, I'll bet he's got a few notches on his belt. He plays his game well. He's convinced you he's 'terrified', when in fact, as a surgeon, he knows the statistics and the best methods of prevention. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I guess what's confusing is that he is making tremendous sacrifice to see me. He flew into town .. Stayed in a hotel .. Just to drive back to his house with me (3 hours away). But the entire car ride he talked about his ex wives and as of late... The women who were pursuing him. I gently told him that I didn't want to talk about that ... And he apologized. But then started in another fashion. Then we went to a wedding w all of his friends and on drive back he was talking about how in love he was with me... And mentioned how one of his friends at the wedding (who I met) was urging him to go on a date with another woman. He was saying "no no... I'm happy with this woman" .. I had been drinking and I think I had just had enough. I started to get tears in my eyes and he could tell. I told him that hurt .. And he said that the guy said that BEFORE he met me. I just told him that those kinds of comments make me feel insecure. He apologized. So he is very very good at trying to see me... And I'm doing all I can to see him. But, he keeps talking about this stuff... And he has a very close best friend who is having trouble with their relationship. He allowed them to stay at his house (near a concert) while he was out if town. Well it turns out he has security cameras. And the couple started fighting. He was showing me the video of their fight! And I said I didn't want to get involved. He sat there and watched it like a reality show. I thought that was very strange ... He is very strange. He shows no empathy for you or others. He's prepared to spy on his friends for entertainment. This is not a good guy! Sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Don't for one second think he hasn't slept with anyone besides you and his wife. He's far too in love with himself and in love with the attention he gets to just turn these women (who are allegedly throwing themselves at him) away. Honestly, I don't even know what you find attractive about this guy. His attitude, and his behaviors are such a turn off. I've rolled my eyes about 85 times now and they're either about to roll right out of my face or get stuck looking upwards. Agree with the narcissistic assumption of this guy. It's gross and I can't spend even 5 seconds with people like this. He's most certainly not in love with you, I'm willing to bet the guy doesn't even know what real love is. Two divorces under his belt? Nice. Comparing you to his exes? That's cool. Constantly talking about other women who bow down to his existence? Yawn. The God-complex is so boring. You can do way better than this guy. His head is shoved so far up his own butthole that I'm sure he could give himself his own colonoscopy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 He is very strange. He shows no empathy for you or others. He's prepared to spy on his friends for entertainment. This is not a good guy! Sorry. Seriously, I mean if you want to go ahead and ignore everything else. How could you possibly get over a man spying on his friends and playing back the video?! Do you really think there isn't video of you also? Only a sick person would do this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 Yes, I thought the video taping part was alarming... He was watching it...and I thought...wow. He said he was doing it because he was trying to understand the problems and that he wanted to help his friend... Thank you for making me feel better about my feelings...I guess I was thinking that maybe I was too thin skinned...and that I was just too jealous. But, talking like that about women... is more than I was becoming comfortable with... clearly...since I started to cry ( Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Yes he showed me his tests too... . You are unbelievably naive. The only STD test I will believe is the one him and I go together at the clinic. Any test dated before today mean nothing to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vyliss Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 He reminds me of my ex haha. Talking about his exes, talking about women hitting on him. Comparing you to his exes. Yep, that's what my ex did. Although, it sounds like your guy is worse? Then again it never really bothered me that my ex talked about exes and other girls, I don't really get jealous, and in fact, (if they were true), it's nice to know a guy I'm dating is desired by other women. But I did find it a little weird how much he would talk about them.. the remedy to this? I talked about my exes and other guys hitting on me lol You have to give these people a taste of their own medicine before they "get it". Anyway, I think he did get it since he started to complain about how I kept comparing him to my exes, in which case I would then point out that he does exactly the same thing. Some guys has a big ego, or feel really insecure, so feels the need to constantly talk about their achievements, it's just apart of their personality, you either can live with that or you can't. What is MOST important though is that you pay attention to his actions towards you. Does he think of you? Does he do nice things for you? Do you have things in common? Does he listen when you talk? You know all the boyfriend stuff that's important. If he does all that, then I wouldn't just dump him cos he's a little in love with himself. But you do need to have an honest talk with him and tell him this bothers you. Or you can do what I did and openly compare him to all your exes and talk about every guy that hits on you. BTW the reason my ex is my ex is because we're too different at the end of the day (he also said he loved me REALLY early), our personalities clashed and we argued a lot, it doesn't mean he was a bad person or he didn't love me (I believe he did in his way and I did love him too in my own way). So I say give this guy a chance and see if he actually makes a good BF (cares about you, listens to you etc) and definitely communicate about the things that makes you uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Thank you for making me feel better about my feelings...I guess I was thinking that maybe I was too thin skinned...and that I was just too jealous. But, talking like that about women... is more than I was becoming comfortable with... clearly...since I started to cry ( He's showing you who he is. If you continue to date him, you will continue to question yourself. You aren't TOO thin-skinned. You aren't TOO jealous. You are who you are. Whether his actions bothering you is "right" or "wrong" or "normal" doesn't matter. Even if his actions wouldn't bother 98%* of women, they bother YOU, and you don't need your feelings validated. Your feelings are valid, period. And you are able to define what is right and wrong for you, period. And what this guy does bothers YOU. Who is he or anyone else to tell you that you are just being silly and sensitive? So my question is... why are you accepting it rather than walking away? * This is just to make a point. If I had to guess though, I would guess that his actions would bother 98% of women, and your feelings are smack in the middle of the "normal" range. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 Thank you for this feedback... My birthday is coming up Friday so he is coming into town Thursday night and staying in a hotel to take me out Friday. So he is certainly being kind to me... But it will be a good day for me to judge and evaluate my feelings and how much he talks negatively or about his past. He is starting to post about being taken ... On FB. Saying he has a girlfriend. So ... I am seeing that he's changing some of these things. And he did tell me to let him know when he does something that might bother me. So I'm going to try... But I don't know how much I can expect... Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Your birthday will not be a good time to evaluate anything as he is going to be on his best behavior to impress and beguile you. Just fair warning... Link to post Share on other sites
GildedLily Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I'm already in deep. I am so vulnerable and know I have fallen for him. I just get scared that despite all of his promises he will be flirting with others Etc... He has already asked me to move to his town and into his home.. Which I told him I only do that when I'm engaged etc. Lol you have "fallen " for him because he's a surgeon. Otherwise he's just a loser with 2 failed marriages and 3 kids, wake up he's looking for a nanny . Link to post Share on other sites
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