Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 He's been single 15 months. And yes I see the narcissism. I can see that. I see the red flags too... But it's hard to just shut him down because I do really feel for him. But now I think back... And he is always the one doing the talking. This is true.
Zahara Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Quite honestly, he sounds like a narcissitic attention whore. I'd be willing to bet my last penny on it. Anyone care to disagree? Completely agree.
Zahara Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 He's been single 15 months. And yes I see the narcissism. I can see that. I see the red flags too... But it's hard to just shut him down because I do really feel for him. But now I think back... And he is always the one doing the talking. This is true. I don't think being single or being in a relationship is the issue because he has women providing him with the attention he needs since he has met you. It's only been a month that you have been with him. Trust that the pain of ending it now is going to feel far less painful when you're in knee deep with this guy. And don't be that woman that plays the victim a year from now when he's thick in his issues and treating you like how he has treated his ex partners. It seems there is always a flaw in them, but never in him. 1
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I don't understand how you can feel for a man this fast. You don't know him yet and he's all about himself. You're in love with the image of him. Ask yourself, if he was a regular joe blow, not a surgeon, not financially capable of flying in and out, would you still give him the time of the day? It's very easy to get caught in the image. This weekend I had a date with an airline pilot. When I got out of the date the first thing I asked myself was if he was a regular joe blow, if he were the guy fixing my car, would I still feel this attraction!! The answer was: I am not sure! 2
Zahara Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I don't understand how you can feel for a man this fast. You don't know him yet and he's all about himself. You're in love with the image of him. Ask yourself, if he was a regular joe blow, not a surgeon, not financially capable of flying in and out, would you still give him the time of the day? It's very easy to get caught in the image. This weekend I had a date with an airline pilot. When I got out of the date the first thing I asked myself was if he was a regular joe blow, if he were the guy fixing my car, would I still feel this attraction!! The answer was: I am not sure! ^^ This ^^ You "feel" for an image you have created. Surgeon, gorgeous, fit, financially well off, amazing sex -- this is what you're blinded by. I don't think you actually are in love with him. You're taken by the external. 1
carhill Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I am dying to know how long he's been single? Good point and, considering the factors involved here, independently verifying that 'single' part would probably be a good idea, considering the 'flying in' part, presuming the OP wants to continue.
Tbisb74 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 He's been single 15 months. And yes I see the narcissism. I can see that. I see the red flags too... But it's hard to just shut him down because I do really feel for him. But now I think back... And he is always the one doing the talking. This is true. Honey you need to grow a backbone. You really thinks settling for this man who has a cargo-load of ego, is the best thing you can do? You think that he boasts to the other women he sees about how wonderful you are? Have you asked him if he tells them he's taken - and by the best woman he's ever had, or is ever likely to have? What do you think? You're a notch on his belt. Walk, fast, in the opposite direction. Question is, even though everyone is giving you this advice - will you listen and take it, or just make more excuses to become his foot-scraper?
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 I can see this... I agree. I think I am love with the idea. That is true. But I am happy when spending time with him... But it's when the everyone loves me and wants me stuff starts ... It gets very uncomfortable for me. I think I need to take a step back. I am too close. And it is scary when you have your emotions riding so high. And then so low..
CarrieT Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I think I need to take a step back. I am too close. And it is scary when you have your emotions riding so high. And then so low.. Yep, you are totally on the adrenaline rush of a new relationship and someone professing love -- after barely a month!?!? -- that is swaying your judgment. There are so many red flags about this guy that we can all see. You are swept up in his words of love and passion and compliments. But in your gut - we hope - you feel something is wrong. Listen to your gut! There is a reason it brought you here... 1
Zahara Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I can see this... I agree. I think I am love with the idea. That is true. But I am happy when spending time with him... But it's when the everyone loves me and wants me stuff starts ... It gets very uncomfortable for me. I think I need to take a step back. I am too close. And it is scary when you have your emotions riding so high. And then so low.. And in 1 month you're already riding high to low. Imagine how you will be feeling in 6. And being as narcissistic as he is, if he feels you pulling away, he's going to turn it on. You really need to see this for what it is. 1
Tbisb74 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 It sounds rather as if you are a little unguarded and you wear your heart on your sleeve. You commit and fall too quickly. This is some control you need to exercise over your own emotional input. Him, you can do nothing about. What you must decide is how unacceptable this is to you. Where does your tolerance end and your unacceptability of the situation start? How far are you prepared to tolerate this? Until he's describing how good sex was with another girl, and gives you a blow-by-blow account (if you will excuse the unintended pun)...? Do you actually want to know how good the sex was, for him, with another woman? Nip this in the bud, now, and work on yourself. You need to be a little more circumspect about how willingly you give your heart away.
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 In the dating history you have shared with us you always meet men that are in love with you in a matter of couple of weeks, talk marriage, say they are head over heels for you, within 2 weeks. Why do you attract these men? I think it's because you have what they want. They want a cligny woman that will live suspended on their every word. You feed their ego. You are infatuated with them quickly. You admire them instantly before they have time to prove you their worth. You're the perfect spectator they need. How do you think a 'regular' woman would handle these men? I think you need to look at your actions and at what you put out there, that makes these cligny, narcissist, emotional dependent men come to you. 2
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 Yes I can see your point. I guess I just don't want to be an over bearing person either. I understand communication is critical and I don't want someone to avoid opening up to me. I guess I just felt really hurt when I heard all these stories. And you know I can't say that I have normally heard a guy bragging about all the women he is avoiding to be w me etc. In addition he does this in a way that makes me feel it is sort of a compliment. Like he told me he was at the gym and telling some friend of his about how he was head over heels for me and that the guy just seemed put off. And he went on to say it was prob because he was jealous because he recently (few months ago) had a woman model) stay with him and that he brought the girl to the gym and the guy was saying "dude have you seen that gorgeous woman downstairs?" And my BF said oh yeah she's with me. She's visiting me for the weekend. Now my BF was quick to point out they were just friends. That nothing happened because they had no spark. But these are stories I would just not tell my BF. Wouldn't you agree that's too much info?
Eivuwan Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 You admit that he seems like a narcissistic. Narcissists by definition are bad for relationships because they cannot genuinely consider other people other than themselves. Is he really with you because he values you and appreciates you, or does he just like showing off and getting attention? 1
Tbisb74 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 He doesn't love you because he loves you. He loves you because you love him. He's thinking, "What great taste you have!" My palm is itching to slap him.... 2
Zahara Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Yes I can see your point. I guess I just don't want to be an over bearing person either. I understand communication is critical and I don't want someone to avoid opening up to me. I guess I just felt really hurt when I heard all these stories. And you know I can't say that I have normally heard a guy bragging about all the women he is avoiding to be w me etc. In addition he does this in a way that makes me feel it is sort of a compliment. Like he told me he was at the gym and telling some friend of his about how he was head over heels for me and that the guy just seemed put off. And he went on to say it was prob because he was jealous because he recently (few months ago) had a woman model) stay with him and that he brought the girl to the gym and the guy was saying "dude have you seen that gorgeous woman downstairs?" And my BF said oh yeah she's with me. She's visiting me for the weekend. Now my BF was quick to point out they were just friends. That nothing happened because they had no spark. But these are stories I would just not tell my BF. Wouldn't you agree that's too much info? This guy is all about appearances. He gets a huge ego boost from having everyone oooh and ahhh at how magnificent and grandiose he is to have these beautiful women adorning his arm. Showing them off and bragging about it. Puke. It's not about "too much info." That's the least of your problems. And they were just friends? Just because he said so? The only "love" he has is the love for himself. 1
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 But these are stories I would just not tell my BF. Wouldn't you agree that's too much info? We've been agreeing since page 1.
mammasita Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Enough of all of this back and forth. Excuses, excuses, excuses. OP, are you going to ditch him and come out on top like a strong woman or continue to feel like crap and complain until he ditches you....because I promise it will happen. It's the reality of your situation. By the way....how old are you?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Love within two weeks? Need for constant validation and admiration? OP, run. As the others have said, this man is all about himself. Another poster said he loves that you love him, and I couldn't agree more. He doesn't necessarily love you for you. How could either of you possibly know that after such a short time? I would take a serious step back. There shouldn't be so many doubts and ups/downs so early in the game.
MissBee Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Red flags abound with this guy. Sorry to say but I think heartbreak is in your future with him. His multiple divorces are one red flag. Often people with multiple marriages under their belts either prove they are impulsive about relationships or don't have what it takes to sustain one. This guy seems like both frankly. His immediate jump to love and marriage seems like fastforwarding or future faking. I learn not to be impressed by such intense and quick declarations but rather be VERY suspicious. An ex of mine was this way, in love after 2 weeks, marriage, he was also divorced...and currently is on his second marriage and he isn't even 30, and I wouldn't be surprised if he is divorced yet again too... Add to that his need to talk about exes for hours and people who want him... he sounds self-absorbed frankly. I don't see this going well OP.
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Enjoy dating him. Just don't fall in love with him. Understand, especially when he talks about marriage & a future, he's LYING to you.
MissBee Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I'm already in deep. I am so vulnerable and know I have fallen for him. I just get scared that despite all of his promises he will be flirting with others Etc... He has already asked me to move to his town and into his home.. Which I told him I only do that when I'm engaged etc. It's been four weeks...not even four months or four years. You may be bruised a bit if you end things, and more so at what could have been, BUT you'll live and will most likely see you've dodged a bullet. If all was so well you'd not be here with all your own concerns about him and his behavior. This man has the means to fly to see you and so on...I know guys like this. This is no big sacrifice on his part. If he was a bag boy at the grocery store saving his pennies...MAYBE I could see it as some deep investment. But he's a surgeon and seems to have enough money for plane tickets so him flying is no big deal. He is self-absorbed and none of what you've said has shown an emotionally mature man who is in love and serious about a future. He sounds very impulsive, self-absorbed, egotistical and selfish and I bet if you asked the last Ex-Wives of his they'd probably advise you to run far away and I wouldn't be surprised if like you they were swept up in his ILYs and so on despite the red flags, and lived to regret it. 2
pteromom Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 So - you need to tell him how you are feeling about the way he is acting. In a VERY serious way. Like in a "We need to talk" way. He needs to know how serious you are. That you don't want to hear about his exes unless you are having a talk about your relationship and he needs to explain why he is the way he is. That you don't want to hear about other women who want him. That you aren't ready to move in, and you want to get to know each other. If he ignores you and keeps doing this stuff, then you know what your relationship will be like - he will do what he wants and show no concern for your opinions or wants and needs. Do NOT move in with him. Don't even consider that! Go slowly. Pay attention to who he is. Keep your head and heart in balance and be smart. 3
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 I totally see that I am being ridiculous. In fact, I think I'm even more sensitive to things because he has established these patterns with all these other women. However, he says that he never sleeps with them...because as a surgeon he's terrified of disease. He says that he hasn't slept with anymore but me since his wife...because he is terrified of ending up with an STD. And I actually believe him... He knows I am a morale woman...and that I don't sleep around. And he felt safe because he actually asked me for my tests. Which I gladly showed him...
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