Author sdumper Posted July 23, 2014 Author Posted July 23, 2014 Another day another let down... So evidently the other guy has been telling my wife that he doesnt care if all this gets exposed and he has to divorce his current wife. If he has to buy his current wife another house to make her happy so be it. She also tells me that she knows I still love her and am crazy about her and thats why im so upset. As pathetic as this sounds she goes on to tell me that I know that she is the best I could ever hope to get and that I know this and thats why im so hurt. Good times. I literally had to turn away to keep from crying (yep im a real man). Damnit this **** hurts...
Bryanp Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 So your wife is telling you that the best that you could ever hope for is to have a cheating wife who humiliates and disrespects her husband in the worst possible way and puts his life at risk for various STD's? What is wrong with this picture? 5
Chi townD Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 (edited) Another day another let down... So evidently the other guy has been telling my wife that he doesnt care if all this gets exposed and he has to divorce his current wife. If he has to buy his current wife another house to make her happy so be it. She also tells me that she knows I still love her and am crazy about her and thats why im so upset. As pathetic as this sounds she goes on to tell me that I know that she is the best I could ever hope to get and that I know this and thats why im so hurt. Good times. I literally had to turn away to keep from crying (yep im a real man). Damnit this **** hurts... Dude! I told you not to talk to her about this! Just expose! SHE'S telling you that he doesn't care. SHE'S telling you that he's happy to buy his wife a new house just to get rid of her. That's what SHE told you. When are you going to learn not to believe a damn thing she says? She's trying to discourage you from exposing. Telling you to convince you that it would do no good. I'm telling you. Expose! She might be right and it does no good. But, dollars to donuts, this douche rocket is going to throw your wife under the bus to save his own ass. I think you wrote that this asshat is a lawyer. Do you really think that attorney's go to law school because they believe in the judicial system and applying the law and defending those that can defend themselves? HELL NO! They're in it for the money and the power. (unless they're public defender's). He's in the affair fog to. But, once the dollars signs start going out the door in buying that new house, the child support payments, the maintenance costs and/or alimony, still keeping the kids on his health plan and being responsible for their college fund and maintaining his own new place to live on top of an alienation of affection lawsuit or an Intent to Cause Emotional Distress lawsuit against him from you, he's going to start to resent your WW for turning his life to crap. And what if one day he wants to run for Judge? It would be easy for his opponent to find out his first marriage failed because he was sleeping with a married woman. That's a skeleton he doesn't need coming out of the closet. She actually had the gall to say that she knows she's the best you'll ever have and that's why you're so hurt?!?!? REALLY?!?! What a bitch! If she said that to me, I would have responded, "Well, if you're the best I'll ever have and you treat me like this? Then it's obvious that I set my standards pretty low." Edited July 23, 2014 by Chi townD 4
RightThere Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 So evidently the other guy has been telling my wife that he doesnt care if all this gets exposed and he has to divorce his current wife. If he has to buy his current wife another house to make her happy so be it. That is likely the BS the OM is telling your wife. "I'm going to leave my wife" "She knows about us and doesn't care" "I'm going to divorce her because you make me so much happier" Don't buy it for a second. Unless you hear those words from his wife, he's just lying to your wife to keep her happy and in "affairyland". I'm sure when/if you expose all this to his wife, she'll have a much different story. And I can guarantee the OM won't be singing the same song he's telling your wife. She also tells me that she knows I still love her and am crazy about her and thats why im so upset. As pathetic as this sounds she goes on to tell me that I know that she is the best I could ever hope to get and that I know this and thats why im so hurt. Good times. I literally had to turn away to keep from crying (yep im a real man). Damnit this **** hurts... I hear you. It's tough to still love the person who treats you so poorly. But you are being abused. You don't have a black eye or a bloody nose, but she's cutting you and leaving scars. Take care of yourself. Your wife is not the person you thought she was (and probably never was that person). 1
aliveagain Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 Friend, think hard about what you really want. She may be beautiful on the outside but she is some kind of ugly on the inside, the inside is the real person because what you see on the outside doesn't last forever what is on the inside does. The OM will change his tune when when you expose the affair to his wife, they are all about power and money. Never forget, you kept your vows, your the prize don't let her convince you that a broken lying cheater is. 1
beach Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 I'm sure he's been lying to your W too. Cheaters lie. His wife may care more than the cheaters are saying - just expose. 1
seekingpeaceinlove Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 Grow some balls and stop letting her trample all over you. Are you just meekly standing by as she tells you that she's the best you'll ever have????? Seriously? Standing up for yourself does not mean retaliating or stooping to her level. It means that you are not going to tolerate her behavior/words/actions any longer. Carry yourself with dignity and do not let her tear you down more than she already has. Your wife is treating you as well as you're allowing her. SHE is the one who wronged you. She is the liar and cheater. Take pride is knowing that you are a better person than she. 2
SawtoothMars Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 Another day another let down... So evidently the other guy has been telling my wife that he doesnt care if all this gets exposed and he has to divorce his current wife. If he has to buy his current wife another house to make her happy so be it. She also tells me that she knows I still love her and am crazy about her and thats why im so upset. As pathetic as this sounds she goes on to tell me that I know that she is the best I could ever hope to get and that I know this and thats why im so hurt. Good times. I literally had to turn away to keep from crying (yep im a real man). Damnit this **** hurts... Don't be ashamed of your emotions. Your wife is intentionally trying to hurt you. If the guy really doesn't care then he would have exposed the whole thing himself long ago. Go ahead and drop a bomb on his marriage... if for no other reason than his wife deserves to know the truth. It sounds like your financial situation is tough. Focus on your work and your kids. The rest will sort itself out in time. What helped me the most is using my anger. I would literally meditate on everything she ever did to make me upset... and that anger allowed me to be very cold and calculating with her. It might work for you as well, because you need to fall out of love quickly. 1
Chi townD Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Blah! No update..... DUDE! How did the exposure go!! Inquiring minds want to know! 1
mikethemechanic Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 My wife cheated on me about 10 years ago with another man and when it didnt work out for her she came back to me and I forgave her. Fast forward 8 years and shes doing it again this time with a married man. My wife lost a lot of weight and got into running and the next thing you know shes cheating. Weve discussed it and ive gone so far as to start working on divorce papers. The guy is younger than her by a few years and around 38 or so. Wife is 42 and im 47. Im a complete mess we have 3 kids (twin girls 15 and my son 12). They know what shes been doing and are furious with her. I know im rambling but I cant eat or sleep well. Lost 45 lbs of weight and am now down to my college weight. Do you think her relationship will last or should I just pull the plug. Problem is I'm in love with my wife and my heart is breaking. xww left me 14 years ago and I still have feelings for her. Tell us more about the om.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Good God. I am so sorry that she cut into you that way. WS know all of the buttons and vulnerabilities to push. And when they feel secure in the affair they push them all. Frankly, I think of it this way: the last thing I wanted and my worst nightmare was having a cheating spouse. He literally went from the most attractive guy in the world to the least attractive. Because he cheated on me. He gave me my worst nightmare on a silver platter when I was eight months pregnant. He literally, overnight, the least attractive guy in the world. Which means, any guy would have been better. Things have been odd and rocky since. He was pretty arrogant and treated me as though I should be grateful and wasn't attractive. It's a defense mechanism. They want to escape from something, they feel guilt. It makes them feel attacked and they last out against the "manipulation" of seeing their spouse in pain due to their actions that they refuse to take responsibility for. As soon as you realize how blatantly immature they are, they start to lose appeal to you. You see them as a cruel little kid in an adult body. Frankly, my relationship ended up staying together because of fear and an abandonment trigger. I was afraid. Afraid I would grieve him forever and he was my best friend. Afraid of damaging my daughter because her childhood would be just too inconsistent. Afraid that he was the pinnacle of what I could have in my life. Afraid of the relationship ending and seeing my own fault and influence in it. That somehow if I could stay in it that we could have worked things out and been happy. Like it was my sole responsibility to do so. But if a cheating, lying, addicted man who refuses to keep any of his promises and agreements and then on top of it all blames me for not being able to is the pinnacle in my life, I have to make my life a Helluva lot better. Because if that's the pinnacle, it sucks. Sure, when we connect, he feels great. But how often is that really? How often do you truly connect with your wife is she can go for the jugular like that? If you saw a Mother saying to her child that he better be grateful that she's around because she's the best Mommy that would ever accept him after saying she liked another boy she plays with so much more, what would you think about that? You'd want to get that kid out of that situation pronto. You'd think she was just a disgusting mother for treating her son like garbage, neglecting him and stripping him of his self-esteem. Obviously, your wife isn't your mother. But her rejection cuts deep. And you aren't a little kid. But neurologically us adults are pretty much just big kids with a few more years on us. We get hurt, we get angry, we want to be loved and accepted. So what are you doing to protect that kid in you that still wants love and acceptance from this vicious, reactive woman. It doesn't matter if her reasons are "true" or not. It only matters that it cuts into you, and she should not. She should have been your spouse that treated you with dignity. She isn't. She's your abuser. Stop being abused for her benefit. And FFS expose to the guy's wife. Stop playing around with that. And don't talk to your stupid wife about it. 3
HereNorThere Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 (edited) So................? I'm trying to figure out what has changed? Are you really going to fall for that? Let's say she really does love and care for you, what would make you still not want to expose the affair? Buddy, you aren't making any sense at all. To me, it sounds like you got cold feet because you know it's going to piss her off. This isn't about revenge, it's about the truth. They're both known liars, but the worst that could happen is that his wife says she already knows. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Son, I am disapoint. So I guess now we go for option 2, how to accept that your wife has a boyfriend. I don't think I could do it, but everyone is different. It's going to take some getting used to, but you should be ok. Just clear a nice little spot in the bathroom cabinet for his stuff and ask if he'll chip in on rent and groceries. Whatever you do, the TV remote is yours. Sharing your wife is one thing, but don't give up the TV remote. You gotta have some sort of boundaries, ya know. Edited July 24, 2014 by HereNorThere 3
mikethemechanic Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 @sdumper we really do care... I'm not trying to be critical since I know of the embarrassment that you must feel... if it helps any I could share my own personal experience which is my x cheating on me they started out as drinking buddies and progressed into the bedroom. The om was my friend at the time... I remember walking in on the them while they were in the bar together, they both had the look of first time lovers in their eyes. But xww denied that anything sexual had transpired between the two them. It wasn't until om had developed a guilty conscious did I learn of the affair. Yes xww felt entitled to keep her relationship with om against my demands that it end! Where did you say that they met?
Author sdumper Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 @sdumper we really do care... I'm not trying to be critical since I know of the embarrassment that you must feel... if it helps any I could share my own personal experience which is my x cheating on me they started out as drinking buddies and progressed into the bedroom. The om was my friend at the time... I remember walking in on the them while they were in the bar together, they both had the look of first time lovers in their eyes. But xww denied that anything sexual had transpired between the two them. It wasn't until om had developed a guilty conscious did I learn of the affair. Yes xww felt entitled to keep her relationship with om against my demands that it end! Where did you say that they met? FaceBook Well I finally kicked her out. Shes been looking for a place over the weekend and so it looks like the end. Really sucks because it makes me doubt myself and wonder what I am lacking that caused her to do this to me. Anyway still waiting on the PI to give me the information on who this guy is. After that I will be turning the information over to the OM wife so she can rain down her fury. Anyway last weekend I caught her texting the ******* again and threw her phone in the woods. She was drunk and freaked out and started screaming that I was hurting her so I calmly walked down the stairs to where my kids were and let her carry on. When she left she went to the neighbors and my kids threw her undies out into the driveway and burned her sex toys and underwear. She then called 911 and came running back over to our house and threw a drill at me hitting my head and a hammer cutting my leg. Then she tried to poor gas in my front seat of my car. Anyway when the cops arrived they arrested her for assualt and battery in front of children and she spent 3 days in jail. Karmas a bitch I suppose. 2
beach Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 You can get info on the OMM online for about $50.
10thengineerharrison Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 FaceBook Well I finally kicked her out. Shes been looking for a place over the weekend and so it looks like the end. Really sucks because it makes me doubt myself and wonder what I am lacking that caused her to do this to me. Anyway still waiting on the PI to give me the information on who this guy is. After that I will be turning the information over to the OM wife so she can rain down her fury. Anyway last weekend I caught her texting the ******* again and threw her phone in the woods. She was drunk and freaked out and started screaming that I was hurting her so I calmly walked down the stairs to where my kids were and let her carry on. When she left she went to the neighbors and my kids threw her undies out into the driveway and burned her sex toys and underwear. She then called 911 and came running back over to our house and threw a drill at me hitting my head and a hammer cutting my leg. Then she tried to poor gas in my front seat of my car. Anyway when the cops arrived they arrested her for assualt and battery in front of children and she spent 3 days in jail. Karmas a bitch I suppose. I hope you filed a restraining order! Did you? -10th Engineer Harrison
beach Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Did you file for divorce yet? And stop thinking her cheating is your fault. It's her fault. She is responsible for her actions. Not you. Good on you for not allowing her to treat you so terribly anymore. And don't pay for an attorney for her jail time. I suppose you better be sure she can't get access to money right now - she'd be spending on bail.
Jonah Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Man this **** hurts. I feel betrayed and now feel like I have to find another girl at least as pretty and smart as she is. But the thing is im getting older and its not so easy to get on with a new life at my age. More fish for you now. duckshoot. She does not belong to you guy. Never did. You lose her and you lose nothing.
Jonah Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 FaceBook Well I finally kicked her out. Shes been looking for a place over the weekend and so it looks like the end. Really sucks because it makes me doubt myself and wonder what I am lacking that caused her to do this to me. Anyway still waiting on the PI to give me the information on who this guy is. After that I will be turning the information over to the OM wife so she can rain down her fury. Anyway last weekend I caught her texting the ******* again and threw her phone in the woods. She was drunk and freaked out and started screaming that I was hurting her so I calmly walked down the stairs to where my kids were and let her carry on. When she left she went to the neighbors and my kids threw her undies out into the driveway and burned her sex toys and underwear. She then called 911 and came running back over to our house and threw a drill at me hitting my head and a hammer cutting my leg. Then she tried to poor gas in my front seat of my car. Anyway when the cops arrived they arrested her for assualt and battery in front of children and she spent 3 days in jail. Karmas a bitch I suppose. Someday you will look back on this as a sunny moment for you. There is a risk in marrying someone that much younger. I know they are cute but that's an entirelyy silversmith vulnerability. UT a
jnel921 Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 SDumper.... Why have you allowed yourself to go through this yet another time? The minute you found out her a$$ should have been shown the door. All of this worry about how you need someone just as pretty is sad. The person you are looking for would be a rebound and not deserving of a broken heart. So step back and take a deep breathe and put a hold on those kinds of decisions. You don't need to post a profile on a website to validate whether or not you can attract beautiful women. Take a look in the mirror. What do these women get in return? A broken man. Seriously? Get it together, put your man pants on and put your W in her place. Do not allow her or this OM intimidate and bully you. She sounds as if she already knows if it doesn't work out again you would take her back. She senses your weakness and this is why she treats you like this. You have kids. Set the example. How is it you have allowed them to see this and burn her underwear and sex toys? This is a problem. They shouldn't be involved. Get a lawyer and sort your life out. One day you may find someone who appreciates you. Your W clearly doesn't. Once you show her this different side to you I am sure she will be confused. But you shouldn't care. She hurt you, your family and she ruined another M. Let her live with that, while you live your life. Good Luck. 3
Appreciate Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Wow. 20 years.. I'm very sorry man. She is definitely not the person you thought she was. She's too wrapped up in getting attention from other men. It's sad how one minute your sweet and loving wife becomes your enemy and is capable of the most wretched actions. Think of her as your enemy because that is how she sees you.
Appreciate Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 No arguments in front of the kids. If she is doing something which makes you mad, don't display the anger in front of the kids. It will make an impact on them. Totally understandable you wanted to toss her phone, but no more lashing out. Play smart, not violent. The rewards are much better. She's an animal right now, but she's going to try and outwit you at every step.
aliveagain Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 Wow, what an update. "Talk to a lawyer," and take the appropriate actions to protect your children and what is left of your finances. If I recall the O/M is a lawyer and has probably been giving your wife legal advice. Remember, she and O/M plan together against you, she no longer has your back, you don't have to be nice to her anymore. Have you been able to find out who O/M is, have you exposed him?
Chi townD Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Okay, starting to think we're chasing bunnies here... Not buying this PI story. No PI takes weeks and weeks to give you very basic information. Information that you can find out for yourself on the internet for $20-$50 bucks. Oh, and no mention of if he did actually contact the OMW. :bunny: ....
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