MadJackBird Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 sdumper, I'm sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience as you. My former wife cheated on me and confessed in 2009. We tried to reconcile our marriage but she ended up cheating again in 2013. I would have stayed together for my kids but she wanted to end our marriage and has since married her affair partner. My former spouse had other addiction problems as well. Serial Cheating is an addiction, and without a lot of help with her issues she won't change. I also lost weight and sleep. Take Care of yourself. Go to your medical doctor and see what you can do for meds for anti-depressants and sleep aids. Even if it is only temporary. It will get better, but you are better off divorcing her and moving on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 1. See a doctor about the weight loss. Anti-depressants can help you keep your head and stay calm while dealing with all of this. 2. See a lawyer. Find one who can help you work through the legal status of your marriage, and/or help you work through the divorce process for your state. It doesn't matter whether or not she WANTS to sign papers...that's what subpeona's are for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sdumper Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) Ok a little more info might help. The kids all 3 are of age and want to live with me. Im upside down in my mortgage so the house is worthless to sell and she want the kids to live with me so it doesnt interrupt the way of life they have always led. Schools friends ect... I have 2 cars being financed that are worth less than the sale value would be. ! is a porshe boxter and 1 a mercedes SUV. I pay for both cars and all the bills ect. My wife pays for some of the food and private school for one of my kids with a handicap. She wants to live in my house with me and the kids until she can find a job. While she lives here she wants to continue to see the OM and hopes he will leave his wife for my wife. The OM is younger , is an attorney and has 2 kids. I will have his name, phone number, address, wife's name and kids names in 2 more days. (private investigator). Im in debt to the IRS and paying them a large sum monthly so dont have extra cash unless I was forced by the courts to stop paying my mortgage. Is it legally possible for my sake and the sake of my children to get her to move out until the divorce is final? Oh and the mercedes we took over payments from my mom. The mercedes is not in my name. Edited July 21, 2014 by sdumper Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Ok a little more info might help. The kids all 3 are of age and want to live with me. Im upside down in my mortgage so the house is worthless to sell and she want the kids to live with me so it doesnt interrupt the way of life they have always led. Schools friends ect... I have 2 cars being financed that are worth less than the sale value would be. ! is a porshe boxter and 1 a mercedes SUV. I pay for both cars and all the bills ect. My wife pays for some of the food and private school for one of my kids with a handicap. She wants to live in my house with me and the kids until she can find a job. While she lives here she wants to continue to see the OM and hopes he will leave his wife for my wife. The OM is younger , is an attorney and has 2 kids. I will have his name, phone number, address, wife's name and kids names in 2 more days. (private investigator). Im in debt to the IRS and paying them a large sum monthly so dont have extra cash unless I was forced by the courts to stop paying my mortgage. Is it legally possible for my sake and the sake of my children to get her to move out until the divorce is final? Oh and the mercedes we took over payments from my mom. The mercedes is not in my name. I don't know what divorce laws are like where you are. But as I see it, from what you say your net assets (what you have minus what you owe) are around zero. So when you get half each - that means you're giving away half of zero which is zero. But what's money worth anyway? Compared with the rest of your life? A friend once told me, as he gambled away his wealth, that money is the only thing in life you can replace. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 File divorce papers. All can be sorted out down the road. You need your W working now- that way she gets less money from you through the court. She's got plenty of time to cheat - means she has plenty of time to get to working. Look out for you and the kids from here moving forward. And no, don't let her stay in the house - that's just being her doormat even more. She wants to cheat? She can be the one to figure out how to support herself. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Since she is refusing to leave, your other choices are: 1) DIY "in home" separation. You establish a new sleeping place for one of you and change family meals and activities to reflect the new reality 2) You get a family law judge to order her out. This is difficult and will almost certainly require a lawyer and some specific facts divorce360.com | They Won't Leave? Now What? How to Make a Spouse Move Out During Divorce | LegalZoom: Legal Info For example: 'At the court hearing, you’ll have to prove that “the physical or mental well being of either spouse or their children is jeopardized by occupancy of the marital residence by both parties.” That’s the standard set out in the Illinois law that applies. It’s Section 701 of the Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act.' As far as the lack of documentation of the marriage: so that opens a tiny crack of possibility to attack it. Just a tiny crack. You need competent legal advice in your own jurisdiction as to whether such attack is advisable or has any chance of success. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Man this **** hurts. I feel betrayed and now feel like I have to find another girl at least as pretty and smart as she is. But the thing is im getting older and its not so easy to get on with a new life at my age. Big mistake IMO. I did the same thing and although it fixed my little ego for about a week, it then turned into a complete disaster. Get your priorities straight. 1. Get lawyer 2. Get rid of her 3. Work on yourself Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 You're a year younger than I am. You've got getting on for 20 years of career ahead of you. You have the benefit, if starting out again with a new woman, of a greater maturity and wisdom that will help you choose more wisely than first time. And forget the "pretty", find a good woman, not an ornament. And I get more interest from women now, as a 48 year old married man, then I ever did at 20 and single. Don't waste the rest of your life - you've still got half of it to go. Right on Davey! Me too! I am 47 and it has been really great dating lately. I think being divorced for one year and separated the year before I have moved on well and I don't drag past stuff into new relationships. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 The woman is actively dating and causing problems in your family, the courts may be able to help you because children are involved. She and her other man are planning and building their nest, your STBXW now discuss's everything with him and everything she can take from you she will because she will use it for their future. Make sure you expose them, she is no longer protecting your back. Treat her for what she is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sdumper Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 The woman is actively dating and causing problems in your family, the courts may be able to help you because children are involved. She and her other man are planning and building their nest, your STBXW now discuss's everything with him and everything she can take from you she will because she will use it for their future. Make sure you expose them, she is no longer protecting your back. Treat her for what she is. Had a few beers with a friend tonight (they drove dont worry)...anyway Karmas a bitch and Wednesday night the other wife finds out. He is telling my wife the reason he wont leave his wife is because of his kids ... lol...its time for my wife to get dumped and you know what to ****ing bad i will be gone... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Had a few beers with a friend tonight (they drove dont worry)...anyway Karmas a bitch and Wednesday night the other wife finds out. He is telling my wife the reason he wont leave his wife is because of his kids ... lol...its time for my wife to get dumped and you know what to ****ing bad i will be gone... Wish I could have paid for those beers, brother. Stay strong, start working on YOU for a little bit and get yourself protected with good legal advice! Yeeeeeaaaah! Link to post Share on other sites
sumathi Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Your wife is ruining your life. How can she be unfaithful to you when you love her so much? You have told that she had cheated you once and that you had forgiven her and taken her back. I think you should talk to her firmly that you will no longer tolerate her infidelity. If she really cares for you and the children she will come to her senses. But if she persists in being disloyal to you, it is better to move away from her as she will kill your happiness and the future of your children. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Just one more point, leased cars can be returned, sounds like your credit's taken a hit anyway. Decide on the vehicle that makes the most sense to keep, give the other one back. Things can always be replaced. My guess is the OM won't want to leave his wife because of the financial cost to do so. More reason to expose the affair to his wife. Most dirt bags like him are only in it for the sex, expect your wife to be thrown under the bus, expect to blamed for everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I'm going to state it again. You can vent here if you like...but the advice/support you need is from an ATTORNEY. You absolutely, 100% need to get a lawyer engaged on your side to help you sort through all the questions you're asking here about getting her to move out, about divorce, seperation, etc... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Had a few beers with a friend tonight (they drove dont worry)...anyway Karmas a bitch and Wednesday night the other wife finds out. He is telling my wife the reason he wont leave his wife is because of his kids ... lol...its time for my wife to get dumped and you know what to ****ing bad i will be gone... Interesting. How is the other wife going to find out on Wednesday night? I'm curious as to how this is going to go down?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sdumper Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 Interesting. How is the other wife going to find out on Wednesday night? I'm curious as to how this is going to go down?! Tomorrow the private detective will provide me the guys name, address and phone numbers. I plan on calling the home number to inform the wife whats been happening. Link to post Share on other sites
tom670 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 If it's at all possible, see if you can tell her in person. Good job with the PI though. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Tomorrow the private detective will provide me the guys name, address and phone numbers. I plan on calling the home number to inform the wife whats been happening. Didn't you just post that the OMW just found out about their affair? Are you going to contact her to compare notes? Or to see what the OM is actually telling her (because you know damn well, he's only going to admit what she found out and nothing more). Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Had a few beers with a friend tonight (they drove dont worry)...anyway Karmas a bitch and Wednesday night the other wife finds out. He is telling my wife the reason he wont leave his wife is because of his kids ... lol...its time for my wife to get dumped and you know what to ****ing bad i will be gone... Opps! Disregard my last post. I re-read that and it seems like YOU are getting the contact information on Wednesday. Yeah, dude. Time to move on. You need to adopt the phrase, fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me. Don't fold when she begs to come back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sdumper Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 Right after I created this thread I signed up for match.com and I had no idea that other pretty women my wifes age would actually start messaging me. Maybe I do have a shot at rebuilding my life. Now all I need to do is get over this hollow feeling in my stomach and forget 20 years of time spent together. Its so cool to find a message board where I can talk with other guys who have gone through this crap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Just one more point, leased cars can be returned, sounds like your credit's taken a hit anyway. Decide on the vehicle that makes the most sense to keep, give the other one back. Things can always be replaced. My guess is the OM won't want to leave his wife because of the financial cost to do so. More reason to expose the affair to his wife. Most dirt bags like him are only in it for the sex, expect your wife to be thrown under the bus, expect to blamed for everything. Hell, I'd give back the mercedes and sell the Porsche for what you can get out of it. Go find a nice old reliable car for a couple thou, PAY CASH for the whole amount, and be done with high car payments, registration and insurance for good. Put the house on the market. Take a short sale if you have to and rent until the DV is final and you're back on your feet financially. -10th Engineer Harrison 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 You can get all personal info on this guy for a nominal fee on websites if you search. Home number should be easy and not much money spent for immediate results. Be prepared to give his wife evidence - she may not believe you without proof. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 So sorry to hear what you're doing through. Couple of suggestions: 1.) Make sure you have proof to show the cheating man's wife when you expose the affair 2.) If you're serious about divorce, take off your profile off the dating site and don't sign up for any more until you've consulted with a lawyer It is not too late for you to find a wonderful loyal woman in the future. Move on from your wife. This is not love. She does not love nor respect you. Respect and love yourself. Consider this a new and exciting chapter in your life. Once you resolve the marriage, you future will be that much brighter. Good luck and stay strong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Get her out of your life this time. You do not want a third time. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Oh, and really important thing for you to do. Do not tell your wife that you're going to contact the OMW. All your going to do is give them time to come up with a viable story to tell his wife and put up roadblocks to stop you. After you expose, your WW is going to go nuclear on you. So, stop buy Walmart or Best Buy and get a voice activated recorder (VAR)and carry it on you at all times. She might make some false claims against you. Like, goat you into an argument and that's all she needs to pick up the phone and call the cops on you state that you two have been fighting and she doesn't feel safe with you there. The cops will ask you to leave and she'll be at the courthouse and file an order of protection on you. And it will be easy for her to do because of the police report of a domestic disturbance. So, the VAR is for your protection. Look into your states wiretapping laws. Some states don't allow you to record someone without their permission and it is inadmissible in court, but I would just carry one on you anyway. If you are away from the house and this sh*t storm kicks up: your WW WILL be calling you. LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL! If you happen to live in a state that doesn't allow you to record without permission, and she leaves you a voicemail message, SHE KNOWS SHE'S BEING RECORDED IN ORDER TO LEAVE YOU A MESSAGE! Therefore, you save those recordings and that CAN be used in court. SO, after exposure, let EVERYTHING go to voicemail. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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