soccerrprp Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 Nice Mickey! Dick-heads always, eventually, show their true colors. It's up to us to discover the POOP they spread early on and stay free of the stench sooner than later. For too many, the staying away is a result of the perfume we cast over the foul odor as we try to pretend it's not as bad as it really is...morale of the story??? Don't try to hide the odor. Let it permeate naturally and the truth reveals itself. Did any of that make sense? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mickey1982 Posted July 15, 2014 Author Share Posted July 15, 2014 *sigh* This reminds me of those Bible beaters who - no matter how many good things you do - continues to tell you that "You are evil and a sinner!" "The EASY part is walking away"? Who told you that? Maybe that was true FOR YOU, but walking away was by far the HARDEST THING I have EVER DONE. (Since we are capitalizing things). It took me YEARS to walk away and it nearly killed me. Examining myself, and my reasons for staying in a relationship like that, was much easier once I had clarity from breaking out of the emotional hell I was in. You don't know Mickey or even one-fiftieth of her story - you don't know how she ALLOWED anything in her A, to what extent, or why, and you don't know how much work she has done on herself to learn from it. So, I ask in all honesty, why do you find the need to push that generic advice on someone, particularly in a thread where they posted a positive status update? I'll never get it. Somehow the "laziness" comment just added insult to injury. My two cents. Mickey, keep on keeping on - you are doing great! You have much to offer others. Thank you, Hope, as always. You are exactly correct in that one-fiftieth of my story is not known to this poster nor do they have any right to judge how I got to where I am or where it is that I am going. I shake my head when I receive replies such as those with sadness and disbelief for the lack of real character. I can only wish that he too finds the answer to bring him peace someday too. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 (((Mickey1982))) I am so happy for you. It took me around 8 to 10 months from my break up with XAP to be able to say, "I'm indifferent towards him now". It is such a freeing feeling and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world! It's post like yours that are the best part about still coming here to read! I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 It would be so very nice to get to this point. Not sure if Im ready for that pain yet though. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 I have to disagree that one is the easy part and one is the hard part...in my case, they went hand in hand and were not mutually exclusive. Fair enough I would not have been able to move forward with my recovery having not looked at myself and the bigger picture of what I had been involved in. One cannot move ahead without examining the why. If you read my thread from start to finish this is EXACTLY what I said (second paragraph). The answers were NOT found on LS, but had to come from within ME. This was an update and yes, I failed to go back re-read the initial post. That's on me. I may have refreshed my memory had I done so. Although, I would say that these A's, or at least those seeking help via the anonymity of the internet, are in a crisis mode - and my advice is to get out of the crisis first THEN examine the why. Kudos to being able to do both simultaneously. And even MORE kudos to understanding the root of ALL human behavior - the "why" - lies within. Too often we tend to externalize this and blame others for OUR choices (expressed as "he made me..." or "I had to"). You can find half a dozen threads in that vein here..maybe just on the front page. I am not sure why you continue to question the path I have taken to get where I am today...Can't you just be happy for someone who has finally found peace? Your jumping to conclusions. I NEVER questioned your path. I said its time for a new path - the introspection (failing to know you had done so - see the circumspect mea culpa above) . Just didn't want you to get "halfway" there and, thinking you are done, quit. No growth there - just getting out of a bad R (the A) - and by extension, the possibility of re-entering the same type of R (an A) again. Nor I am unhappy for you - quite the opposite. The end goal of all this - is to get you to a happy place - only one life to live so live it, reasonably, well. And its a CHOICE. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mickey1982 Posted July 15, 2014 Author Share Posted July 15, 2014 (((Mickey1982))) I am so happy for you. It took me around 8 to 10 months from my break up with XAP to be able to say, "I'm indifferent towards him now". It is such a freeing feeling and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world! It's post like yours that are the best part about still coming here to read! I wish you the best. Thanks---skywriter!!!! It took me almost six but I'm finally there. Never say never, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 Thanks---skywriter!!!! It took me almost six but I'm finally there. Never say never, right? It took me years You two did much better than I did. I know how devastating it was that he cut you off totally Mickey, with no explanation or communication, but in hindsight I wish my ex had done that instead of refusing to leave me alone. Sort of like pulling off a band-aid. But not sure I could have got through it like you did. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 "The EASY part is walking away"? Who told you that? Maybe that was true FOR YOU, but walking away was by far the HARDEST THING I have EVER DONE. (Since we are capitalizing things). It took me YEARS to walk away and it nearly killed me. Examining myself, and my reasons for staying in a relationship like that, was much easier once I had clarity from breaking out of the emotional hell I was in. Yes, easy for me. Not for you. Who's right? Who's wrong? And - very sorry you were in an emotional hell for ten years. You don't know Mickey or even one-fiftieth of her story - you don't know how she ALLOWED anything in her A, to what extent, or why, and you don't know how much work she has done on herself to learn from it. So, I ask in all honesty, why do you find the need to push that generic advice on someone, particularly in a thread where they posted a positive status update? I'll never get it. I have always believed we allow others to treat us as they do. And, I would say, 99.99% of the time that's true. However, that means that .01% did not choose or allow this behavior. Are you insinuating that OP was somehow FORCED to remain? Were you forced to remain? Or did you choose it (aka allowed)? That's my point - own your behavior and choices. The actions of others, ultimately, are merely excuses for our own actions and choices. Susie hit me so I "had" to hit her back. Somehow the "laziness" comment just added insult to injury. I didn't want to multi-reply to OP and the text I actually quoted. Sorry you, again, took it the wrong way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 Yes, easy for me. Not for you. Who's right? Who's wrong? Exactly. So why make a blanket statement based only on your experience, assuming that's true for everyone else as well? Especially in a thread where no one asked for advice? As for whether Mickey (or I, for that matter), have "owned" our behavior is not the point of this thread, nor is it something you (or anyone else) can judge from where you sit. That is my humble opinion. Sorry you, again, took it the wrong way. Seems I wasn't the only one. I hope you find peace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 Mickey, This is awesome! I hope you don't mind, but I am so proud of you!!! You hVe learned what I think is the most valuable skill in dating - an ability to walk away when you still care and how to force yourself to heal. Aren't you so amazed by how strong you are? Like you could beat any challenge? Congrats, Mickey. Hard work pays off. Time to enjoy life a little bit! Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 Well done mickey xx Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 Members, this thread is about one person's journey so let's stay focused on that and refrain from engaging in cross-talk and arguing amongst respondents, as such is neither productive nor helpful to the thread starter. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
FoolishOW Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 Wow Mickey, it's wonderful to read your news! I couldn't be happier for you! Sometimes looking/reaching inward is all it really takes, but that can't happen until we're really ready and open to it. So, so happy for you!! All the best on your journey forward. Congratulations... you really deserve it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
msoptimistic Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am at that crossroads where everything is up in the air and changing daily...not great for a creature of habit! I love and want a man I can never have and whether to go through the pain of walking away or live in the pain of being 2nd in his life is my choice. Just hearing that there is an other side to come out on helps. My view at the moment is more valleys and darkness. I need to print this out and read it daily! Congratulations and I look forward to being where you are someday! Link to post Share on other sites
Devastated1969 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 (((Mickey))) I'm so pleased to hear you have turned the corner and are feeling happy and free after the devastating time you've been through... I feel we were both going through our pain and journeys at the same time so could really relate to your emotions earlier this year. You are so strong and it's fantastic to see how far you've come in a few months, well done and I wish you much happiness xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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