smackie9 Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 I second this. OP puts blame for all events on the boyfriend I agree with this too. He isn't there to "entertain" you. If you want to spend quality time with him, plan something specifically like going to a movie or go out to a club. And COMMUNICATE! Don't sit there and say "he should know" and when he doesn't know say " he doesn't care". That's bull s hit talk. You both can't just "assume" things. You failing to communicate is why this is falling apart. If you find his gaming is cutting into your quality time TELL HIM, and then discuss a compromise without fighting about it. ASK him to let you know if he wants to play a new game or if he has other plans. If you feel you need a BF that wants to spend a lot of time with you, find a new BF because by the looks of this you both are not compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 So he came over to my apartment lastnight to talk. He was distant all day with his texts. Basically when I saw him he said that he was stressed out from his family and arguing with me and he cannot do both right now. He said he was so stressed out yesterday morning he was planning on ending it with me but when he saw me in person he said to himself "I love this girl. I can't" and basically he told me he loved me as a person and wants me in his life, he wants to be with me, he just can't take the arguing. What is concerning is that he said he hates his family right now. They rely on him for drives, nag him etc, he gives them money. He said he has been having dreams lately about punching them out?.....which is concerning. He said he just wants to live alone. He needs time alone. He can't take arguing with me and having them need him left and centre. I told him I understood and that I really hate arguing, I am heartbroken from today and I want to give him his space. So lastnight I went to his house and he played his game while I was in his room. Then this morning we made breakfast and he said he wanted to just go home and play his game again so now he is back at his place until tonight he wanted to come stay overnight. So, basically it's back where it was a few months ago where he is stressed out from his family and money issues. I suggested his father and brothers perhaps getting a place of their own and he live alone, or get another place where he can live in a seperate space such as the basement. I really truly love him and I want to be there for him. I know long term it probably won't work out but he is a unique guy. He is very introverted and cannot handle stress. I know he loves me he just needs space. Which I will give to him. I just read this, and from experience if they have to push you away, instead of turning to you for support, it's a fail. A man needs a woman that will "get him" and in times of stress, they need a woman that will put her needs aside temporarily and support him. You are not "getting him", you are be coming part of the problem.Now I see why he is gaming a lot, it's his escape, just like getting drunk, or getting high. Not looking good there hun. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted July 12, 2014 Author Share Posted July 12, 2014 I just read this, and from experience if they have to push you away, instead of turning to you for support, it's a fail. A man needs a woman that will "get him" and in times of stress, they need a woman that will put her needs aside temporarily and support him. You are not "getting him", you are be coming part of the problem.Now I see why he is gaming a lot, it's his escape, just like getting drunk, or getting high. Not looking good there hun. Really? Because I am sure I told him I will support him and give him space. In fact, lastnight he invited me over and he played his game until 12am and I did my own thing watching my shows in his room. As well, today he is spending the day doing something he wants to do. I am putting my needs aside in order to give him the space he needs. I also offered him financial support if he needs it. Thanks for the input, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Really? Because I am sure I told him I will support him and give him space. In fact, lastnight he invited me over and he played his game until 12am and I did my own thing watching my shows in his room. As well, today he is spending the day doing something he wants to do. In another thread I suggested you leave him, but since you're not going to, then I suggest this: When he says he needs space, DO NOT go over to his house and hang out in his room!! Why are you acting like a doormat? Why are you just hanging out by yourself? You should have said, "No, I'm going out tonight. Have a good time." And then actually GO OUT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted July 12, 2014 Author Share Posted July 12, 2014 I agree with this too. He isn't there to "entertain" you. If you want to spend quality time with him, plan something specifically like going to a movie or go out to a club. And COMMUNICATE! Don't sit there and say "he should know" and when he doesn't know say " he doesn't care". That's bull s hit talk. You both can't just "assume" things. You failing to communicate is why this is falling apart. If you find his gaming is cutting into your quality time TELL HIM, and then discuss a compromise without fighting about it. ASK him to let you know if he wants to play a new game or if he has other plans. If you feel you need a BF that wants to spend a lot of time with you, find a new BF because by the looks of this you both are not compatible. Exactly. And that is why we had the discussion yesterday, because I didn't even realize he was going through much stress with his family again and I contributed to the problem you are right. But now that I realize this, I agreed to give him space and help him the best I can for the situation he is going through. He said he needed a few days to himself and that is what he is going to do, I have no issues with that. We also talked about communication and we agreed we need to communicate more effectively. So we are working on that area as well. My boyfriend and I spend 2-3 times a week together and I am fine with that amount. I enjoy my alone time through the week as well. We are both introverts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted July 12, 2014 Author Share Posted July 12, 2014 In another thread I suggested you leave him, but since you're not going to, then I suggest this: When he says he needs space, DO NOT go over to his house and hang out in his room!! Why are you acting like a doormat? Why are you just hanging out by yourself? You should have said, "No, I'm going out tonight. Have a good time." And then actually GO OUT. I said to him I was going out that night with some friends. But he invited me over. He invited me. I did not ask. So I went, I do not believe that is being a doormat. I didn't beg or ask to go over, he mentioned it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 I said to him I was going out that night with some friends. But he invited me over. He invited me. I did not ask. So I went, I do not believe that is being a doormat. I didn't beg or ask to go over, he mentioned it. He didn't actually invite you, he just asked if you were going to pick up your things. You said yes, meaning you were inviting yourself (in his mind). You both just "assumed" what the other intended. Miscommunication is very common, and the root to most relationship problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted July 12, 2014 Author Share Posted July 12, 2014 He didn't actually invite you, he just asked if you were going to pick up your things. You said yes, meaning you were inviting yourself (in his mind). You both just "assumed" what the other intended. Miscommunication is very common, and the root to most relationship problems. You're completely right on that. We tend to miscommunicate quite a bit, which is hard when you both need to work on the same issue. Although we did agree to communicate more effectively (or try to...) We are both stubborn, introverted, and terrible at communication. Which leads to a disaster when we do have a disagreement or argument. We don't argue a lot but when we do it's terrible. Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 what a jerk, that boy needs to grow up and treat his lady with respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 I said to him I was going out that night with some friends. But he invited me over. He invited me. I did not ask. So I went, I do not believe that is being a doormat. I didn't beg or ask to go over, he mentioned it. And you should have said no, knowing he wanted space, was close to breaking up, and didn't actually plan anything anyway. Why would you go over just because you're invited? Do you truly have nothing better to do with your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted July 12, 2014 Author Share Posted July 12, 2014 And you should have said no, knowing he wanted space, was close to breaking up, and didn't actually plan anything anyway. Why would you go over just because you're invited? Do you truly have nothing better to do with your life? I didn't say no because he wanted me to come over. At that point I was going to go drinking with friends but I was exhausted emotionally from the days events. So, I said yes. Nothing really wrong with that in my opinion. To each their own. If he really didn't want me there, he wouldn't have invited me over. I should have have done what I wanted to do, which I did. I have friends and a life. I am actually hanging out with my friends this evening. I have been spending more time with new friends, so I am pretty happy about that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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