She may have cheated but don't have 100% of the proof

[thefilmguy24]

If you marry this woman then you are out of your mind. Why do you have such self-esteem issues? You hardly ever have sex with her and you know that she has cheated on you. What is wrong with this pictures? Her actions toward you seem to show that she is not particularly attractive to you and seems to have little respect for you. Why in the world would you settle for this? If you do not respect yourself then who will?

 

I get that I may be naive, but I’ve been through this before with my parents. My dad went through the same exact thing but on his end, my mom ended up leaving even though my dad was really trying hard to fix what was broken in the relationship by even going to counseling and anger management due to his temper. But my mom had already had it in her mind that she wanted to divorce my dad. In the end, I think it worked out for the best for the both of them since they are both remarried and happy. In my relationship, yes there are some things that some may call “unusual” but if she made up her mind to leave, she would have a long time ago. Instead, she has changed for the better, despite a few things but I know that she loves and cares for me; she just shows it in different ways. I have to say that things are going really well between us and I’m not just saying this. She has said that we’re good.

 

Case in point, she wouldn’t want to go on our upcoming vacation to Hawaii with my family or coming up with a Christmas vacation to Disneyworld later this year if she didn’t honestly love me. Another thing too, if she wanted to leave, she wouldn’t want to be looking and pricing homes in the area or around the area I work in. It may seem like I’m defending her, but I’m trying to see things from both perspectives. As for the reason why we haven’t gotten a place of our own (and we do) is that we live in an area where rent and homes are way too expensive even for pre-owned homes. Plus we don’t have the finances as of yet but we have been talking to each other that we need to start saving starting after our vacation. She’s even open to commuting a little bit if we have to find a place a little further away from her work.

 

As for the lack of sex, as I have stated in my earlier posts, yes we do have sex once a month on a weekend getaway but it’s very passionate. The reason as I’ve stated before why it’s not as frequent is because we live in her parents’ home along with her family. Plus our daughter sleeps in the same room with us as there is no room for her to have her own bedroom. So our weekend getaways are the only way we can be intimate with one another. What shows that she is still attracted to me is that she uses a word in Tagalog that means “handsome” which she has stated to her cousin who is staying with us right now.

 

So basically, from what I’ve said here contradicts what I’ve said in the earlier posts, I do love her, want to marry her and try to move forward with our relationship. She even wants to have another baby but wants to hold off until we are married and have the space (house) before we try again. My only thing like I said earlier is that I just want her to be a little more affectionate towards me every once in awhile since that‘s the type of person that I am. I just have to sit her down and talk to her about my concerns about her non-affectionate demeanor. I also need to just try and forget the past and move on.

 

As for as her talking with other guys or getting into an emotional affair or whatnot; she hasn’t been talking to anyone (yes, I know it’s wrong, I checked her Facebook, her emails and her phone). As long as I keep doing what I’m doing and keep making her happy, she’s not going to stray . So basically this whole thread was just getting my emotions aired out and maybe me being a little insecure. It may seem I’m wishy-washy( I tend to do that sometimes. I’ll admit), but I can honestly say that she does care and loves me. She still does special things for me every once in a while which shows me that she does think about me. So basically my question in my latest post is moot as I know that I’m going to just forget the past and move forward as we both want to make our relationship official.

Edited July 10, 2014 by thefilmguy24
Paragraph breaks

[Mr. Lucky]

So basically my question in my latest post is moot as I know that I’m going to just forget the past and move forward as we both want to make our relationship official.

 

Then I guess posting here has been beneficial in clarifying some things for you. Just hope you're not one of those folks who 3 years from now posts "if only I'd listened back then..."

 

Best of luck with your upcoming marriage...

 

Mr. Lucky

[HomoSapiensNature]

We have been having sex now since we take a weekend getaway every month. I know sex once a month isn’t a lot but it is hard to get intimate with your partner when you have a house full of people and a baby that sleeps in the same room with you. Our weekend getaways are the only time we have time to ourselves and to have fun with each other..

 

If you are only 24 as your name suggests - sex once a month is ridiculous. You need to find a woman who you love and loves you - and that means intimacy - several times a week

[HomoSapiensNature]

She has said that we’re good.

 

 

 

As for the lack of sex, as I have stated in my earlier posts, yes we do have sex once a month on a weekend getaway but it’s very passionate. The reason as I’ve stated before why it’s not as frequent is because we live in her parents’ home along with her family. Plus our daughter sleeps in the same room with us as there is no room for her to have her own bedroom. So our weekend getaways are the only way we can be intimate with one another. What shows that she is still attracted to me is that she uses a word in Tagalog that means “handsome” which she has stated to her cousin who is staying with us right now.

 

.

 

I work with over 120 Filipinos in Alaska - fidelity is not in their nature, they can have many boyfriends/girlfriends and still say they are "married". Plus you will be either overrun in your home by her relatives or obligated to pay large sums of money monthly to support her family from 3rd cousins to grandma (who likely aint even alive), new tractor for uncle's farm, new pigs for Aunt Cerila - etc...

[thefilmguy24]

If you are only 24 as your name suggests - sex once a month is ridiculous. You need to find a woman who you love and loves you - and that means intimacy - several times a week

 

Actually I'm 31 and she's 34.

[thefilmguy24]

I work with over 120 Filipinos in Alaska - fidelity is not in their nature, they can have many boyfriends/girlfriends and still say they are "married". Plus you will be either overrun in your home by her relatives or obligated to pay large sums of money monthly to support her family from 3rd cousins to grandma (who likely aint even alive), new tractor for uncle's farm, new pigs for Aunt Cerila - etc...

 

Actually her family doesn't ask for money. Only for rent to help pay for the mortgage on the house and the dish bill which is in my name. Her family is not the stereotypical Filipino family where they send money to their relatives because her dad believes in hard work and ethic to get what you want in life, no hand outs.

[StrongHusband]

hi there, thefilmguy...

 

thanks for posting in my thread. we are indeed going through similar situations. and you are right, maybe we posted on this forum just to let it out but in reality, we already know what we want.

 

all i can say is, hang in there. many people will disagree of what we have decided (to stay with our WS), but that does not make us wrong. it is only ourselves that know the full details of our story, the things we feel, the things we want. we know there is something wrong with what our WS did, but that is all in the past. we have to let it go.

 

it is better for us to focus on the future, because if our WS is giving signs to us that we can still have a better future, then i do not see anything wrong staying with them. they may truly repent from what thet did, or they may not... but no one can guarantee any of those. same thing for perfect relationships, it is perfect for now, but no one can guarantee that one will cheat.

 

that's life, you never know what you will get in the future... but it is you who gets to decide on what path to take. good luck to us, and be strong.

[thefilmguy24]

hi there, thefilmguy...

 

thanks for posting in my thread. we are indeed going through similar situations. and you are right, maybe we posted on this forum just to let it out but in reality, we already know what we want.

 

all i can say is, hang in there. many people will disagree of what we have decided (to stay with our WS), but that does not make us wrong. it is only ourselves that know the full details of our story, the things we feel, the things we want. we know there is something wrong with what our WS did, but that is all in the past. we have to let it go.

 

it is better for us to focus on the future, because if our WS is giving signs to us that we can still have a better future, then i do not see anything wrong staying with them. they may truly repent from what thet did, or they may not... but no one can guarantee any of those. same thing for perfect relationships, it is perfect for now, but no one can guarantee that one will cheat.

 

that's life, you never know what you will get in the future... but it is you who gets to decide on what path to take. good luck to us, and be strong.

 

I couldn't agree with you more. Thank you for the encouragement. I know some people on here do mean well in their advice but sometimes they don't know they whole story even though we are detailed as much as possible in our posts.

 

I'm glad that your pain has subsided and you've been able to move forward a lot better than you have before. Like I said in your post, it just takes a little time to try and move forward from their mistakes. They are human just like us. We make mistakes as well. I believe that my relationship with her has gotten a lot stronger than before because she can tell that I'm being more assertive with her and she is being more assertive herself. But I do need to talk to her about her being affectionate. Thank you for posting and hope everything goes well bro.

[Manimus]

Actually her family doesn't ask for money. Only for rent to help pay for the mortgage on the house and the dish bill which is in my name. Her family is not the stereotypical Filipino family where they send money to their relatives because her dad believes in hard work and ethic to get what you want in life, no hand outs.

I have to agree with HomoSapiensNature to a certain extent. My wife is from the Philippines and I have met many who married Americans. They agree that most Filipinas who move to the USA for whatever reason, mostly marriage, left boyfriends back home. My wife, by the way, is not of that ilk. If my wife were to be unfaithful to me, she would do so with an American.

 

But regarding your girlfriend, I understand that she has money. I get that. But if she came over as an adult there is a pretty good chance that she left someone behind. Whenever she goes home she hooks up with him. Not sleeping with you may be an indication that she is reluctant about cheating on HIM. One other thing. Many Filipinas have husbands back home but their American husbands or boyfriends are unaware of it. Make sure that she is not already married or planning on petitioning the guy back in the Philippines to move in with her over here (and marry) in the future.

[thefilmguy24]

I have to agree with HomoSapiensNature to a certain extent. My wife is from the Philippines and I have met many who married Americans. They agree that most Filipinas who move to the USA for whatever reason, mostly marriage, left boyfriends back home. My wife, by the way, is not of that ilk. If my wife were to be unfaithful to me, she would do so with an American.

 

But regarding your girlfriend, I understand that she has money. I get that. But if she came over as an adult there is a pretty good chance that she left someone behind. Whenever she goes home she hooks up with him. Not sleeping with you may be an indication that she is reluctant about cheating on HIM. One other thing. Many Filipinas have husbands back home but their American husbands or boyfriends are unaware of it. Make sure that she is not already married or planning on petitioning the guy back in the Philippines to move in with her over here (and marry) in the future.

 

I have heard of those horror stories where American men are betrayed by their Filipina spouses or girlfriends because they do have either boyfriends or husbands back home. I understand that can happen. But in my case, I know that’s not the situation. She came here when she was 11 or 12. She even graduated HS here as well and also got her AA degree. She used to be married to a Filipino guy here but it didn’t work out and they got divorced and that’s when I met her. If you’re thinking that she’s hooking back up with him, I know for a fact she’s not. She hates him with a passion. He treated her very badly. He cheated on her multiple times and he quit working so she had to support him. He used drugs and gambled most of their money away, putting her into bankruptcy. Still think she’s hooking up with her ex? As for someone that she may have in the PI, I don’t think so either because if she did, her phone is not attached to her as it was last summer. Also the guy she was “talking” to lives in Dubai.

 

Like I stated before, she knows I know the lock to her phone so there’s no change of the password. She also leaves it out in the open so I know she’s not doing anything that she’s not supposed to. Could she be deleting phone logs and text messages? Maybe. Could be a possibility but I think she has changed for the better and hasn’t been hiding anything. I’m not trying to defend her if she did do what I think she did, but some of the problems we had in our relationship were because of me. That’s for a different story but I decided to get my **** together and grow up and become the family man I needed to be. Even though it doesn’t make it right for her to start an emotional relationship behind my back, I just needed to step up and become a man instead of a selfish, immature, lazy person that I was.

 

She has stepped up too and has begun to work on our relationship. Don’t know if you read my earlier posts, we do have sex now, but it’s hard for us to be more frequent at it as other couples because we live in a full house where it’s kind of hard to do it, plus our daughter sleeps in the same room with us. So we only do it on our monthly weekend getaways we plan. Why we don’t have a place of our own yet? Well where we live, it’s really expensive to rent or own a home. So we basically we are going to save money to purchase a home a little closer to where I work where the cost of living is little cheaper in the next few years. So yes she does want to get our place so we could have that privacy and a place we can call our own. Also she does want to marry me because she has been looking at engagement rings when we go to places. And no, she doesn’t want to marry me because she needs my money or a green card. She makes more money than I do and she is already a U.S. citizen, like I stated above.

 

There are still some things that do kind of bother me. Like for instance, she doesn’t really like kissing when we do have sex. I’m not an overly sensitive, wussy guy at all, I’m just passionate. I like to make sure that it’s passionate for both of us and we’re both satisfied. I do everything to please her but she rarely does anything to please me (ie…bj, hj). I don’t want to pressure her into anything or seem desperate (like begging) but as men, we are sexual beings. An episode of “True Blood” said something that hit home to me last night. One character is going through exactly what I’m going through and stated he gets enough love and gets enough affection to keep him hooked on his girl. The other character stated it’s like “paying the minimum on the credit card every month so as not to have that bitch cancelled.” That’s exactly how it feels. Here’s a question, am I wrong to feel this way? Any women that can shed a little light on this would be really appreciated.

[NyTransplant]

I (American born Filipino) met my wife (Filipina, on a working visa) in San Jose, CA last Jan. We dated till she left for NY and Atlanta, GA for work in Apr. 2013. We married Nov. 2013, and now we live together in New Jersey, and have been since Apr. 2014. She is a nanny for two doctors in NY with a live-in position 5 days a week. We see each other at home on weekends. The rest of her family is back home in the PI. We are both divorced and on our 2nd marriages. She also makes more than I do, and even paid for my petition to have her apply for a green card, and she footed that bill too, as well...

 

She is not computer savvy to say the least, but funny things occurred when I got a hold of her phone accidentally while doing laundry one day a few months ago. She was "sexting" a guy on FB chat, and my heart hit the floor cause of the content ("I Love Yous", "I can't wait to see you", "I hope you can make me pregnant", "my door is always open to you", "I miss you", etc....), but that was easily dismissed cause her friend put her up to a favor to impersonate her while getting back at a Nigerian scammer who took her friend's money, but it definitely hurt...

 

I logged onto Spokeo to see if she had other personals sites she could be contacting men on, and found two profiles, which were made a month before our wedding last year. Since she changed her cell phone and phone number, I had access to the old phone, and saw two chats with strange men on FB where she asked them to befriend her. One happened two months after we were "official", and the other occurred a month before our wedding. She lied about still being "single"... I confronted her about the three men and the sexting/lying to me.

 

She told me "it was the past, and let it go"... She knew she was busted, but feel it was probably due to her not used to the LTR and also because she may have gotten addicted to using a cell phone or FB, since her previous job of 8 years were sheltered in a care home for the aged, so she had no social life, but told her there were no excuses to cheat on me...

 

Now, everything is right, she apologized for her infidelities and the EA, and we are stuck like glue together every weekend, but not out of guilt or like she is obligated to... We're just consumating our marriage as normal and living life together without any drama or paranoia of the incidents occurring again. We share everything with FB, texts, chats and contacts, so everyone we're contacting is either family or close mutual friends.

[SawtoothMars]

There are still some things that do kind of bother me. Like for instance, she doesn’t really like kissing when we do have sex. I’m not an overly sensitive, wussy guy at all, I’m just passionate. I like to make sure that it’s passionate for both of us and we’re both satisfied. I do everything to please her but she rarely does anything to please me (ie…bj, hj). I don’t want to pressure her into anything or seem desperate (like begging) but as men, we are sexual beings. An episode of “True Blood” said something that hit home to me last night. One character is going through exactly what I’m going through and stated he gets enough love and gets enough affection to keep him hooked on his girl. The other character stated it’s like “paying the minimum on the credit card every month so as not to have that bitch cancelled.” That’s exactly how it feels. Here’s a question, am I wrong to feel this way? Any women that can shed a little light on this would be really appreciated.

 

You have a major problem in your relationship. IF this was just her not feeling sexy... then she would still be interested in pleasuring you. This makes me think she isn't physically attracted to you, which could be caused by any number of things ranging from an emotional beef, you lacking confidence, or even you being overweight.

 

Fact is she doesn't want you sexually. That needs to be your #1 focus. Women are just as sexual as men, and if she can't get into having sex with you, she will eventually find a guy she IS into. Do you feel me?

[StoneCold 2.0]

I get that I may be naive, but I’ve been through this before with my parents. My dad went through the same exact thing but on his end, my mom ended up leaving even though my dad was really trying hard to fix what was broken in the relationship by even going to counseling and anger management due to his temper. But my mom had already had it in her mind that she wanted to divorce my dad. In the end, I think it worked out for the best for the both of them since they are both remarried and happy. In my relationship, yes there are some things that some may call “unusual” but if she made up her mind to leave, she would have a long time ago. Instead, she has changed for the better, despite a few things but I know that she loves and cares for me; she just shows it in different ways. I have to say that things are going really well between us and I’m not just saying this. She has said that we’re good.

 

Case in point, she wouldn’t want to go on our upcoming vacation to Hawaii with my family or coming up with a Christmas vacation to Disneyworld later this year if she didn’t honestly love me. Another thing too, if she wanted to leave, she wouldn’t want to be looking and pricing homes in the area or around the area I work in. It may seem like I’m defending her, but I’m trying to see things from both perspectives. As for the reason why we haven’t gotten a place of our own (and we do) is that we live in an area where rent and homes are way too expensive even for pre-owned homes. Plus we don’t have the finances as of yet but we have been talking to each other that we need to start saving starting after our vacation. She’s even open to commuting a little bit if we have to find a place a little further away from her work.

 

As for the lack of sex, as I have stated in my earlier posts, yes we do have sex once a month on a weekend getaway but it’s very passionate. The reason as I’ve stated before why it’s not as frequent is because we live in her parents’ home along with her family. Plus our daughter sleeps in the same room with us as there is no room for her to have her own bedroom. So our weekend getaways are the only way we can be intimate with one another. What shows that she is still attracted to me is that she uses a word in Tagalog that means “handsome” which she has stated to her cousin who is staying with us right now.

 

So basically, from what I’ve said here contradicts what I’ve said in the earlier posts, I do love her, want to marry her and try to move forward with our relationship. She even wants to have another baby but wants to hold off until we are married and have the space (house) before we try again. My only thing like I said earlier is that I just want her to be a little more affectionate towards me every once in awhile since that‘s the type of person that I am. I just have to sit her down and talk to her about my concerns about her non-affectionate demeanor. I also need to just try and forget the past and move on.

 

As for as her talking with other guys or getting into an emotional affair or whatnot; she hasn’t been talking to anyone (yes, I know it’s wrong, I checked her Facebook, her emails and her phone). As long as I keep doing what I’m doing and keep making her happy, she’s not going to stray . So basically this whole thread was just getting my emotions aired out and maybe me being a little insecure. It may seem I’m wishy-washy( I tend to do that sometimes. I’ll admit), but I can honestly say that she does care and loves me. She still does special things for me every once in a while which shows me that she does think about me. So basically my question in my latest post is moot as I know that I’m going to just forget the past and move forward as we both want to make our relationship official.

 

Filmguy....... I really, really hope that in your case the right decision is the one you have chosen....Because really dude, I'm reading a highly probably big problem for you...big.

 

You want to keep perspective..great. I'm the first person to agree with you on that...perspective is key. But please don't forget what perspective is..its gaining a good vantage point so that you can better make decisions....its not stretch conclusions or the sweeping benefit of the doubt....and sometimes that old adage about walking and quacking like a duck holds true.....

 

you just gotta use your judgement and believe in your ability to do weed through the noise and do whats best for you.

 

I really hope this doesn't prove to be a bad choice for you

[StoneCold 2.0]

You have a major problem in your relationship. IF this was just her not feeling sexy... then she would still be interested in pleasuring you. This makes me think she isn't physically attracted to you, which could be caused by any number of things ranging from an emotional beef, you lacking confidence, or even you being overweight.

 

Fact is she doesn't want you sexually. That needs to be your #1 focus. Women are just as sexual as men, and if she can't get into having sex with you, she will eventually find a guy she IS into. Do you feel me?

 

What he/she?(lol) said....

 

If I had a nickle for every story I know of that involves a woman who wont F her husband, but is a total fiend for someone else's D....I'm sure she told her husband the same things as that line seems quite common.

 

Women are human...they want a normal sex life too...dont forget that.

[thefilmguy24]

What he/she?(lol) said....

 

If I had a nickle for every story I know of that involves a woman who wont F her husband, but is a total fiend for someone else's D....I'm sure she told her husband the same things as that line seems quite common.

 

Women are human...they want a normal sex life too...dont forget that.

 

I totally understand what you and SawtoothMars said. She does want to have sex with me. It’s not like she doesn’t want to have sex with me at all. She has told me that there is a time and place for it since it’s really hard for us to do it more frequently at home(look at my earlier posts as to why). That’s why we do a monthly weekend getaway and we do some fun couple stuff and we get intimate later in the evening at our hotel. I just think it might be her sex drive has been really low since the birth of our daughter(even though that was almost 3 years ago). I mean she is really trying to get into the mood but at times it’s more of a “wham-bam-thank you ma’am” type of sex. Sometimes it is passionate. A lot of people on here have recommended the book “The 5 Languages of Love” and I have read it not too long ago. I believe I know what her language/s are which I’m trying to fulfill. I’m going to have her read it so she understands me a little better. I just hope she doesn’t take it as an offense because she does tend to get a little emotional or take things out of context(English is her 2nd language anyways). Hopefully I can get her to read the book and understand my position and the things that would satisfy me a little better in our relationship.

[thefilmguy24]

I also know that some women just don’t like to do oral on their partners. She does do it but not all the time. Like I stated before, I don’t want to pressure her into something she doesn’t want to do. She has told me that she doesn’t like to do it. I asked her if I do some tricks I’ve read online about how to make it more pleasurable for her and she said that she was willing to try it. So maybe this weekend I can try some of those tips since it’s our monthly weekend getaway.

[StoneCold 2.0]

oook Filmguy.....you would know her best, I hope this works out....

 

....its just that I'm reading a lot of "explaining"; I've even heard the.... "English is my second language thing" lol (not laughing at you)...its weak

 

good luck

Edited July 24, 2014 by StoneCold 2.0

[mikethemechanic]

Thefilmguy isn't presumptuous to think that she only cheated once. How do you know that she isn't seeking out other men. Many foreign women look for money to get them out of poverty, why don't you ask her if she thinks that you are not contributing financially enough to the marriage. My bet would be that if you made more money sex would improve. Frankly I bet that she has created other sites such as Instagram where surnames aren't used. Look I knew a guy like yourself married to a girl like your wife. A man from Saudia Arabia invited her to accompany him to Las Vegas which she did. The excuse was that she went to Las Vegas for training and the husband bought it. So for 2 weeks she partied with om. Then a month later she discovered that she was pregnant and confessed to having an affair while in Las Vegas. H forgave her of course, guess what a few years later he discovered her in another affair. W worked as a nurse and her lover was also a male nurse. Interestingly enough the om claimed that he was not the first man in her life apparently ww had an affair with one of the doctors. Cheaters never change they only become more covert!

[thefilmguy24]

Thefilmguy isn't presumptuous to think that she only cheated once. How do you know that she isn't seeking out other men. Many foreign women look for money to get them out of poverty, why don't you ask her if she thinks that you are not contributing financially enough to the marriage. My bet would be that if you made more money sex would improve. Frankly I bet that she has created other sites such as Instagram where surnames aren't used. Look I knew a guy like yourself married to a girl like your wife. A man from Saudia Arabia invited her to accompany him to Las Vegas which she did. The excuse was that she went to Las Vegas for training and the husband bought it. So for 2 weeks she partied with om. Then a month later she discovered that she was pregnant and confessed to having an affair while in Las Vegas. H forgave her of course, guess what a few years later he discovered her in another affair. W worked as a nurse and her lover was also a male nurse. Interestingly enough the om claimed that he was not the first man in her life apparently ww had an affair with one of the doctors. Cheaters never change they only become more covert!

 

Thank you for your input. First off though, we're not married, yet. She does want to get married as she has been looking at rings and talking about us getting a house together. That sucks what happened to your friend but I know that she hasn't been having any type of contact with anyone especially with the guy from Dubai. If she was trying to be convert in her actions, she would have slipped and I would have caught it. Like I've stated she knows that I know the lock on her phone and she is not attached to it like she was. She leaves it lying around. The situation (which I don't have the full truth of what happened over there in the Philippines) happened a little over year ago so we have been doing better and I do have a lot more trust in her. There is still some trust to be earned but she is really trying to make our relationship work. She even wants to have another baby.

[HereNorThere]

Thank you for your input. First off though, we're not married, yet. She does want to get married as she has been looking at rings and talking about us getting a house together. That sucks what happened to your friend but I know that she hasn't been having any type of contact with anyone especially with the guy from Dubai. If she was trying to be convert in her actions, she would have slipped and I would have caught it. Like I've stated she knows that I know the lock on her phone and she is not attached to it like she was. She leaves it lying around. The situation (which I don't have the full truth of what happened over there in the Philippines) happened a little over year ago so we have been doing better and I do have a lot more trust in her. There is still some trust to be earned but she is really trying to make our relationship work. She even wants to have another baby.

 

Ummm...

 

You just said you have trust in someone who admittedly will not tell you truth.

 

Can I borrow a million dollars? I swear I'm good for it.