Author 61IMPALA Posted July 6, 2014 Author Share Posted July 6, 2014 This explains so much! my gf would not go to therapy because she distrusted therapists! It also bums me out that she seems so happy in all of this, like this is all a good thing...is this a façade or is this a symptom of BPD..actually believing she is happy? Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 This explains so much! my gf would not go to therapy because she distrusted therapists!Uuhh, no, not exactly. I was only discussing the reason for failure in the unlikely event that a BPDer would go to therapy. I was not trying to explain why it is so rare for a BPDer to seek therapy. Certainly, the BPDer's inability to trust plays an important role in that decision to avoid therapy. The main reason, however, is that a BPDer is filled with enormous self-loathing and shame. Consequently, the last thing she wants to do is seek therapy to find one more item to add to the long list of things she hates about herself. The result is that nearly all BPDers (I would guess 90% to 95%) lack sufficient self awareness to see the dysfunctional nature of their own behavior. This blindness primarily occurs because the subconscious mind protects the BPDer from seeing too much of reality -- so as to protect her fragile ego. Generally, the vast majority of BPDers are high functioning people who never seek therapy or, if they do, won't stay in it long enough to make a real difference. The BPDers seeking therapy typically are the low functioning folks who are in so much pain that they willingly seek professional help. Is this a façade or is this a symptom of BPD..actually believing she is happy?Whoa, Impala! I'm not yet convinced that you're describing a strong pattern of BPD symptoms. As I noted earlier, there are two contra-indications of BPD in your descriptions of her behavior. One is your statement that you had a wonderful four-year relationship with her and then she suddenly flipped into a different person. Because a BPDer has the emotional development of a four year old, I've never heard of a BPDer being able to successfully handle an intimate relationship for four years before showing her dark side. Typically, the Hyde side starts appearing alongside Jekyll as soon as the infatuation starts evaporating -- about six months into the relationship or, at the very latest, immediately after the wedding. The other contra-indication is your statement that she "didn't have a maturity issue." It is hard to believe that a woman with the emotional maturity of a young child would be able to hide that immaturity from you for four years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 61IMPALA Posted July 6, 2014 Author Share Posted July 6, 2014 Ohhhh ok i see...i get what you are saying now Link to post Share on other sites
FitnessRN Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Ohhhh ok i see...i get what you are saying now When you cut ties with somebody and they see you with a hotter girl on FB or a major upgrade (If you are still friends) it will drive any girl nuts.. When you cut ties with somebody who is has a personality disorder and they see with you with a hotter girl on FB or a major upgrade (If you are still FB friends) it will drive them bonkers!!!! Get your stuff and FB block her! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 61IMPALA Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 Update: Its been half a month of no contact, and i grow less attached everyday. Mainly because she told me she wanted to be single for a while and focus on her art, and how she loves me...but then gets a new BF a few days later. Why would i want to be with someone so low? i do hope she gets off the drugs and negative living...but it is no longer in my interest or jurisdiction. Thanks all for the support! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Yeah, you need to block her on all of your social media. Don't expect to get your stuff back. Ignore any texts and let any calls go to voicemail. She's happy to be this way, not your problem anymore. She's 20 and probably sleeping with a 17 year old kid. Depends on the states laws ( or country laws) on age of consent, she might be raping a kid. Not your problem. She gets drunk and does drugs...not your problem She has obvious metal health issues...not your problem. You need to let go. You have other things to worry about. You need to finish and submit your dissertation and get ready to orally defend. And trust me, it's not THAT easy. I know first hand! Work on this you can control. And that would be you and your future in case you're wondering! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 61IMPALA Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 The more i think about it the more i realize her immaturity. she would never talk about her problems. and now her immaturity is off the richter. But during the relationship i now see in retrospect the immaturity she exhibited 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 61IMPALA Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Is Your Girlfriend or Wife a Professional Victim? | A Shrink for Men this link had some pretty good insight to my issue. Sound like my ex to a tee. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 61IMPALA Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Well i tried to contact her once more to get my things back. I have some expensive things at her house, and some things that belong to my father. All i got for a reply was "I dont give a ****". So glad to see the maturity is building! haha. Anyways...its ironic because she keeps telling people how nice and zen she is, but she for some reason hates me. I am done with this completely. Almost want to go to the cops, but even another hour of dealing with this child is too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 61IMPALA Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 She still has pictures of me up on her social media, and is still wearing my clothes. It kinda feels like shes Helga from Hey Arnold if anyone remembers that show, publicly hating me but privately obsessed with me. The whole thing is so confusing...especially when it happened so fast. Like i said before, it feels like my GF died and this new monster emerged Link to post Share on other sites
Author 61IMPALA Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 well friends its over....she is engaged to her new bf and they are happily taking lots of drugs. Im ok. I am focusing on finishing this PhD...i truly love it. I wouldnt be putting myself through it if i did not haha. I have learned a valuable lesson, people are fickle...and the people that leave your life never deserved to be there in the first place. Thanks all for the support, kind words, and advice. This was a big deal for me...i kind of see myself with the old fashioned "tough guy" shed no feelings mentality and did not expect to be on a site like this. But this site has helped me a lot. As we say in Hawaii. Aloha and Mahalo Link to post Share on other sites
Author 61IMPALA Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 Well...ive posted before. I had a gf who is 21 and i am 22. She randomly broke up with me after 4 years of what seemed to be happiness. She said she needed a break. A day later she enters a new relationship with another guy...or boy i should say...a 17 year old high school stoner. Anyways...read my other thread to find out about that ****storm haha....anyways She contacted me a few days ago to congratulate my brother who graduated the marines. How could she remember his graduation day? and why would she care sitll? She still has pics of me on her social media...and is keeping this new guy hidden. She hangs out with 15, 16 17 year old high school kids and does drugs with all of them. She never has done drugs before (as i said read my previous post. I reply to her with just a thank you...she replies with "if you ever need anything im always here to help". WTF is that??? seriously? Well i get my hopes up and we start talking again and she wants to meet...she wont mention her BF but i know they are still together..as i broke my NC and looked at her tumblr and saw one pic of them together (not in a romantic way). I dont care if i get criticized for this BUT...i tell her "look you still have a boyfriend and i am not interested in undermining him or your relationship..its not right. I tell her i am seeing someone...and i am but i am not in a relationship with her...i cannot go into a new relationship for a while after a four year relationship. She keeps denying a boyfriend...finally i agree to meet her. THEN SHE SAYS SHE CANT BECAUSE SHES HANGING OUT WITH HER BOYFRIEND. god its frustrating...i dont get it. I told her im leaving town (which i am for a trip) and said "look im happy youve found someone who makes you happier and is more compatible. I know what i want from my life, and i think you need more time to mature and grow" she says "I hope you find a new gf" I tell her that i cannot be in a new relationship for a while and hopping into one right after four years of a "perfect" one is not healthy or smart. She says "well it works for me...were in love and hes the best thing that ever happened...." and her social media is all him now...with random quotes that i know are directed to me like "never say goodbye to a person" "ill always love you" jeeeeez Bob Dylan was right...i once loved a woman, a child i am told. anyways. how do i deal with this ****. the break up was hard enough (read my last post im tellin ya...its a trip) how do i deal with this next chapter. her stupid games and her continuation of hurt. NC is what im doing...but i know shell be back she cannot live this life of drugs and underage sex forever. She was a clean cut, health freak, straight a student at the same university as me. Now shes a blue haired, pierced up, tatooed, coke addled druggie...(no offense to people with tattoos, dyed hair, or piercings...just not my cup of tea) My gf died, and is now this THING Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 NC is what im doing...but i know shell be back You can bet on it, Economist (aka Impala). That's what happens when you date the Terminator. She was a clean cut, health freak, straight a student at the same university as me. Now shes a blue haired, pierced up, tatooed, coke addled druggie.If she has strong BPD traits as you believe, that rapid switch among various life styles is not unexpected. That is how people behave when they are emotionally unstable and have the emotional development of a four year old. As to her being a "straight A student," that would not be surprising for a BPDer. A BPDer's problem is not being stupid but, rather, unstable. The vast majority of BPDers are high functioning folks who interact well with casual friends, schoolmates, business associates, and strangers. Some of them excel in difficult professions such as medicine, finance, psychology, and your field of economics. If you really believe she is exhibiting strong warning signs for BPD, you should go NC and stop communicating with her. Otherwise, you are playing with fire. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 61IMPALA Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 NC is harder than it sounds haha. But you are right, i need to seriously just ignore ANY contact i get from her. Something so simple shouldnt be so hard! but im keeping myself occupied. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 Dude, LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE!!!! The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life! Let's look at her. She left you for a 17 year old high school student. She wants to focus on her art? Okay, has she had formal training in art? Does she have a degree in art? Are art galleries banging down her door begging her to showcase her work for them? Nope. Are magazines banging on her door to do freelance work for them? Nope! Are publishing houses banging on her door to create art for their dust covers on their books? Nope! So, we can only assume that she gets high, gets drunk, sleeps with a kid and doodles. You have your head on straight. You are a PhD candidate. You are going to have a Doctorate here shortly. That will open up a lot of doors for a damn good paying job. A job that a single guy can afford a swanky new townehouse in a really nice neighborhood and you can afford that car that you've always wanted. You'll be able to go on trips, travel and see the world. Wouldn't it be cool if she got curious about your life as she's living in this kids parents basement and she logs onto the computer and peaks at your Facebook page and see you snapping pictures of the real Mona Lisa? She would think, "Oh my God! He went to Paris and he was actually in the Louvre!! Damn, I really f*cked up....." THAT'S HOW YOU GET YOUR REVENGE! Living your life and living it well! Hell, that's what one of our folks are doing at this very moment! Michael93's Ex left him for someone else and rubbed that fact in his face rather brutally. Then she had the nerve to string him along. He got on here. Started to take advice. Made positive changes to his life and went NC. He has his moments of weakness, but he pushes through. Do you know what he's doing right now? As I write this, he's currently in VENICE!! Traveling with some friends and eating fantastic gelato. Sipping on sweet Italian wines, looking at amazing Roman styled architecture. Enjoying the Venice night life and hopefully in the company of some beautiful Italian girls. Damn......I'm jealous and I can't wait for him to come back and tell us all about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Read the myth of mental illness by szasz she doesn't care about you anymore so stop caring about her Link to post Share on other sites
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