Anorexic/Bulimic gf wants a break

[Nujabez]

Dear Members,

 

Last week tuesday I noticed a bit of a lovey-dovey message to a guy on the internet at one of his photos and confronted her with it. This spiked up complete drama from both sides.

 

When things cooled down a little I decided to let it slip. The day after however she was planned to be hospitalized for having intestines-issues.

 

She didn't want me to come over as often as I'd like and we ended up seeing each other on thursday and didn't on the days to come until yesterday.

 

 

My issues in short:

- I've apparently said mean things (Don't we all?)

- Paranoid (Does she cheat or not etc)

- Depression maybe

- Temper issues when something frustrates me

 

 

Her issues in short:

- Anorexia

- Bulimia

- Depression

 

 

Her parents didn't knew about the fact that she cut herself for years and has the scars on her arms. That tuesday it felt for me as if I was going to pass the torch over to her parents so I felt they needed to know HOW BAD it's going. I also told her parents about her second Twitter account on which she posted a lot of information about her well being.

 

Days later this caused a riot at home and there were even mentions of her being placed in professional care.

 

I went over to her house yesterday to talk and she told me she took her time in the hospital to think over our relationship and the issues standing for herself and my own and decided we need a 'break'.

 

Obviously I don't want to have a 'break' because I know this usually means it's just over and I just can't believe it we've been together for almost 8 months and I've helped her with almost everything. Since she started dating me she stopped cutting herself which she did for 3 years or so.

 

She tells me stuff like:

I really really love you enormously and want to be together with you, I want to build a future with you but at this moment I can't handle all these things.

 

She states that she doesn't want to break me with her issues and especially not at this phase in which she might become placed under professional care.

 

She claims we're soulmates and that I'm the only one for her.

 

 

She always told me she wouldn't keep me on the leash as she has known about my previous relationships in which girls cheated on me repeatedly and dumped me after month(s) of doing so.

 

I really want to keep her or come back together but what are the chances? What do you guys think?

 

I am going to seek help for myself immediately and hope to receive care in the form of therapy/medication whatever helps for me.

[Marco Valerio]

Hi: read my post and tell me what do you think about it and what we have in common.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470134-why-do-i-suffer-someone-not-worth

[mammasita]

I really want to keep her or come back together but what are the chances? What do you guys think?

 

 

I think nothing will happen until she is READY to get help for herself. Key word = ready

[Nujabez]

Hi: read my post and tell me what do you think about it and what we have in common.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470134-why-do-i-suffer-someone-not-worth

 

Well certainly there are similarities in our stories. Hopefully the outcome will be quite different. Problem is not every person is the same so yeah. Dealing with her issues is causing problems but I do care a lot for her like you did for your ex.

 

She stated what I did wrong in the relationship and I will work on it meaning I'll try and take the annoyances away that might've led to a definitive breakup. Perhaps after doing so we might grow a stronger relationship, at least I certainly hope so.

 

 

I think nothing will happen until she is READY to get help for herself. Key word = ready

 

True, I left it all in her hands. Apparently she told her family she really loves me and wants to go through with me after the 'break'. Seems a bit odd to tell your family that if you don't actually mean it. I mean if it's a means to breaking up with me why bother fooling your family?

[amaysngrace]

I'm a former anorexic/bulimic and I can totally understand where you're coming from.

 

Have a little bit of faith in yourself and the good things you've brought into her life. You helped her stop cutting....that's fantastic!! Don't think that she is going to easily forget that.

 

You also brought it to her parents' attention just how sick their daughter really is. You did the right thing by her and you obviously care about her well-being.

 

She won't forget that either.

 

I'm bothered by the fact that her parents keep threatening to get her professional help. It's like duh...that's what they should be doing as her parents. Not doing so sends the wrong message to her. And holding it over her head like that as some kind of threat is awful.

 

Maybe they are the ones who don't want the open discussions to take place? But it's harming their daughter.

 

Is she still a minor?

 

If she is then I'd call Child Protective Services. She needs help and her parents are not doing what they should be doing for their daughter.

 

If she is over 18 you should encourage her to get help on her own.

 

I really really doubt that counseling is going to make her forget just how much you care about her. If anything she will realize it even more once her head is clear.

 

I understand why you feel threatened by her receiving professional help but in my opinion it is completely unwarranted. You're not the bad guy here but something tells me that the bad "guy" here is the one(s) keeping her from getting the help that she needs.

 

Bulimia and anorexia are often the result...she needs to address the cause...

[Nujabez]

I'm a former anorexic/bulimic and I can totally understand where you're coming from.

 

Have a little bit of faith in yourself and the good things you've brought into her life. You helped her stop cutting....that's fantastic!! Don't think that she is going to easily forget that.

 

You also brought it to her parents' attention just how sick their daughter really is. You did the right thing by her and you obviously care about her well-being.

 

She won't forget that either.

 

I'm bothered by the fact that her parents keep threatening to get her professional help. It's like duh...that's what they should be doing as her parents. Not doing so sends the wrong message to her. And holding it over her head like that as some kind of threat is awful.

 

Maybe they are the ones who don't want the open discussions to take place? But it's harming their daughter.

 

Is she still a minor?

 

If she is then I'd call Child Protective Services. She needs help and her parents are not doing what they should be doing for their daughter.

 

If she is over 18 you should encourage her to get help on her own.

 

I really really doubt that counseling is going to make her forget just how much you care about her. If anything she will realize it even more once her head is clear.

 

I understand why you feel threatened by her receiving professional help but in my opinion it is completely unwarranted. You're not the bad guy here but something tells me that the bad "guy" here is the one(s) keeping her from getting the help that she needs.

 

Bulimia and anorexia are often the result...she needs to address the cause...

 

Sorry, I forgot to mention that she's 16 and that she's receiving professional help(therapy/medication/dietician) since about 4 months right after her parents found out. I tried to get her to tell it herself but she has difficulty telling her parents that and convinces herself she can manage on her own.

[amaysngrace]

Sorry, I forgot to mention that she's 16 and that she's receiving professional help(therapy/medication/dietician) since about 4 months right after her parents found out. I tried to get her to tell it herself but she has difficulty telling her parents that and convinces herself she can manage on her own.

 

Huh? She's been getting help for four months or her parents took four months to get her help?

 

And you tried to get her to tell what herself?

 

I really don't understand what you're saying.

[Nujabez]

Huh? She's been getting help for four months or her parents took four months to get her help?

 

And you tried to get her to tell what herself?

 

I really don't understand what you're saying.

 

She's getting help for four months.

I tried to get her to reveal things such as the cutting which she didn't.

[amaysngrace]

She's getting help for four months.

I tried to get her to reveal things such as the cutting which she didn't.

 

She should be addressing that in counseling and her counselor will decide if it's an issue that needs to be brought to her parents' attention or not.

 

She won't get much better if she isn't completely open and honest with her counselor. You may just want to drive that point home to her and not keep pressuring her to tell her parents about the cutting.

 

She will tell them what she is comfortable telling them. Leave it up to the counselor to get her to a place where she is comfortable speaking to them about it if it's even necessary in order for her to heal.

 

Right now her eating disorder is the "bleeding" so to speak since she is actively doing it and that is being addressed.

 

The cutting is resolved for now. Leave it alone.

[Nujabez]

She should be addressing that in counseling and her counselor will decide if it's an issue that needs to be brought to her parents' attention or not.

 

She won't get much better if she isn't completely open and honest with her counselor. You may just want to drive that point home to her and not keep pressuring her to tell her parents about the cutting.

 

She will tell them what she is comfortable telling them. Leave it up to the counselor to get her to a place where she is comfortable speaking to them about it if it's even necessary in order for her to heal.

 

Right now her eating disorder is the "bleeding" so to speak since she is actively doing it and that is being addressed.

 

The cutting is resolved for now. Leave it alone.

 

The scars still remain an issue because she needs to keep hiding herself in order to prevent her parents from seeing it. But yes I agree the ED's is the main issue at hand.

[sugarlove]

Just going to put my 2 cents in as I was an anorexic-bulimia ( I wouldn't say "was" as no one really recover from ED but learn how to handle the distorted body image better).

 

When I was at my lowest point, i was threatened with hospitalisation by my parents. It took them a long while to see that I was in serious danger of dying as I often stop breathing in the middle of the night. I think in hindsight, they didn't know how to cope seeing me like this, especially since ano-limics are usually very stubborn and will get dramatically annoyed at any form of help offered. My parents will often threw hints at me to let me know I wasn't well but I just refused to accept I needed any especially since I hadn't really died. So I'm still "healthy" in a way. Eventually, my dad broke down, he was so frustrated seeing his daughter dying in front of him and the only way he hoped to get me treatment was his last resort which was to demand.

 

So in a way, I can understand why they felt they had to threaten or even took that long.

 

Also, with ano-limia, I tend to withdraw myself from my own social circles. Friends who have noticed or make comments about my health, I'll start to cut them slowly out of my life. I wanted to feed this illness and I wanted to keep it a dark secret from everyone, even though everyone can tell I'm really sick. I even joined a whole bunch of ED forums to find support. My mind was often bombarded with fear, calories, food intake, weight, measurements, bones etc etc so I did find it hard to cope with relationships. I've lost a lot of friends and guys from trying to keep my illness a secret as eating out really stressed me out. And I will do anything to keep holding on to my ano-limia.

 

I will think if you continuously bring up the topic that she is killing herself, she will eventually shut you out forever. This disease is more important to her than you. She is emotionally numb to be honest. Another thing is that we need trust even though we are chronic liars. If you show her any form of mistrust, she will drop you as well. I know it hurt to know but that's just the twisted way us ano-limics see people. If you don't support her, you are gone.

 

She might not be telling the counsellor the whole truth, I know I have lied at so many sessions just so people can just leave me alone. Even though she seeks help, it doesn't mean she is getting help. I'm sorry to say the only person that can help her is herself. And LOVE.

 

I got better because I started dating this man who didn't pressure me to give up my habits but instead, teach me how to handle it better He consistently let me know how beautiful I am and he got into cooking with me and teaching me how to start enjoying food and eating. It took me a long time to accept that it's okay to let this ED go but eventually, because I trust that he was on my side, and not against me, not judging me, did I start to get better.

 

I hope the above helps answer your worries.

Edited July 2, 2014 by sugarlove

[Nujabez]

Just going to put my 2 cents in as I was an anorexic-bulimia ( I wouldn't say "was" as no one really recover from ED but learn how to handle the distorted body image better).

 

When I was at my lowest point, i was threatened with hospitalisation by my parents. It took them a long while to see that I was in serious danger of dying as I often stop breathing in the middle of the night. I think in hindsight, they didn't know how to cope seeing me like this, especially since ano-limics are usually very stubborn and will get dramatically annoyed at any form of help offered. My parents will often threw hints at me to let me know I wasn't well but I just refused to accept I needed any especially since I hadn't really died. So I'm still "healthy" in a way. Eventually, my dad broke down, he was so frustrated seeing his daughter dying in front of him and the only way he hoped to get me treatment was his last resort which was to demand.

 

So in a way, I can understand why they felt they had to threaten or even took that long.

 

Also, with ano-limia, I tend to withdraw myself from my own social circles. Friends who have noticed or make comments about my health, I'll start to cut them slowly out of my life. I wanted to feed this illness and I wanted to keep it a dark secret from everyone, even though everyone can tell I'm really sick. I even joined a whole bunch of ED forums to find support. My mind was often bombarded with fear, calories, food intake, weight, measurements, bones etc etc so I did find it hard to cope with relationships. I've lost a lot of friends and guys from trying to keep my illness a secret as eating out really stressed me out. And I will do anything to keep holding on to my ano-limia.

 

I will think if you continuously bring up the topic that she is killing herself, she will eventually shut you out forever. This disease is more important to her than you. She is emotionally numb to be honest. I know it hurt to know but that's just the twisted way us ano-limics see people. If you don't support her, you are gone.

 

She might not be telling the counsellor the whole truth, I know I have lied at so many sessions just so people can just leave me alone. Even though she seeks help, it doesn't mean she is getting help. I'm sorry to say the only person that can help her is herself. And LOVE.

 

I got better because I started dating this man who didn't pressure me to give up my habits but instead, teach me how to handle it better He consistently let me know how beautiful I am and he got into cooking with me and teaching me how to start enjoying food and eating. It took me a long time to accept that it's okay to let this ED go but eventually, because I trust that he was on my side, and not against me, not judging me, did I start to get better.

 

I hope the above helps answer your worries.

 

Good post!

 

The only thing I've tried to make her do is tell her parents about her previous cutting so they know what they're dealing with and she can eventually tell her counselor as well.

 

Besides that I didn't really bother her with her ED-stuff except in some occasions I made a remark after she went to the toilet to do her 'bulimia'-business she tried to kiss me and sorry I just don't like the smell of puke.

 

Obviously I didn't want to be mean but I can't just let everything go her way right?

 

Only recently I've made a remark saying that I worry that she's getting worse because she started to measure her legs more often, stood in front the mirror more often, went to the toilet more often and suddenly started jogging.

 

She had been in the hospital in the same room as a boy her age (very sick one) and he has been 'more supportive' and I appreciate that but she doesn't see the difference that he has 'nothing to lose' so to speak, he's not personally involved with her and doesn't have to deal with her ED's or other issues on a daily note.

 

He must've been triggering for her as well considering he's 46KG and she was around 50 when she entered the hospital.

[amaysngrace]

Anorexia and bulimia is about having control.

 

That's why she doesn't want you or anybody else to tell her what to do.

 

You need to stop pressuring her to tell her parents about cutting. Again...leave it up to the professionals to decide when the timing is right.

[Nujabez]

Anorexia and bulimia is about having control.

 

That's why she doesn't want you or anybody else to tell her what to do.

 

You need to stop pressuring her to tell her parents about cutting. Again...leave it up to the professionals to decide when the timing is right.

 

Her parents already know by finding out her second Twitter account. I'm not pressuring her to do anything.... I've maybe said it twice in 8 months time in a suggestive way not pressuring at all. Not sure where you get that from....

[sugarlove]

I know in the hospitals, they are extremely strict with us. There were no full length mirrors so I never really knew how fat I was. But I can tell when I added another half a pound, and usually, I will be right. I too was measuring every single part of my body. Sadly, even now I'll subconsciously circle my fingers around my arm to see if they've grown or randomly pinching my tummy to determine fat percentage. Like I said, it's a habit that's really hard to break.

 

Telling the parents wasn't a bad thing, it was the right thing to do as you absolutely cannot indulge in her insanity as she is now a "ticking time bomb", a term used regularly by my counsellor. But telling her parents will bring on consequences which will be seen as betrayal in her eyes. If you felt that doing so, will save her life, I don't think you did anything wrong. In her mind, she knows you care and that her parents' reactions are out of love. But again, if she can't see the seriousness of her ED, she will think you guys are overreacting. I understand why she needs "the break" from you, you indirectly caused her to land herself in the hospital, so you are the thorn in the side which if she removes now, she won't have any more issues with her ED. She wants to protect her ED and you are seen as messing it up for her.

 

I was down to 38kg and I still felt I was overweight. It was scary now that I think about it. Like I said, showing support doesn't mean you have to indulge in her ED. I find it helps when my bf then, did not make me feel ashame of my illness. He too, didn't make any direct comments but he began to let me know that if I love him, I need to take steps. It was hard, at times I just want to throw something at him for insisting I take that last spoon of rice or add another piece of chicken to my plate. But he never once made any comment on my weight, he never made me feel I'm ugly or scary. He just keep cooking healthy food in my "safe Food" list.

 

Her intestinal issues are mainly due to her dependence on laxatives or diuretics. Perhaps you might like to arrange a dental checkup with her one day, just to check her teeth are okay from all that puking. Let her know that you do not support her illness but you care enough to make sure that she doesn't destroy the woman you love. Because it'll make you really sad to lose her to this but you'll help her get through it as long as she promised not to give up on herself. Perhaps say that she looks like she's been getting a few acne issues and maybe she should lessen her regurgitation as that causes acne, bloating and broken vessels on her face. Ano-limics are still pretty vain.

Edited July 2, 2014 by sugarlove

[Nujabez]

I know in the hospitals, they are extremely strict with us. There were no full length mirrors so I never really knew how fat I was. But I can tell when I added another half a pound, and usually, I will be right. I too was measuring every single part of my body. Sadly, even now I'll subconsciously circle my fingers around my arm to see if they've grown or randomly pinching my tummy to determine fat percentage. Like I said, it's a habit that's really hard to break.

 

Telling the parents wasn't a bad thing, it was the right thing to do as you absolutely cannot indulge in her insanity as she is now a "ticking time bomb", a term used regularly by my counsellor. But telling her parents will bring on consequences which will be seen as betrayal in her eyes. In her mind, she knows you care and that her parents' reactions are out of love. But again, if she can't see the seriousness of her ED, she will think you guys are overreacting. I understand why she needs "the break" from you, you indirectly caused her to land herself in the hospital, so you are the thorn in the side which if she removes now, she won't have any more issues with her ED.

 

I was down to 38kg and I still felt I was overweight. It was scary now that I think about it. Like I said, showing support doesn't mean you have to indulge in her ED. I find it helps when my bf then, did not make me feel ashame of my illness. He too, didn't make any direct comments but he began to let me know that if I love him, I need to take steps. It was hard, at times I just want to throw something at him for insisting I take that last spoon of rice or add another piece of chicken to my plate. But he never once make any comment on my weight, he never make me feel I'm ugly or scary. He just keep cooking healthy food in my "safe Food" list.

 

Her intestinal issues are mainly due to her dependence on laxatives or diuretics. Perhaps you might like to arrange a dental checkup with her one day, just to check her teeth are okay from all that puking. Let her know that you do not support her illness but you care enough to make sure that she doesn't destroy the woman you love. Because it'll make you really sad to lose her to this but you'll help her get through it as long as she promised not to give up on herself. Perhaps say that she looks like she's been getting a few acne issues and maybe she should lessen her regurgitation as that causes acne, bloating and broken vessels on her face. Ano-limics are still pretty vain.

 

 

I didn't get her in the hospital.. The fight was right before her planned hospital check-up for her aching intestines. There was a pile of s... as you can figure stuck higher up in her intestines so clysters didn't work.

 

 

But even still I still believe her having that roommate changed the whole situation, they've talked about everything in our relationship apparently and suddenly she needs a break. Sure there are things to fix from both sides but that's in every relationship right? You're never 100% compatible at the start and you usually work your way up by giving and taking.

 

Her previous boyfriend was extremely possessive, cheated on her, told her she's fat and ugly in clothes he didn't want her to wear and generally messed her up.

 

I believe he is the reason she developed bulimia considering they've dated for 2 years and she has it less than 2 years.

 

Now here I am trying to help her in whatever way I can but even I ain't flawless... I will work on it but I can't promise to say nothing about her health because that would mean I just care for the relationship status and not about her.

[sugarlove]

That's what I meant, her intestinal issues are mainly due to her dependency to laxatives. The more she takes, the less they will work so she'll have to take more. Eventually, they stop working. If she stops, massive constipation or what you said a pile of junk will be compacted in her digestive track.

 

My apologies, I meant you indirectly placed her at risk for getting hospitalised. But the mentality behind her request for a break still stands.

 

I have read your posts and my heart goes out to you. I completely understand how you feel but I will have to let you know that this journey is hard for families involved. She will not get better if she doesn't admit she needs help. She will continue to do what she thinks it right, with or without you.

 

I don't know if her guy friend brought a change in attitude, maybe or maybe not. But because she cares so little for people in general as her mind is now just focussed on the ED and other issues, she will hurt you time and time again. Can you handle this?

[Nujabez]

That's what I meant, her intestinal issues are mainly due to her dependency to laxatives. The more she takes, the less they will work so she'll have to take more. Eventually, they stop working. If she stops, massive constipation or what you said a pile of junk will be compacted in her digestive track.

 

My apologies, I meant you indirectly placed her at risk for getting hospitalised. But the mentality behind her request for a break still stands.

 

I have read your posts and my heart goes out to you. I completely understand how you feel but I will have to let you know that this journey is hard for families involved. She will not get better if she doesn't admit she needs help. She will continue to do what she thinks it right, with or without you.

 

I don't know if her guy friend brought a change in attitude, maybe or maybe not. But because she cares so little for people in general as her mind is now just focussed on the ED and other issues, she will hurt you time and time again. Can you handle this?

 

 

Well it depends on what kind of hurt.

In no way do I see cheating as accepted with or without ED's.

 

Her ED's shouldn't be an excuse for every bad thing she does as it will create a bad personality.

 

 

Next to that I'll be willing to undertake whatever required to help her become healthy. As her health is slowly but steadily deteriorating I believe it will be hard for her to maintain friends or even boyfriends.

 

Not to act conceited but her chances are not that high for a boyfriend that actually cares enough to deal with all the issues she's having. Mostly boys that hit on girls with 'issues' tend to use their weak spot to get inside them to only dump them shortly after.

[sugarlove]

She's lucky... and i do hope one day she'll realise it.

 

Just take each day as it comes.. you are right that cheating is not part of the ED but yet I've heard that anos are pretty promiscuous though I've never cheated. You will be a better judge if she is likely to stray or not by how consistent she is with her words.If she ask for space now, do give it to her.

 

You seem to be a pillar of strength and that's exactly what she needed right now. REgardless of outcome, you need to take care of your emotional state first and worry about hers later. Sometimes, you just have to let them deal with their own demons. I wish you all the best!

[Nujabez]

She's lucky... and i do hope one day she'll realise it.

 

Just take each day as it comes.. you are right that cheating is not part of the ED but yet I've heard that anos are pretty promiscuous though I've never cheated. You will be a better judge if she is likely to stray or not by how consistent she is with her words.If she ask for space now, do give it to her.

 

You seem to be a pillar of strength and that's exactly what she needed right now. REgardless of outcome, you need to take care of your emotional state first and worry about hers later. Sometimes, you just have to let them deal with their own demons. I wish you all the best!

 

Well her sister and rest of the family told her that as well and hopefully she will remain seeing it that way.

 

Yesterday she said she is not worth my attention.

 

I just hope she's not using me to become stable the coming period to just toss me aside, because I know her situation will only worsen since usually the next relationship after a decent one is pretty much bad.

Edited July 2, 2014 by Nujabez

[Nujabez]

She seems to talk a bit more than the previous days through social media but it's not the same. Don't know I guess I'm used to her being more lovey-dovey than she is now. I can't stand it haha. I'm having anxiety over whether or not we'll end up together or that I'm just support until she finds something else.

 

Do problematic situations cause somebody to act less lovey-dovey? I dunno... I could hug and talk the way like I used to. Dunno about women with ED's.

[sugarlove]

I wouldn't say her coldness is due to the ED. Everyone react differently to.problems in a relationship.

 

I tend to keep to myself.. preferring to use text to chat. But I also tend to be fine the next day. And forgive quite easily.

 

My ex is very communicative but he shuts down when there's issues in the relationship and linger on issues for a long time.

 

So it's just different people reaction to drama.

[Nujabez]

I wouldn't say her coldness is due to the ED. Everyone react differently to.problems in a relationship.

 

I tend to keep to myself.. preferring to use text to chat. But I also tend to be fine the next day. And forgive quite easily.

 

My ex is very communicative but he shuts down when there's issues in the relationship and linger on issues for a long time.

 

So it's just different people reaction to drama.

 

Hmm okay I guess there's logic in every single person taking it quite differently.

 

It sucks when there's a difference though because you're not quite sure if you're on the same level.

[Nujabez]

She said before that she wants the break to be as short as it can but now I'm hearing stuff like 'This summer vacation will be boring, 6 weeks with no friends and being alone at home'.

It seems this break will take a month or more; To be honest the break has gone in last week thursday already although she talked about the break on tuesday this week.....

 

I went to the beach today and she said things like 'Have fun with your chicks' and 'You will probably land a lot of girls there'. Obviously the opposite is what happened as I don't have the 'mojo' I would have when I'm out of a relationship.

 

But really I want to continue my relationship with her but 1-2 months of 'break' seems a bit long and I feel it will just kill our feelings entirely and in the meantime I don't have the feeling I can move on either.

She also said stuff like 'If you want to leave for another girl you can' but again I don't want to and don't feel like it

 

 

Seemingly I can do nothing but just wait and feel 'crap' while I wait for 'therapy' and 'medication' to start happening for myself.....

 

 

It also pains me to see the status from Relationship on Facebook. Whatsapp and such to be deleted.... It almost makes it seem we're not getting back together...

Edited July 5, 2014 by Nujabez

[loversquarrel]

You are young, so is she. She most likely suffered some sort of trauma at an early age and the cutting/bulimia/anorexia/promiscuity is the surface of much deeper pain. I have been with and fell in love with a woman like this. It took her years to get better because she knew she had to. You are much too young to deal with this, find someone who is healthy for you.