Zahara Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 The thing is I am happy with him if I don't think about what he said. He is the most caring, attentive guy I know. Btw he got to his destination and sent me a puppy photo ( I adore dogs) and another text. What is your objective in creating this thread? To find some clarity and the courage to leave or to stay in a semi-happy arrangement with this man? If you're happy when you don't think of what he said, then regardless of whether he has mental issues or if he's not that into you isn't the question, right? He can be the most caring and attentive guy but at the end of the day, that means nothing when one of your goals in life is to be with someone that can be in a committed relationship with you. He gets a sweet deal because you play by his terms. Unfortunately, you have to settle with, "I'm happy when I don't think of what he said." Then you're actually not happy because your happiness is dependent on his terms and his needs, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Oh boy, you want to "fix him", don't you? He gave you fair warning, hasn't been specific, and you just want to be the one who does it for him. Be VERY careful... this could end BADLY. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Why overanalyzing? I hate it but somehow I think "what if he really has a good reason not to be in a relationship." Of course he has good reasons to not be in a relationship with you. Here's the tricky part. One day this man will be ready to commit......and it won't be with you. You will wake up and find him in love with another woman and you'll wonder why her and not you. Why not you when you've stood by him through thick and thin and loved him so much all this time. I don't want to commit = I don't want to commit with you. Save yourself the heartache of seeing him move on with another woman, end it now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betsy_Beth Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 I know. He did give me a warning but when I tried to get out of this he didn't let me go. What still keeps me close to him is the hope that he really cannot be in a relationship right now but might be in the future and in the meantime he is really trying ( I am kind of a diificult girl, lol). Sometimes, I think maybe he really cant but I guess you all agree it is a bullsh*t Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betsy_Beth Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Of course he has good reasons to not be in a relationship with you. Here's the tricky part. One day this man will be ready to commit......and it won't be with you. You will wake up and find him in love with another woman and you'll wonder why her and not you. Why not you when you've stood by him through thick and thin and loved him so much all this time. I don't want to commit = I don't want to commit with you. Save yourself the heartache of seeing him move on with another woman, end it now. This might happen but When I met him I somehow got the impression tht he gave up on being with anyone and was ok with being single. He even told me something close to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I know. He did give me a warning but when I tried to get out of this he didn't let me go. What still keeps me close to him is the hope that he really cannot be in a relationship right now but might be in the future and in the meantime he is really trying ( I am kind of a diificult girl, lol). Sometimes, I think maybe he really cant but I guess you all agree it is a bullsh*t STOP IT. You are going to be that girl 5 years from now saying, "I invested so much time in him! What happened?!" STOP. IT. He only wanted you after you left him because you left him. That's it. That's all. And he'll do it again. He sent you a picture of a puppy? Awww, how adorable. DELETE IT. DELETE HIM. Caps for emphasis. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I know. He did give me a warning but when I tried to get out of this he didn't let me go. What still keeps me close to him is the hope that he really cannot be in a relationship right now but might be in the future and in the meantime he is really trying ( I am kind of a diificult girl, lol). Sometimes, I think maybe he really cant but I guess you all agree it is a bullsh*t Why would he let you go? You give him what he wants without the need for him to commit. It's too great a benefit to pass up. It's easy. It's accessible. Why give that up? "But might in the future" -- I hope you give yourself a timeline at least because waiting for a man to choose you is a risky thing to do because there may come a time when he decides to pick someone else over you or never choose you at all. A year hasn't shaken him into realizing your value. Doesn't that tell you something? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 This might happen but When I met him I somehow got the impression tht he gave up on being with anyone and was ok with being single. He even told me something close to that. You somehow got the impression? So you will take this as cash to the bank? He IS ok with being single for now because no one grabbed his heart, YOU did not grab his heart. He DOES have a good reason to not commit to you and that reason is he doesn't feel it for YOU. But everyone, even the biggest players, the biggest commitment-phone, one day finds that one that makes their knees weak. It will happen to him too, and it won't be you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betsy_Beth Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Why would he let you go? You give him what he wants without the need for him to commit. It's too great a benefit to pass up. It's easy. It's accessible. Why give that up? "But might in the future" -- I hope you give yourself a timeline at least because waiting for a man to choose you is a risky thing to do because there may come a time when he decides to pick someone else over you or never choose you at all. A year hasn't shaken him into realizing your value. Doesn't that tell you something? You are right. If he wants to see me after he comes back I will ask him if he is willing to talk about his "cant be in a relationship right now" problem. I can be very understanding and if he cannot and cannot be in a relationship either... well his choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 You are right. If he wants to see me after he comes back I will ask him if he is willing to talk about his "cant be in a relationship right now" problem. I can be very understanding and if he cannot and cannot be in a relationship either... well his choice. "I have been seeing this guy for a year with lots of breaks on and off." No one should subject themselves to this. He gets what he wants but you have to stand in the sidelines and wait around for him to choose you. Don't ever let anyone have this much power over your life. You can love him all you want but it should never be at the expense of denying yourself of your own needs and wants. If he has issues, then he shouldn't be dragging someone down with his dysfunction. He either gets help and deals with it so that he can work towards having a fulfilling relationship or he maintains a solitary life and wallows in his own issues or finds someone who shares his views and expectations. These vague excuses as to why he can't be in a relationship just seem like stalling tactics. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betsy_Beth Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Thank you all. I will keep you updated in three weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betsy_Beth Posted August 14, 2014 Author Share Posted August 14, 2014 Hi everyone, Hope everyone is good. As I promised I will keep you updated. So the guy came back after three weeks vacation. ( he was keeping in touch with me the whole this time). Then he tried to see me but I said no and now after a month and few tries he sounds like he accepted it. I told him that he should figure out what he wants. He just texted me something like this "i know i am ****ed up in many ways but I still have some feelings left and those have tendency to get hurt. But I am glad you can make a decision that is good for you. I just want you to be happy". Is this just one if guys b****it or something else? What does he mean by feelings and tendency to get hurt? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 I am completely unclear if you have been having sex with him or not. If yes, I think it's possible he won't commit because he feels he is not yet in a position to adequately provide for the both of you and is "doing his best." You ought to make sure he doesn't have a wife stashed somewhere too. If you've never had sex, then he's a nice guy who just isn't thinking you're the one, but he's been a very good friend to you. Or could be gay or impotent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betsy_Beth Posted August 14, 2014 Author Share Posted August 14, 2014 Thanks for your reply. We've been together for a year and a half ( almost) on and off. Off due to me being unable to accept the unclear status of our relationship. During that time I slept with him but I can tell you it wasnt about sex on his part at all. He would always think of me and how I feel and many, many times we would just sleep next to each other without having sex. As for having a wife, no he doesnt and for sure he is not gay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betsy_Beth Posted August 14, 2014 Author Share Posted August 14, 2014 As for providing for both of us, if you mean financially he is doing very well. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 what is really sad is that you try and convince yourself of what is wrong with you you can fix this, you can find the right advice to fix the relationship, he will change, he will see how wonderful you are, how giving how understanding how much you care....you will continue to try and seek out all his redeeming qualities until there are just those you keep relying on to keep you in this stalemate of a relationship.. meanwhile he saps and drains effectively all the life and love out of you like a horny leech, until you are in such a state of confusion, you arent good for any respectful and commitment friendly guy, he will continue to do damage on a daily basis to your self esteem and who you are as a person so when he eventually dumps you for another woman who he will commit too, you are damaged goods for the right guy who would commit to you.... leave him do it soon.....or suffer the consequences of staying two choices one is right one is wrong ...you decide which.......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betsy_Beth Posted August 14, 2014 Author Share Posted August 14, 2014 Than you. You just described how I feel. But don't get me wrong he is a nice person and i know he is not hurting me on purpose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betsy_Beth Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 Anyone else has an opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
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