Elle1975 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I'd suggest you arrive right before the meeting and !eave right after, to minimize the chances of running into her. I say that because I have a tendency to get to work early, so if you are like me, don't get there 30 min prior to your meeting. Get a haircut, that could give you a little ego boost. If you run into her, be polite but cut it short. Every year my friends throw a Christmas party, my ex will be there, so I know how you feel. While my friends would understand if I didn't go, I wouldn't call out on work, be professional, that will make you earns points.
BC1980 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 If you do have to see her, be mentally prepared. You will only see her as another person, not your ex. Don't engage in any small talk whatsoever. My ex is coming back to work in September, and I was livid at first. We met at work, but he ended up changing jobs while we were still together. I have no clue why he is coming back, but I have my game plan. No small talk. I will ask him to keep it only to work if he tries to even ask how my day is going. I'm not even giving him that because it's a slippery slope. At least you have time to prepare. Have your game plan, and stick to it.
erklat Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Why most of you advise to be civil? I'd like to have an explanation why would it look clingy and desperate if you simply walked away? That is what I do as I will grow to hate her. If I met her in a bar and she would approach us for our mutual acquaintances I woikd simply walk away without acknowledging her. Would that imply that I still care? Is it bad to show that it is the person who caused you so much pain? I think that would only imply that I have filtered the crab out of my life and I do not need the same crab back. 1
Author Michael 93 Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Hi All, For those of you that have followed my story you will surely be aware that I am currently in NC with my ex. And have been for nearly a month and a half. I can quite categorically say I never expected to hear from her again, I thought that was it. We left things on good terms. She didn't decide to follow that up and contact me after me giving things my last shot. I implemeted NC and have been doing well recently as described in previous threads. I was down the pub watching the world cup final on Sunday and shooting some pool. The night before I had a crazy night man with this chick who showed an interest. Not sure the mods will appreciate me going into detail but It was a good night!! Looked at my phone after my game and I could not believe what I seen. It was her! I just stared at my whatsapp for about 5 mins like huh am I seeing this right!? I seriously never expected to hear from her again. She put "I'm sure you would have already noticed but I just thought I'd let you know that Titanic is on" I couldn't believe it. I showed my friends and they were like woah man as if she's done that. Titanic was our "signature" film. Every couple has one right? Still thinking why the hell did she do that? Can anyone shed some light on why dumpers do this? Especially after a NC period? I'm obviously aware of breadcrumbs but wanted opinions. Hope you are all well. Mike
umirano Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Breadcrumbs, feeling lonely, seeing what you're up to, getting an emotional reaction from you... The ones I got were update on a sick family member of hers (who I was close with), and a complaint about an email account I made for her and finally asking I send her things back (which she insisted I keep after BU) Ego boost, confirmation that you're still around and responsive to them. That gives security. 2
Ordinaryday Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 it doesn't matter why she did it because unless her motive is to get back with you then her contact is just a waste of time and rude and inappropriate and breadcrumbs. I have had a few dumpers over the years message me similar things "Hi [real name], just wanted to say hi and let you know that this store in the city is selling that book you were looking for! check it out. your ex" and I always just ignored them. yes, it seems nice, but I am not looking for friends. I didn't spend all that time with her and fall in love with her and go on long romantic walks with her and kiss her and hang out with her and have sex with her, I did not do all that with the endgame of making a new friend/buddy. I take it you are the same. so if she is just being friendly then sorry she is wasting your time 1
No Limit Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Silly, who would watch Titanic when the World Cup finals are on TV? What a crazy chick. Stay NC though, it's just a breadcrumb. 4
Chi townD Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Yep! She was pulling on the leash to see if the dog was still there. Funny though, they tend to call us when we're with another girl/guy. Some kind of weird radar they have. Stay NC. Funny, I was just thinking about you. How did that meeting turn out, or did you call in sick that day to avoid her? Don't spend too much money at the pubs! You need to save as much as you can for your trip! 1
LostConfused123 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Silly, who would watch Titanic when the World Cup finals are on TV? What a crazy chick. Stay NC though, it's just a breadcrumb. Exactly what I was thinking! hahaha! Seriously, OP, stick to NC. You're doing awesome! Best of luck! 1
Author Michael 93 Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Yep! She was pulling on the leash to see if the dog was still there. Funny though, they tend to call us when we're with another girl/guy. Some kind of weird radar they have. Stay NC. Funny, I was just thinking about you. How did that meeting turn out, or did you call in sick that day to avoid her? Don't spend too much money at the pubs! You need to save as much as you can for your trip! @Chi townD Funny you should say that Chi. Meeting is tomorrow. I've actually decided to go. A colleague of mine persuaded me that it was unbelievably unprofessional and could actually backfire as it is showing her she has some kind of control over you. I did not want to sabotage my own healing. But I think I'm going to have to face up to that one. Dreading it more and more as it approaches to be honest. I'm hoping its a quick in, have my meeting.. then out. Thanks to the rest of you for responses. Again, they are all taken on board. Crazy man. As for Venice. Cannot come quick enough. Staying in Mestre just outside and managed to get a room for 3 nights for 45 pounds which is great. Sooner it comes the better man. As for the world cup final. I think I would of rather watched titanic :lmao:
No Limit Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 As for the world cup final. I think I would of rather watched titanic :lmao: Pfft, well my nation expected to win (and we did! ) so I basically had to watch it. Got several heart attacks throughout the game though. 1
Author Michael 93 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Posted July 22, 2014 Absolutely hating this right now. Ever since she contacted me I have felt uneasy and she has been a lot more on my mind than usual. You all know just how far I have come from the mess that first entered this site. But after her popping up I feel the same as I did around the first months after the B/U. Yesterday I was so tempted to just call and see what was going on, how she's been. I didn't I know that it is not healthy to do that. I took a deep breath and avoided it. Went out and spent some time with friends. This has had a little more effect on me than I would of liked. I am trying to remain positive and focus on my trip to Venice on the 4th August which is giving me quite a bit to get into and enjoy. I told my friend yesterday about her contacting me, trying to get it off my chest. he said that's funny!! "her new boyfriend posted on Facebook about a week ago, that he cannot wait until he is off the doors (bouncer) so he can get back to becoming a "LAD" again. I'm guessing this had a little something to do with the contact. Unless it was just general chat, ego boosting or she was maybe hoping for something more back from me. Its messed my head up a little bit again and I'm finding myself more concerned with what she is thinking/feeling. I didn't want to go back here so just trying to vent I guess.
Tbisb74 Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Stop over-thinking it. I haven't checked your previous posts or back-threads, but when and why did she contact you? And did you respond, then?
Author Michael 93 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Posted July 22, 2014 @Tbisb74 Hi man, Contacted me last week at around 1 and half months NC. "I know you probably realised but I thought id let you know that titanic is on" That was like the film we used to watch together lol. If you read through my previous posts you will see what kind of car crash it was man lol! I did respond. Nothing text. Just a funny picture of a titanic meme. I thought that If I show her I can be strong. Not cave and put something humouring It will show strength and progress on my part. Didn't write anything after that either so... Just got to me last couple days. dont know whyy
Tbisb74 Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 You broke No Contact, she didn't. I've read the No Contact guide, several times. It's a good piece of work. And it is quite obvious that Contact cannot be broken, unless you break it. By sending the meme, you actually weakened, you weren't strong. You bowed to the pressure and acknowledged her effort. So by all accounts, as evidenced by your now being plagued by this, you're back to square one. I suggest you read the No Contact Guide, several times over.
SteakandSalad Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Yes it's annoying and will make you feel like crap, however, use this feeling as determination to not contact her. If you can muster it, block her number and ask you friends to please not talk about her, my friends always updated me on what my ex was doing and it made my mind go nuts.
Author Michael 93 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Posted July 22, 2014 Yeah its not the best at all to be honest. I feel quite pathetic if I'm straight at how something like this can get to me. Cringing as I write this sort of stuff. But you guys have been very supportive of me since joining here so It helps me a huge amount. Why is this feeling still there where my heart sinks and gut wrenches any time anything to do with her is seen/heard. Shouldn't this be gone by now? Its like since she re initiated contact I feel even worse
Chi townD Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Okay, I'm behind the curve on this one. Has she contacted you since the Titanic text? Was there any problems with the meeting in her office space? You didn't run into her, did you? And I'm not sure what you wrote about her boyfriend coming off the doors at the club and being a "Lad" again. So, that's confusing and I need you to speak American here. I thought Lad was a term to describe a young boy. Is there an English slang that I'm not understanding here?
Author Michael 93 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Posted July 22, 2014 Okay, I'm behind the curve on this one. Has she contacted you since the Titanic text? Was there any problems with the meeting in her office space? You didn't run into her, did you? And I'm not sure what you wrote about her boyfriend coming off the doors at the club and being a "Lad" again. So, that's confusing and I need you to speak American here. I thought Lad was a term to describe a young boy. Is there an English slang that I'm not understanding here? @Chitown D Waddup Chi. Good to hear from you. Need some good advice at the minute man. She hasnt contacted me since then, I guess thats part of the problem and my over thinking. The meeting over at her office was rescheduled to take place at our Local office which was great as I didn't have to go anywhere near her office. Haven't seen her in like 2 months man. Oh crap my apologies. I should of known better. "lad" in English young person terms is someone who goes out and lives life to the fullest (drink, drugs, partying, sleeping around, road trips) its basically the exact opposite of settling down and chilling with a women. This could have nothing to do with her texting me but I just thought it had some coincidence. and by coming off the doors I mean he is aiming to stop working as a bouncer and doing something else (must of realised that line of work isnt full of prospects) I'm at work as I'm writing this man. Just finished at a meeting with my manager. Emails kept popping up from her as we were in discussion. What are the odds huh!? Your analogy by the way of pulling the lead to see if the dog is there. I remember that from a while ago. Absolute GOLD. I never ever expected her to contact me again. Its messed me up Chi lol
johnson_j Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 You've come so far, Michael. Don't go back now. 1
mightycpa Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 How do you look at the woman you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away? Step 1: Stop looking at her.
Chi townD Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Well, when you want to contact her, you need to stop and take a deep breath. Then, you need to make your heart shut up and start listening to your brain. When you feel like calling her, you need to think back at what happened in the past. You called her and she told you that she wanted NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! That you were a loser. You see her at the club, you tried to talk to her and she publicly blasted you and embarrassed you! She tells you that YOU are ruining her life. THEN! You call her up and she tells you that she needs to call you back. Hour or two later she calls you back, you ask why she couldn't talk to you before and you find out she was in the middle of having sex!! There's the girl you love and one time she claimed she loved you as well, spent months and years together in a loving and caring relationship. And here she is screwing some guy; her phone goes off, looks at the caller ID and see's that it's you. She decides that at that particular moment would be a good time to answer her phone with another man inside her. They probably had a good laugh about it afterward. Now, after reading that, do you feel like calling her or talking to her now? Then, I want you to think of the accomplishments and improvements you've made since the break up. Your job seems to be happy with what you're doing there. You've been going out and reconnecting with friends, making changes to your life and now you're going to start traveling. Start putting your energies into researching your trip! You know where you're going and where you're staying. Do you know what restaurants you want to eat at? Do you know what clubs you want to go into? Do you know what sites you want to see? Do you know what pubs you want to have a drink in? So, the next time the urge to contact her creeps into your head. Push her out and sit down at the computer and research your trip. 1
Chi townD Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 ^^^^ Sorry to be harsh. But, I wanted you to see that she isn't worth your time or effort. That those energies could be spent on more positive things. You know contacting her only leads to more hurt. For someone to be that brazen with you can only tell you that she could give a rats ass about you. But, when Bouncer Boy comes off the door and starts walking around being a "Lad" again (LOL!), he might not be bothered with her. Then, she might come snooping around to discover that you've been to Venice and (hopefully) Paris and having amazing adventures while she's been kicking it with a dude that just wants to party, get drunk, get stoned and basically pissing away all his money and being a waste of space. And you can confidently say, "Oh well! Her Loss!" and move on! 1
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