HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Ps dont worry too much about the drinking I think most people are guilty of that immediately afterwards but if in a few months nothing is changing then seek some help... I would advise you not to drink as thats when the inhibitions lower and you are high risk of sending something you WILL later regret, it also acts as a depressant but I know its hard not to reach for one in the early days x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
randomwoman Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 So... everyone here is going to be saying "I told you so"... so go easy on me please. But as some of you know I have been wondering about whether it is possible to "be just friends" with my xEAP. We have a long relationship - friends for years, etc. until it turned into an online EA a few months ago. It was too much for me, I walked away with no explanation about a month ago, and then ignored a message he sent me in response a few weeks ago. The truth is, I've been feeling some cognitive dissonance about fading to black with no explanation. (I knew it wouldn't work between us, but I still felt bad about how I handled it). I knew in my heart of hearts I should just let it go, but as many of you know... it can eat away at you and surface at inappropriate times. Especially when alcohol is involved. Soooo. I thought I could maintain control, but I was drinking a few nights ago and decided to send him a text. Saying essentially, I'm okay with just being friends if you are. And if you'd rather not be, I'll understand. Well, he hasn't responded and I'm pretty sure he deleted the message. And YES, I knew this would happen - (I certainly would act this way if I was him) - and I know I don't deserve too much sympathy because I certainly brought it upon myself. But if anyone has any words of support, I'll admit I would greatly appreciate them! Just a pep talk. I know I goofed big time in breaking NC, etc. How how do I move on from this and not dwell on it? I know it's really truly over. It's like I could have written this! I feel your pain. It feels awful because when you went NC, you had the power because you initiated it. You left on a high note and it gave you a little momentum to succeed a while with the NC. The same exact thing happened to me. I went NC suddenly after some random stupid comment he made. I blocked him and decided I had enough of the BS. All was going great for a while but the first drunken night I had, I missed him like hell. Not only did I text him telling him I missed him, I also followed him on social networking sites! The next day I felt completely embarrassed. Now he would know that I wasn't a bad*ss afterall. He did not respond to me at all. He didn't follow me back. Nothing, silence. I did that not once but maybe 2-3 times total. Once I invited him to chat with me, he responded with a nicety but never chatted with me. After a couple of times, I decided to stop embarrassing myself like that and I didn't contact him again. Months later, he ended up contacting me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RegretfulAlways Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 It's like I could have written this! I feel your pain. It feels awful because when you went NC, you had the power because you initiated it. You left on a high note and it gave you a little momentum to succeed a while with the NC. The same exact thing happened to me. I went NC suddenly after some random stupid comment he made. I blocked him and decided I had enough of the BS. All was going great for a while but the first drunken night I had, I missed him like hell. Not only did I text him telling him I missed him, I also followed him on social networking sites! The next day I felt completely embarrassed. Now he would know that I wasn't a bad*ss afterall. He did not respond to me at all. He didn't follow me back. Nothing, silence. I did that not once but maybe 2-3 times total. Once I invited him to chat with me, he responded with a nicety but never chatted with me. After a couple of times, I decided to stop embarrassing myself like that and I didn't contact him again. Months later, he ended up contacting me. Omg, our situations are so similar! But don't leave me hanging. What happened when he contacted you? What were the circumstances? Are you still in touch? Link to post Share on other sites
randomwoman Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 Omg, our situations are so similar! But don't leave me hanging. What happened when he contacted you? What were the circumstances? Are you still in touch? This contact was very recent and we are currently still in communication. He had an accident and is currently recovering. I think cabin fever hit especially hard causing him to finally give in to the temptation of reaching out. It seems that we have picked back up and are in the infatuation stage again for now. We have always been pretty honest with our feelings so we spent days talking about how much we thought about each other etc. I honestly thought it was dead and we would never talk again. I'm trying to prepare myself for another bout of NC in case it needs to happen again, don't want to fully start all over although it's likely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RegretfulAlways Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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