JingleBab Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 (edited) My girlfriend was cheating on me while I was abroad for a couple months. I found out when I came back home and broke up with her on the spot. She just sent me a letter after about a month of no contact. In the letter she says how's she still loves me and misses me and always will love me, wants to be there for me, thinks about me often and wants to ask, but doesn't because she knows the hurt she caused. The extent of her deception is so much more sinister but given how obsessive she is, I wouldn't doubt she would find this post. So I can't say it here. But it's dark.. But she goes on to say that she has a good reason for her cheating and and it's dark and terrible and talks about how she essentially justifies it in her own mind. And that if I want to know why she did it then I should contact her to ask. This girl was someone I planned on having a future with, we had an intensely passionate and romantic relationship. A roller coaster would be an understatement. But ultimately she lied cheated and manipulated me for a long time. And this letter just feels like a way to regain some sort of emotional control over me because she knows she's lost it. What do you guys think I should do? I badly want to speak with her but at the same time, I know by responding at all it'll validate her twisted mind. Edited June 28, 2014 by JingleBab 2
fancy feast Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 If she's trying to justify cheating instead of apologizing, it's not worth your time. 5
SoThatHappened Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 Man, you're way ahead of where most people are before dealing with this and posting in online forums. Walk away. You seem like you're very emotionally stable. You're already so far ahead of the curve. She doesn't deserve a word from you or a thought in your head. Move on... as soon as possible. Which will probably be soon with someone that already knows what most of us came here trying to learn. Good luck 4
Author JingleBab Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 Man, you're way ahead of where most people are before dealing with this and posting in online forums. Walk away. You seem like you're very emotionally stable. You're already so far ahead of the curve. She doesn't deserve a word from you or a thought in your head. Move on... as soon as possible. Which will probably be soon with someone that already knows what most of us came here trying to learn. Good luck Thanks for your input, at first it was hard and I really wanted her back. Still miss the girl i "knew" But as soon as I was able to seperate the illusion of who I thought she was from the person she actually is; it made the healing process accelerate substantially. 1
Elle1975 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 My girlfriend was cheating on me while I was abroad for a couple months. I found out when I came back home and broke up with her on the spot. She just sent me a letter after about a month of no contact. In the letter she says how's she still loves me and misses me and always will love me, wants to be there for me, thinks about me often and wants to ask, but doesn't because she knows the hurt she caused. The extent of her deception is so much more sinister but given how obsessive she is, I wouldn't doubt she would find this post. So I can't say it here. But it's dark.. But she goes on to say that she has a good reason for her cheating and and it's dark and terrible and talks about how she essentially justifies it in her own mind. And that if I want to know why she did it then I should contact her to ask. This girl was someone I planned on having a future with, we had an intensely passionate and romantic relationship. A roller coaster would be an understatement. But ultimately she lied cheated and manipulated me for a long time. And this letter just feels like a way to regain some sort of emotional control over me because she knows she's lost it. What do you guys think I should do? I badly want to speak with her but at the same time, I know by responding at all it'll validate her twisted mind. I wouldn't respond, since it's over. I feel she's trying to turn the table around, and is somewhat trying to make you feel guilty if you don't answer. Indeed, you'd validate her twisted way to think. That's a smart comment. 1
Author JingleBab Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 You've basically described a sociopath, OP. Lightbulb! Haha.
SoThatHappened Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Thanks for your input, at first it was hard and I really wanted her back. Still miss the girl i "knew" But as soon as I was able to seperate the illusion of who I thought she was from the person she actually is; it made the healing process accelerate substantially. Man, I didn't know people like our exes existed until a few weeks ago. I'm in the same boat as you are. Miss the girl I thought I knew, but have been able to step back, look at things logically, and realize she was just an illusion. Lesson learned, stepping stone, whatever it was. Moving on and improving and I'm sure you're doing the same. We have learned, have more knowledge, and are better off Good luck 1
Griesfootball Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 What the letter should have said was something like " I never should have cheated it was the biggest mistake of my life and I would like to reconnect with you as I miss you" instead of "I cheated because" 2
Author JingleBab Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 What the letter should have said was something like " I never should have cheated it was the biggest mistake of my life and I would like to reconnect with you as I miss you" instead of "I cheated because" You are spot on.
veggirl Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Don't respond. If that crazy b*tch wanted to tell you her reasons FOR YOU, she would put them in the letter not make you contact her. She just wants for you to say you understand so she doesn't have to feel bad. I'd put it back in the mail "return to sender" and stick to NC. 2
Author JingleBab Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 Don't respond. If that crazy b*tch wanted to tell you her reasons FOR YOU, she would put them in the letter not make you contact her. She just wants for you to say you understand so she doesn't have to feel bad. I'd put it back in the mail "return to sender" and stick to NC. I agree with you. It's selfishness down to the core. Maybe ill hold onto it as a reminder to never again become involved with narcissistic tramps.
Author JingleBab Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 She texted me today twice asking if i got her letter! Cant believe this woman. Shes almost 28 and still cant own up to her mistakes. Not that age has anything to do with maturity.. Thank you all for your input. 1
David87 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Maybe now she will realise the damage she has caused, don't respond. 1
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