Dating anyone but an atheist!

[Taramere]

irc333,

I have no idea what this person meant - you would have to ask them.

 

 

taramere,

 

 

Personally, I would sooner see a row of carparks and officeblocks than giving contributions to a church to be used by "four wheeler Christians". ( These are people who only ever come to church via four wheels - in a car with parents to be Christened, in a limo to be married and a hearse to be buried.) However, my Parish Priest would say I was being uncharitable and God's church should always be there for everyone.

 

Well, I think we live in different countries. Where I live, it's perhaps more common for people to regard Christianity as part of a cultural tradition as opposed to taking the word of the Bible literally. Look at all the people who celebrate Christmas. Lots of non believers there, but they are members of a society which has its cultural roots in Christianity, and so they go along with that. Even Richard Dawkins has described himself as a cultural Christian. I'm pretty sure I recall him saying that he enjoys singing along with everybody else at Christmas carol services. Is that hypocritical or is it just participating in the traditional celebrations of the society he lives in - while refusing to profess a belief he doesn't really hold?

 

When I worked in a very multicultural team, Muslim colleagues gave out Christmas cards and attended the Christmas lunch. I can imagine they'd get a lot of flack for that from fundamentalists. Were they being hypocritical? Maybe. Were any human beings harmed or treated unfairly in the course of that hypocrisy? Not as far as I could see.

 

I believe in God in the sense that Frank Lloyd Wright did....ie I believe in the forces of nature rather than in a deity that looks like a human being but has superhuman powers. I also believe that people tend to get through life in a happier state if they abide by certain ethics, and I don't think those ethics are incompatible with Christianity or other religions. It depends, of course, on the practitioners. Historically some allegedly very devout religious people have committed some very heinous acts against their fellow humans.

 

What I don't believe in is that the next person is morally superior to me simply because they choose to believe in a human-resembling deity. I mean they might well be morally superior, but I think that would be revealed via their actions and how those actions impacted on others, rather than through what they chose to believe in.

Edited June 28, 2014 by Taramere

[greenbee81]

I don't care what my partner believes in (to an extent).

 

But it's funny how religious people bash non religious people, 2 sides of the same coin

 

I'm Agnostic.

[sweetjasmine]

Look at all the people who celebrate Christmas. Lots of non believers there, but they are members of a society which has its cultural roots in Christianity, and so they go along with that.

 

And for what it's worth, Christmas itself was a pagan festival, and Christianity adopted it and made it its own. Many celebrations are essentially cultural hand-me-downs, and there's nothing wrong with people participating in them in some way even if they don't hold the core beliefs associated with it. Growing up, I learned Channukah songs and shared in some of the food and traditions of various Jewish holidays because that's what we did at school (alongside Christmas stuff) and that's what my Jewish friends wanted to share with their non-Jewish friends. No one ever said, "Hey, your family is Catholic, so you can't sing along with us."

 

I understand how someone would view christenings as different, since they serve an actual, real religious purpose. But even families that are culturally Christian pressure other family members to go through with it, regardless of their own beliefs. My side of the family ranges from nominally Catholic to full out atheist, but I know the sh-t is going to hit the fan when I refuse to baptize whatever children I have. Because it's The Thing You Do. Even when we got married, there were mutterings of, "They're not doing it in a church?!", and we had the UU minister who officiated add in a vague reference to a higher power to appease MIL. And my mother, who has never read the Bible and only walks into a church if it's a wedding or christening, has actually scolded me for not joining along with everyone and doing the sign of the cross and muttering the right phrases at the right time during a service. So even when people don't necessarily even want to participate in the cultural aspects, there's likely still some sense of social obligation, and that can be pretty powerful.

[ASG]

And for what it's worth, Christmas itself was a pagan festival, and Christianity adopted it and made it its own. Many celebrations are essentially cultural hand-me-downs, and there's nothing wrong with people participating in them in some way even if they don't hold the core beliefs associated with it. Growing up, I learned Channukah songs and shared in some of the food and traditions of various Jewish holidays because that's what we did at school (alongside Christmas stuff) and that's what my Jewish friends wanted to share with their non-Jewish friends. No one ever said, "Hey, your family is Catholic, so you can't sing along with us."

 

I understand how someone would view christenings as different, since they serve an actual, real religious purpose. But even families that are culturally Christian pressure other family members to go through with it, regardless of their own beliefs. My side of the family ranges from nominally Catholic to full out atheist, but I know the sh-t is going to hit the fan when I refuse to baptize whatever children I have. Because it's The Thing You Do. Even when we got married, there were mutterings of, "They're not doing it in a church?!", and we had the UU minister who officiated add in a vague reference to a higher power to appease MIL. And my mother, who has never read the Bible and only walks into a church if it's a wedding or christening, has actually scolded me for not joining along with everyone and doing the sign of the cross and muttering the right phrases at the right time during a service. So even when people don't necessarily even want to participate in the cultural aspects, there's likely still some sense of social obligation, and that can be pretty powerful.

 

That's pretty much how I feel... I don't believe in god, at all.

I went to Catholic school and am Confirmed, though at the time of my confirmation, I only did it because it was the thing to do and all my friends were doing it as well. Our sunday school class was literally composed of my best friends, and our tutors were also 2 of my best friends. It was all fun and games!

 

I am very conflicted about the future, though. While getting married in a church is not really something I particularly aspire to, having children baptised is important to me... But can I really go through with it? I recently went to a christening and was rolling my eyes at everything being said. I don't think it would go over well if it were my child. And I'd definitely feel like a hypocrite.

On the other hand, I want my potential children to have godparents. That is really important to me (probably the only actual thing that matters to me in the whole christening thing).

 

I am definitely affected by cultural catholicism! And I can still reply to the whole mass by heart (in portuguese. Not in english), even though it's been years since I went to church regularly.

[irc333]

Sweet Jasmine,

 

You know what, I've met two atheists on POF, though they had "non-religious" which couldn't necessarily mean they are atheist because there is no "atheist" in the drop-down.

 

But they were both of a, how you could say, a "naturalist" variety, hippie types. Minimalists more so. One was living out of an Airstream trailer. The other had no TV, enjoy the outdoors and tended to hang with those naturalists.

 

Is there a connection?

 

 

Yes, most of us are aware. I've only ever dated other atheists.

 

 

 

Hell no. It'd be much more offensive to pretend to believe in something than to just be who I am.

[irc333]

Believe it or not, at the local mall here, there was a Christian gift shop that would shut its doors during the mall's Halloween functions. (Kids going around the mall, collecting candy from merchants).

 

Apparently, they found it to be sinful in nature. So I guess the TRUE Bible thumping Christian would find something rather blasphemous about Halloween to think the rest of us at the venue would be partaking in what they consider sinful.

 

 

Well, I think we live in different countries. Where I live, it's perhaps more common for people to regard Christianity as part of a cultural tradition as opposed to taking the word of the Bible literally. Look at all the people who celebrate Christmas. Lots of non believers there, but they are members of a society which has its cultural roots in Christianity, and so they go along with that. Even Richard Dawkins has described himself as a cultural Christian. I'm pretty sure I recall him saying that he enjoys singing along with everybody else at Christmas carol services. Is that hypocritical or is it just participating in the traditional celebrations of the society he lives in - while refusing to profess a belief he doesn't really hold?

 

When I worked in a very multicultural team, Muslim colleagues gave out Christmas cards and attended the Christmas lunch. I can imagine they'd get a lot of flack for that from fundamentalists. Were they being hypocritical? Maybe. Were any human beings harmed or treated unfairly in the course of that hypocrisy? Not as far as I could see.

 

I believe in God in the sense that Frank Lloyd Wright did....ie I believe in the forces of nature rather than in a deity that looks like a human being but has superhuman powers. I also believe that people tend to get through life in a happier state if they abide by certain ethics, and I don't think those ethics are incompatible with Christianity or other religions. It depends, of course, on the practitioners. Historically some allegedly very devout religious people have committed some very heinous acts against their fellow humans.

 

What I don't believe in is that the next person is morally superior to me simply because they choose to believe in a human-resembling deity. I mean they might well be morally superior, but I think that would be revealed via their actions and how those actions impacted on others, rather than through what they chose to believe in.

[Mascara]

The UK is not a very religious country. It's not an issue at all here, unless you are very strong in your beliefs. Being atheist is probably the norm rather than the exception.

[GravityMan]

I was raised in a Christian family but I'm not serious about it (don't attend church, etc.). In the end I care far more about a person's outward attitude and behavior about religion.

 

If the person's a fanatic or extremist in any way (religious or atheist), then I probably wouldn't want to continue dating her. I'm not a fan of obsessive people. You can be passionate without becoming obsessed.

 

If the person seems incapable of speaking a complete sentence without mentioning Jesus/God/Bible, then I probably wouldn't want to date her.

 

If she tries to force her religious beliefs on me, my family/friends, or hell anyone in an attempt to convert them (i.e. she's intolerant and closed-minded), then I'd have a serious problem with that. Major character flaw IMO.

 

Substitute "politics", "guns", "cars", etc. in for "religion" and I'd feel the same way.

[nofeelings22]

Would never date or marry someone who has religion as a major part of their lives.

 

Believing is ok, but don't try to make me believe in magical bearded dudes in the sky, drag me to church, or tell me you can't get your life together because it's "god's will" or some other bs.

[iiiii]

I don't think I'd have much respect for anyone who would change their religious beliefs just to get a date. I can certainly understand changing your beliefs after hearing a persuasive argument, or after experiencing some sort of personal epiphany - but just in order to get a date? Sounds weak minded to me. That's not attractive.

 

Personally, I'm a scientist - I strongly believe that the scientific method is the best way we have so far to find the truth about how the world works - so I'm turned off by fanatical atheists AND by religious fanatics. If someone's mind is so closed that they can't debate evidence rationally and politely - sayonara!

 

Those atheists that mock Christians and refuse to even consider evidence that god exists (or refuse to consider the fact that we cannot prove that s/he does not exist) are just as bad, IMO, as the Christians that deliberately misrepresent and misunderstand evidence that doesn't support their beliefs.

 

My best friend is a strong Christian, and I really respect the fact that she can debate her religion passionately but honestly and politely. She is the best advertisement for the Christian faith that I know.

 

Rant over.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I dated an atheist for over four years and am a devout Christian. He misrepresented his beliefs in order to date me and admitted it at the end of our R.

 

As our R matured he became intolerant of my beliefs to the point of being emotionally abusive so we broke up.

[sillyanswer]

With this kind of knowledge, would atheist re-think their beliefs?

 

"beliefs" is key here. Atheism is a belief system just as religion is. Why would an atheist change what they believe in just to fit in?

[Taramere]

Believe it or not, at the local mall here, there was a Christian gift shop that would shut its doors during the mall's Halloween functions. (Kids going around the mall, collecting candy from merchants).

 

Apparently, they found it to be sinful in nature. So I guess the TRUE Bible thumping Christian would find something rather blasphemous about Halloween to think the rest of us at the venue would be partaking in what they consider sinful.

 

I don't find it hard to believe. The Harry Potter books and films came in for similar treatment. A book for children that promotes sound moral messages and employs the supernatural (to maintain the reader's interest) being regarded as the devil's work. You've got to appreciate the comedy in that.

[MissBee]

No one should rethink their beliefs for the purposes of dating.

 

Nothing is wrong with being an atheist and if you are one why would you want to date a religious person???? You will have fundamentally divergent views about life.

 

It's a matter of dating people with whom you share compatible beliefs and where your life views won't be a huge conflict.

 

I am not religious but I'm spiritual and a theist more or less. My bf was raised Catholic but claims he doesn't believe in God. At first I was like hmmm not sure how this will work, as while I'm not religious, I do have some notions of a spiritual side to life. But I realized that while he says he doesn't believe in God, other things he says kind of contradict it and I think he may not believe in a Christian version of God but doesn't know how to articulate that, and he isn't militantly against religion. He still goes to church with his mom when she wants, doesn't mind when people say grace and I think if we married basically I'd be able to have the most say in how our kids are raised spiritually without a fight from him. He also expresses what his views are and I guess I'd label those views humanist. So that works for me.

 

A militiant atheist who needs to disparage religion, act condescendingly, always wants to argue about religion and cannot just exist happily believing or not believing what they want is just as bad as a militant religious person and I couldn't date either.

 

But point is: whatever you believe in and whatever governs your life, find people to date who see eye to eye or at least where you can coexist in a way that doesn't bother them, but to pretend to believe something else or try to change your views, not because you genuinely grew to change them, but simply to date people is pretty ridiculous IMO.

[MissBee]

Frankly, I'd rather date an atheist than a fanatical (of anything) any time any day.

 

Atheist and fanatic are not mutually exclusive...you have tons of militant fanatic atheists who are like what skin-heads are about race to religion.

 

Likewise religious or theistic isn't automatically fanatic.

 

Fanaticism can modify atheist or religious or any other word.

[dragon_fly_7]

As an atheist, I think fanatics of any type of religion or non-believers that are very judgmental/insulting towards others are people I wouldn't want to associate with.

 

I don't think anyone is better just because he/she practices a certain religion and follows specific guidelines. One in a while, I still hear in the news about certain priests that are child molesters. A bad person is a bad person regardless of religion or lack of it.

[carrie_o]

I come from a long line of devout Catholics. We've had multiple generations of priests and many of the women in my family worked in a church in one way or another. I thought long and hard about my personal beliefs. It was extremely difficult to admit to my family that I was an atheist. They don't accept it. They have never treated me the same way since. However, that is what I believe. I wouldn't change that for the family that raised me; I'm definitely not changing it for a relationship.

 

Having said that, my husband is Christian. Our different beliefs have not made a difference in our relationship. We are both tolerant of other religions which probably helped a lot. We got married in a courthouse. We agreed not to have our children baptized but allow them to choose their own religion. Our older child has even been to church with my parents. Not once have our beliefs come between us. I accept that my husband will always be a Christian. He accepts that I never will be. We don't try to convince the other or mock the other for what we believe.

 

My husband isn't a practicing Christian, which probably also helped us. I've been to church more recently than he has

[irc333]

"beliefs" is key here. Atheism is a belief system just as religion is. Why would an atheist change what they believe in just to fit in?

 

Or, in actuality atheism is the LACK of belief in anything really.

[irc333]

But I realized that while he says he doesn't believe in God, other things he says kind of contradict it and I think he may not believe in a Christian version of God but doesn't know how to articulate that, and he isn't militantly against religion. .

 

 

Right, in WW II, my grandfather heard the phrase, "There are no atheists in foxholes" meaning when under fire or when going over a drop zone (he was a B-52 pilot), the self proclaimed atheists were turning to religion VERY quickly.

[firmness]

I see so many ignorant, offensive, and hateful things here and this is just another.

 

Americans are very intolerant. This OP is almost a textbook perfect example of why I am an atheist. Religious people are so horribly wrong on so many levels - and at the same time deluded to thinking that they are not only right, good, and nice - but superior.

 

The indoctrination is so deep, and takes hold of people so strongly, that you can get them to believe anything as long as a preacher says so. To wit:

 

Christians engage in weekly ritualistic cannibalism of a resurrected zombie corpse/ghost under threat of eternal pain and suffering in the ground by burning and a variety of sick and depraved tortures that could only be conjured by a religious person.

 

But this is really proof of love.

 

I just cannot even...I ...just...don't know what to say anymore. This is sickness on a mass scale. There is no reasoning with this. So if I am seen as undesirable by religious people, I take that as a compliment.

 

Racists, bullies, and Nazis hate me too.

[irc333]

 

Americans are very intolerant. This OP is almost a textbook perfect example of why I am an atheist. .

 

I don't think you're referring to me personally, but the general public I posted of the article.

[lollipopspot]

However, if someone has no religious belief then it is difficult to see what guidelines they have for their lives and this could conflict with a partner's views, if they do have a belief system.

 

This is very silly. You think in order to have an ethical framework for one's life one has to have religion?

 

Those atheists that mock Christians and refuse to even consider evidence that god exists (or refuse to consider the fact that we cannot prove that s/he does not exist) are just as bad, IMO, as the Christians that deliberately misrepresent and misunderstand evidence that doesn't support their beliefs.

 

What's the evidence that god exists? And if there isn't good evidence that he exists, why should someone have to prove that he does not exist in order to not believe in him?

 

Right, in WW II, my grandfather heard the phrase, "There are no atheists in foxholes" meaning when under fire or when going over a drop zone (he was a B-52 pilot), the self proclaimed atheists were turning to religion VERY quickly.

 

Of course there are atheists in foxholes.

I Was An Atheist In A Foxhole

Atheism & Foxholes: There Are No Atheists in Foxholes; Danger Causes Atheists to Cry Out to God, Find Jesus

[Mascara]

This is very silly. You think in order to have an ethical framework for one's life one has to have religion?

 

 

 

What's the evidence that god exists? And if there isn't good evidence that he exists, why should someone have to prove that he does not exist in order to not believe in him?

 

 

 

Yes, this reminds me of a favourite Douglas Adams quote when he was interviewed by American Atheists -

 

" I don't accept the currently fashionable assertion that any view is automatically as worthy of respect as any equal and opposite view. My view is that the moon is made of rock. If someone says to me, "Well, you haven't been there, have you? You haven't seen it for yourself, so my view that it is made of Norwegian beaver cheese is equally valid"-then I can't even be bothered to argue. There is such a thing as the burden of proof, and in the case of god, as in the case of the composition of the moon, this has shifted radically. God used to be the best explanation we'd got, and we've now got vastly better ones. God is no longer an explanation of anything, but has instead become something that would itself need an insurmountable amount of explaining. So I don't think that being convinced that there is no god is as irrational or arrogant a point of view as belief that there is. I don't think the matter calls for even-handedness at all"

[Got it]

This may be considered a controversal post, but I've been seeing trending articles in regards to "bringing an atheist into the family" pieces lately.

 

This COULD have gone in the religious area, but it's more a relationship topic than that, I would think.

 

Basically, "Sure, my daughter can marry a Republican, a Democrat, a tree-hugger, etc" Sure, there are a lot of people open minded about bringing any kind of viewpoint into the family, but around half polled....the idea of their son/daughter being involved or even MARRYING an atheist, to them is considered an atrocity.

 

That being said, I wonder if atheist had realized how much their are unaccepted in a a dating fashion. Of course they'll maintain friendships with them, but when it comes to romantic relationships...that's something that isn't widely accepted.

 

Remember when inter-racial dating was hard pill for a family to swallow? But atheisism, it may not ever be accepted or be "welcomed with open arms".

 

With this kind of knowledge, would atheist re-think their beliefs?

 

Would they think, "Crap, I'm ugly enough as it is, me being an atheist isn't going to help my cause." (Just being facetious with the ugly to drive a point, not insensitive).

 

Yeah I am an atheist and no problem dating or getting married. It has never posed a problem before. But then I tend to surround myself with liberal people. It may be a subject for debate but nothing more than that. My first husband was far more of an atheist than myself and my husband now is religious but we respect each other's views. And we are inter-racial.

[Emilia]

Right, in WW II, my grandfather heard the phrase, "There are no atheists in foxholes" meaning when under fire or when going over a drop zone (he was a B-52 pilot), the self proclaimed atheists were turning to religion VERY quickly.

Yes of course. Clearly your grandfather was a clairvoyant. Oh wait...