Dating anyone but an atheist!

[irc333]

This may be considered a controversal post, but I've been seeing trending articles in regards to "bringing an atheist into the family" pieces lately.

 

This COULD have gone in the religious area, but it's more a relationship topic than that, I would think.

 

Basically, "Sure, my daughter can marry a Republican, a Democrat, a tree-hugger, etc" Sure, there are a lot of people open minded about bringing any kind of viewpoint into the family, but around half polled....the idea of their son/daughter being involved or even MARRYING an atheist, to them is considered an atrocity.

 

That being said, I wonder if atheist had realized how much their are unaccepted in a a dating fashion. Of course they'll maintain friendships with them, but when it comes to romantic relationships...that's something that isn't widely accepted.

 

Remember when inter-racial dating was hard pill for a family to swallow? But atheisism, it may not ever be accepted or be "welcomed with open arms".

 

With this kind of knowledge, would atheist re-think their beliefs?

 

Would they think, "Crap, I'm ugly enough as it is, me being an atheist isn't going to help my cause." (Just being facetious with the ugly to drive a point, not insensitive).

[Snakechammah]

Frankly, I'd rather date an atheist than a fanatical (of anything) any time any day.

[Emilia]

With this kind of knowledge, would atheist re-think their beliefs?

Well no because atheists tend to feel exactly the same way about religious people. I've never dated anyone religious and have absolutely no desire to do so.

[Taramere]

Philosophical compatibility is very important in a relationship, and if you view religious beliefs as akin to philosophical ones you can see why a person of faith might feel that they weren't going to be compatible in the long term with an atheist. I'm an agnostic. I find the philosophical angles of religion interesting but resent the extent to which religion is often employed to control others through fear rather than persuading them with rational argument. Then again, not everybody responds to rational argument.

 

Anyway, I wouldn't care if a person were mildly religious or a complete atheist so long as it didn't interfere unduly with the way I wanted to live my life. So for instance if I were a blushing bride who desperately wanted a traditional church wedding, and the groom refused on the grounds of being an atheist...well, I would find that a royal pain in the neck. I can see on the one hand that it would be a principled stance, but on the other hand there isn't really much else to commend it beyond "well, at least he's sticking to his principles."

 

And that's the trouble with the religious and stern atheists alike. Their adherence to a set of beliefs and principles "as a matter of principle" rather than because any particular good flows from such adherence. I can see why being the kind of atheist who was likely to get up in arms at every aspect of society that has any link with religion (and there are many such aspects) would present certain social problems.

[leavesonautumn]

This is an interesting topic. No one in my life outside of my immediate family or very close friends even know that I'm an atheist and not because I'm ashamed of it but rather, it's just not really anything I care to talk about. Personally, I do not care what someone's belief is because I would not hold judgement either way but it's also something that's not important to me. This means I would date someone who is like-minded, not necessarily atheist but someone who finds the discussion of religion or belief not important to them.

 

I've never run into any problems in my entire life for being atheist but it's probably because I don't wave it around like a flag for everyone to see and put others down for their belief. To me, spirituality is something personal but I know not everyone agrees with that. Growing up Roman Catholic but refusing to be confirmed once I turned 13 was one of the most important decisions I've ever made and I do not regret it to this day even though my mom said I would because it would mean I couldn't get married in a real church. What she didn't realize is that marriage would turn out to be something I wouldn't want either

 

I'd never change my "beliefs" as they are just in order to get laid or date because it's never been an issue or even brought up before.

 

Maybe being Canadian is what makes the difference for me?

[gaius]

Frankly, I'd rather date an atheist than a fanatical (of anything) any time any day.

Atheists are fanatical though. There's no solid evidence of deities or of a lack of deities, so to go so far as to deny them completely is as bad as any bible thumper really. And at least with bible thumpers you get the community benefits being religious can bring you.

[central]

Why would I rethink my beliefs in such circumstances, to date someone who is intolerant and close-minded? There are many atheists, agnostics, Buddhists, and people of faith who aren't too serious about it who have dated me without any problems arising. If someone is that concerned about their religion, they'd be doing me - and other atheists, no doubt - a favor by not dating us and disrespectfully trying to convert me later.

[FlippinJacks]

I'm deeply offended. I find it disgusting that people don't want to share their lives with someone who shares opposite views on something that, when it comes right down to it, is extremely important to those who hold those views/beliefs.

 

 

In all seriousness, as an atheist, it certainly doesn't make me think AT ALL about changing who I am. I have never had a problem getting a date. Also, I wouldn't want to date someone religious. Period. Nor would most of my atheist friends/relatives.

 

 

Guess I'm a close minded brat too.

[Arieswoman]

I am an Anglican (Episcopalian) and my first husband was an atheist. We married in a Civil Ceremony because I didn't want him insulting my God by making promises in a church in front of a deity he didn't believe in.

 

I still continued some church activities but eventually stopped because he didn't want to be involved.

 

I divorced him because he cheated and went back to church. Many years later I met and married my second husband who is of the same religious persuasion.

 

I would say IMO that people from different religious backgrounds can make a go of it if they are prepared to work at it. ( A Christian friend of mine married a Hindu and they had two weddings, one in UK and then another in India.)

 

However, if someone has no religious belief then it is difficult to see what guidelines they have for their lives and this could conflict with a partner's views, if they do have a belief system.

 

What ticks me off is when people say they are non-believers and then have a big church wedding - that's so hypocritical IMO. I also notice that they all want their kids Christened, which seems rather strange.

[Arieswoman]

Just to go back to the OP, who said

 

With this kind of knowledge, would atheist re-think their beliefs?

 

As atheists don't have any beliefs, how can they re-think them?

[Taramere]

What ticks me off is when people say they are non-believers and then have a big church wedding - that's so hypocritical IMO. I also notice that they all want their kids Christened, which seems rather strange.

 

Cultural Christianity. Suspending disbelief for a short period of time in order to add a sense of ceremony to an occasion. Devout Christians might not like it, but if and when cultural Christianity goes out of the window, you might be equally unthrilled by how many more churches are transformed into pubs or office blocks.

[irc333]

Well no because atheists tend to feel exactly the same way about religious people. I've never dated anyone religious and have absolutely no desire to do so.

 

Now, this could be another post altogether, when one says, "They don't date the religious", do they mean Christian?

 

I recall getting into a debate (being as I grew up Catholic) with a non-demolition Christian woman who said when moving into this town and having joined a Methodist (or some specific religion), ...I think she was trying to "find" a church...she was asked about her background, something along the lines of, "So, you grew up Methodist?"

 

And she replied, "I'm not Methodist, I am Christian." In context, she's saying she's not religious? Yes..No?

 

Of course, some religions don't believe Catholics are Christian either. (go figure, not sure where they got that idea). So there's a can of worms there, too. lol.

[amaysngrace]

You can't get married in a Catholic Church unless you are Catholic.

 

Nearly everybody in my entire family is Catholic and the ones who aren't marrying one get married on a beach and they're always a lot of fun!!

 

So I don't really see a problem with anybody marrying who they love and people who pass judgment on their loved ones like that makes me question how much do they love their loved ones really...

[irc333]

So are you saying it's better to be an atheist than to be hypocritical?

 

Atheists are fanatical though. There's no solid evidence of deities or of a lack of deities, so to go so far as to deny them completely is as bad as any bible thumper really. And at least with bible thumpers you get the community benefits being religious can bring you.

 

Yep, I found out for the first time that there are "ministers" of sorts in the atheist community, though it's a bit of an oxymoron to have clergy in such of a belief in non-believing.

 

I am an Anglican (Episcopalian) and my first husband was an atheist. We married in a Civil Ceremony because I didn't want him insulting my God by making promises in a church in front of a deity he didn't believe in.

 

I still continued some church activities but eventually stopped because he didn't want to be involved.

 

I divorced him because he cheated and went back to church. Many years later I met and married my second husband who is of the same religious persuasion.

 

I would say IMO that people from different religious backgrounds can make a go of it if they are prepared to work at it. ( A Christian friend of mine married a Hindu and they had two weddings, one in UK and then another in India.)

 

However, if someone has no religious belief then it is difficult to see what guidelines they have for their lives and this could conflict with a partner's views, if they do have a belief system.

 

What ticks me off is when people say they are non-believers and then have a big church wedding - that's so hypocritical IMO. I also notice that they all want their kids Christened, which seems rather strange.

[Arieswoman]

irc333,

I have no idea what this person meant - you would have to ask them.

 

 

taramere,

Devout Christians might not like it, but if and when cultural Christianity goes out of the window, you might be equally unthrilled by how many more churches are transformed into pubs or office blocks.

 

Personally, I would sooner see a row of carparks and officeblocks than giving contributions to a church to be used by "four wheeler Christians". ( These are people who only ever come to church via four wheels - in a car with parents to be Christened, in a limo to be married and a hearse to be buried.) However, my Parish Priest would say I was being uncharitable and God's church should always be there for everyone.

[irc333]

This is interesting. There's this one woman, I know personally, conservative, cute, has 2 well behaved intelligent children. Very nice woman, but I never really asked her out because our sense of humor clashed. A lot of things went over her head, but I enjoyed our converstions.

 

She's been on POF for quite sometime, so we talkeda bout online dating. She is an active member of her church, weekly, firm believer, but not a zealot, and other than clicking, "Christian" in her drop down menu...she never advertises it as such in her write-up for thinking other's might SEE her profile and think, "Woah Bible thumper, steer clear!"

 

She's the church organist, highly involved in her community, but disturbingly chooses not to mention that in her profile as fear for scaring off prospects.

 

She's currently dating...well, someone who hasn't set foot in a church since he was a kid, but he treats her well, comptable in a lot of areas, and of course finds him attractive. Which really trumps everything.

 

She's content on doing her church events with the kids (as they are heavily involved, too) and he just sits at home on a Sunday watching TV or playing golf).

 

And she is fine with this, though I'm sure other single men in her congregation are offended by her "poor choice" in men. (I quoted that because...only they, I would assume, is making a poor choice).

 

It's ironic that someone heavily involved in a church (outside of just going to services) would have an interest in such a man. Though this man doesn't deny the existence of God, he has no interest in going to church, probably because he would just fall asleep or something, lol).

 

 

This is an interesting topic. No one in my life outside of my immediate family or very close friends even know that I'm an atheist and not because I'm ashamed of it but rather, it's just not really anything I care to talk about. Personally, I do not care what someone's belief is because I would not hold judgement either way but it's also something that's not important to me. This means I would date someone who is like-minded, not necessarily atheist but someone who finds the discussion of religion or belief not important to them.

 

I've never run into any problems in my entire life for being atheist but it's probably because I don't wave it around like a flag for everyone to see and put others down for their belief. To me, spirituality is something personal but I know not everyone agrees with that. Growing up Roman Catholic but refusing to be confirmed once I turned 13 was one of the most important decisions I've ever made and I do not regret it to this day even though my mom said I would because it would mean I couldn't get married in a real church. What she didn't realize is that marriage would turn out to be something I wouldn't want either

 

I'd never change my "beliefs" as they are just in order to get laid or date because it's never been an issue or even brought up before.

 

Maybe being Canadian is what makes the difference for me?

[mattincinci]

I met this person when I was very young, straight off I told them I was atheist. I'll never forget them telling me I must have a personal relationship with Jesus to have a relationship with them. for years I went along with it and told them I believed, the sex was great lol, finally 20 yrs later they came to me and said

they no longer believed in Jesus, God or gods, and gave me a big reason why they couldn't , at that time I told them I never believed, but I still loved them and was very happy for them to finally enjoy reality and not some fiction or fantasy.

[irc333]

I met this person when I was very young, straight off I told them I was atheist. I'll never forget them telling me I must have a personal relationship with Jesus to have a relationship with them. for years I went along with it and told them I believed, the sex was great lol, finally 20 yrs later they came to me and said

they no longer believed in Jesus, God or gods, and gave me a big reason why they couldn't , at that time I told them I never believed, but I still loved them and was very happy for them to finally enjoy reality and not some fiction or fantasy.

 

Your first post?

 

When you say "they" or "them", to whom are you referring? And what's with the 20 years later reference?

[No Limit]

Not all atheists are bad. As long as they don't make fun of other people's beliefs... although, I guess that counts for religious people as well.

 

But if it bothers you that much that your partner instead of folding his hands and praying he or she just sits and waits patiently for you to finish before eating dinner, I think you should work a little on your tolerance.

 

Or look in the right places for religious folk.

[Weezy1973]

I think it comes down to respect. People of different beliefs can form excellent couples as long as they respect each other. My parents have somewhat different belief systems, but they respect each and don't really talk about it. They share the same values overall though.

 

In my opinion though it also comes down to the fervency of one's belief. I'm an atheist, but I don't claim to know absolutely that gods don't exist. I just don't see any evidence to suggest that any gods do exist. I kind of don't believe in any gods like I don't believe in the Easter Bunny.

 

If someone is a Christian for example, but accepts that they believe in God, but there is no way to know absolutely that God exists, they would be much more open to dating people of different beliefs.

 

The one thing I can't understand is when a person of one religious belief disparages people of different religious beliefs. Makes no sense.

[irc333]

I think it comes down to respect. People of different beliefs can form excellent couples as long as they respect each other. My parents have somewhat different belief systems, but they respect each and don't really talk about it. They share the same values overall though.

 

In my opinion though it also comes down to the fervency of one's belief. I'm an atheist, but I don't claim to know absolutely that gods don't exist. I just don't see any evidence to suggest that any gods do exist. I kind of don't believe in any gods like I don't believe in the Easter Bunny.

 

If someone is a Christian for example, but accepts that they believe in God, but there is no way to know absolutely that God exists, they would be much more open to dating people of different beliefs.

 

The one thing I can't understand is when a person of one religious belief disparages people of different religious beliefs. Makes no sense.

 

 

Yeah, I don't get that either. Being that I live in the south, but I grew up Catholic....I run into a lot of Souther Baptists that once they found out I'm Catholic, it's a deal breaker for them. LOL

 

In a sense, THEY don't consider Catholics Christian, or sometimes even don't consider other religious Christians "Christian" by their definition.

 

Yeah, I don't get that either. Makes me wonder how they even are able to date much less marry.

 

However, on the brighter side, usually these are younger women that are new in their faith...as they get older they start to become more realistic and are open to dating people of at least a different religion.

 

I knew of a devout Catholic to fall for a, I think.... a Presbeteryian, though she actually held a position of sorts in her local Catholic church, when she tried to make arrangements to marry in HER church, they laid out some "Must dos" in order to marry there...for instance, make a promise to raise the children ONLY in the Catholic faith.

 

She resigned her position, went to a church of "least resistance" that would be happy to marry them without question.

 

Now, they are happily married. Some might say they took the "easy way out", but it worked for them.

[AMusing]

 

With this kind of knowledge, would atheist re-think their beliefs?

 

I could no easier say "Welp, dating would be easier if I weren't an atheist, so I guess now I believe in God," than I could say, "I'd fit into my neighborhood better if I were black. So, woohoo, I guess I'm black now, despite the paucity of melanin that I see when I look in the mirror."

[KathyM]

You can't get married in a Catholic Church unless you are Catholic.

 

Nearly everybody in my entire family is Catholic and the ones who aren't marrying one get married on a beach and they're always a lot of fun!!

 

So I don't really see a problem with anybody marrying who they love and people who pass judgment on their loved ones like that makes me question how much do they love their loved ones really...

Actually, if one of the couple is Catholic and the other is not, you can get married in a Catholic church. My older sister married a Catholic man in a Catholic church. She was Lutheran. She did not convert to Catholicism, but they did go through premarital counseling in the Catholic church. The policy is not as strict as both having to be Catholic.

[sweetjasmine]

That being said, I wonder if atheist had realized how much their are unaccepted in a a dating fashion.

 

Yes, most of us are aware. I've only ever dated other atheists.

 

With this kind of knowledge, would atheist re-think their beliefs?

 

Would they think, "Crap, I'm ugly enough as it is, me being an atheist isn't going to help my cause." (Just being facetious with the ugly to drive a point, not insensitive).

 

Hell no. It'd be much more offensive to pretend to believe in something than to just be who I am.

[KathyM]

And to reply to the thread topic, people who have strong religious beliefs generally want a partner who shares their beliefs, and someone they can relate to on a spiritual level. Someone who will not only support them in their faith, but worship with them, raise their children in that faith, and share that commonality of beliefs. I would think Atheists would prefer someone who also shares their beliefs, but with 94% of the population in the U.S. having a belief in God or a higher power, I can see that would make it challenging to date if a person is an Atheist.

 

 

It sounds like, in the case you described with the church organist, her boyfriend is not Atheist, but was raised in the church and no longer attends. He probably still has Christian beliefs, I would guess, and she has decided that is good enough. Maybe she hopes someday his Christian beliefs will become more important to him.