leavesonautumn Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 So, I met a guy through a co-worker about two weeks ago who had pretty quickly asked me for my number and we went out for drinks. We didn't have any immediate chemistry but I didn't pay that much mind as I'm still hurting about my breakup and thought I'd give it a chance. We did get along great, felt comfortable and kept up with conversation the whole time. We had texted almost daily since and went to the movies this past week on Tuesday and well, it started out nice... I could tell pretty quickly that he was into me and he held my hand almost as soon as the movie started (I'm 26, he's 25 btw), and it actually felt kind of nice. Then he starts to give me the googly eyes and I could just tell he was going to try something. And then yep, the most awkward almost first kiss ever. He goes in for a kiss and I slowly move my head away. It was just not a good moment and from that point on I kinda figured I wasn't attracted to this guy even though he's cute. I felt like I was 14 again going on my first date. He had actually asked me over the next night and I figured, sure why not, if he tries to move too quickly I'll tell him I need to move slower. He basically gives me his address and said okay see you at 7. It would have taken me over an hour to get there by transit (I don't own a car) while it's usually a 10 minute drive (I live in a big city with a horrible transit system) so I basically said no, sorry I'm just too tired to get back on to transit after getting home from work. He says, oh you can always come over right after work (hmmm... I've met this guy once?) and I basically said no, sorry not going to happen tonight. We did keep texting and then this morning he asked me to go over for a fire and a few drinks and it sounded fun so I agreed to it. Then, once again, he had given me his address and wanted me to take the bus. NOW, before I go any further, I would never expect anyone to treat me like a princess and drive me everywhere. I'm independent and can get around well by myself but these were our first few dates and honestly after taking transit for 1 hour 1/2 already from the morning and evening it's just not something I'm into. So, this whole thing confused me as well. For some reason, I just got turned off by the whole situation and wondered why I would chose to be alone with this guy I barely know at his house. It dawned on me that I am probably just not interested in this guy. Throughout the whole movie date I compared it to my first date with my ex or would hope he would see me with a new guy. I don't even know if this is normal or not? Anyway, I decided to just put a stop to this whole scenario and he thanked me for being honest about not being ready to date. However, now I am sitting here feeling REALLY sad about this whole thing. I wonder if I stopped it before I really could figure out if I was interested or if I knew along I wasn't interested. Is it the thought of never seeing him that makes me sad or the choice to continue being single making me sad. A few of my friends are telling me I made the right choice so I wouldn't lead him on and the others think I should have just seen where it would go. Yes, I know it was only 2 weeks but he had seemed to move pretty quickly during the movie that I didn't really understand what was happening but I knew he wanted more. Ugh, basically, I hate that I still feel so connected to my ex mentally and I want to let it go so bad. At least I'm putting myself out there? Or should I stay single and improve myself?
travelbug1996 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 How long have you been out of the relationship?? Does this guy have a car where he could have come and picked you up and actually taken you for a walk in the park or something?? You did the right thing by not going to his house and you should be offended that this creep even had the audacity to ask you to take a train to come see him. Don't second guess yourself. You should be moving on but with someone that's not pushy and rushing you.
Author leavesonautumn Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 Hi, thanks for replying! I've been out of the relationship for 5 months almost to the day. Yeah, he does drive. I kind of wish we could have taken it really slow and maybe I could have communicated that with him. However, after reading all of the posts on here from people confused about why the person their dating is taking things so slow... I almost feel like it was better to get out of the situation sooner than later. Would have been nice to date someone instead of instantly being in a relationship like all 3 of mine have gone.
DArtagnan2 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 If he drives, why does he not come to pick you up or to your place since you say by car, its only 10 minutes. I wouldn't necessarily say whats going on is because you are just out of a long term relationship, although, it could have some bearing on you cutting to the end point and not putting up with a lot from another guy this time. The fact you are ok with dating and getting out there without any remnants going off in your mind or heart says you may be ready to test the waters, just not willing to take the hard way to do that anymore.
Author leavesonautumn Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 Yeah, I was kind of expecting that he'd offer a ride but like I said, it was really hard for me to come out and ask because I didn't want to come off like a princess :/ Looking back, I wish I was more straightforward. Maybe if I was then we could have gotten to know each other a bit more before he basically made it super obvious that he was into me. Which was actually freaking me out... You're right though, Dartagnan, at least I am trying to put myself out there but yes, I'm not willing to put my heart on my sleeve anymore.
DArtagnan2 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 I dont know about you being more straightforward, you were pretty straightforward when you said you wanted to spend time with him but didn't feel like commuting an hour and a half again. Being a guy here, I would have jumped to say, "want me to pick you up?" Instead he said, well just come over after work. Im not sure you are the princess here.
Author leavesonautumn Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 Thanks He had eventually said "I guess I could go over there" after about an hour of my text saying I was too tired to take transit again and I'd taken a nap. But to then suggest I take transit the second time... I guess that to me was the turn off moment. Now, if I had been the one to suggest we hang out, then I'd be okay with taking the bus. He had asked me to go over about 3 times in the period of a week and each time, it was the same conversation haha
DArtagnan2 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 and it still didn't click to him after 3 times? I don't blame you for being discouraged. Also, if it is like this now, in the beginning, you can bet your bus pass, body and mind will be worn out if you were to continue to date him as it will most likely not change after time. 1
Author leavesonautumn Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 I feel a lot better now that I've posted about this here! Thanks
DArtagnan2 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 I feel a lot better now that I've posted about this here! Thanks you are welcome
travelbug1996 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 He's not considering your safety or well being at all. Only seems to be concerned about his wants and needs. Not a good way to start anything. You want a man that is protective of you and cares about your safety.
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 The transit issue is a red herring. You just aren't feeling it with this guy. If you were, the thought of a bus ride to his house would not faze you. Or you'd have invited him to yours or back out for a regular date. If you don't feel attracted to him or click, just don't see him again. Don't lead him on.
Author leavesonautumn Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 (edited) Le Pitre, I don't think I was playing mind games, I was already not really interested in the guy. Really trying to make it work when I wasn't attracted to him would have been playing games. I think I was subconsciously trying to avoid him all together. acrosstheuniverse That's exactly it, if I was feeling it with this guy I would have offered that he come over or we meet somewhere (still wouldn't have wanted to get back on transit for over an hour ). But if even that had me feeling "meh" then why waste either of our time? Pretty sure I was feeling sad because I had been kind of hoping it would work out with someone new to forget my ex. Not sure if I really clarified this but I came right out to this guy and honestly told him I was not interested in dating him any further. Edited June 28, 2014 by leavesonautumn Finishing a thought :p 1
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