hopefullove Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) The guy I had been seeing broke up with me on Monday. At first I felt like a weight had been lifted, and I still feel that way, I feel relief as I am not stressed out anymore, and setting myself up for disappointment. But he was a really good man, and I was really falling in love with him. But there were some things that really bothered me. Some were beyond his control, such as he is a lawyer and just started his own practice and didn't have a lot of time for me. I was trying so hard to be calm and understanding, but my own needs were not being met. A lot of people told me to be patient, because if he is a good guy it will be worth it. But i found it getting harder and harder. I was understanding a lot, he would be late and I didn't mind, I invited him over for dinner and he forgot, and then passed out and didn't show up til 10PM, apologetic and with flowers, another time he would promise to bring food, he showed up an hour late without take out, he would make a lot of suggestions but not make plans... after 2 times seeing him where he showed up late, and then left right in the morning for work, I felt really lonely. He also did try. When I asked he would perform. He provided me a lot of emotional support actually. I'd never have a man provide me with so much emotional support. Every time I voiced a unhappiness he would try to come up with a solution. And explain his situation, and offer to compromise. I feel duped because he was so quick to tell me he was falling in love with me, (red flag! I know). It was so easy at first, we were so crazy about each other, and it meant a lot that he came to see me after work, he would always pass out, and then drive home for 45 minutes, just to see me for a while. But I was feeling frustrated because it was early in our relationship, I didn't feel secure in it, I wanted a bit of "normalcy", dating, activities, stuff people do to date to learn more about each other, talking and having fun. There are so many qualities about him that I loved, but feeling that the relationship already stagnated so early on!!! A month ago I already said I wanted him to put more effort into dating me and that we haven't been already married for 20 years. I can understand a long term relationship, come home to someone, snuggling, not saying much, just being together. He seemed offended that I did not see this as quality time. And I was just as offended that he felt this was enough to grow a new relationship. People told me to patient. He seems like a good guy. I had been feeling frustrations for a while. Was I wrong? He is a really amazing man. Everything I ever wanted. Smart, sweet, ambitious and successful, sensitive, communicative, we had great chemistry, I found him incredibly attractive, however, often his inaction made me question his sincerity. Or at least the level of commitment. Or his effort, he seemed really lazy. We had a discussion, I was upset because I said to him, before we met, he said we should have dinner together. On our first date, we talked about different restaurants and I suggested a certain restaurant and he said, we should go! and i said "sure!" and this happens a lot, he makes tons of suggestions "let's go here!" "let's go to the zoo!" "let's go on a trip!" "let's go see the opera!" and I will always say YES! but he doesn't plan it. If i want to do something, I will plan it. Was I right to be upset about his lack of follow through? One time he suggested that I teach him how to cook and how about I send him a list of ingredients, he would pick it up, show up to my door with groceries, and I would teach him, and we decided we would do mussels. It never happened! We were in the grocery store twice, first time I just needed 3 things, he disappeared and I went looking all over for him, turns out he went back outside to smoke. The second time he disappeared too. I thought it would be nice to do it together. He is spoiled I think, youngest son, european family. Mama's boy. He lives at his mom's house with an older sister. I sensed the selfishness that comes with being a mama's boy and that turned me off. Anyway - it was not a long a long relationship but I was really crazy about him and he told me he saw a future with me, and told him to stop talking about having kids together and he should focus on the NOW first, getting to know me! and he said he does want to know me. I also started getting really frustrated a lot. I felt really lonely, even though I saw him 2 times a week, it was brief. He messaged me everyday, but soon those "good morning" texts were empty. Finally I think he was done by my birthday but didn't have the balls to do it. The month and weeks prior he kept saying how he wanted to make sure I felt special, he wanted me to smile, he wanted it to be special and said he gets stress and anxiety over it. We had our last serious communication a week prior, where the topic was quality time. Anyway, he said he was committed to making us happy. But I think he was done. And for the next 2.5 weeks he continued to send me a "good morning princess, hope you have a nice day" every single day. The plans we made for my bday were postponed and I said I understand he was drowning at work, so no worries, we could wait til his law partner returned from his honeymoon. That day his partner came back and he still made no plans to see me, I was done myself... I wasn't mean, but sassy. I made a point to tell him exactly how I was feeling, and then asked him "Why do you keep addressing me as princess, when you don't treat me like one. More accurate should be peasant! Good Morning Peasant!"... i thought it was hilarious but i was also pissed... I had some people who have started their own businesses, and who are lawyers, and who are lawyers who started their own business, confirm how much work there is. Also, the same lawyer said "NEVER DATE A LAWYER, unless you want emotional and mental anguish". So i tried. Anyway, the day his partner returned he called me and said things were not going well... and he made his decision. I cried at first. Then i felt great!!! Then i felt sad... Now i'm wondering what I did wrong. I tried so hard, maybe I could have been more patient, more understanding, more appreciative... he said he couldn't give me time. I tried to make him see how important quality time was to me, and it made him realize he couldn't give it to me? But I meant quality, not quantity... quality in the sense of being present, and getting to know each other, not coming over and passing out to the TV... I was upset we were not growing... Edited June 27, 2014 by hopefullove
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