Goodbye letter

[SusieMusie]

Ok so here’s the deal. First of all, you were right. Writing this letter helped, even without sending it. I guess it’s kind of therapeutic.

 

I read what everybody had to say and to all the people who said not to send it, you are probably right. It’s a bad idea. So before I changed my mind, I went straight for the file I had written the letter in and deleted it. I had made a decision.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But then…

 

I opened my browser to go to Facebook, and the first thing I saw was this image…

 

http://www.lovelifeandwisdom.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Sometimes-The-Words-We-Leave-Unspoken.jpg

 

..and I couldn’t agree more.

 

I don’t want to choke on the words I never said. I much rather regret something I said, than something I didn’t.

 

 

So I’m going to send it.

 

 

I made a lot of changes to the letter, and with the help of your suggestions and questions I added a lot, focusing less on my possible wrongdoing and more on questioning his behavior, like suggested. Also, it’s much less “romanticized” and much more toned down and realistic.

 

This is definitely not an easy decision and, even though I thought a lot about it, I’m going to wait a few more days to make sure that this is what I really want, and understand that there’s no turning back after this. This is still a goodbye letter, so this will be the last time I’ll contact him.

 

I really wasn’t going to send it, but I just can’t do what he did. I can’t walk away without at least saying goodbye, not to him. I want to tell him how he made me feel, not only this last awfully sad part, but also the good stuff. Especially the good stuff. I have to get this out of my mind, and who better to tell it to, than him? Besides, I can’t exactly discuss this topic with my friends…

 

I know that on the first couple of days after sending it, part of me (probably all) will still be waiting for him to reply, even though I told him not to. But I know, that eventually that feeling will pass, and then I can take comfort in the fact that at least I said everything I had to say, and considering the situation, I said goodbye to him the best way that I could.

 

I know most of you think that this is a mistake, and I totally understand that, I just don’t agree with it now. I prefer to make that mistake than to keep it all bottled up. Because if I don’t send it, months from now when I get over him and I’ll be in a good place, I will think about all this, and I will wish I had told him everything I felt. I will regret not saying how special he was for me once. So I hope you understand my side too, even if you don’t agree with it.

 

Thank you to all who took their time to read this and especially the ones who commented with their opinions.

 

x

Edited July 1, 2014 by SusieMusie

[The Like Fairy]

So did you send the letter? I think you should. So you can say your piece about all this. And I don't see any reason you need to tell him not to respond. Let that be his choice.

 

I think he was just using you for internet kicks, sh*ts and giggles as they say. An ego boost. And something better came along, or he got busted by his girlfriend or wife.

 

IF he does contact you, don't start back up with him. There is dishonesty going on here on his end, a high probability of that. Even if it is as simple as he met someone else, he left you in the dust high and dry without goodbye or anything. That lacks integrity on his part.

 

Finally, if he did get hit by a bus or otherwise injured, he STILL could have had a friend contact you to give you a heads up. He didn't. He's a douche. Move on. Good luck!

[The Like Fairy]

I forgot to mention this golden rule:

 

Actions speak louder than words.

 

Its really all you need to know. He disappeared without a trace. Unless he died or is an intensive care hospital unit somewhere, his disappearing act is inexcusable.

 

Lesson learned: This dreamboat was the probably actually Titanic. You dodged a bullet Missy!

[SusieMusie]

Hey The Like Fairy!

 

Yes I did. I sent it last night.

 

And I totally agree that actions speak louder than words. But words should have a lot of meaning too. (unfortunately not everyone thinks they do)

 

There is dishonesty going on here on his end, a high probability of that. Even if it is as simple as he met someone else, he left you in the dust high and dry without goodbye or anything. That lacks integrity on his part.

 

Yes that was one of the points I made very clear in the letter. I think the disappearing act is even worst than him leaving. Whatever the reason was, I would much prefer to know the truth even if it hurt me. I think any reason would be better than him just walking away without at least saying goodbye.

 

 

So now that I sent it, I can say (so far) I don't regret it at all. I cleared my mind of all the words I had to tell him. I'm slowly giving up on him little by little and I almost wish he doesn't reply so I don't get my hopes up all over again.

 

Thanks for your post!

[Chrissyhly]

A good bye letter is certainly a good idea to use, but from my perspective, it feels like... when he disappeared it's like he has already given the goodbye to your relationship. However, keep the letter, when he does come back, send it to him just to make it super clear that it's over between you guys because of his disappearance.

[charlo]

Just thought I'd have my two cents here.

 

I've been in a similar-ish situation, for a good few years. I really thought I was going to be with this guy, despite having never met him - which at the time I really didn't consider that much of an obstacle. He ignored me frequently, which left me (obviously) feeling very lonely, sad and vulnerable. In the end, I said my peace with him, and left the same way he had to me multiple times. Unlike him, I didn't go back (that was a couple of years ago). I speak to him occasionally as a friend, but I realise now that you can have more fulfilling relationships with people who a) are not selfish enough to completely disappear from your life whenever they feel like it, and b) you have actually met, spent time around and have good chemistry with.

 

I know how it feels to constantly be told that you can't love someone who you've never met, and I'm not trying to do that. But I do believe that someone who would go M.I.A for a month without warning isn't worth your time (that's if it's not something serious ). I'd suggest letting love develop naturally with people that you actually get to know. It's easy to only present certain parts of your image or personality over the internet, and relationships that come closer to home are often more healthy and fulfilling.

 

Having said all that, I'm glad you sent him the letter and good luck with whatever you decide to do about the situation!

[shakepig]

i was crying just reading the first paragraph... i am so emotional:)